Kids or no kids?
By leeesa
@leeesa (884)
United States
May 18, 2008 9:53am CST
Parents, if you could do it all over again, would you still decide to have kids?
I'm asking because my daughter is out of the country for several weeks (with her dad), so I'm getting an extended taste at what it would be like to be completely unattached!
I do like the fact that my house is staying clean and I'm actually getting to work on time because I don't have anyone to argue with in the morning.
But I miss her terribly. I suppose if I never had kids, I wouldn't know the difference.
I've always said that if I could do it over, I would not have had any kids. But now I think I'm changing my mind.
9 people like this
38 responses
@magrylouyu (1627)
• United States
19 May 08
I had my oldest at a fairly young age (17) and I think all the time what would my life be like without children. I sit back and think I wouldnt have it any other way. When my oldest daughter and my stepson were in preschool this past year I only had my then 2 year old at home and my husband would take her to the store and I'd have the day to myself. I like it but I dont love it. I love my family. I think it just depends on what type of person you are. Some people probably didnt want children and wish they never did have them. I on the other had would have liked to wait until I was older but it happened and it's done with and I would never change it. Good post.
3 people like this
@tessah (6617)
• United States
19 May 08
its good that yer changing yer oppinion on tis.. and i hope youve never uttered those words of wishing you never had children around your child.
i have two daughters.. both very planned wanted and named before they were even conceived, and i wouldnt change a second of it.
2 people like this
@leeesa (884)
• United States
19 May 08
I guess I shouldn't have posted this because it's not being taken the way I meant. To even suggest that my kids were unwanted is rude and uncalled for. I have never, nor would I ever tell my kids I didn't want them. That was not the point of this topic, but somehow, that is what some have twisted it into.
1 person likes this
@tessah (6617)
• United States
19 May 08
"I've always said that if I could do it over, I would not have had any kids."
those are yer words.. not much twisting being done. youve ALWAYS said that if you could do it over.. you wouldnt have any kids. its rather clean cut and viciously to the point.
1 person likes this
@mommyboo (13174)
• United States
19 May 08
Don't be so harsh, it can be hard and very disconcerting to have kids when you are a teen - unless you PLAN to. I really don't think very many teenagers PLAN to have babies when they are 16. Anyway, it's what you do after the fact that matters, ie making sure you can take care of the baby and yourself, and learn as you go. It's all any of us can do, there is no class or guidebook on how to be a good parent.
I did not take her post that way - unless you've heard her state that she never wanted kids somewhere else.
1 person likes this
@dpk262006 (58676)
• Delhi, India
19 May 08
You see it is said - "Taste of pudding is in the eating.". So the one who does not have kids cannot really come to know about the feelings between kids and parents. It is a kind of unique feelings and attachment, which only parents and kids can understand between them. If one does not have kids, he/she is deprieved of many useful and telling experiences of his/her life, which he/she can never obtain without kids. Bringing up kids is the most difficult job in one's life, and the one who does it successfully also feels that he/she has achieved something very important in his/her life. Life would be boring, dull and monotonous without kids, I believe.
@kezabelle (2974)
•
18 May 08
Thats difficult id miss them if they werent here but if I didnt have them I wouldnt have anything to miss. I would without a doubt have them id live my life over and over and every time i would choose to have them.
Today they have been awful pretty much fighting shouting but even then I can sit here and say I wouldnt not have them if i lived my life over again.
1 person likes this
@mommyboo (13174)
• United States
19 May 08
If I didn't have my daughter (my youngest) I would definitely still miss it... I tried and tried to get pregnant for years before her. Somebody controlling the timing understood that my ex would have been a BAD parent, so that's why it took so long =)
@kemmerlin6 (107)
• United States
18 May 08
Sometimes I think about what I could be doing or where I could have went had I not had children...But then I remind myself that I wouldn't have become the person I am today. Who knows what kind of values or motivation I would have. Today, I do things because of my children. They are the reason I accomplish things and move forward. They are why I strive for something better. I don't know that I would have that if it weren't for them. I know I might have traveled and things like that...but I can always do that later on down the road anyways. I started young and missed out on a lot, but I wouldnt change it for the world.
1 person likes this
@leeesa (884)
• United States
18 May 08
I was also young when I started. I had my first at age 16 and my second at age 19, so I would have been 38 when they were out of school. I figured I could wait til them to do all my world traveling and such.
Then I got remarried to a guy who didn't have any kids and I agreed to have one more! So at age 37, just when I should have been getting my freedom back, I became a mom again!
Definitely no regrets though! Now I'll just wait til I'm retired to do all my traveling!
1 person likes this
@mommyboo (13174)
• United States
19 May 08
I wish I had been that young when I started!! I told my mommy that I wanted to be a mommy just like her when I was around four or five. I was 28 when I FINALLY had my daughter. I'm not really a young mommy any more, but because my husband's kids are older, I have the joy of teenagers, high school, part time jobs, driver's ed, and graduation. There are pros and cons to having kids young or having kids old - when you're very young you're less likely to have a good savings, a home, and a lot of experience and comforts to offer your child. Problem is, when you're a lot older than average, you may have a home and money set aside for retirement and college and all that stuff, but you don't have energy and it's harder to do all those things you multitask so easily with when you're in your 20s. However, the younger parents also have the kids grow up and move away - when they are still young! Older parents had some time to themselves without kids BEFORE the kids. It's a tossup as to what's better, it depends how you manage it.
@mommyscribbles (81)
• Philippines
18 May 08
Since i became a parent myself, having my children has been a very joyful and yes often trying rides in my life. But most it, you always forget the trying times of having them.Its the happy rides i have with them that i think will always stay in my heart and memory bank , maybe no matter how grown up they are already.
Although there are difficult times when i too, wish i never had kids, having their hugs and kisses after coming home from a long day at work,makes me think otherwise.They are more or less my major stress relievers and they almost always enrgize me!
And yes,i agree with you Leeesa, you get to see the difference-- instantly especially when they're not there--even for just a night i guess, i would miss them terribly..
2 people like this
@bieke81 (1067)
• Belgium
19 May 08
Sometimes I think, if I could do it all again, I would wait a little longer. DH and I were together for 2 months when I became pregnant with our oldest son, and 6 months after he was born, number two was on its way. Sometimes I regret that we didn't enjoy being together on our own a little longer. But when one of those brats looks at me with his sweet, chocolat-covered smile, I know I would do it all over again. I love those darn kids. ;-D
@phillygirl606 (1112)
• United States
19 May 08
I say that I may have waited till I was a little older. I had my son when I was 18 years old so I never got to do what the older teen does and experience the whole bar, party, club thing when I turned 21. I was young and so was the father when I became pregnant. I did the right thing and had the baby, and have never regretted it. My son is my everything. His father didn't think the same. My lil man is almost 7 years old and doesn't even know him. I did have to mature a lot faster than what my friends did. But honestly I cannot picture my life without my son. So I have no regrets. If I could do it all over again I would probably do everything the same. I was heading down a bad path before I got pregnant. When I found out I was pregnant which I knew the very first month of pregnancy it straightened me out a lot.
1 person likes this
@Mamagee (392)
• Malaysia
16 Jun 08
I still want to have kids. I feel so lonely without kids. Sometimes I feel that my kids makes me so tired and don't even have enough time to rest or make myself feel relax. Anyway my kids are my everything to me. I can't live without them even though having kids is tiring. We only have to suffer for a few years and after they grownup, they know how to manage themselves or at lease they can help us to manage our house.
1 person likes this
@gemini_rose (16264)
•
19 May 08
I have four children, and some days it is hard going. I also have health issues that have resulted from having four children, so I guess that if I could do it all over again, knowing what I know then I would stick with just having one or two. Simply because of my health.
I have been a Mum since I was 18, I guess if I had the chance to do it again then I would also wait until I was a lot older, although it is nice now that my son is 16, I also feel that I was not ready to be a Mum at the age that I had him.
1 person likes this
@athinapie (1150)
• Philippines
19 May 08
Hi there! Well, I'm still 18 years old and I don't have kids yet, and I'm not even married. But if I were in your position right now and I am really missing my daughter, I would wish that there was still a bundle of joy that I'd be hanging out with. It would be more fun that way.
@mikeysmom (2088)
• United States
19 May 08
i would do it again in a heartbeat. my son is the most precious person in the world to me. we have such a wonderful, loving relationship. i could not live without him and would not want to. he is the best thing that ever happened to me.
1 person likes this
@blackmantra_x (2732)
• Philippines
19 May 08
I'm still single with a special someone and we're getting married this year. I would want to have children. It's the best thing anyone in this world could have. No money, career could replace the joy of parenthood. I can say this even without a child because I have a little niece and I take care of her when needed and it really brings out the father in me. Seeing her jump and smiling, feeding her, changing her diapers and bathing her are the moments for me to keep. I can only imagine what if this is my real child.
1 person likes this
@ANTIQUELADY (36440)
• United States
19 May 08
i certainly would & a bunch more if i could have. i have two sons, one grandson, one grandaughter. wouldn't trade them for all the money in the world.
@joyce959 (1559)
• Philippines
18 May 08
I would still prefer to have my kids, no matter how hard it is to take care of them, bring them up, and provide for a lot of things for them. Sometimes I also wish I am alone, but then it is so boring when kids are not around.
@luvstochat (6907)
• United States
18 May 08
I would never not have kids if I had to do it all over again I would feel like my life was empty if I didn't have any children.
I will admit my kids get on my nerves so much sometimes I threaten to give them up for adoption but I don't really mean it I love them with all of my heart and without kids that means no grankids and you have to have grandkids to spoil.
@mommyboo (13174)
• United States
19 May 08
Yes I would still have kids. When my older kids visit other family (and thus are gone for like a week), I have noticed that my house is clean and STAYS that way. This is real proof that the messy ones are NOT myself, my husband and our youngest, although the older kids always claim it is so. Anyway, despite having a clean house, I do begin to miss them, after the second day or so. I would venture to guess it depends what kind of person you are. Some people think about having kids and have kids and then wish they didn't, some people think about it, never get everything right and then don't.. and wish they had. Then you have ones like me who always wanted to... took forever to get to that point, and I'm still glad I did. Empty nest is going to be hard for me but 3 is enough.
1 person likes this
@cjgrooms (4456)
• United States
19 May 08
I have 4 children 2 girls 26 and 28 yrs. old and 2 sons 12 and 13yrs.old. My girls i raised pretty much by myself, the only reason that i would even think about not having them is because they had to do without so many things (i at times, worked 3 jobs at once) not just materially but having a Mother there when they needed her, so they were just screwed both ways! . So they may have wished that they had been born to someone else, but i never wished that i had not had them--EVER! My boys have a wonderful Father and even when they make me as mad as a hatter i still can't wish that i had not had them. I have been blessed with both sets of my children and can be nothing but greatful for them.
•
18 May 08
i read this and started to cry because i just had a miscarriage in febuary and the best thing some one can do is bring a baby in this world and love it uncomdiyionally and not feel one ounce of pain
@leeesa (884)
• United States
18 May 08
I am very sorry for your loss. I also suffered a miscarriage, so I understand your pain. I hope you didn't misunderstand my post. I love my kids very much and I don't regret having them one bit. They are my life and I would die for them. All I was saying is that I used to think that if I had a do-over, I wouldn't have kids, but after this separation, I have changed my mind because I realized that my kids are my life. Best of luck to you and may you have many beautiful babies in the future.
