I am lost..
By sisterjinx
@sisterjinx (1135)
United States
May 15, 2008 8:44pm CST
I always feel like this after a conversation with my mom. It always starts out so well. We start out civil and can even turn to loving but it always degrades into the fact that I am always wrong and simply will never be good enough. I always believed that my mother was disappointed with having a girl and really wanted a boy. The older I got the more I believed this. She always told me everything I did wrong and never what I did right. I can do 1 million things perfectly and it's the one error in judgment that she focuses on.
Last night I was sick and I wrote to her because when I'm really ill I miss my mom. She wrote back and was so sweet and loving. Because of this I wrote again and we began a conversation. OOPS that was a mistake. Less than 24 hours has gone by and she is already turning on me. Pointing out my errors and making me feel like I am worthless.
What's worse is no matter what my oldest son does it is right. Even when it is a terrible choice that she would have held over my head for years, he is golden.
Does your mother ever make you feel like she loves your kids more than you? Does your mother make you crazy? Does she make you cry every time you talk to her?
1 person likes this
5 responses
@mailee75 (9)
• United States
16 May 08
omg...sounds like my relationship with my mother...it always has been and most likely always will b that i am not nor will ever be good enough for her. i have always been treated as an outcast by her my whole life. but, unlike you, my kids are treated the same way. i'm guessing because they are so much like me in so many ways.
heres a bit of advice though, don't feel hopeless, unworthy, always keep ur head up, raise ur kids the way you see fit and dont let her interfere in any way that might cause ur kids to feel the same way u feel about ur mother....i've learned over the years to just let her go and she'll eventually see the errors of her ways.
@sisterjinx (1135)
• United States
16 May 08
Thanks for your response. It does help even though I still feel awful right now. I think it's hardest for me because I WANT a relationship with my mom and there are moments when I really feel like I miss that even though I never had it. That's when I try and I'm always shot down. I KNOW that it is better if I just don't talk to her or contact her without the absolute need to for something tangable. But I have those moments of weakness and hope. I'm 37 and I still wish I could have a relationship with her. You would think I would learn. maybe this time. 
1 person likes this
@Breath (1297)
• United States
16 May 08
I can only try to understand what your going through...My grandmother raised me and we had such a close and beautiful relationship as mother and daughter..I just wished you knew this kind of bond with your mom...I guess it takes more then blood to make us love each other it takes heart and understanding...
1 person likes this
@lingli_78 (12822)
• Australia
17 May 08
i also having problem in the past communicating with my mum... we always have communication problems... but as i get older now, i try to understand her better from a mother's point of view and we communicate much better... i don't have a child yet... so i don't know whether my mum will treat my child better than me like your mum does to you... i am sorry to hear that... hope your relationship will get better with your mum and you can communicate better with her... take care and have a nice day...
@scorpiobabes (7225)
• United States
17 May 08
I had a similar relationship with my mother. I lost her when I was 30 and I can honestly say she didn't LIKE me once I hit 15. I never doubted her LOVE (totally and unconditionally), but I really don't think that either of us would have been friends, even acquaintances. Once I had my daughter, my mother was so nice to me that I felt she only put up with me to see my little girl 
--I even accused her of that once.
One particular fight I recall, I must have been 15 or 16...I don't recall the fight, but that she came back after going shopping and gave me a skirt. She had said some things that really hurt, but didn't give me an apology--she gave me a skirt! In all our fights, she couldn't say "I'm sorry"--and that still hurts to this day, at least 20 years later.
--I even accused her of that once.
One particular fight I recall, I must have been 15 or 16...I don't recall the fight, but that she came back after going shopping and gave me a skirt. She had said some things that really hurt, but didn't give me an apology--she gave me a skirt! In all our fights, she couldn't say "I'm sorry"--and that still hurts to this day, at least 20 years later. @mikeysmom (2088)
• United States
16 May 08
i have a love/hate relationship with my mom. my mother is very generous and gives of herself but there is a price to be paid for her generosity and she tends to be a control freak. she never lets you live anything down and she can be downright mean at times. i have distanced myself from her in the past and i let her know when i don't like her tone with me. when i was young she was a severe disciplinarian and she seems to do so much to help my younger sister and only helps me from time to time. i know how you feel to some degree as i think our situations are a bit different but my mother can be infuriating at times. i never want my son to feel that way about me. do i think she loves my son more than me? yes but that is ok because the more people he has to love him and champion for him the better. we all want and need our mother's approval but if you cannot get it from her then pat yourself on the back and tell yourself that you are a good person and she is not the indicator of that-only you are. easier said than done i know but at some point you have to stop giving her so much power over you. that is what i did with my mom and i am happier for it.
