Do I Slit My Wrists Now or Later?

Good Grief I am beginning to think the lot of you my friends have lost your minds, but if you must sink into this abyss, here is but one of my favorite haunting sonnets. My heart a haunted manor is, where Time Has fumbled noiselessly with mouldering hands: At sunset ghosts troop out in sudden bands, At noon 'tis vacant as a house of crime; But when, unseen as sound, the night-winds climb The higher keys with their unstilled demands, It wakes to memories of other lands, And thrills with echoes of enchanted rhyme. Then, through the dreams and hopes of earlier years, A fall of phantom footsteps on the stair Approaches near, and ever nearer yet, A voice rings through my life's deserted ways: I turn to greet thee, Love. The empty air Holds but the spectre of my own regret.

My oh my how I can relate to what you are going through, and how you feel. I've been there, as you know only too recently. You are, however, correct, "you never know what a day will bring." No less than a month ago, I had given up, utterly and completely on this world and my life. My end was all planned out. I did discover that in removing myself from a very bad situation it changed my outlook greatly, and I had help from quite a few friends. The change did not happen overnight, well actually it did but it was weeks in the making, then one day, I realized that I no longer wanted off the planet, or least did not feel the same sense of urgency to extricate myself from it. More days passed, and my old horrible job was replaced with the promise of a new and better one, that I am sure while not perfect (what job or thing or person is perfect? it will be far better. The future for me, literally changed overnight. It can, and I hope it will for you too. Perhaps you and I feel a bit too strongly, and emmulate Atlas a bit too much. We can't carry the weight of the world of our shoulders, I'm not sure that we should even try. That being said, a leapord cannot change its spots and I'm sure we will and maybe that is okay afterall, maybe we will effect someone else in a positive way and the whole process will just snowball in a good way. You made a difference for me, and I am here for you as well. If you need to talk shoot me an email, I'm more than willing to listen. Go with the flow and take life as it comes, deal with each situation the best you can and be sure to laugh... often. Hang in there my friend, things are bound to improve because honestly... how much worse can they get?

You're right, baby, there are small miracles everywhere, and even some big ones too. I see them every day. You are beautiful, the world is beautiful, and I am, well, I'm ok. Oh, all right, I'm beautiful too. Ever read the book by John Nichols called The Milagro Beanfield War? Or saw the movie? The book is part of a trilogy by him, and I've read all three, but I can't for the life of me remember the titles of the other two, but one of them is so on the edge of my mind, it's driving me crazier. Oh well, it'll come to me, probably in the middle of the night. ANyway, talking about miracles... Read it, Spark - it's marvelous!!!! Mystical, funny, uplifting, mmmmmmm good!

Every dark time brings a good time was what my mom used to say and she lived with a man old enough to be her father and she smiled and laughed and suffered his stupid verbal abuse.love is blind I guess but she loved him so he was special to her,why Iused to think but maybe she was far happier than I thought. Anyway I have told myself that over and over through years of good and bad times. here on mylot there are just a few who have tiny petty mean little minds and always seem to pick on the very best of our mylotters.thats so sad.you would think they would be all grown up by now but guess not. I am sorry to hear that your dad is worse and you are far away, as that alone would worry you so. but there are so many wonderful people on mylotthat it should bring a bit of cheer to you. Some little things can be so up lifting and cheer giving.

Put the razor down and step back away very slowly....I think I'll wait with you to see what tomorrow brings. It is not always bad, and sometimes a little comes with bad as well. My fiance is looking at two months of being laid off. Bills are gonna get even tighter and life is gonna be hard. I could sit and sulk about it, or I can be happy we are all gonna get a little more time with him. My body is in the midst of a terrible flare up, I could lie in bed all day, moaning in pain, or I can sit here at my puter and talk with my friends. Hey, I even encouraged my kids to get up off their duffs this morning, and now the house looks better than it has in days, and I didn't have to lift a finger. Bottom line is, there's gonna bad days, but there's gonna be good days. And some days there will be a little of both. We can't let the bad stuff get us down, or we wont be around to enjoy the good stuff. Peace and blessings friend!

Good decision! Never think about that again. Because even if the world seems so cruel, even life seems so unkind and very hard to handle, still only God has the right to end the life that He lend to us. Remember that He just want us to be strong, since trials and challenges even problems will help us understand things, help us find ways to solve it and help us become ready for the next challenges that would our way. Life is wonderful, try to look at the brighter side of it. Think of those people you love and love you in return. Think of those people who have heavier load than you. then you will find it easier to solve your own problems. God bless you my friend!

Wise thoughts indeed, my friend. I don't really know what I can add to that except that for every bad thing there will be a good to balance it up. You're going through one of those bad patches now, and I think almost everybody has had a bad start to this year in some form or another... if not more than one... but what would happen if we all decided we wanted out? There would be nothing left here!!! We're all here for each other, my friend, and talking is cheap. That's the way I get over things, plus like you, I need to know what's around the corner... I can't opt out and never know how my life would have turned out. Life, Nature and love are the best gifts that have ever been bestowed on us, and it's up to us to make the very best of them. A big ((((((HUGGGGGGGGG)))))) for you my friend, and I hope you'll find much happiness just around that next bend in your path. Brightest Blessings, and lots of love. xxxx

Hello spark! :-) I am sorry about your Dad and the fact that you are far from him. I am sorry that you are feeling down because you are seeing too much around, not only in your life but also in the lives of your dear ones. But, I also know for a fact that you are very resilient, that you know how to fight, you know how NOT to give up and you know that you can't allow yourself to lose, can you? I don't think so, and it's very much obvious from the second part of your discussion. I know that you are much more optimistic than you can be pessimistic. A person who knows how to find fun in misery knows the rules of living a life and enjoying it even when it's full of trouble. I believe in small miracles, spark, in fact I often think that they aren't small, they are huge in the sense that they carry a promise and full life in themselves. Whenever I come across a problem, while I deal with it head on, I do stop to think afterwards that it was "one" problem among many blessings that I take for granted and enjoy having without knowing that I do. I try to see the life in full spectrum where problems are exceptions in between many blessings, however close and often they come. What troubles me more is what's going around in the world we live in. In my part of the world, walking on street, one can see the tragedies, misery, poverty, but also happiness, laughter at the same time. I used to feel very angry, and I still do, whenever I used to see these poor people, exploited, unjustly treated, lacking food and shelter, and would speak against authorities who are doing nothing for their well being. My father asked me if I have done my part? And when I asked what can I do, what is government for? He used to say that one can always do something even if it is little and even if it is for a single person and even if it is just giving a smile or lending a listening ear. There will be at least one person less from among those you are feeling angry for. And, this way, seeing a smile on there face, while the pain will be still there, there will also be comfort about one person. That's how I try to see things. You are right spark, there is always a new day, a new beginning and one never knows what it is, and what charm it may bring with it. Hang in there, dear friend, there is surely a new day just around the next corner! :-)

sparks, I have to say that I read your post hanging on every last word and was so relieved to see the positive note at the end....thankyou because I was all set to be PMing you tonite and to be honest...i was not in the mood but I would have. You are so right. Life is ever changing...and the good is only good for a while but likewise the bad is only bad for a while and we have to understand that and ride thru it.

There are no quick fixes in life and band aids usually don't work either. LOL! * sigh * There was a time in my life that I wouldn't question the sharp cut of a knife or razors into my skin to watch the blood seep out from the skin and then drop to the ground. But I have so much now and I hate to ever even think of going back to that. I have thought that you are never given more than you can take and that what you do get and deal with only makes you stronger. I'm sorry that there are those that have problems that are hard and I hope that they make it through. And to you my dear spark I'm a phone call a way and an email away .. don't forget that .. I might have to hunt you down and give you a stern talking to. LOL!!!

Your title threw me off balance for a sec... Now I'm back. I keep a printed out quote on the door to my refridgerator. It reads: "Every tomorrow is like turning the page in a novel. Don't close the book too soon." This came from one of my favorite authors, Sidney Sheldon. I used to have as my myspace quote something along the lines of, "Whether or not you get your happy ending depends on when you decide to end your story." It wasn't that exactly and I can't remember it word for word, but that was the point of the quote. Great post as always.

I am glad that you will postpone slitting your wrists for later or never! I think I will join you! As the saying goes, "what doesn't kill us makes us stronger". Why pass up a chance to be made stronger?

You ever listen to Janice Joplin? I have been going to end it all tomorrow, for a long time. Just like the song goes. Every day I wake up and it's today. Tomorrow never happens, it's all the same f%$k*&g day. My mom was an awesome, spineless, sweet, naive, cetifiable person. Go figure, right! Anyway, when I was little and would get hurt, like all littel kids I would run to Momma in tears. I was very young when I remember thinking that I would have to remember her words for the rest of my life. I stopped my kids tears, fights, any negative with, "What? You did? All over the floor? And picked it up and ate it? You sure must like popcorn!" Where she ever came up with that, I may never know. But it sure a tear stopper. And now I know it will be months before you can have any negative emotion creep into your life without bringing a smile with. Even if it is a sympathy smile for your friend The Rev. Love ya. PS. Do you really think I am certifiable? Thanks!! You are so sweet!! :)

Just a brief comment: My mum always says "There is a reason for everything". Although this is a loaded statement and can be taken many ways, I have found in my 57 short years that believing this tiny notion has allowed me to "see" the resulting growth or understanding, or new ideas, that are spawned from apparently negative experiences in one's life. Sometimes, as you have so well orchestrated, thank you, they have inspired others to new levels of thought or interaction. Have a wonderful day.

Maybe never is the right answer. Life has lots to offer and even though the downs seem to outway the ups at the moment, things will get better sparky. They always seem to when you least expect it. All I know for now, is that my son keeps me going through the thick and thin, and gives me courage to keep on going, no matter what is happening in and around my life. He is my silver lining and my hope to keep going.

Don't even attempt it. Your advice at the end is correct though Spark. Things are kind of sad and downing, but in terms of news and the world, just carve out your own space and live peacefully. Mylot can do this (to some extents), but so can other hobbies. If I feel detached or depressed I can just got to music, art or just relax for a bit. Look for the positive if you can. Its harder since news has to be negative for ratings -_-... but some positive stories are there. If that doesn't work, just escape for a bit. Shut off the TV and computer. Sit outside and just take in the moments like that.

Life is full of trials...yours is still small compared to homeless people

Don't think like that sparks. Do I have to come over there and spank you? Would you squeal? I hope so. It would make it so much more fun if you did. Please, squeal, eh? My joy comes from my animals. I love them dearly. They teach me everyday that 'tomorrow is a new day' and something good or bad could happen on any day. But it all evens out in the end. And the sixties are coming back, don't you know? MJ is almost legal again. It is closer to being legal now than it was then. And it was very close then. I better get my a$$ to the post office and send you some pronto to cheer you up. Yeah, that's what I'll do. Today, for sure, promise. Okay? I hope it will make it there before the weekend. There's something to look forward to, a gift. That way, you won't have to pretend on Saturday. hee hee Love ya, and I will not let you fall down. Not on MY WATCH, no way. And I try not to watch the news because I find it too depressing and I am prone to that. So why bother watching, when I am happy in my ignorant bliss.

it's my turn to give you a big hug right now. a big hugz for you (((((((((((((((you))))))))))))))) thanks for making me feel better the other day and now it's my turn to make you feel better. you can count on me and i'm here whenever you some friends and a shoulder to cry on