Need Advice - Friend found out can't have children....

Firstly, let me congratulate you on the birth of your little of bundle of joy 6 weeks ago. I hope your child will always be happy and healthy with a life full of love. You should not feel guilty for having your baby, it's not fair on you, your baby or your family. We should be there for our friends, yes, but don't feel guilty for what you have. I believe strongly in karma - fate - whatever you want to call it. You haven't known this friend for a very long time, although I'm not saying she's not a close friend because of the short duration of your friendship but think about things from a practical perspective. You can of course meet with her - although you've only become a mother to your newborn 6 weeks ago - are you ready to go out and meet people socially? I'm pretty sure you don't want to invite her to your home where she can feel even sadder around your baby. You have done the right thing so far by responding by text message. You should maybe follow up by saying you would love to meet up with her in a few weeks time when you're feeling a bit stronger as you're still quite weak from having recently given birth - of course if you do feel strong enough to go meet her, do so. I would suggest it's better that you let her do most of the talking and let her get her worries off her chest. Sharing a problem does help sometimes. I would also suggest that you think about the fact that at the age of 35 she might already have other very close friends that she is depending on for support and who she has known far longer than she's known you. It could be possible that they will be able to help her a lot more than you can - again remembering that you have recently had a baby... Good luck.

No you must definately keep in touch with her and call her, she would probably think that you were avoiding her if you did not and it may put a strain on your friedship. I did it once, a friend of mine was pregnant about the same time as me, she lost her baby at 4 months and I was still pregnant. But because I did not know what to say to her and I did not want to seem like I was rubbing her face in it I did not get in touch with her and as a result the friendship crumbled.

well first, congratulations on the birth of your new baby! I think that it was kind of you to say to her the things you said, and tell her that your there for her, I bet that means a lot to her. I have a friend who is in the same situation, we have been friends since 7th grade and I have had 3 children, with the first two she lived with me and was a big part of my life then. she would also talk about wanting children. later, she was in an accident and now she is unable to have children. now, I found out I am pregnant with our 4th child and she is happy for me but at the same time I know it's a bit depressing for her. she even mentioned to me "since you can have babies, have one for me next!" she said it jokingly but I kinda don't think she was really joking. and there isn't much that I can do for her, except to be here for her. I think your being a great friend by being there for her. and maybe since she knows this she could look into other options, like a surrogate mother or adoption or something. I don't know how close u two really are but maybe you could even ask her if these are something she has thought about. I didn't know if this was something I should bring up to my friend in fear of hurting her feelings or something, but I did talk to her about it anyways and found out that she had been considering that and she was very open to having this discussion with me. anyways, I wish your friend luck. have a good day/night!

hi Kiran, i'm sorry to hear about your friend. my sister in law have been married since 1997 and until this very day, she is still trying hard to conceive. A year ago she and my brother decided to adopt a kid. It took quite a while for them to decide whether they would wait for their own or they'd just adopt a kid. For the past 10 years, they have gone through many check ups with a few gynaes and still she can't conceive. It was a year ago when they adopted a 1 year old boy who is not really taken care of properly by his dad. His mom left for another guy and his father was looking for someone who could take care of his son and he is willing to give him away as he had other 2 children to take care of. He was a blessing to our family. He was the 1st grandson in our family, even though we don't have any blood ties we felt a very strong bond with him.. :) You did the right thing by telling her that you'd be there anytime she needed you. But i guess sending her text messages only wouldn't do much. Best is to give her a call, or maybe give her a visit or perhaps both of you go out for lunch and have a little chit chat. She really needs someone who she could talk to as her heartache is unbearable. Don't start the conversation on her condition unless she starts it herself..If she starts it somewhere in the middle of your conversation, this is where you start giving her moral support and positive ideas of alternatives. Tell her about adoption & stuff. Most people who cannot conceive have other options which should be taken into consideration. Explain and communicate slowly to her that they are other ways if she want to have children. Congratulations on your newborn and GOD Bless you, your family and your friend ;)

Hello! I think it is better if you let her grieve for a while but do correspond to her as often as you can. Refrain from telling her joys of being a mom for the mean time. I know she'll cope up soon, or maybe sooner since working with kids is so rewarding and she'll soon realize that being a mother is not limited to bearing and delivering a child. Motherhood or parenthood - with all the emotional, psychological, spiritual responsibilities - is far more important than just being a mom biologically speaking.

My own twist on all the great advice in here...be honest with your friend about your reservations when you do come together to talk! She may be feeling not only jealousy, rage, and grief, but she might also feel like a pariah. When people are depressed, they are hypersensitive to the vibes they get from other people, especially hesitant or negative vibes. She might really feel like a freak because she can't get pregnant! I'd let her know that you initially felt apprehensive about how to be there, not because of her inability to conceive, but because of your ability to do so. That can be a great way to open up the table. Let her know that you're her friend, that you care about her, and that you've got an ear to lend, a shoulder to cry on, etc. This sort of honesty really gets all that junk out of the way, so that you can connect on a deeper level. Good luck!

The poor lady. When she's had time to be on her own and let it all sink in, do you think suggesting adoption might me an idea? I am adopted and there are plenty of children out there who need a good family. Just an idea.

I am sorry for your friend and it is very hard to console one when they find that out, I know this for I am one of those woman also that cannot have children, I found out when I was in my early 30's and it has always been my dream...It is a part of you that you miss all the time your whole life changed at least mine did and alot of crazy things go through your mind. There is adopting which I thought about doing but it is so expensive and I also thought of having someone having me for me but it still will never take the place of not having my own..I deal with it daily even today..Yes I have accepted it now seeing I am 46, but I still pray someday it will happen.I now am lucky to have my grandbaby living with me and boy is that a whole new set of issue's..The wanting a baby is very fresh in my mind again but I love my granddaughter and she is living with us to I get the pleasure of had her with us since she was a month old and I am cherishing every second of it...Watching her grow these past 4 months are my world, there parents are real young and they are living with us until they get on there feet and when the time comes for them to move away is going to be super hard on me but I know she will always be close..So just let her know your there for her and listen to her she is going to need alot of support and she is going to go through alot of emotions.It took me along time to even look at a baby without breaking down...

Well really sad but she should consult doc sas now differnt ways of insemination are there and in worse case she can go for adoption thats life some have kids some dont wish her best of luck

It is sad news but that is not the be all and end all of life..There can be a reason that God will show in due time.Maybe she can try adoption

it is really a very down situation. you are so excited to have baby and suddenly you will found out that you can't. well, there a lot of ways to have a baby if you can't, scientific methods could also help but it cost a lot of money. if you can afford why not, the most important you have a baby. in your case it is hard to comfort a friend who's situation is very down. Take time for here to think and maybe later she can recover, you can check here anytime and of course don't leave her.

Maybe she can read "Down Came the Rain" by Brooke Shield, it was awful what she went through trying to have kids, because of scarred tissue in her cervix. I think theirs a show on Discovery Channel about woman in her age range trying to get pregnant and many dont the first time when getting treatment and It must hurt so much to have to get your hopes up so many times and then have to be disappointed and try again, like Brookes story. I just figured a good book she could relate to would work since she probably doesn't want to be bothered right now and its normal but the best thing is that your there for when she's ready withholding from personal opinion and listening?

call her and tellher how you feel and let her know you will be there for her whenever she needs you.just be your own sweet self and I am sure she will feel glad to hear from you. Listen to her and let her set the tone for your conversation and takeit from there. I am sureshe is not going to begrudge you the joy you have in your new baby but it will of course be a tender subject for awhile. so just take it one step at a time.

Your problem is really a big one. On one side if you do invite her, it will appear very rude and careless; and on the other hand, if you don't invite her, it would appear as if you don't bother about her. I'd suggest you to talk to her husband about it. Tell him that co-incidentally the celebration and the bad news fall together and is very embarrassing for you to invite them. Talking directly to her would not be morally right. In my view, it would be better if she does not attend the celebration. I believe, if she attends, she'll feel herself lost and cursed. Just talk to her husband about it. He will be better to understand and take necessary steps of not attending. I hope this is not rude enough and am sorry for her too. If medically she cannot be treated well, adoption is the best option to choose. God bless her!