Sister marries ex husband
By Deblwest
@Deblwest (98)
United States
April 29, 2008 1:12pm CST
Well here goes. I was married for 9 years and it was pretty good. But towards the end it got a bit much for us; we argued all the time and I fell out of love.
I moved into a house with my little sister; best friend also. We did everything together and laughed constantly. Within 7 months she lost her job and was on unemployement, then she got a job for a day and quit, then lost her unemployment and couldn't help with the rent anymore and I couldn't pay the 800 rent with three jobs and three children to raise. So I found a cheap 2 bedroom apartment and she asked if she could move in to and I said I couldn't risk it and there wasnt room. My husband and I had planned to be divorced when he returned from over seas just got back and we had been sharing the kids weekly. He decided he would take in his little sis (7 yrs younger) and help her out until she got on her feet. I was a bit offended as she shouldn't have had anything to do with my soon to be ex. I didn't turn my back on her for no reason there is a lot of little things I am leaving out-
Anyway's within a week they were shacking up and I found out when he would call to talk to the kids and I could here her voice in the background at his parents house. They could not even see how this might upset me. The family thought I sucked for leaving him but it was ok for him to sleep with my little sister???
There was alot of pain and anger for quite some time until they contacted us to say they were leaving town and moving across state together and getting married. My kids lost thier dad and thier aunt, I lost my friend (ex husband and I were friends) and I lost my sister and my best friend. They are still together after 8 + years and have two little boys who are my nephews and my kids brothers. We are all civil after all these years, but I still get so angry. She has a huge rock, a huge house, and anything she wants, but he hates to pay child support which hasn't been increased for 8 years.
Have you ever had your brother or sister marry your ex? How did you deal?
2 people like this
12 responses
@nowment (1757)
• United States
29 Apr 08
Well since he has the money to support his second wife, and his younger children he has the money to support his older children, you should consider getting an increase for cost of living isssues.
I can see where this might upset, you depending on how things were handled and while you didn't go into detail I get the feeling that things were not handled well at all by either of them.
While this did not happen to me, it did happen to my cousin, he had gotten a job out of state and so had to move, while the lady in question was not yet his wife, they were making plans etc. Sometimes when his brother would go to visit, he would give his brother's fiance a ride. They talked alot on a six hour drive, and as they got to know each other they got closer. As the distance put a strain on the relationship for the first cousin.
They were honest with each other, about the whole thing everyone was above board, and as a result she ended up married to the second brother, the one who gave her the ride to see the one she was originally engaged to.
They all got along fine, still do, maybe because she hadn't actually married the first brother, or maybe because of how honest they were with each other about things, and no one had any other issues etc, or maybe it was just the people involved.
They dealt with each other by being honest and up front about everything, but again there was no other issues, which it sounds like there were other issues in your circumstances.
As for how do you deal with it, you look at all the issues at hand, think about what is best for you, and your children, it is good that you are all civil and your children know their siblings, you need to do what is best for you, and see what you need to do to make things best for your own sense of well being.
@Deblwest (98)
• United States
29 Apr 08
I was best of friends with my sister. She went to him for help with finances and thus the relationship bloomed, we weren't divorced yet but living seperately.
I divorced him because he was more like a friend than anything else. I didn't love him that way.
My sister has heard from me the pain this has caused. My kids get so angry at her because she always says they cannot afford things for my kids. He will offer them money on a very rare occasion but if she hears she will say no and he will listen. They actually moved back to my home town for 6 months and my kids were looking forward to building a relationship with him again. But she decided she hated it here and they moved away. After they had a custom home built.
They have a 2008 Tahoe and have the nices name brand clothing and the suede furniture, I can go on.
It makes me sad. I asked them a couple of years ago to increase it; even provide wash state stats on raising kids, and the average child support costs. They said they would help pay for things as they came up. That did not work. I am scared to bring it up, but even my 15 and 17 year old ask me why? They say he owes us and should help out. We only get to see the new little brothers a few times a year, he comes into town to visit his sister who lives in his house and does not pay rent and he doesnt really have time for our kids...except the 12 year old he will come and get her.. Yes a bit of animosity stilll...I am not a mean person and do not like to fight with anyone.
@blackmantra_x (2732)
• Philippines
30 Apr 08
It's awkward but as the saying goes, Time heals all wounds. As of now just think of the brighter side of your life, no use of reminiscing the past and opening up old scars. Move on with your future, who knows there just might be the right person for you around the corner. As of legal support, try to fight for what should be legally yours.
@WhatsHerName (2716)
• United States
30 Apr 08
Aww, this is just awful. How could they leave the children? I don't see how they could do this to you.
I have no advise for you but to just take one day at a time and take good care of your children. I can pretty much promise that Karma will come around and bite them in the butt. I have a lot of faith in "what goes around, comes around". I have seen it happen thousands of times. I watched it happen to my ex, that's the best revenge for me.
Just be patient, it will happen, they will get theirs...
@djmarion (4898)
• Philippines
30 Apr 08
i'm not a narrow minded person but i don't think i could marry the ex-husband of my sister no matter how lovable or dashing they are. Out of anything, my sister will surely be upset no matter how she try to show the opposite. she has been married to them man and they shared many intimate and loving moments so i don't think she could just erase those memories, i love my sisters and i don't like to make a gap on our relationship just because we both like the same man. there are a lot of men in the planet so why would i let myself fall for my brother in law and let my sister suffer emotional torture.
@zxtzxt (214)
• Philippines
30 Apr 08
I really don't know what to say but I find your story very awkward. Maybe you really can not blame your sister but she should not become a hindrance when your ex offer some money to your kids. This happened almost 9 years ago so I guess you already moved on. Good luck on you and to your kids as well.
@tipsyflash (581)
• United States
30 Apr 08
They'll both find out soon enough. I'm sorry that this has happened to you. I would put it away, be done with your lazy sister and find someone who appreciates you for who you are... a hard working mother. As for your ex, depending on the state there are places that can help you get that child support. If you add me as you friend and send me which state you live in, I can send you some information. It's hard to put this behind you when you have child support to collect. I have a feeling it won't work out with your sister and I suggest you work on getting that child support from that loser of an ex. No worries, what goes around, comes around.
@michelyn (717)
• United States
30 Apr 08
I haven't had my sister marry my ex-husband, but I did have a best friend that I considered one of my sisters marry my ex-husband. I did feel betrayed at first, but that gave way to me being flabbergasted. She was around when he and I were married and she saw exactly how he treated me. She saw how he treated the kids. She was one of the biggest proponents of me leaving him. Her and her sister told me that they couldn't believe he was acting that way. After he and I separated, I found out she was dating a guy that I had dated before meeting my ex-husband. Following in my footsteps much?! Next thing I know, I'm told she's pregnant with this guy's baby, but they broke up. Which was kind of a blessing since I had recently found out what a psycho this guy really was. Instead of remaining happy that she was safely away from him, I was informed by my kids that their "Aunt" Stacey was now living with them. How could she not see what she was getting into??? Anyway, they ended up getting married and that lasted for all of about 3 years or so. I'm not sure if they are actually divorced yet, because he refused to file for a divorce thinking she would want spousal support or something. The few times she tried, she couldn't seem to get him served with the papers. Now she lives in Pennsylvania, but I'm thinking that within the last year, she was able to finally get him served. They got married in 1996. Needless to say our relationship has never been the same since.
@selby70 (283)
•
29 Apr 08
I have never had this happen to me, my sister did go after my ex but he was not interested, he was paying child support when we split, but then he met someone with 3 children and he hated paying me so he went back to court, by then he had left his job and all he had to pay was 5 pence per year for each child aged 8 and 12.He never paid anything again now he is split from the other woman and her family.He wonders why his daughter now 28 and his son now 32, hardy speak to him and they certainly dont acknowledge him as their father. How it hurts him now. The hand of God works in strange ways.
@grunge_avenged (552)
• Canada
29 Apr 08
Oh wow! I think that must be very awkward for you. I dont know anyone in the same situation as you. I find it very bizzare just the thought. I think I probably have seen something like this on Jerry Springer but I dont know how valid that show really is, haha.
@jalucia (1431)
• United States
30 Apr 08
Yeah, their behavior is totally disgusting. With all the people in this world, I wonder why some people run in small circles - like chickens with their heads cut off. I consider a friend or family member's partner to be off limits - forever. I wouldn't even be interested in running behind someone I know and building a relationship with their ex. (Imagine the comparisons that are could be made.) Some people are just selfish and it sounds like that's what your sis and ex are. The best thing for you to do is go on with your life and leave the whole incident behind. Smile in their faces and be happy that you are not considering these two people your friends, since they have so little consideration for you and your feelings. Your sister will always be your sister. I wouldn't hold a grudge against anyone, because that's just more baggage that you have to carry around with you. And, baggage weighs you down. Besides, their relationship was built on deceit and disrespect ... how great could it be. How does your sister explain to people that her nephews are also her step children. Shame on them!! And, good for you because you will move on to better things.
