How Do You Keep Going...
By Entiat
@Entiat (21)
United States
May 11, 2008 7:16pm CST
Last night my girlfriend of a year and a half told me that she had no intention of us staying together for much longer and that we were at the end of our stretch.
A little backstory on what has been going on between me and her. About a month and a half ago, she walked away from me because I wouldn't tell her why I didn't like another girl and told me that she wanted to be free of commitment to me for a while so that she could finish school. She did, however, want me to stay in her life exactly the same way but just as a "friend" with the intention that in a month or two she would come back at the end of school.
I managed to keep myself together and ignore the fact that she was slowly moving away from me despite telling me over and over again that she wasn't. We went out a few times as "friends" and it resulted in me slipping further into a depression as a result of her essentially make me less of a boyfriend and more of a friend. It all culminated the other night when she told me that she knew the spark was gone and that we were circling the drain.
Last night I confronted her about it, knowing the end was near, and found out that she had been feeling this way for quite a while and that she initially intended to get back together with me, but came to the fact that she didn't want to very quickly. The whole point of last night was to determine what exactly she wanted to happen. She told me she still wanted to be friends but I told her that I couldn't do that, that was what we had been doing for the last month and a half and it damn near killed me. I had to let her go, knowing that it was impossible for me to live without her.
My question is, how the hell do you keep yourself going after loving someone for so long and having them be an integral part of your life for almost two years. I can't even function right now because every little thing reminds me of her. Things I never associated with her are now somehow reminding me of her. It's impossible for me to do anything without her returning to my head. How do you move on? Keep going? Do anything?
5 people like this
11 responses
@ladym33 (10979)
• United States
12 May 08
It is not easy, but I do believe everything happens for a reason. This relationship was not the one for you, it had to end to make room for better relationship to eventually find you. It is painful at the moment, but in time the pain will fade and you will realize that this relationship may have been more flawed then you realized.
Keep yourself very busy. Take time to spend time with friends or to make new ones. Go out have a good time, do something you have been putting off doing. Yes she is going to creep in to your mind every so often, but you will find as the days go by that it will happen less and less.
Be strong, I know it is hard at the moment, I have had my heart broken and can honestly say I am better for it. I also realized that the person who broke my heart was not the one for me and what I have now is a million times better.
Best of luck to you.
2 people like this
@jonesy123 (3948)
• United States
12 May 08
You just keep going. It's hard at first, but it gets easier each day. You just have to push yourself to move on. One thing is to box up what you have of hers (pictures and the like). Give back what she has left at your place. Make a clean cut. For a lot of people it is hard to go on as 'just friends' after such a long relationship. Some manage to do it. In your situation, don't kid yourself. You will just hurt more emotionally, if you see her as a friend. Because deep in the back of your mind you still hope for a reconciliation of your relationship. It won't happen. Until you see that with absolute certainty, just being friends won't work out for you. Therefore, keep your distance, mourn, move on. Time heals all wounds. Sometimes the healing process is just very very slow.
If you find yourself in a funk because of this, push yourself to do something fun. Call a friend, go out with somebody, have some fun. You'll get over it.
2 people like this
@subha12 (18441)
• India
12 May 08
I was never been into any relation. so i do not have any practical experience as such. but what i can say is there are many ways to keep that going. actually first of all think whether you are with the right person or not. if that person was never interested in anything more than friends, you just can't help it.
@sid556 (30960)
• United States
12 May 08
It is really hard but it does get better...it really does. I survived a divorce and i can look back now and remember feeling just as you do now. Now , I love my life and can't imagine why or how I was so devastated by this man. It sounds like she was not really sure of her own feelings which unfortunately kept you hanging on and dragging things out. I'm sure she didn't mean to do that. she was probably hoping the magic would return and finally had to be honest with you when it didn't. Try to keep busy and maybe take up a new hobby to fill in time. This will get better and you will move on.
1 person likes this
@mikeysmom (2088)
• United States
12 May 08
i just looked at your bio to see how old you are before answering you. first of all let me say i feel for you and your broken heart. i have been there and i was also young like you when it happened. i do not want to sound like a cliche here but let me say that time heals most wounds. i say this because it is true and i say "most" because that is also true. when it comes to matters of the heart and romantic love time will help you get past this. please believe me and hang in there. you are so young and have so much to live for and so much to yet experience in life. this will make you stronger in the long run. i know everything reminds you of her but it is because this is all new and you have not yet found a way to cope with losing her. as you move on with your life you will see looking back that i am right. you may always feel something for her but then again you might meet someone so fantastic that you will forget all about this girl. sometimes people do us favors in life by letting us go and maybe we cannot see it at the time but you will look back and see she was not for you. go out and have some fun. you are young and you deserve to have fun and be happy. another girl will come along. there are alot of them out there. just hang in!!
1 person likes this
@kg_gurl (220)
• United States
12 May 08
There's no easy way on getting over someone. It will hurt and it will keep on hurting for a long time. I guess you'll just have to get used to it and hope that as time passes by you'll know how to handle it. You'll have to keep on moving because you have to, no matter how hard. Spend a lot of time with friends and family and try to have a good time so that even for just a minute, you can stop thinking about her....
1 person likes this
@lingli_78 (12822)
• Australia
12 May 08
i'm sorry to hear about what you have to go through... but to me, you just have to start to forget her and keep going with your life... i know it is easier than done... but you just have to be strong and remind yourself that she is not the only girl exist in this world... i believe that you will get a much better girl than her in the future... if she doesn't want to pursue the relationship anymore with you, then unfortunately you just can't force her... one way to forget her is by concentrating on doing the things that you like such as pursuing your hobbies... take care and have a nice day...
@lucy02 (5015)
• United States
12 May 08
Keep going. You are young. There may be many girls before you find the right one. I wasted many a day when I was younger pining over my first love. Then I woke up. It was over and time to move on. Don't waste as much time as I did. The sooner you move on the better. Don't waste one more moment worrying about this girl.
@aowaow (1516)
• Indonesia
13 May 08
Since you're a man, staying alone and reading some self-psychology books or books about love relationship will give the best cure for your nature. You may contact your third eyes with the books well. The books act as your silent heart's pouring. Meanwhile, if you're paying attention on the books, the thought of her will vanish mostly time. This will give you a time to guide your brain with the healing process.
Another cure is swimming, that's if you like this. Or do your sport hobbies, because when you're in the activity, your brain will concentrate on the activity, and not that memory. After sport, you'll be tired, your brain will be in maximum state, and reject the whole thought, including the memory. You can sleep well because of tired.
Spare some times with your best friends, who's willingly listen to your problem. The more you talk it out, the quicker you'll cure your heart.
You'll need to lock your heart for this girl. She is still doubt about herself. Also quit the thought of measuring the time and money you'd spent with her. You must dump this thought. If you don't, then the memory will never be easily gone. Never expect she will be return, most likely it will never be happened.
Move on. There are still many other girls who is able to give a better love. Don't let one woman wastes your time in life. Because I had seen many. Regret is too late for those men, yet they don't speak it out, but their eyes, body language, and heart can never deny.
@Hatley (163776)
• Garden Grove, California
12 May 08
grow up and move on you cannot make someone love you
if they dont and eventually you will find someone
that will love you and you will love her.take it
one day at a time and if you are working really
get into your job so ou will have less time to
think about the girl. You can live without her because
you have to.
@Remembering1996 (2219)
• United States
13 May 08
I find that when you love someone as long as you have and then boom it's gone yes it's very hard to get over that. All you two did together,talk about,laughed about, ect. it's honestly just going to take time to heal it's self with each passing day.
It may be alot of big confusion to you right now but hopefully it will clear soon for you. I know I blamed my self when I wewnt through a similar situation you did and I blamed myself for the longest time but ya know I knew it was for the better in the long run. Him and I are still friends now and we get along better now than we did when we dated. I hope you and her can still be friends even though this has happend. I wish you the best of luck and keep strong take care.
