What does 'Spare the rod, spoil the child' mean to you?

Those scriptures are among many reasons I am not a Christian any more. To me those are saying "yeah go ahead and spank your child it is ok" The thing is to me I will not spank my children unless everything else I have tried has not worked. I dont like to hit my children at all I dont see the purpose of it at all. There are other things you can do to disclinpine your child other than spanking them. You can do time out, or groundment, or taking something away that THEY value at that time. That is what we do.

Spare the rod , spoil the child means that we need to discipline our children for any mistakes .In proverbs 13:24 says that if you do not discipline your child you hate him. If you love him you discipline him when necessary. The phrase the rod is a metaphorical statement for divine discipline. This does not mean that term the rod in proverbs never refers to spanking.We don't need to physically hurt and create injuries to our children. As a mother I think spanking is not an effective means to discipline a child.Spanking is an aversive stimulus and therefore not as a desirable as positive reward in behavioral control.

I am a christian but still I do not spank or beat anyone, or rather I did not when a long time ago my son was little. Reproofs, times out, working out an error, but no i did not'spank nor beat my child. He grew up into a fine man so I think my line of discipline worked well for him. I have noticed that the ones who beat and bang on their kids were beat on when they were little and its the only discipline they seem to know, and a lot of them are also wife abusers and child abusers. the trouble with spanking is people get carried 'away and the spanking becomes a beating which is abusive.How are you going to stem the anger in you and keep from a beating

Though many would probably disagree, I think that there is definitely a time to spank....not beat, but spank, or maybe pop hands according to the situation. I would rather pop a child's hand, than have them burn it on a hot stove.

I don't believe in using the "rod" when the child to whom it was used doesn't understand as to why it was used in the first place. I can start at scolding, telling the child the fault he'd done,the consequneces that it might results t. It wil also serve as his first warning. Then iuf he /she still continues to do it then the rod shall speak.

hi there susan lee i have not read what you wrote above but i am trying to give my view of the proverb. well spare the rod spoil the child in the very first case it doesn't mean that you should always beat the child with a rod well in some cases where children do mistakes with out knowing that they are mistakes well in that case the child should not left like that he should be told that what he is doing a mistake and should not do it if he repeats it even after he is told not to do so it must that a rod should tell him that it is a mistake else he will always try to go through the path which his temptation shows and not the path which is right hence a rod is need to make a child leave is temptation and try to know what is the correct path to live and he should know what is important in his life to live happily and not disturbing others peace now what all i wrote above is not at all philosophy it is the way in which a person who want to live or make his child live peacefully with out any tensions should follow. well if possible do comment

Yes I think there is an appropriate time to spank a child NOT beat a child but spank them. For instance my daughter is 17 months old last week she ran into the street, now we don't live on a busy street but thats not the point. I spanked her DIAPER and told her "NO" I showed her the line she is not to cross. She hasn't ran into the road since. I think a spanking is needed when you as a parent need to get your childs IMMEDIATE attention. If you spank your child for every little thing there is no meaning behind it. My daughter gets time out and normally it only takes a few times in time out before she stops doing what ever she kept doing. Example she insisted on putting the dogs food in the water bowl. After 3 or 4 times in time out she stopped. She finally realzed that if I do this that will happen. The key is consitancy its not what the punishment is - its the fact that EVERY time they do X they get Z. If you always give a child a lolly pop when they walk in the door they come to expect it. Just like if you always put your kid in time out for not leaving the dog food alone they will come to know if I do play in the dog food I will get put in time out. Or if I run in the street I will get a spanking. I don't think kids that don't get spanked are spoiled I think they are taught a different way.

I believe that spanking is necessary but other avenues should be traveled as well. Spanking to me is to get the child's attention. I never spank out of anger. And only spank on the butt. But I do have the "mom slap". This is when you pop a kid in the mouth for being mouthy, or swearing. I used this on my daughter when she would get mouthy. Not hard, just enough to get her attention. It was a quick decisive action when the situation calls for it. I would never do it to cause pain, only grab their attention.

I have spanked my young child who didn't understand verbal messages sent to him. But now looking back at that time I wish I had not done it. My children are now 12 9 and 6 and it has been many years since I have spanked any of them. I never spanked my youngest and only a couple times with my oldest, but with my middle child I had spanked more often. He is special need and when young didn't understand verbal commands. Also his pain sensors were not responding and had hurt himself several times without knowledge. Though he never cried when I spanked he did acknowledge that I was there and didn't want him to do what he was doing.

When they are young, and get out of contol, it's okay to teach them a lesson, however, when their grown up, try not to hit them unless, well...........they would get punished by watever bad thing they do, by their peers, family, and sometimes even the police! well, good luck!

I believe that when they are doing something that could result in harm to self or others a spanking will make them remember better than a time-out. However a spanking is not the same as a beating when you are angry and not in full control(i was guilty of this with my oldest child). As i have gotten older most times a spanking is a last resort(as long as they are not headed for danger).

Absolutely. I've been spanked, AND beaten. There's a huge difference. UNLIKE BEATING, SPANKING will not leave permanent marks (or emotional scars). It must NEVER be done in ANGER, & even then, only as a last resort. That is, the child KNOWS what the cosequences of misbehaviour are, yet CHOOSES to do the Bad Thing ANYWAY. Other methods should be used FIRST, such as time out, or removal of toys, & of course, PRAISE SHOULD BE PLENTIFUL for all GOOD actions, to balance this. Spanking should ONLY be done on the glutimous maximus (I'll wait while you in Rio Linda look that up.../o), & NEVER exceed the number of years of the child's age. E.g., 3 swats for a 3-year old (THE youngest at which a spanking may be delivered effectively, or even understood by a child--but 4 is best). Four for a 4-year old, 5 for 5, etc. ALL SPANKINGS should've stopped by age 12. By that time, it's time for something more serious, such as counciling. Frankly, you've really lost the battle if you didn't have them largely under self control by 9. I also know that children are NOT blank slates. Each one is different. While it may seem unfair to spank one & not another, the fact is some will require the swats, while others are just biddable from the get-go. ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS take a child aside & EXPLAIN that such-&-such action(s) is wrong, & thay he/she MUST NEVER repeat it, OR, such-&-such consequenses WILL SURELY RESULT. Chances are, the child will immediately test you. BE CONSISTENT. Whatever consequence you promised, CARRY IT OUT. And you must do this EVERY TIME it happens. They WILL learn. And while it may make you feel like a monster when they cry, realize that years later, they'll THANK you for making them into a decent human being. Maggiepie

When it comes to applying Biblical wisdom in today's time and our culture, I think you need to consider the time and culture it came from. The rod reference in early Hebrew/Israeli culture would more likely have brought to their minds a shepherd's rod. The sheperd used the rod to guide and manage the herd. Sheep are simple, docile creatures and, I've heard, a bit prone to panic and following the crowd. It would not be good if the shepherd created a commotion by yelling and beating the sheep. He may have needed to give a little thwack on the side or head to get a sheep's attention and keep it going in the right direction, but he probably would have been most effective in using the rod as a guide or gentle prod and using a gentle, coaxing tone. Also, sheep knew their shepherd and shepherd's knew their sheep. They lived and slept with them in the fields. The sheep responded to the shepherd's voice because they knew and trusted their shepherd. I think you should consider the whole context and the whole analogy when pulling verses in the Bible and trying to use them for rules today. I think these verses remind us that we should diligently oversee the rearing of our children. We should know them and their temperaments. We should develop and foster a trust-relationship with them, and we should teach and guide them. Sometimes we may need to be more firm than other times, but all guidance in done with their best interests and safety in mind. All that to say, personally, I don't believe the Bible is specifically advocating corporal punishment, but I don't think it is entirely outlawed or immoral. Nor should parents who spank be treated as criminals. There are far more criminal things done to children everyday that we should worry about more. I think of spanking as a last resort to regain control. It is not teaching anything positive usually, but is punitive. Sometimes punitive measures seem to be called for, as in when a child deliberately does something dangerous that they have been told not to do. Comparing any spanking to beatings and abuse is like comparing any kind of restraining to prison or caging. If you hold onto your child by the arm or around the waist to stop him/her from running away in a crowd or approaching a strange dog that my be dangerous, you are restraining that child to protect. If a parent locks a child in a closest for being bad or to keep him safe from the world, then this parent may be accused of abuse or being crazy. One form of restraint is far different that the other, just as a few swats on the bottom from a caring parent are far different from a backhand across the face or full force blows with a paddle from an adult male.

well,I am not really good at reading the scriptures and all,but one thing I understood from that saying or what it means to me is that when you spare a child and not disciplinging that child in any way,would lead to the total destruction of that child.and that wont be good as they will turn into monsters in the end.cheers. Ibiam

i think spanking is mean and ineffective. i do not hit my son but he has rules and boundaries he must abide by. he is well behaved so we are lucky and as he gets older his punishments will have to be more age appropriate. it is not easy to discipline for me as my mother was harsh and very strict and i was actually afraid of her and hated her at times for being that way. she learned it from her parents and i vowed not to follow suit. i am middle of the road when it comes to discipline. i believe in rewards and punishments appropriate to the infraction and i also believe in teaching right from wrong and showing by example what is right and wrong. i am big on being polite and teaching manners as i feel if this is not learned early it does not become ingrained and then it is never learned. i try not to take the bible too literally but i feel it simply means we have to teach discipline and make sure our children are taught right from wrong and respect for others. if not taught then how will they know it and grow up to be respectful adults?

I'm not a christian and I don't believe in spanking a child unless they are too young to understand what you are saying ie a toddler or a baby. But only in an extreme situation like the child tries to shove a fork in an outlet.