I need lots of parental advice here....please help me!
By ladyljs
@ladyljs (1303)
United States
May 22, 2008 8:51pm CST
OK, I finally reached a breaking point with a little girl that is off and on friends with my little girl. She is a spoiled little things that gets everything at school. First place in every project, best student every month, best singer, best poster, best best best best. Makes me think that her parents have something on some of the faculty up here.
Yup...at a field trip I let her have a piece of my mind. I didn't yell at her...though this is what she is telling her mother, grandmother, teacher and counselor...God only knows who else! She started to tear up, I was emphatic and told her that she was hurting other peoples feelings.
Here is exactly what happened
L and K are too much alike…they are both over achievers and want to be the center of attention and are bucking one another.
Several times over the past few weeks, my little girl has come home and said that if she didn’t do what "L" wanted or things didn’t go "L's" way, that she wouldn’t be her friend anymore. It’s almost like One day they are friends and the next day they aren’t. I told mine to just to go with the flow, but she finally had enough and told "L" that if she couldn’t be a real friend that she didn’t want to be a friend at all.
This got L crying and they both came to a field trip today, not speaking or looking at one another. It all came to a head in line when another friend of both girls started crying because L told her that she couldn’t be my little girls friend. I tried consoling the little girl and told her that she was free to choose her own friends, and that "L" couldn’t make that decision for her. Of course this made "L" angry, so I turned to her and said….I didn’t want to have to get into this "L", but you are hurting peoples feelings. You can’t turn friendship on like hot and cold water. She started tear and said well your daughter did that to me yesterday, and I said yes I know. That was one time "L", mylittle one has come home crying 5 times in the last 2 weeks saying that you told her that won’t be her friend anymore….it hurts doesn’t it? I gave her a pat on the back and said, I am not trying to be mean, you just have to know that this is hurting your friends feelings…and it’s not just mine...there are 4 other girls that have told me the same thing. I and dropped it.
Well now the counselor has gotten a hold of it and little "L" twisted the story so much that I sound like the worst ogre in the world. What is with this child?
THe counselor "made" them befriend each other again, but her Mother met me in the hall with looks that could kill. I would just as soon not confront her...she is part of the board of education and has lots of clout in our little town.
WHAT WOULD YOU DO?
5 people like this
14 responses
@foxyfire33 (10005)
• United States
23 May 08
"...she is part of the board of education and has lots of clout in our little town."
Well that right there says it all. I would seriously consider removing my child from that school. As long as that other girl's mother is in such a position they will basically "have it out" for your daughter and you. People like that are not likely to be mature and move o...when they are seniors in highschool your daughter will still be having problems with this girl. Heck, I've been out of school for 11 years and there's still a mom that hates me because her daughter was teased all through school and I wasn't even the one doing it!
I know that homeschooling or changing school districts isn't easy but I honestly think it's the only way you and your daughter will be able to enjoy her school years.
2 people like this
@ladyljs (1303)
• United States
23 May 08
Thanks for your response...I could move her to another small middle school for next year, but all of the schools eventually go to our county high school.
Home schooling may be an option...I just don't know if I have adequate qualifications for that. Even with a Bachelors degree, the things that these kids do in school now just amaze me.
1 person likes this
@Maggiepie (7816)
• United States
30 May 08
It'll be difficult, but you really must do something to remove your daughter from that pernicious influence.
Homeschooler parents don't need degrees, though if you have them, they don't HURT...LOL! You just need patience & time.
There're many HS organizations which can help you. Be prepared to have a lot of fun, since the WORLD is your classroom! Your daughter will meet all kinds of folks, all differnt sorts & ages, & you'll learn to make the simplest thing into a lesson, such as taking your daughter to the store & teaching her arithmatic, or using cooking (teach fraction by doubling or cutting into thirds a recipe).
Haunt the library & book sales for good books to teach reading, history, science, etc. Look for folks in your area with some special talent, & pay them a small fee to teach her piano, or flute, for example.
I wish you the best. I've had the displeasure of dealing with nasty brats, & I can tell you, so long as she's being treated thusly, your daughter will find school less & less worth her time.
Be creative. Use your imagination. Have fun! Don't let this continue! God bless your efforts!
Maggiepie
@foxyfire33 (10005)
• United States
30 May 08
I completely agree with Maggiepie. There are many resources out there for homeschooling parents. You don't have to know everything or have a degree to be successful. Two of the best homeschoolers I know have nothing beyond their high school diplomas but they are doing an excellent job. Their girls are above grade level for their ages and they've worked in many other "classes" that schools wouldn't even consider teaching. They have field trips and projects...one project they started years ago is still going. Sure they are conservative Christians raising daughters so some of the extra classes might not be appropriate for everyone but the older girls are 14 and 16 and could run a house, a daycare, a small business and recite the history of America and Jerusalem all while drawing up building plans for a cottage...and that's on top of traditional schoolwork. It can be done and your daughter might get a better education and educational experience by giving it a try.
@sid556 (30960)
• United States
25 May 08
How old are the girls? My daughter wasn't an over-achiever but she did have a friend (best friend) who was very, very competive with her like that with friends and later on with boyfriends. If they got in trouble together, this girl always laid the blame 100% on my daughter and her mother bought it. This girl played sweet & innocent and i could see straight thru her. It was a roller coaster friendship and my daughter was the one always getting hurt and in trouble while this girl got away with everything. One day I'd had enough and I actually grounded my daughter from this girl. It's a long story and I won't bore you with it but the mom and I had it out verbally a couple of times and somehow ended up being very good friends. With my daughter, I told her that her choice to remain friends with this girl was hers alone. It took her a while but in the end she saw this girl's true colors and they ended up not being friends at all. I have learned that it is best to let the kid's battle these things out as hard as that is to stand by and watch. In the long run, I think your daughter will win out. Mine did.
1 person likes this
@Hatley (163776)
• Garden Grove, California
23 May 08
ooh my the stuff that happens in a small town I
used to hate'my home town because of stuff like that
but theres somuch good too in small towns.but
sometimes its best to stay out of kids upsets
as then parents get set against'parent and pretty
soon the whole town is taking sides'and making a second
world war out of a little kids tiff.I would back
off a bit and let things cool off a bit. Parents
have to remember that they are the adults.
1 person likes this
@spalladino (17891)
• United States
23 May 08
I think it would be best to try to distance your daughter from L whenever possible. Try to arrange activities for her with other girls and give her the chance to socialize without the pressure of this control freak in training around. If given enough opportunities to be around other children who aren't so demanding your daughter should eventually choose on her own not to be friends with L.
@evviesands (162)
• Uruguay
23 May 08
You should tell your girl that is ok for someone not to like her and vice versa, but that good, true friends are going to respect her and love her anyway. She should stop worrying about L, in fact, L reminds me of a girl at my school that was so popular but all she seemed to have was a bunch of fans and admirers instead of friends.
2 people like this
@lingli_78 (12822)
• Australia
23 May 08
sounds to me that "L" is a spoiled brat... but as her mum is part of the board of education, there is nothing really you can do to confront her because she has power... my only suggestion is to move your daughter to another school so that she doesn't have to be intimidated by "L"... good luck... take care and have a nice day...
1 person likes this
@bonbon664 (3466)
• Canada
23 May 08
"L" sounds like a bad seed. No, seriously, I would try to convince my daughter to distance herself from her. I think a little girl who attempts to be so manipulative, and seems to succeed will eventually get herself and your daughter into trouble.
1 person likes this
@mehale (2200)
• United States
30 May 08
Considering the little girl's parents influence with the school board, I would seriously look into a different school for my child - even if it meant private school or home schooling. I would also want my child to make new friends and stop associating with this little girl - it sounds like she is a very bad influence on yours.
@juliefaye (1214)
• Philippines
23 May 08
OMG, the situation is very stressful specially to the little kids. based on your story, it seems "L" is a spoiled brat and i can't imagine her living and norturing that way, she can be a headache to everyone someday and her parents will surely reap what they sow.
Maybe let your little girl befriend with some of the other girls. I bet there will be other things that will happen in the future is she continues to go with her, so much so between you and "L"'s mother. She's not a good influence and the worst of it if your little girl will adopt "L"'s attitude, i hope not.
1 person likes this
@snowy22315 (180895)
• United States
23 May 08
Frankly, I think you have done enough. This has already gotten blown out of proportion. Kids will be kids and sometimes they aren't always nice. The school year is almost over and I would tell your daughter that her problems with L. have caused alot of stress,and unless she is doing something really outrageous, you don't want to hear about it. Next year they probably won't even be in the same class anyway.
@nixxi76 (3191)
• Canada
23 May 08
If I'm understanding this straight.. L's mom is working at the school and this is the girl that is getting awards all the time? Where is the fairness in that? That's a lot of stress you're going through. I would've done the same thing as you which was approached the girl on my own. But it's unbelievable how condesending this little girl is.
Last year I had somewhat of the same experience that you had with L. At my son's old school I would pick him up from school everyday and one day in the wintertime to my suprise I saw this kid throwing my son's boots, hat and mitts outside. I approached this boy and told him that if I ever seen him do that to my son again I would go to the principle of the school. After I walked away from that boy, I went to my son's teacher and notified her about the situation and the next day the principle called me saying that the boy's mother phoned the school and asked me my story of what happened because that boy said that I poked him. I was so mad and I told the principle that I never layed a hand on that kid and told him what I said to the boy.
That day afterschool when I went to pick up my son, the teacher told me that it wasn't a form of bullying so at that point I felt like taking my son out of the school but I didn't... the rest of the year went okay and from this experience that other boy understood he had done something wrong.
@mentalward (14690)
• United States
23 May 08
I think I would have told my daughter that a friend like "L" is not a friend at all and let her decide for herself to keep "L" as a "friend" or not.
Children have to make their own decisions in life. If we make too many decisions for them when they're young, they won't be able to handle decision-making when they're older. I know this from experience. My oldest son, whom I raised to be and think independently, was his grandparent's favorite grandchild. They spoiled him rotten... moreso than most. I have another son, but he was not treated like this by my parents.
Whenever we would visit my parents, or he would spend a weekend with them, they did everything for him... and I do mean Everything! He's 26 now and still has problems making decisions.
At least this is my view. I may be wrong. I'm certainly not the perfect parent!
I hope everything works out for you and "K". Good luck!
@kittenmc (464)
• United States
23 May 08
Kids can be really cruel. I usually do not interfere with my kids and their friends, but if it seems to be affecting my child, I do. If this situation is causing your child too much stress, then I would advise my child to stay away from this child and make a new friend. Kids have enough stress in their life with out having to deal with a "Bully Brat".
If the mom is on the school board, then you have your answer. No matter how hard your child works for something, that child already has an advantage. If this lady wants to she could make life for your daughter very miserable. So, my advice would be have your child stay away from this other child.
It is your responsibility to keep your child safe. If public school gets too hard over this, then I would consider Home Schooling.
Good Luck!
