Parents of teenagers...was I right?

I don't know if I would want my boyfriend dating others while we were still together. I would rather we break up so there are no ties and any guilt feelings between us. If he wasn't ready to commit to me and nor was I ready to commit to him, then I would rather we went our separate ways and who knows, maybe we might get back together at a later date, when we are both ready. I think 18 is too young to settle down but that's just me. I have always been a late bloomer and never seriously committed to anyone until I was 23 years of age. Even then 7 years later we ended because he was not ready to commit and I was.

18 is such a young age, and though its okay to have a boyfriend or girlfriend, some one that age should be thinking about what they want to do with their life. It is much easier to get the schooling or training out of the way than it is during a relationship, especially at that age.

I think he should break up with her, and tell her that they will still date. He should have respect for her, even if she isn't having it for herself right now.

The hard part about him staying with her and dating others is if he does decide to do some thing else she may MAKE him feel guilty even though she says go ahead and do it. Its like you said shes agreeing to this not to lose him - not because shes actually okay with it. I mean really would you be?? I would advise him to break it off with her, give it a couple weeks at least and then ask her out again for a once in a while thing. I really think he should break it off. Her wanting him that bad isn't a good sign. He really needs to do this right. I mean whats he going to say to "Suzy" I have a girlfriend but want to check other things out so wanna go to the movies?

if you really love a person of course you don't want to lose him/her. in the case of you stepson if she really love to his girlfriend she can't do anything that can hurt her. teenager's feelings is different from us if they felt bored to their gf/bf they find another. that maybe the case of the two. their feelings is not boded by real love, it is puppy love or infatuation.

Its nice that you and your stepson are able to talk openly and confortably about stuff like this, it can be awkward. He feels the same way so whatever he chooses to do is because he wanted to do it and not because you told him to. I dont like the idea of his girlfriend still wanting to be with him and not see other people as he is still going to feel tied down. I think his girlfriend doesnt want to lose him and therefore giving him the option to see other girls aswell as him. Tell him that he doesnt have to decide anything at the moment, best thing to do is just have fun and enjoy himself. Things happen along the way and he can decide what he wants to do when they occur!! Hope this helps!!

When two people are REALLY IN LOVE, they can't even think of dating another person. My husband and I are that way. Even in a long distance relationship, we wouldn't do anything. I have to travel back and forth to Canada every few months. IF boyfriend and girlfriend AGREE about dating other people, BOTH should date other people, not just one. It's not fair, if only one dates other people. If he really LOVED this girl, he wouldn't even be able to think of dating another girl, and if she really loved him, she'd probably be offended by this idea, and would only want to be with him, as he should only want to be with her.

I am open with both my stepchildren and with my own kids. I think you did and are doing the right thing. I think it's wonderful he feels comfortable talking to you. I am pretty happy that my kids all feel comfortable talking to me.

If your stepson has cheated on his girlfriend then obviously he is not ready to be tied down to one girl. It is time for him to move on. You have given him the right advise but I hope you told him you don't condone cheating and that he shouldn't do that again. If they get away with it once they could continue to do so with every relationship for the rest of their lives. Give him a big swat on the hand for that one. As for the girlfriend, she sounds rather naive. She should be letting him go and move on. Why would she want to be with a guy who is with other women? Has she got low self-esteem? That sounds like a person who might think they wouldn't be able to find anyone else to like them so I'll just take what I can get. I am speaking from experience here. I married the first guy who would have me - big mistake! Though at 18 he is an adult, I think he is still young and should be out "playing the field" per se. I don't like the idea of him running around sleeping with a bunch of women, but DATING different women at this age is important. How do you know who is right for you if you have only ever been with one person? How do you know there isn't someone better out there, more compatible? He says he loves his girlfriend but doesn't say he is IN LOVE with her, which he obviously isn't if he is bored and wants to see other people. You gave good advice but I also feel there is more to be said. JMHO.

Honestly, I think it's a good thing that you told him this. He should tell his girlfriend that she should also date other people because it's not fair and one what if he meets another girl, it would hurt her a lot. He needs to get out there and date other people, instead of being held down by one. He's going to be 18 soon, so a happy early birth day. She must be way younger than him and he must be her first. With time she will find someone new, so tell him to have fun, but to keep safe and use protection.

i'm sorry but i have to disagree. yes, it might not be a bad thing to date more people and gain the "experience" to help you decided who will be your ultimate soul mate. however, i don't think that's the same as having multiple gf/bf simultaneously. and i do consider anything physical as cheating. my current bf is my first (though i'm not his), and for the longest time i was very insecure and was thinking since i have no grounds of comparison, how was i to know he was the best, right? and i told him about it. naturally, he was afraid of losing me and what he told me was similar to what your stepson's gf said to him. but that by no means suggests that he has low self-esteem, no i don't think so at all! anyway, what he said was that if i really wanted to, i could date other guys, but he wouldn't be able to accept anything more than us holding hands. but after a while, i came to realise how silly i was. i mean, heck, so what if it's my first relationship? if everything works perfectly for both of us, why should i do things that might end up tearing it apart? so even though he said i could, i have never dated or will date another guy as long as i'm still in this relationship. i think your stepson is perhaps taking things a bit too seriously? since he's only going on 18 (and i presume still in school?) i guess he doesn't have to be too serious in the sense of thinking about marriage etc at this stage. if he feels "bored and tied down" by the girl, maybe it's a sign that he simply doesn't love her as much as he thinks. get him to just take things slowly and see how things turn out in the relatively near future. if things are not meant to be or if he still thinks he needs to date other girls to "have fun", then i think perhaps it's time to break it up with the girl.

Foxy, I really feel like this gal is gonna wind up pregnant to try and keep your SS, I hope I am wrong but I have felt this all along. She is going to do whatever it takes to try and keep not only your SS, but your whole family in her life. Please wake up and get her out of your home before it is too late.

Well my beliefs are regardless of age, no one should have physical relations before marriage..It saves from unwanted pregnancies and diseases. As for dating others, that is good, though they should realize that dating can lead to a serious relationship if they have not committed to one person. My oldest daughter was committed at 16 to her now husband. My older son has had girlfriends, but no one serious as well as my 18 y/o daughter..She is actually not going to get married until 29, (her words not mine) and knows the dangers of playing around..

As for me,I do disagree with your message given to your stepson.I am a girl,I know exactly how great the hurt to a girl in a love relationship.Maybe I am too traditional,conservative.Would you please at first ask why he felt to be tied down with his girlfriend and does he really put himself in her shoes while she permits him to date other girls or even have a physical relationship.How curious!In my opinion,the girl has made up her mind to do some sacrifice to satisfy her boyfriend,though,she is too young to anticipate the sufferings coming. It is nice for you and your stepson talking openly.So you have to let him go ahead after careful consideration.

I think you did the right thing. But I don't agree with her not dating others as well. Like you said, it sounds as though she is just saying it's okay so he won't break up with her. Unfortunately, she is going to have to learn the hard way that if you're not okay with something, don't say that you are. Have you thought about talking to her. If your stepson feels that he should be dating and not tied down to one girl, then that's exactly what he needs to do. I hope all works out!

Well, I understand what you said. He's at an age where he should be dating other people and not just be tied down to one. But when he is in a serious relationship, the message that he's free to go out and date and do 'whatever' with others isn't right. How would he learn about being committed then? Your son needs to be free to explore people right now...but not when he is tied down to one. The decent thing to do would be to break up with his girlfriend and then date other people. It would be hard but that's how life is. A serious relationship means I'm not looking around for another person in my life...I've found the one that I want to spend my life with. As a parent what you said is right....but I doubt if the message your son got is right. This has nothing to do with the girl's permission. It has your son's interests and how he should be handling his life. If he gets your message right and still chooses to be with this girl..then he shouldn't be dating others.

Well, I too think that 18 is a time to enjoy and meet people and not necessarily be attached to someone on a permanent basis - although I do know of many people that started dating at 18 and stayed together. As for your talk with your stepson, I think you picked up on what he was feeling and that is fine. Think about it this way, if you told him that he should stick with that girl and forget about the rest and he didn't want that, do you think he would do it? In the end he would do what he felt he wanted/should do. As for the girlfriend, like you I wonder if she told him that not to loose him. If that is the case, she might get hurt in the process. It really depends on the circumstances. When my husband - we were just dating then - moved to Canada while I stayed back home, we were both a bit at a loss of what we wanted to do. We didn't want to break up, but we knew we were going to be apart for quite some time and we had no idea of what life had in store for us. So we decided not to break up, but agreed that EACH one of us would be free to date other people and if we found someone else we would them talk things up and break up. And we did. Date other people, I mean.Both of us. I visited him 2 or 3 times during the time we were apart and we continued our relationship but we both dated and even got involved in a slighlty more serious relationship during that time. I know that some people might frown upon this but we had no idea of what would happen to our relationship or if we would ever be together. Life has an habit of changing things. We were always honest about what we were doing and we talked things over together so we always knew what was happening. We ended up staying together, but the contrary could have happened, we were apart from each other for almost 5 years and a lot can happen in that period of time. We were also quite clear that we both had the same rights and that we both were allowed to date - not only one. And that's where I think the situation is different from your stepson's, because it seems to me that what the girl means is to allow him to "stray" in their relationship while she stays completely committed. That seems a bit unfair to me. That said, I might have told him that I found it was not fair to expect the girl to do that and that maybe he should not accept it, even if she offered. It don't mean that they have to stay together, or that if they didn't they would never get together again. Just that if he's free to date other people, so should she even, if she doesn't feel she wants it. And that in this case the more correct option should be give it a break and see how each one of them would do apart from each other. They could stay in touch if they wanted or felt ok about it but not in a one sided commitment.

This young man clearly is not ready to be in a committed relationship, foxyfire, and it's no wonder since he is only 17! The girl in question seems to be willing to settle for any conditions in order to keep him in her life-and that isn't good. I'm assuming that she is of a like age. Ideally, they should both be looking forward to continuing their education and meeting lots of new people. Maybe you could have another talk with your stepson and point out these facts to him. Explain to him that he would be better off laying it all out to this girl who seems to want more from him than he is willing to give. He might have to break off the relationship altogether, but it will be best in the long run.

I don't think it is a good thing for him to date other people if she is not, because although she is fine with it now, she might resent it later and that could leave them with a bad relationship, worse than the one that they would have if they broke up now and agreed to just be friends.

I think you gave him very good advice. Someone needs to talk to this girl about her self-esteem. I would be more worried about her than him. It sounds like he has a good head on his shoulders, although he needs to realize that if he is cheating on someone that something is missing and he should just break it off. Cheating causes unnesseary pain to someone (even if she does give permission)and can cause them to have issues on a number of levels for years to come.