Would you flip out?
By sweetdesign
@sweetdesign (5142)
United States
May 6, 2008 7:01am CST
Ok my 17 year old daughter went to spend a month with her dad and stepmother and thier two kids. She gets there and sleeps on the couch, has to spend 8-9 hours a day mon-fri alone and has to buy everything she needs herself. well two weeks before she is due home I am calling her all day trying to get ahold of her cause she calls everyday and hasn't called that day. After 3pm her dad calls me and says "we just got home from the hospital Cait had a seizure early this morning". This is a child who has never had more than the sniffles her whole life and she has a grand mal seizure?!! I was furious. He didn't bother to call me till 8 hours later??? They had to call an ambulance to come get her to take her to the nearest hospital two towns away (oh yeah they live out in the boonies). I told him she could not stay there the last week if she did not have an adult to stay with her he wouldn't even make arrangements for her to stay with an adult!! So my brother picked her up and she spent the last week with them where there was an adult present at all times.
How would you have reacted? She is home now by the way and we are scheduling her dr. visits. The ER couldn't tell us what happened.
4 people like this
15 responses
@lvaldean (1612)
• United States
6 May 08
Yes I would flip out. Sounds like Dad and Step-mom did not make reasonable arrangements for her. Did she want to go?
As for the siezure, hopefully this is a one time incident. Are you sure that it was Grand Mal? There are many types of siezures and many different reasons why she might have had one. Anything from a food reaction to stress. As someone who lives with Epilepsy that was onset by a trauma I can tell you honestly that this might be the one and only she ever has. Also there are many ways to manage siezures if it is not, many new medications (I take Topamx high dosage).
Good luck on the doc visits.
1 person likes this
@sweetdesign (5142)
• United States
6 May 08
The ER said it was a grand mal. It was violent enough to throw her off the couch and of course she lost control of her bladder and she was still unconcious when the ambulance got there.
@lvaldean (1612)
• United States
6 May 08
Yep, that is certainly Grand Mal. I am sorry that you are going through this. I have Grand Mal siezures that is why I ask. There are so many different types of siezures. There is a great site on-line called epilepsy advocates, lots of good information out there especially about medications.
The normal meds that ER's use are very old-fashioned and hard on the body, on memory, and hard to transition off of. I was originally on Dilantin which has been around for years and is very effective at controlling siezures but has a number of side effects for most people even at low dosages. I switched to Topamax about three years ago and while it took about 3 months to transition off of Dilantin and then another 3 months to get the dosage right, during which I had a number of siezures for the past 18 months I have been siezure free.
The best thing I can tell you at this point is that even if this turns out to be adult onset epilepsy and not a one time occurance a person can live a full and complete life with epilepsy. It is simply a medical condition and it does not in anyway diminish capacity, opportunity, or options.
Again, you have my best thoughts and good wishes as you travel this path with your daughter.
1 person likes this
@sweetdesign (5142)
• United States
6 May 08
Thank you. It was just a horrible experience to have that happen and be 1500 miles away and not able to do anything.
@SassyKittyKat (2135)
• Australia
7 May 08
Man, that's just so wrong and I would be completely furious as well. How dare they treat her like that? Have they never read Cinderella? Evil people!
@sweetdesign (5142)
• United States
7 May 08
Top it off she was an unpaid babysitter for thier kids during the hour to two hours gap between school being out and them getting home from work.
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@SassyKittyKat (2135)
• Australia
7 May 08
MY goodness, how wrong is that! I would never let my child over there again. That's ridiculous and you have every right to eb furious and more...
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@lovespecialangel (3632)
• United States
6 May 08
I believe I would have seen if I could get him for child neglect. I understand that nothing like this ever happened before, but at the same time it sounds like she was more of a roommate than his daughter. And the fact that he didn't call until eight hours later would have had me so mad I would have been breathing fire. I'm a redhead and very protective of my children. By the time I would have been done with him, he would have been to scared to even call my home let alone try to see my daughter. By law, he should have contacted you the moment they got to the hospital and found out what was going on. And the fact that he wasn't even going to make sure she had an adult with her after she had a seizure shows he's neglectful.
1 person likes this
@sweetdesign (5142)
• United States
7 May 08
I was furious the whole time she was there. They don't treat thier kids like that (my daughter has a half brother and half sister) they have thier own rooms, own beds they don't have to pay for thier own stuff. When she got there the airlines had lost her luggage so they took her to walmart to get some clothes till she got her luggage ....she had to pay for the clothes out of the money I had sent with her (money that was supposed to be spent on fun stuff when she was supposed to visit one of her friends and her cousin my nephew).
@ayumitakashi (4462)
• United States
6 May 08
I would have flipped out and just gone crazy. I mean what is that? Don't they have another bed she could sleep in? And she's there by herself? I mean my mother has been leaving me alone since I was nine because I was already acting like a grown up but to leave her alone is just wrong especially since she probably went over there to visit him. I think it was wrong that they didn't even call you I mean they should have had at least a few minutes while they were in the hospital to call you. It's not so hard to take a few minutes and dial your number to tell you thatyour daughter, the daughter that you carried in your womb for nine months
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@ayumitakashi (4462)
• United States
6 May 08
sorry I wasn't finished but he could have called you and I just think that it's wrong. I hope that everything turns out okay with your daughter and her doctor visits.
1 person likes this
@phillygirl606 (1112)
• United States
7 May 08
I could see him not calling you right away as he wanted to get her settled. But 8 hours. He acted like it wasn't a big deal when it really was. And after that ordeal how could he want her to stay alone with no supervision. What if she would have had a seizure when there was no one there.At least she is home with you now, and thank goodness your brother went and got her. I can see who has the common sense, you were right for wanting her to come home.
Keep us posted as to what is going on with your daughter as her doctor visits.
1 person likes this
@sweetdesign (5142)
• United States
7 May 08
As it was she was almost alone when this happened. My ex was getting ready to leave for work when he heard her.
@jalucia (1431)
• United States
7 May 08
First off, thank God your daughter is back home - where she belongs. If I had've been in your shoes, the first thing that I would've done is drop what I was doing and go to where my daughter was. And, when I left, my daughter would be leaving with me. Then, of course, I would get her a doctors appointment and find out what went wrong. This experience would have reminded me how precious my children are to me, and, how I can trust no one else more than I trust myself to do what's best for them. Your intuition probably told you that that wasn't the best place for your child to be when you heard she was spending so much time alone, providing for herself, etc. A mothers intuition is generally carrying her in the right direction. (If she was only there for a month, how/why would she have to pay for the things that she needed?)
1 person likes this
@sweetdesign (5142)
• United States
7 May 08
I can't answer all the whys I can only speculate as to why her dad and stepmother were being such pigs about her spending her own money. a week after my daughter got there I recieved the first child support check I have gotten in over a year. They had finally started to garnish my ex's wages. He hadn't paid a dime in over a year (in the 13 years we have been divorced he has paid sporadically and only when it is garnished from his wages all in all maybe a sum total of 5 years worth of paying). I am over 1500 miles away from them they live in MO and I live in FL. My brother was closer to them and he went to get my daughter for me and kept her for the last week before she flew home he lives in AR. She is seeing her dr. next week.
@jalucia (1431)
• United States
8 May 08
Yeah, it sounded like you didn't live too close to your ex. It's probably for the best because he sounds like a real *bleep*. Good thing your brother could be there for you and your daughter. You just keep being the strong mother that you are. I see why you might not be with your spouse anymore. I wish you and your daughter the best in dealing with your situation.
@lingli_78 (12822)
• Australia
7 May 08
OMG... i will definitely flip out as well if i am the mother... i wouldn't even let her to stay with her dad and step mother from the first time if i know that she will be left alone for 8 to 9 hours a day... that is just too risky... and sleeps on the couch??? how bad can that be... i'm glad that she is alright now and already back to be with you... seems like her father is an irresponsible man and doesn't care much about her well beings... don't let her stay with them anymore... good luck and take care...
1 person likes this
@Thoroughrob (11742)
• United States
6 May 08
I would do more than flip out!! Something like that happens, and he doesn't even call. I would be so furious. That is nothing to play around with. I am glad your brother went and picked her up. That was so uncalled for. I hope you find out what is going on with her.
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@subha12 (18441)
• India
7 May 08
i completely supports you here. i think you are totally justified to what you did. it was really awesome how they can just ignore it to let her mother know this?
i think this is callousness from part of her father. he should have been more careful. i may have reacted same way as you.
@maddysmommy (16230)
• United States
7 May 08
I think I would do more than just flip out if that happened to my son and his dad didn't call me about the seizure. That might just be the last time she visits with them again.
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@psyche49f (2502)
• Philippines
6 May 08
If I were on your shoes, I would be mad like a ferocious dog! LOL! Really, that's revolting...I mean how could an amergency happen without informing the mother? I don't give a damn if they panicked or just plain stupid, but the least they could have done was inform you. Anyway, thanks that your daughter is safe now under the medical supervision. Next time, don't let her spend some nights there unattended...keep an eagle eye on her...you're right by having your brother pick her up so she could have adult company....definitely I would have flipped out...
@sweetdesign (5142)
• United States
6 May 08
Unfortunatly we live in FL and her dad is in the boonies in MO. So the nearest relative I had to her was my brother in AR.
@cinderella2007 (2662)
•
6 May 08
I would be furious that she has to spend 8-9 hours on her own and buiy the things that she needs. I would be manic at her father for not ringing you to let you know she had a grand mal. It can be scary to watch someone having grand mal. I am epileptic myself and had a fit in front of my dad and brothers. I had started turning blue, my dad thought I had swallowed my tongue so put his finger in to move my tongue. That was a big mistake, I bit his finger that hard, he had teeth marks that lasted that whole day!!He learnt the hard way that your not meant to put your fingers in the mouth!!
I think he is being very selfish in not trying to provide supervision for your daughter.
Hope she is ok now. She might think twice about visiting her dad mext time! x
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@sweetdesign (5142)
• United States
6 May 08
Her dad has experience with epilepsy as his mom and brother both have trauma induced epilepsy. So he knows how serious a seizure can be. And yet he wouldn't even arrange for his MIL who lives on the same piece of land as him to watch over our daughter the remaining week she was supposed to be there!!
@phoenix25 (1541)
• United States
7 May 08
I would definintely flip out and wonder what the heck happened to make her have a seizure. Why was she there if they couldn't be there with her anyway? They shouldn't have just left her alone for 8 hours a day. It's called take a vacation to spend time with your own kid... You were totally right for freaking out. I would be wary of sending her there again.
@Gingermegs (64)
• Australia
7 May 08
You are certainly quite within your rights to flip out. How dare her father treat her like that. He has a duty of care when she is with him and he has failed to fulfil this. I know how you feel about not being told she was sick. My daughter stayed with her father once and she was beaten up so badly when she was out at night (when she should have been home with him taking care of her) that she ended up in hospital for two days. I only found out about it when she needed a lift home because her father couldn't pick her up when she was let out of hospital. Absolutely furious are the words that come to mind.
@lynne3 (66)
• United States
6 May 08
Hey, I would be furious about not getting a phone call IMMEDIATELY. When any parent acts as if the other is of no importance,that is just cruel. I am sure they had no clue that she had a problem but, the very first call after 911 should have been to you. There is no excuse for what they did. A 17 year old can be okay alone but until you find out what happened to her, I wouldn't allow her to go to anywhere. Good luck, I hope she's okay. The whole thing must have been terrifying for you both. Keep her close until there's an answer.
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