Now what do I do?
By floramwaters
@floramwaters (1595)
United States
May 2, 2008 12:51am CST
About a month or two ago I thought my brother may be cheating on his wife and I told her what I had found. He is have a texting afair. He stoped texting and she told him if she ever found out he was doing anything like that again they were over. There internet is turned off and he was over my house today watching the kids so I could go out I was only gone for a hour. Will a little while ago I pulled down my adress bar on the comp. and there was a sit that I did not know I went and looked at it to see what it was it was called TAGGED from the looks of it, it is a lot like myspace. His user name and password was still there so I log in. SO i guess what I find HE IS DOING STILL. On this site found two differnt girls he is being way too friendly with. I read a few of his out mes. and I was so shocked at what I read. He was telling this one girl (she seemed to be the main one) that he wanted to be with her and that he was waiting for the right time to leave his wife. He told her that he was going to try to get a way for the weekend and be with her. GOD I really DO NOT want to crush my sil again. So here I am in the same spot again. why do I keep doing this to myself? Why do I have to be so nocey? YES I know that I had no right to log in his account and read his mes. I really thought he had enough respect for his wife to stop this. What about respect for me he is doing this in my house. Now what do I do?
3 people like this
11 responses
@lovespecialangel (3632)
• United States
2 May 08
If it were me, I would print out the messages and give them to his wife. She has a right to know what her husband is doing. As far as you reading his messages, he shouldn't have done that on your computer and left his information there for you to find. I know that's your brother, but right is right and wrong is wrong. What he is doing is so very wrong and she needs to know how unfaithful he is being. Not to mention how disrespectful he is being to her. And yes, by doing that in your house is disrespecting you.
1 person likes this
@floramwaters (1595)
• United States
2 May 08
I just don't get him. There marriage is not that bad, I know this because she tells me everything and I mean everything. I am going to do a lot of thinking about printing off the messages
1 person likes this
@grammasnook (1871)
• United States
3 May 08
Well in my opinion if he hasn't met her then he is still safe. Sit down and show it to him, maybe he will open up to you after all there can be things going on that you do not know about. Maybe he just needs your guidance.
Example: My brother was raised never to leave your family no matter what after 10 years of his wife beating him up (we didnt find until last year } Now that his children are young adults he has decided to leave her. Meanwhile the daughter disrespect him and his son thinks he is a woose.
We do not know what goes on behind closed doors and we should not assume that we do.
If he does not open up then I would say well what are you going to do about this? Then tell him well if you continue this behavior I will have no choice but to tell her. Before going to her make sure you know both sides of the story other wise my friend you are the one that could end up with egg on your face.
Just some friendly advice from an old woman lol
@Swaana (1205)
• India
2 May 08
You have not done anything wrong. You have every right to be nosy as he is your brother. You have the responsibility to take care of him and his family and he to take care of you and your family. You have been doing a real good job in supporting your SIL rather than safeguarding your brother. She have every right to know what her husband is up to. Go ahead and show her what he have been doing. As you have the information stroed in your computer, you change the password of the website and make him not to use it.
1 person likes this
@floramwaters (1595)
• United States
2 May 08
so I am not this really bad person for reading his mail? It is just going to be so hard to do it. The worst part is I have alot on my plate for the whole month of may I have 3 birthdays a anver plus mothers day so I don't know if I will be able to suport her the way I know she is going to need it. I may have to wait till june so that I can be there for her.
1 person likes this
@Darkwing (21583)
•
2 May 08
This is a tricky situation... it sounds as though he might be testing you, to see if you'll go tell his wife. Perhaps he's not sure whether you told her of the previous, texting incident and he's trying to trap you into telling his wife.
Whatever, I would tackle your brother first, and ask him what the heck he's up to making dates on your computer, and leaving it there for you to see. If he was hiding anything, I would have thought he'd have the sense to delete the evidence. I belong to Tagged, and there are numerous guys wanting to be on your friends list, but most of them are just after selling their product, or getting referrals. There may not be anything in this, but on the other hand, some of the women on the internet are more than "gullible", if you know what I mean. Definitely confront him and tell him if he goes away for the weekend, you will reveal all to his wife, because her heart will be much more severely broken if he leaves her altogether.
Brightest Blessings, and good luck with this one. It's not easy!!!
1 person likes this
@roniroxas (10560)
• Philippines
3 May 08
you said a month or two ago you thought that your brother maybe cheating on his wife and now this are some proof. i can say that what you feel regarding him doing it in your house, that is one of the good reasons why you really need to have a talk with him. if he does not like to live with his wife then i think the right time is now. because if i am in your place i cant face her wife and acting like there was nothing wrong. atleast he should be a man to face and accept the truth.
@dloveli (4366)
• United States
2 May 08
This must be tough for you. First I would take it to your brother. How dare he use the babysitting of your kids as an excuse to be shady. Secondly, you tell him that you know everything and if you find out he's is missing for any amount of time, on any weekend, that you will make sure he gets what he deserves. Dont mention telling his wife. Dont let him know what your intentions are. Sometimes being a good sil can blow up in your face. In the end, the person that tried to help by telling or what have you is the bad one. So maybe by telling him how upset you are, and that you will not tolerate him using your family to be deceitful is unexcusable and you will take action will scare him. You may not have to say anything. However, remember that he is your brother. Blood is supposed to be thicker than water. Not in all cases. Seriously think about what will come of the truth. Good luck. dl
1 person likes this
@athinapie (1150)
• Philippines
2 May 08
although he is your brother you know that what he is doing is indeed wrong. but i know that you don't want to hurt your sister in law either. i think the best way is for them to separate. it is obvious that your brother is nowhere near commited to his wife so why prolong the agony between the two of them...
@Hatley (163776)
• Garden Grove, California
2 May 08
well yes you were snooping but again your brother did this in your house and I think its inexcuseable of him to both two time his wife and use your computer todo so. I think its time to talk to brother, never mind if he squacks about you snooping,its your house and he is your brother and he is not acting like a good husband should act. get it out in the open and ask him what he
intends to do about this matter.suggest he be honest with his wife and do not deceive her anymore.time for a divorce. be firm with him as a sister and a friend. his wife has to know this.
@Ldyjarhead (10233)
• United States
2 May 08
Too bad for him.
He gave up his privacy when he used your computer for his shenanigans. What if he were doing something not only immoral, but illegal? I'd be all in his stuff, for sure!
I don't know what your relationship is, but if it were me, I'd tell him first, then let him know what I was going to tell his wife if he didn't go to her first and work things out. Time for him to be a man.
I would also make sure I can some security measures on my computer so that he couldn't avail himself of it's use again.
@DonnaLawson (4032)
• United States
2 May 08
He sounds like he is just out for himself and no one else.. He should have had respect for your home and not have done anything like this but he didn't.. He also doesn't have respect for his wife or he would not do her this way either.. I believe that I would tell her.. I am not a tattletale but he should have more control of himself and not put anyone else in the middle of this mess.. He needs to grow up or she needs to walk out..
@Lambchoper (538)
• United States
2 May 08
You have a choice to make and one of them involves putting your integrity at risk. I would look at it this way.. Your brother obviously knows how you feel about his extracurricular activities as you have already demonstrated them when you told her the first time. He made it your business when he did it in your house. The lack of respect that he has shown for you, his wife and the other girls involved would play an active role in helping me decide my next course of action.
If and when you decide to tell his wife, tell him first. Do what one person here suggested and make copies of the chat logs so it won't be just you saying it. It will be his words he and his wife are seeing.
From here on out try to stay out of your brothers relationship, avoid knowing what he is up to. It's not your business and you can avoid knowing it if you are vigilant.
If he is a chronic cheater and it appears that might be the case, you can pretty much count on a next time.
Good luck and Peace!
@soulkeeper (123)
• China
3 May 08
that's really tough, but i think you got talk to your brother about the problem.
maybe you can try to talk about the recent relationship with his wife with you brother.
then you got know sth about the problem. after that, you can go deeper, try to convince you brother that if he do that, he should let his wife know.
sth like that, coz i am not married and i dont know much about the marriage.
anyhow you got talk to your brother first.
