Starting over

Life is hard for everybody. Even if you are younger and have a great job, there is always competition and backstabber working on kicking you out and steal that position from you. You only feel hard now because you are just starting over. I quit my full time employment a few years ago and have been building my small business since then. If I look back I admit I make much lesser than I made from employment and yet I put more work to it than if I was employed, but those two years I spent I would never trade it with another full time employment. Those were the times that made me feel like a human being, that I can stand for what I do and believe, and stabbed those who stabbed in the back so to speak. I am free, and that word just kicks the dollar figure into the shadowy background. I sure won't refuse more money from employment if any is offered, but I will not dedicate myself that much to it anymore. I realize I am way younger than you are, but if there is time to find your happiness, this is the time and you have taken the path to it so don't stop. Explore your hobbies, even if your friends are not available you can still do it. Or even explore the internet, you will find all kinds of things awkward, new, silly, stupid, down to complicated medical research and perfectly designed online game etc. That's what I do and no I don't feel lonely, although people said I am. But I admit I'd be lost if my husband or my cat is at home because then the house will stay clean.

first i would like to say that i admire you greatly and think you are very brave. do not look back even though things are hard. i am sure they were hard before too being verbally and physically abused. no one deserves that kind of treatment. wouldn't you rather struggle by yourself than have to live in fear of someone hurting you? life in general is not easy but you have friends and if you give yourself some time to adjust i know you can make a nice new life for yourself. hang in there and give it some time.

I walked away from a bad marriage in 2000 and found it very tough. I was lucky in that I had a lot of good friends who were prepared to help and support me while I got my life back on track. I am now 56 and haven't been able to find work but my friends are there for me and my new partner is wonderful. The feelings of depression and failure are all part of the process and you will find that you can, and will, get though this and come out the other side.

I have never had to live through your situation but my mother-in-law did. She would leave and then go back. My father-in-law would promise her the sun and moon and then when she would go back nothing would change but things would get worse. She would leave again and then go back. She knew what she was going back into and the last time she chose to go back we told her she was making the decision and what she was going back into and we couldn't help her. I could see how hard it was on her to stay away and then how doubly hard it was on her when she went back. This is a hard decision to make but we, your mylot friends, are here for you to keep you strong when you feel you wan to give in and go back. You have to think of yourself. God bless you.

Hey badpenny, Well i may have not faced the same situations but we all face failure or bad feelings in our lives. Actually i wouldn't say what u're going through as a failur, since u decided to start a new chapter in ur life, which means u're a strong person that has a strong will..and be sure where there's a will there's definetley a way..no worries about that. Um one thing i always kept reminding myself about is that a person must fall 7 times but stand up 8 ... This end ure facing now badpenny is just another beginning in disguise so don't worry , u're human ,ít's normal u go through this depression, but keep remindind urself ure strong an u can make it ... Simply wake up every day look in the mirror,talk to the person u see, tell him how strong he is , how powerful he can be, how much u believe in trust him ... The key to success is believing in urself and in your own capacities, pple often decide to start a new chapter when it's too late ... ure still 50 ... nd believe me its still early for u to give up :) I wish u the best ... and if u need another online friend, i'm here ... One last thing , i would like to point out that new chapters are even started at the middle and the end of a book....and not only in the beginning :) Good luck !

hi badpenny I havent had this particular cross, but I am moving soon to a newplace a strange city, and leaving my best friend behind. So its a new beginning for me at age 82 but its best for my son to find work more easily and lower rents too. I am startingover and making myself know it could be better and more fun eventually. Heres to new beginnings and starting over.

i am so sorry to hear about what is happening to you... i know how hard it is to start everything all over again especially alone... please be strong and keep your faith in Him... i believe you will be able to do it... just don't give up... we are here to support you as well... good luck, take care and God Bless you...

Yes, there was a time when I felt really depressed and felt like a failure, when I was in an abusive relationship, and I suffered both emotional and physical pain. However, I'm glad I got through it with the help of my friends.. even though it might be difficult, but set your heart out to it, and I know you'll do well! All the best!

Hi badpenny, I've not had the experience of dropping out of a "relationship" with anyone and had to start over again. BUT I will say this, from the view of an outsider looking in - what others think about you is quite irrelevant to your actual worth. What YOU think about you is the most important measure of your worth. You can accomplish anything that you set your mind to. BUT you have to set your mind to it, and not allow distractions like self-pity or any other indulgence waste your energy and spoil your outlook. What we do and how we do it, despite the obstacles we face, defines our real worth. And what other people might think about us has little bearing on that. Here's something to think about - humans are a herding species, and we are all susceptible to the influence of other people to some extent, because that's hard-wired into our brains. BUT you must recognize and manage that - plan and take action according to YOUR intentions and expectations, not those of other people around you. Don't worry so much about what other people think and expect of you - focus on what YOU want to do and how YOU will get to where you want to be. Were I you, I wouldn't even consider going back to something that was so bad that you had to escape it in the first place. What could possibly be so attractive there that you can't do without, even for a while, until you get your bearings and head off on your own course? The world is an amazing place, and the possibilities are endless. The only real limitations that we have, our ideas about what we can and cannot do, are those that we choose to accept. Make sure that any constraints that you choose to live by are there by YOUR choice, and not imposed by someone else. I hope you manage to work your way to a more amenable situation. It starts with your own inner posture - if you choose to be bright and confident despite the worst of circumstances, then nothing can dampen your day. And imagination precedes reality, and will surely get you there if you act on it with ruthless persistence.

I'm sorry to hear that you had to go through such horror and heartbreak. I managed to barely escape an abusive relationship with a much older man when I was very young. I was 13, he was 20. I had zero self-esteem because my father was verbally abusive and got sucked into an unhealthy situation very quickly. I was too young to understand what was really happening, and to this day I believe that if I hadn't got away that one night, I would not be alive today. Though I managed to escape the relationship and he went to jail, he still stalks me and has abused me several times since the relationship ended over 5 years ago. I left the relationship with self-esteem issues, an eating disorder, and absolutly no trust for men. Yet seven years later i'm happy, reasonably healthy, and with a man that I love with all of my heart. If I can make it through all of that at my tender age, i'm sure that a woman of your caliber can make it too! My heart is with you.. and if you ever need to talk, i'm here for you. You can and will make it through this!

First of all, I congratulate you on recognizing the abusive relationship, and finding the means to leave it. There, as I'm sure you are aware, many times where you feel depressed. Just take time to think about the things that make you happy. Whether they are small or large, all are achievable. I spent a lot of time writing after I left my ex-boyfriend. I would drive to a place where I felt safe, most of the time it was a McDonald's parking lot. I would sit in the car and write in a notebook. It doesn't really matter what you write, whether you like poetry or just like a journal. I also like reading magazines and books, so I spent a lot of time at the library getting books and magazines to read. I also enjoyed shopping, so I did a lot of window shopping since I didn't have the money to buy it(and looking back I'm glad I didn't have the money, otherwise I would have all kinds of crazy stuff) Being lonely and finding a job are not going to be fixed by going back to the relationship. Both of those things will just be harder if you go back and you will have to start the whole healing process over again. Relying heavily on your friends is the reason they are there in the first place. As for handling the depression and sense of failure, I don't have any quick answers for you. Honestly, it took a long time and several more short-term relationships to get over it. This is the time to be selfish in a way. It does not matter what other people think of you. Do what makes you happy. If that means going somewhere you've never been, then do it. If that means trying something new, then do that. Make a list of the things you want to accomplish, both small and large(my list is now about 7 pages long and has things like "try a new drink" to "travel to australia", clearly at both ends of the financial spectrum. As you check off more things, you'll come up with more you want to do, but that's the point. To keep trucking along and eventually you'll be back up on your feet and twice as confident as before.

I left an abusive relationship about 9 years ago. All I can say is be strong! Don't go back because it will be worse, not better! I tried to go back because I thought, at times, that life was better with him. I quickly remembered how bad it really was. You can do this and you will have a much better life for it. It's been rough, I'm 34 and a mom of 3. Jobs are tough to find and it's hard to get used to being alone, but it gets easier and, believe me, you're better off without him! If you need anything, even just to chat, I'm never too busy to do that! Sometimes it's easier to know there's somebody else out there who went through the same thing. Keep your head up and be proud, you did the right thing.