Can you love someone, but not like him?

I agree, it shouldn't be wrong feeling like this. It would be a strange world if you have to like or love anybody wouldn't it! And I think, that if you cannot stand the person, whether you love them or not, it is for the best not to be around them. Otherwise it is likely that either of you would say or do something that would hurt the other.

Thank you for your great response! I feel myself seeing a lot of similarities between what you are writing about your husband and what I'm feeling toward my boyfriend at the moment! I would very much like to hear more about your experience and how you solved it and got back to loving him. I definitely respect if you do not want to share this, but if you do, just send me a friend request and maybe you can send me a PM or two about what to do!

We've talked enough that he understood since I'm sure that I told him word for word. We were always great conversationalists even if we couldn't stay together and every once in a while he shows up and chats with me, although he hasn't for a while now. Good question.

It would be interesting to hear what that guy said about that, did he understand what you meant, or didn't he get it at all?

The way I see it, the more I try to make him talk to me about his feelings, the more he turns himself away emotionally. Unfortunately, here is the part wherein you and me try to step back for awhile and let them be. I know it's going to be hard but when we have already tried the other way and it doesn't work, we should try another one. And based from my long experience of trying to make him talk to me, it always backfires. I already expect how he will react and what exact words he'll be telling me. A few minutes after we start the heart-to-heart talk, I start seeing the signs. He starts avoiding my eyes, and tries to sit as far away from me as possible. As if he's trying to detach himself from that situation. Then a few minutes more, he'll either tell me that I'm looking for another argument, that it's not the right time nor the right place. There won't ever be a right time nor the right place for him. If he really doesn't like to talk about what he feels. But I've stopped doing that for now. When we've got arguments, I don't force him to talk about it. Instead we allow ourselves to have our own space and think about what happened. Then after a day of avoiding each other, it's ALWAYS HIM that breaks the silence. He knows that I already did my part of not forcing him to talk and just let him be. But he knows that I'm still upset. So he does his part of being the first one to approach and try to bridge the gap. And from that point, I just can't explain anymore. Somehow in the deepest part of me, have finally accepted that my husband has his own ways of showing that he really loves me. He may not show it the way I prefer. In your case, maybe your boyfriend likes to spoil you a little. If his buying you some things doesn't hurt his wallet, then just let him. Men have their own specific ways of showing love and affection for their women. Him being upset when you suggest ways that he can show his love is normal. He will only think that you don't appreciate his efforts. And sometimes they think we're even dictating them what to do to make us happy. And that can hurt their ego, too.

My boyfriend is a bit like your husband I think, he doesn't like talking and he shows me he loves me in ways that I would not really think about. I try to talk about things and he just says that I should know how much I love him! But the problem is that the things he does to show me he loves me is not things that I normally care for. But then I can't tell him that because then he gets upset. For example he bought me two expensive books the other day, books that I didn't even consider reading. But I couldn't tell him that or even return the books because then he would have gotten angry about me not caring when he had tried. I tried to tell him that he doesn't have to spend money like that to make me happy, it would be enough if he cooked dinner etc, but then he got upset. How did you work it out with your husband, if he doesn't like to talk much? Any ideas towards my problem?

Thank you for your answer! I understand exactly what you mean, so I should try that. As it is now it is just tiring for the both of us, and even though I love him I am so sick of these arguments that never lead anywhere. He does exactly what you said, says that I have already told him this, that there is no point in discussing it again and that I am just looking for an argument! Thank you for your input! I appericiate it a lot!

I am not sure you understood me, I didn't mean moods or hobbies that I do not take part in. As you say everyone is human and have their own interests, thoughts and ways of dealing with things! I mean more when you found out more profound things about him, that perhaps would make you despise a person if it was not the person you love. But of course you still have a point. What I make of it is from my opinion and my feelings and principles. So obviously the basic idea is a selfish one! But isn't all of this based on selfish activities. If you break up a relationship because you do not feel happy, that is selfish too, unless it is a mutual break up. I believe everyone should be a bit selfish in the sense you are using the word here. You have to take care of yourself, and if you aren't happy you have a responsibility toward yourself to do something about that! That should come before any other responsibility you might have toward someone else! If you consider that as being selfish, then I'd just have to agree, I am certainly selfish!

Tell me, what are those profound things?

It sounds like you really knows about the ups and down in marriage! To me that sounds very reassuring, that you have been together for 20 years even though you do not always like his personality. When you look at it this way, maybe I'm blowing things out of proportion! Thanks for sharing and hope you have many happy years together to come!

That was a very good likeness the one with being not on the same path. I know what you mean, it feels like you walk on parallel paths with a massive hole in between and the only thing you do is wave at one another once in a while, the rest of the time you are to busy trying to follow the path or skipping rocks that come flying!

You must have a very powerful relationship, if you fight that much and dislikes eachother and still come back and love eachother like that! I admire that!