I"m getting an extra job

I understand what you mean and I would be able to do that too. I might have explained myself poorly, however. He is working, full time. It's just that by quiting his other job that was not paying much but at least nicely, and not having another job right away, he was forced to then take whatever he could and this new job pays quite poorly. He's salary is closer to a teenager job than to an adult with a family. He needs a part time. He has been applying I give him that. But nothing is turning up. It's just that in these circumstances he should get whatever just to balance things. If he was delivering pizza then he would. If he ended up cleaning offices at night, then he would. That's what he would have done some years back. = I know he's older and more tired now, but straightening our finances is priority one. Now you are really right, and yes if he is used to me taking care of things ,he will have less incentive to do it himself. But the problem is that if I don't do it we're going to be even more behind in everything. ANd that will be more stress for me. He is finally going to take his license for small trucks but it will take a bit. But he does have a few offers to work in some companies as long as he gets it. I just want to do something that can help me with the bills until he's ready for a better job.

OKay Sweetie, I see, that is a horse of a different color. From your post it sounded like he quit his job and has not worked since... That makes better sense, and I feel better about him, I was a bit put off by a man that would take advantage of such a wonderful person as you are..... Hang in there GF, I am sure a door will open for him soon!

I know. THings will have to get better since they can't go much worse LOL But meanwhile I"m getting this job:)

Yes, there is also the hired younger workers problem. And I confess after working more than one job for so many years I was really looking forward to not do so now. Not only I come home tired like everyone else, but , being a woman- curse of the curses:) - there is always so much to do when I get home, even if he helps. I was close to burnout a few times myself and really don't want to go there again - just like you. But let's try this one more time, maybe it won't be for long.

Yes, he does have a job, and yes the problem is that it is not sufficient. He is making the same money a teenager in his first job would be making. But we're not teenagers. We're adults with children and many bills each month. However jobs are not abundant - I can vouch for that - and the cost of food and essentials is very high. THis is worldwide unfortunately. A second job is needed, and I have no problem doing it, but I just feel it should be him.

I agree that he should be the one to get a second job. After all A man is suppose to provide and care for those he love right. Good luck convincing him to do so.

Thanks for you answer :) I have never doubted that I will take this job. I have no choice. But as you say, it is true that I have been doing this for many years. ALmost 20. I was hoping that I could rest a bit now. The extra money would not be a bonus though, rather a badly needed thing because as it is our salaries combined are not enough to pay what we have to pay. That is the problem. I wouldn't complain if the only problem was that I couldn't buy shoes or go to the hair dresser - I already don't do those things - I'm talking basic payments for mortgage and bills and food. That's why I needed him to take a more active role in fixing this mess. But for now, I'll do it again. See if I can straighten this out :)

Hello arkaf, sorry for my late reply on this. I see that the situation is really sticky. I hope your husband would pull the strings quickly if not you will suffer again. No wonder you are all stressed out. Why not try to minimize the usage of everything? Or have you done that already? Or perhaps you would try to persuade him to become a real estate agent and do it part time? I heard the money made on that ain't that bad.

Thanks for the BR again sweetie ...

It is true that even though we were never in this specific situation, when things are complicated he tends to rely on me to fix, and , like my friend says, maybe I was the one who created that by always taking charge when things were not easy. But I always feared being in a difficult financial situation so I would always jump and do something to avoid it even before he realized we were in difficult times. If I had waited and let him fix the situations himself from the beginning maybe he would be used to do so now. The problem is not that he doesn't want to do it, he just gets frustrated and doesn't seem to know even where to start.

I have talked to him about this. He tells me he is looking, which is true, but not as actively as he could. It's like he's looking for good jobs to turn out, but when there are no good jobs turning out one must grab whatever does. The thing is that he was never like that. He always used to take whatever appeared because it was what was needed, but now, that it's needed more than ever, he seems to be just waiting.

I'm sorry for your troubles. I hope things work out better for you all soon. Peace!

Hello dear friend:) Yes things have been increasing in here like crazy, and that makes everything more complicated doesn't it? You are right about the second hand stuff. However we reached a point where we can't buy anything new or used anyways, so that is not a problems right now LOL I agree with you that the rules will have to change once I start this second job. And it will have to involve everyone because I will not come back home late to find people still waiting for me for dinner - or to find out that they ate but left nothing for me as it happened once grrrrrrrrrrr -. I will not have the time or the energy to do all the chores and I do no expect to find out during the weekend that all was left for me to do them. The problem right now, is that even with both our salaries combined we don't have enough for all the committments - bills, food, clothes,gas, extras that are always happening like something the kids need for school or medication etc. So what's happening is that we are behind in everything except the mortgage.

That is okay, too. Some of the reasons hubby has gotten "let go" were due to impulsiveness. The online business debt is due to his impulsiveness. I have yelled and screamed and cried for most of this year, as I am overworked. He did at one time have a second job, but doing that seems to make him feel entitled to do more impulse shopping. For now, he does most of the dishes, most of the laundry and the rest of the house goes to he!! in a handbasket. He is a clutterer, and a pack rat, me too, but the house is mine, from the first marriage, and I do not feel like he does enough to make it liveable.We live in a dump. My hubby has the skills to go get a commercial license as well, but has not done it. I hope there are some perks with your new second job. I think your primary job sounds a lot like mine, no pay on school holidays. I have almost always had a second job when I have worked in the schools, because the bills are not on holiday. I decided that the second job is not as hard on me as worrying about the bills. I hope by next fall to be doing something else.

Impulsiveness is not a good thing. I learned that long time ago, and would have hoped he had enough time to learn it as well grrrr :) I have to say in his defense that he is not much of a spender - although he will spend quite a lot on things for us or the house if we do have the money. But rarely on him. But yes, he has gotten us in some difficult times a few times due to being impulsive. As for work me and you are on the same boat. NO school, no pay. We're paid for actual classroom hours. In my case this year not really classroom hours because I am working on curriculum behavior modification and class management, - which is a nice way to say that I am dealing with the BS part of it LOL - but basically the same. I do have a few classes but am mostly behind the desk/computer, or in workshops. That is one of the reasons why my in laws never felt I worked enough. Because I am not doing labour/physical work. They used to say that I didn't work, I was JUST teaching. But they forget all the second jobs I had while just teaching - and also that many people wouldn't do them either. Regardless, I am all for this new part time and it won't even be too tiring. It's the part where I feel he should be the one fixing this that gets me LOL

Dear GG, it seems that one way or another we are both in similar positions. My main problem is resenting this need to be me the one finding the second job. The thing is, he had a nice job. Sure things were not at their best but he was still making enough money for things to be ok. We talked at that time - this was last year in January - and he was saying that he was making less money and he was complaining , but still what he was making was enough for what we needed. At that time I suggested that he took things easy and maybe he wanted to start looking for another job, once he had that he could quit the one he was in. It made sense. One should not quit one job before having another one lined up. But what does he do. He goes to work one day, complains and because of something they told him he quits. Just like that. No other job in sight, right at the time we spent so much money with my daughter going to Portugal for that year and us paying her ticket to come back here during Christmas and me not getting paid for the full two week holiday. I would accetp someone that lived alone doing that. SOmeone that still lived with parents or had no specific financial responsibilities. But not the head of a family. SO right there I really got upset with his - impulsive - decision. SO there we were. Me not being paid for a while pay - the holidays - the expenses from Christmas and my daughter to pay, and him with no job. Of course things are bad everywhere and jobs are not that abundant - at least not decent paying jobs - so there he is no being able to find anything until March - when there is a week when I'm not paid again, March break. WHen all the pressures and not being able to find anything better, he had to get a job that paid less than peanuts and that's how we are in this situation. Because all the bills didn't shrink accordingly. They are still the same as they were. To make things worse, there he is, not showing he understands that he should have taken that impulsive decision. "I didn't like what they said. I couldn't stay there like that. They told me that if I didn't like the job I knew where the door is" What kind of excuse is that? I understand the first reaction hearing that would be living, but one has to think before acting and sometimes swallow things we don't like so we can bid our time and do things when we can. Being impulsive doesn't usually pay. His impulsive action left us in the situation we are in now, and I think that is my major problem. It's not that I will have to get this second job. I have done it before - for a long time - I can do it again. Then to make things a bit worse. THere he is sending out all these resumes, but for the most part they are for other full time jobs. Yes, he should be doing that, but that's not enough. SEnding resumes for full time jobs, waiting for answers, going to interviews etc takes time and we need the extra money now. So while I agree he should be looking for another full time job. it might take a while until he finds one where he is hired and our problems are more urgent than that. He needs a part time job to hold things up until he is able to find another full time that is better than the one he has now. True he will be taking that license, but he is not doing it yet, mainly because we can't afford it, so it all leads the same way: Sure, look for a full time job, but meanwhile, while you don't find anything, do something! Deliver pizza, do some constructions or landscaping odd jobs - sometimes some of his friends tell him they need someone for the weekends.- , get a few offices to clean nights... I don't care what, just get something. BEcause that's what I am doing. I don't care what I get, I'm just getting something to help out until we don't need that extra help. I am not waiting until my dream job comes, I'm just taking whatever because I can't wait. In this case it is some office work for a company that sells air conditioners. It's actually a nice job, but I have done many things in the past that I didn't really enjoy. I cleaned homes, offices, I did telemarketing - which I hate - I worked at a bakery, not the nice job being behind the counter selling the bread, but the dirty one, making bread _ I had never done that and had the bruises to prove it LOL - cleaning those big machine thingies, cleaning those floors and chasing mice -, in a poultry factory, delivering fliers.. you name it I probably did it. Did I enjoy it? I made myself enjoying it because I had no choice. That's what I needed from him right now. Rambling again.. I know LOL

Well there sure are some job opportunities, the proof is that I found this one. Of course the thing is that if I found this one, I'm sure he would be able to find one as well. He's just looking in the wrong places and with the wrong idea.

Yes, it's like when things are so complicated that only a miracle will fix it.. there he is expecting me to walk over water :) He has always been a hard worker, and if he got a second job he would still be. It's the finding one that seems to be the problem. He is acting like he didn't realize that yet. Sure he is sending out resumes. but mostly to other full time jobs that he hopes he can get and then make a decent salary. But while he doesn't, he should set his sights on a part time one to balance things. Hugs back :):):)

Yes, I have no problem with this part time job and like you I prefer to work more than continue to have problems. It's just that I have this old fashioned view that we should fix our own messes and in this case he did it, he should fix it LOL No, really, he is working hard, just not getting paid enough.

In my opinion, if he is already working hard enough, I guess that's fate. We just have to live with it and make the best out of it. May God Bless You :)

Yes, you got it. I have been hoping that he would take anything just to balance things because I am really needed here with my son. He has trouble in a few subjects and paying for tutoring is very expensive. THe part where you are completely right is when you say that by not saving the day this time, the family is loosing as a whole. That's why I am getting this job. But I really hope that he finds something. The part where I am resenting him a bit is that I know that he has been trying to find something but he hasn't lowered his standard yet. I think that at this point he should be looking for whatever appeared just to complement and make ends meet. Even if it was a job that he isn't too fond of. Because in the end that's what I will be doing. So why shouldn't he? It's like he's only "half" trying, but thinks that he is fully trying:) Thanks for your response.

Forgot to tell you that I'm happy to hear you'll be having an addition to the family soon:):):):)Congratulations. Big hug for you and your wife