Surprise..it's a boy.. a 45 year old boy!!!
By misheleen73
@misheleen73 (6037)
United States
April 29, 2008 7:21am CST
Well hello again friends, both old and new. It has literally been ages since I have started a discussion. I haven't been around much, but I have had major things going on in my life. I am about to discuss one of them.
For those of you that know me, you know that my relationships with my family (mother, father, sister, etc) are anything BUT close!! This has been a source of a lot of pain in my life for quite some time now.
The real reason for this discussion is this: I have a brother. A 45 year old brother that I never knew. My sister in all her infinite wisdom starting looking into who her father may be. She has always had doubts that my father is her father. I am the youngest. My mother married my father. ( they have since divorced) Well in her investigations, she was contacted by our brother. Seems as though my mother had a baby when she was 14. She claims it was rape, and we have no way of knowing the truth. She tends to embellish the truth alot. She wants NOTHING to do with him at all. He went to visit my sister in Florida not too long ago. I have emailed him twice, he only answered once.
Here is my dilemma, I am truly afraid of getting hurt. I have spent almost my entire life trying to fit in, to be what everyone wants me to be. Trying to be loved. Now, I have a brother, and while the idea excites me, and I am ecstatic to meet him, I fear the worst. Yet another family member to let me down. I am hiding behind my wall again, refusing to email one more time. I am so afraid of being shot down. 
So here's my question I post to you... what would you do in my given situation? Would you go for it full force? Throw caution to the wind and welcome your brother? Or would you take it slow and easy, cautious of being taken for a fool or hurt? Please let me know your thoughts on this matter.
So here's my question I post to you... what would you do in my given situation? Would you go for it full force? Throw caution to the wind and welcome your brother? Or would you take it slow and easy, cautious of being taken for a fool or hurt? Please let me know your thoughts on this matter.11 people like this
17 responses
@cinderella2007 (2662)
•
29 Apr 08
Just to clear this up - you mother had a son (your brother) at 14, she Im guessing gave him up. You sister who could have the same father as you found him while searching the family history. Did your sister find out who her father is??
Im guessing if your sister and brother can manage to get along, I would try and involve him in your life too. He could be feeling the same way as you, it is hard trying to involve someone in your life that is related but not grown up with them, especially when bought in different towns/states!!
I would try and get to know him. That way if he doesnt want to know atleast you tried rather than not making the effort and then years down the line wishing that you did. Also dont try and be something your not just to please everyone else. If you fit in or not, just be the way you are and if they cant except that then its there problem, not yours!!
@misheleen73 (6037)
• United States
29 Apr 08
Yes, she gave him up. It seems as though we all 3 have different fathers. For years my father thought he was my sisters dad, but he's not. My mom won't give anything up as she doesn't want to "look bad"
2 people like this
@kareng (61289)
• United States
29 Apr 08
Wow, this is a complicated situation. It seems that your brother wants to get to know you since he is doing so with your sister. I think you all may want to take it slowly since this is so much to take in at once.
How will your mother feel about you and your sister getting close to this brother you never had? I for one, would let her know about it. I'm sure she won't be happy but she deserved to know beforehand.
I would go with my gut feeling on this one. Good luck!
@misheleen73 (6037)
• United States
30 Apr 08
I did speak to my mother, she understands to a point. It is just sooo complicated.
1 person likes this
@Angelwhispers (8978)
• United States
29 Apr 08
Miseleen, what a pleasure to catch you 2 times in less than 24 hours! I would not think of it as cautious of being taken as fool, rather give time so that it can sink it to your brother and yourself. I know your heart is large enough to pull another sibling into your life, but he made need some time to digest. Slow and easy is always the best mode when you are not sure which way the river flows. This will work out one way or the other... But yes Easy does it.
3 people like this
@misheleen73 (6037)
• United States
30 Apr 08
I know, I don't know what possessed me to frequent so much..lol. Thanks so much for your kind photo comments as well. I am taking it slow, I just have to let the door open a little I guess.
2 people like this
@sreevasu (2717)
• India
29 Apr 08
Social conditions and relationships in my country is different from that part of the world. But when it comes to blood relations, I think, human beings everywhere is the same. Bondage of blood can be a basic instinct of all living creatures.
Here, for the very reason that you took your dilemma to your friends in mylot, and the feelings you expressed here shows that you want to know the truth and you are willing to accept him as your brother, though you fear the worst. But you really want to know about him more and to be in good and healthy relation with him.I would suggest you to do what your mind says. If everything turns positive between you that would be something great. On the other hand if things goes worse it won't be that hard for you to pull on.
This is just a suggestion. What is important is your mind, your approach, your attitude etc.
Happy to see you here after a very long time.. I too was not so frequent here.. Take care Misheleen. Miss you very much. Hope your kids are doing fine.
3 people like this
@misheleen73 (6037)
• United States
29 Apr 08
Thanks so much Vasu, your words do not fall on deaf ears !! I have missed you as well. The family is good (well the kids & hubby are..lol) How is your wife and children?
2 people like this
@arkaf61 (10881)
• Canada
30 Apr 08
Dear misheleen I so understand what your feelings are right now. And your fear of getting hurt and trying to shield yourself from being hurt by the ones you care about.
Your statements about having spent your whole likfe trying to fit in, being what everyone wants, hoping to be loved are pretty much the story of my life as well.
I know that many other people would enter this situation head on, full enthusiasm and full speed ahead. Myself I would take it with some enthusiasm and excitement bu slow and cautious at the same time.
Feeling positive about it but not blind by excitement.
Open to this new person in my life but not impulsive.
And most of all, after making an agreement with myself that if things didn't work out positively, I would not allow myself to put the blame on me.
WIsh that this turns out to actually be a good thing:)
Many hugs
@misheleen73 (6037)
• United States
30 Apr 08
I know what you mean. I am hoping I won't blame myself, but I somehow always manage to anyway..lol
2 people like this
@Mirita (2668)
• United States
29 Apr 08
Wow! is really wonderful that you have a brother and I think that you should leave your fears behind and welcome him to the family.
Guys are different than women and they are easier to get along ,so you might end up having a wonderful relationship with him. Guys don't make a drama about everything ,so I would encourage you to take it slow ,but at the same time try to give him an opportunity to get to know you. He might be very excited to have a family and he might have a lot of things in common with you and your family. Just because you had bad experiences in the past it does not mean that history is going to repeat itself. Just be smart and get to know him first before you give too much of yourself.
@misheleen73 (6037)
• United States
30 Apr 08
I have let him know that I am willing to get to know him, I guess the ball is in his court right now.
1 person likes this
@Hatley (163776)
• Garden Grove, California
30 Apr 08
I thinkif it were me Iwould definitely take it easy and sort of ease into things. I mean this man is practically a stranger to you and it won't hurt anyone to sort of ease into this situation until you know more about the fellow.Surely he should not be upset over it.
2 people like this
@misheleen73 (6037)
• United States
30 Apr 08
I am tending to agree about easing into things..thanks
@tammytwo (4298)
• United States
30 Apr 08
I would welcome him. After all imagine how he is feeling. He is the one that was given up and now your mother wants nothing to do with him. Perhaps he feels a little ripped off by the whole thing. God brought him to you for a reason. Maybe he will be that one family member you can bond with and trust forever.
1 person likes this
@misheleen73 (6037)
• United States
30 Apr 08
I do imagine how he feels, trust me.. my mother has always been a very selfish woman, so we will never know the truth.. I am open to him, just scared at the same time.
@gabs8513 (48686)
• United Kingdom
30 Apr 08
Well Sweetie with what you have been through I would be cautious I do not want you hurt again
You say you have emailed him twice and he has mailed once so I would assume that you replied to him again, so I would say it is his turn to Mail you but that is what I would do again it is up to you and I really hope that you do not get hurt again
Love and Hugs
@misheleen73 (6037)
• United States
1 May 08
thanks sweetie.. I am going to await his email. I hope all is well with your son (((hugs)))
@mimpi1911 (25464)
• India
3 May 08
This is a very serious problem, all family problems are. I am sorry that you went through all wrongs in life, with family relationships. But this one might work wonders, who knows! Never lose hope dear. Having said this, I would have taken it bit easy and would not have shown much blatant enthusiasm. I know you are very excited but michelle go slow and try to give benefit of doubt to him.
Good luck!
And keep us updated.
1 person likes this
@mimpi1911 (25464)
• India
3 May 08
well, you are sweeter, cuddlier, younger, more huggable, more cute...
1 person likes this
@misheleen73 (6037)
• United States
3 May 08
thanks sweetie !! DO you really think my sister and I look alike? I don't see it...lol. ANyway, I have emailed him 2x, he replied once. I will just sit back and wait for him to contact me again.
@MsTickle (25180)
• Australia
3 May 08
Hello lovely. I was going through my friends list a couple of days ago and realised I hadn't seen you for ages. *sniff*.
If i were you my dear, I would take things very slowly and keep him at a distance until you feel you know him. This is important! Here is a family member who has not been involved in all the toxicity whom you might be able to be close to. But...he might have lived a toxic life of his own or he might even be a real mongrel. Find out however much you can abnout him by fair means or foul and check any info you are given.
I pray you are safe but this is a person with 45 years on him whom you don't know from Adam. Please be extremely cautious and protect yourself from harm.
I'm so happy to see you. Hugs....
@misheleen73 (6037)
• United States
3 May 08
thanks my dear.. I appreciate your concern for me. :) I know I haven't been around too much lately.. I am trying to make a comeback !! LOL
@sarahruthbeth22 (43143)
• United States
5 May 08
Me? I am more like your mom, I wouldn't want to see him. But for you, ask yourself, so you want to see him More than you are afraid of the rejection? If so,keep emailing . But if you are more afraid of rejection then stop emailing.And make the decision you can live with.It is all up to you. Make the best choice for you.
1 person likes this
@sarahruthbeth22 (43143)
• United States
5 May 08
I hope it works out.Let me know. If you need to talk , shoot me a private message.
1 person likes this
@misheleen73 (6037)
• United States
7 May 08
thank you so much.. I truly appreciate it :)
1 person likes this
@misheleen73 (6037)
• United States
5 May 08
thanks for the photo comment, I have emailed. Now I am leaving it up to him. I am not opening up completely yet, just seeing where it goes from here.. thanks !!
1 person likes this
@djmarion (4898)
• Philippines
30 Apr 08
having a brother is wonderful. i also have a half brother from my father and i am just 3 years older than him, he's now living with us, and my mother treats him like a real son. i guess knowing you have a newly found brother is not an issue, you should welcome him with open heart and treat him like any good sister will do, for sure he is also thrilled to meet you and want to keep in touch with you.
1 person likes this
@lvaldean (1612)
• United States
30 Apr 08
I was adopted at birth. For years I did not fit in to my adopted family. Not in looks, not in intellect, not in my emotional responses. To say the least I had a difficult upbringing. In my early twenties I sought out my biological family and found them. It was a mixed blessing.
I think you can never turn away for fear of being hurt. However, you should also not simply step into a situation without protecting yourself. Don't simply open yourself up! Walk cautiously. At best he is your half brother. He has a different set of parents in truth with his only tie being biological through your mother. His reality is the one that his adopted family gave him, his adoption is the truth. While he may not resent you he will likely not welcome you with open arms any more than you all welcome him.
Get to know him as you would any stranger. He is a stranger! Biology does not create instant friendships.
Good luck.
@misheleen73 (6037)
• United States
30 Apr 08
thank you for all your wisdom. He actually found my sister and contacted her first, so we know he wants something, I am just not sure what that is.
@jeanena (2198)
• Bucklin, Kansas
29 Apr 08
Wow Misheleen to find out you have a brother ! If I were you I would go for broke and give it my best shot. If it works.. wonderful and if not at least you tried. Be your wonderful self hun.
You don't want to wake up at some later date and wish you had done things differently . Best of luck to you m'dear!
1 person likes this
@misheleen73 (6037)
• United States
30 Apr 08
thanks so much for all the support, I am going to give him a chance to get to know me, I hope he takes it !!
@tammyr (5946)
• Etowah, Tennessee
30 Apr 08
I did not meet my father was until my mother passed away. We talked on the phone and I asked about family history, mostly medical related.
I met him once and met one of his 2 daughters. I already knew his step son and was friends with him.
I was not looking to have a father and sisters but wanted to meet them. I was satisfied after that.
I think you should put out a bit more effort. I am sure he is nervous also about meeting some stranger that he is related to!
Try not to look at it like how is THIS relative going to hurt me. If you go in expecting the worse it will show and most likely it will not have a good outcome. Try to stay positive and give him a chance. he might be just the person you needed in your life. You teo might hit it off and be the best of friends!!
1 person likes this
@misheleen73 (6037)
• United States
30 Apr 08
I am trying very hard not to go into it thinking bad things, I have nothing against him at all. I just have some personal issues I need to work through.
@Modestah (11179)
• United States
29 Apr 08
I think I would throw caution to the wind... but then again I would not really know what I would do unless I really was in that situation.
I guess I see it as so much to gain - and if you do nothing there is a great loss, maybe even more so than rejection.
have you investigated this brother's background for clues to his personality and character traits?
Has he shown himself to be disloyal or dishonest? is there reason to believe that he would be so with you?
He is a very good looking man.
AND
((((welcome back)))) I've missed you!
1 person likes this
@misheleen73 (6037)
• United States
30 Apr 08
I've missed you as well.. I have had so much going on, this is just the tip of the iceburg !! I haven't investigated, I leave all that to my sister, she seems to like doing it !! I am going to try to just take it one day at a time. :)
1 person likes this
