Church wedding after 5 years of living together. What do you think about it?
By arlene05kang
@arlene05kang (277)
South Korea
May 30, 2008 6:18am CST
My husband and I had our civil wedding five years ago. One time, my family and I visited our friend. It happens that my son saw the wedding picture of my friend. He approached me and told me that he also saw the wedding picture of his friend during their "show and tell" in their school . But why he can't see any picture in our house? I'm speechless . I don't know what to say. That night , my husband and I discussed that issue. We are considering to have a church wedding. But do you think it is not awkward since we already have a four year old son? What do you think? Your responses will be greatly appreciated.
6 people like this
22 responses
@moondancer (7431)
• United States
30 May 08
Well it is a matter of opinion and what you want. If you want to renew your vows. If you are doing it just to get pictures. That's another thing. I can understand your son being confused. I, myself would have told him that no one was there to take pictures of our wedding and we had a different kind of wedding.
Children are stronger than most give them credit for and their understanding is great.
If you want to renew your vows, I think this is great.
If you want pictures of your wedding you can always dressing in your wedding clothes and go to a photography studio or have them meet you in a field of flowers, church or any place. There are lots of people that do this because of the circumstances surrounding the first wedding. A minister or priest will be glad to stand in for you. They don't usually ask for money, but a donation is nice.
Renewing your vows and doing it all over again what will you tell your son then? You can do it all differently this time and make sure you get pictures. Either way you go I'm sure you will be happy with what ever you decide on. A wedding will cost much more. Having just the pictures made will not hurt the wallet as much. If money is not an issue and you have your heart set on a wedding, then do it. Do what you want to. You may have people tell you that it's not right or whatever. I feel that anytime people renew their vows it's a beautiful thing. Sometimes it reminds them why they got together in the first place.
3 people like this
@moondancer (7431)
• United States
30 May 08
I agree with everything you said about having a wedding. I think maybe they wanted to have it at a church. I don't know but she mentioned it.
Love is a beautiful thing and needs to be charished.
If I had it to do again. Yes, I would. We got married at a JP because he was being sent off being in the Navy and we had no time to plan a wedding. He had already left one time and we were lucky that he was in a place where he knew people in high places that let him come home, because I went in the hospital and was not doing well.
He was being sent across the country next time and he knew it and didn't know if we would be so lucky next time, if there were a next time. He didn't want to take any chances and wanted us to be married before he left. That way if I went in the hospital again they would send him home. Just being a fiance is not good enough for them.
If we did it again it would be in the field on our property. We have talked about it. He is hardly home long enough for me to plan anything. And it would be just the children and grandchildren. Unless some close family wanted to be there this time.
3 people like this
@travibabiesgirl (1690)
• United States
30 May 08
Moondancer,
My reply was going to be just about like yours. The only thing I would like to add is if a person does renew their vows it can be done anywhere and you can still have the perfect dress and pictures with out the high price of a church wedding. I believe that if you get married that it is blessed by God no matter where it is held. But my beliefs are not everyone's and it is best to do what is right for you and your family. I got married at a bed and breakfast and it included the honeymoon and reception for less than 900.00 we had family take the pictures, it wasn't perfect but, it was perfect for my husband and I. Would I marry him again in a heart beat would I change the wedding no way. Would I renew my vows yes but it would be just him and I on a beach somewhere. Those are things that are right for me. Now you and your husband do what you feel is right for you. I wish you and your family a life filled with love, laughter and happiness.
4 people like this
@arlene05kang (277)
• South Korea
31 May 08
Thanks for such a great comment. Actually during our discussion (my hubby and I) , he mentioned about just taking a pictures wearing a wedding dress. But as the discussion went deep, we realized the real meaning of having a church wedding. That's why we decided to have it by the end of summer next year. Thanks for your comment. You deserve the best response. Keep on mylotting.
3 people like this
@chezfrugal (84)
• United States
30 May 08
what reflects on a piece of paper means nothing if there is love and trust. I've personally witnessed a few church marriages go sour in less than one year. The fact that you're still married and have that unity is a blessing. If you and your husband feel it would be best to marry in a church wedding then I wish you all the best. What matters is what's in your heart Arlene :)
3 people like this
@arlene05kang (277)
• South Korea
31 May 08
That's right. I love him more now that when I first met him. Thanks my friend.
3 people like this
@Samanthavv (1380)
• United States
31 May 08
I wouldn't feel guilty about it. I mean, if you want to have a wedding then have one! It dosen't matter whether you have a child or not. Just do what makes you feel good. Don't stress what other people will think.
@Insung001 (740)
• Philippines
30 May 08
If you're living together happily and successfully for 5 years, why shake the boat by marriage? LOL! I'm just kidding. Nothing really awkward in getting into church wedding even when you already have a son. It will be great to see your son carrying your wedding ring isn't it?
2 people like this
@arlene05kang (277)
• South Korea
30 May 08
You're right. I'm also thinking about the expenses...lol. But we will do this for our son.Thanks for the response.
2 people like this
@Insung001 (740)
• Philippines
30 May 08
Oh! Don't worry about the expenses. Let your husband worry about it! hahahaha
2 people like this
@arlene05kang (277)
• South Korea
30 May 08
lol...you're right!Less stress..kidding aside. His money is mine too. We will get it from our savings so , we need to be wise in budgeting. Thanks Insung001.
2 people like this
@arlene05kang (277)
• South Korea
31 May 08
We had already got married (civil) 5 years ago. Thanks for the greetings and your response. Good luck too and keep on mylotting.
3 people like this
@baleleng2008 (917)
• United States
30 May 08
that would be eciting arlene to have a wedding in the church:-)
about ur expenses don't worry u can have wedding beside the church so its free..lol!just kidding!go for it arlene and hey dnt forget to invite me:-)
2 people like this
@arlene05kang (277)
• South Korea
30 May 08
Malayo pa leng, last week of summer vacation next year. Don't worry you're already on my list. I will even send you our wedding picture.lol...I just hope everything will be just as planned.Thanks for the comment my friend.
2 people like this
@baleleng2008 (917)
• United States
31 May 08
promise wag mo klimutan na imbitahin ako ha?habol ko lang lechon..nyahhahaha!just kidding!khit ulo lang ng lechon ipdala mo sa akin na picture ok na..lol!
oy bkit tong isa na nag coment prang na warningan yta?bwal ba dito ang parental guidance arlene?hmmmm...curious lang si ako?
1 person likes this
@sunshinelady (7609)
• United States
31 May 08
I don't think it is awkward at all. The first thing I would do is sit down with my son and since he is asking quesions than he is not to young. Explain to him the feelings behind your not getting married. Explain in a way that a child his age can understand. Believe me they are more intelligent than adults think they are. Make sure that he understands that no matter what he is the center of both of your universes. Ask him if he would feel better if you two got married. That way he is being included in your decision. That will make him feel real good. That his opinion means something to you guys.
2 people like this
@checapricorn (16061)
• United States
30 May 08
For me, if you want to do it, it is not awkward at all! What you want is a blessing according to your faith and there is nothing wrong with that! But, that time, it was also ok to explain to the kid what's the difference of civil and church wedding, so, he will also realize that both ceremony is valid and legal to do~
2 people like this
@checapricorn (16061)
• United States
2 Jun 08
I see, well, good luck in your plan and for sure, it will be a great event in your life as a couple!
@arlene05kang (277)
• South Korea
31 May 08
That's right. The reason we had just a civil wedding was because of lack of preparation. My husband has to go back in korea after two weeks of stay.Thanks for the comment.
2 people like this
@Galena (9110)
•
31 May 08
Why don't you have any photos of your wedding?
a civil ceremony is not a lesser version of a church ceremony. it's still a wedding.
it surprises me that you don't display the photos from it, just as proudly as someone would display the photos from their church wedding.
I know I will do. and there's no way I'd ever marry in a church, it would render my vows meaningless to swear them to a God that isn't my own.
1 person likes this
@arlene05kang (277)
• South Korea
31 May 08
We don't have photos with us. My husband is a korean. After two weeks of stay with me, he came back to korea. I got busy preparing for my visa that I forgot to get the photos.If only I had it, then why would I not display it. But I also respect your idea, talking about someone beliefs is a sensitive thing. Thanks for the response and keep on mylotting.
@drakesuyat (1063)
• Philippines
30 May 08
my wife and i were living together for 8 years now. we have 4 kids. yet im planning to marry her this year. october 23 to be exact. i believe it makes a family more blessed having the blessing from HIM thru the church.. my friend told me that his son experienced inferiority complex but amazingly it was gone after they got married. i just dont know if there are some connections with that but my friend believed that somehow, it makes the child timid.
@drakesuyat (1063)
• Philippines
31 May 08
lol! you make me laughed on that "more kids"!! as if we dont have any economic crisis here! lol
1 person likes this
@arlene05kang (277)
• South Korea
31 May 08
That's a good thing. Congratulation in advance. Wish you more happiness and continious blessing and more children..lol. Thanks and keep on mylotting.
2 people like this
@eihdra (3115)
• Philippines
30 May 08
hey arlene. Why would you think it's awkward? By law, you are already married to one another and not just living in. A church wedding is just a formality of your previous civil wedding. Explain to your son that you had a different kind of wedding from the one he saw in the picture. If you're gonna have a church wedding make sure the reason is because you and your husband wants to be binded by church and have God's and the church's blessings. I had a church wedding after 6 years of being civilly married and I was really happy because in my husband's clan, if you're not married in church, you're still living in sin..Cheers to your future wedding!!
@arlene05kang (277)
• South Korea
31 May 08
With his young age, i don't know if he will understand .Maybe when he mature a little bit. Anyway thanks for the greeting. I wish all of you are just my neighbor so I can invite you in my soon wedding. Keep on mylotting,.
2 people like this
@weepinwillow (107)
• Philippines
30 May 08
It's not awkward -- it's wonderful. Renewing your vows is always great, especially with your son witnessing it. Nothing could be sweeter. I am happy for you. Don't hesitate about pushing through with it. It's something worth looking back in your lifetime.
@jonesy123 (3948)
• United States
30 May 08
Why not? It'll be fun! You are already married, so what's the harm. And even the catholic church will do it. They are more easygoing nowadays than even twenty years ago, lol.
2 people like this
@olivemai (4738)
• United States
31 May 08
The catholic church is almost encouraging it! Many couples get married by a judge first, as the church has requirements to take a class and counseling as well as to wait a certain length of time for the best results! So you got married by a judge or other qualified person, not a preacher, and you do not have any pictures? You can have a ceremony surrounding your anniversary! It is not necessary to get married again, just explain to your son that you got married outside of a church, by a justice of the peace, and that is how many people get married! If you really want to get remarried in the church, or have your marriage blessed, the go for it and enjoy the day! Just do not do it out of pressure to be like others. I understand that many people cannot afford a church wedding in their countries, and if couples rush into marriage, the church will tell them to come back in a year and get the marriage "blessed" with a religious celebration!
@arlene05kang (277)
• South Korea
30 May 08
Thanks for the response jonesy123. We are planning by the end of summer next year. Hopefully no hassle.
2 people like this
@mimico (3617)
• Philippines
31 May 08
As a Catholic, I believe that getting married in a church in front of the entire Catholic community is like making a vow of commitment to each other with the Church and God as your witnesses. A civil ceremony is legally binding, just as a church ceremony is, but it lack a commitment to the community and to God. Anyway, I think you should go ahead with a second wedding even with a son IF you want to commit yourselves to each other again with more people to witness the union. But if you're doing it just to get good pictures to show and tell, then it's just going to be a waste of money. Weddings are quite expensive nowadays so only go through with it if you really want to prove something. :) Otherwise, just save the money for your son's future. :)
1 person likes this
@arlene05kang (277)
• South Korea
31 May 08
Of course It's not just for show and tell. It's the blessing that I want. My son's story about the show and tell ,became my wake up call to do that.
@vanities (11395)
• Davao, Philippines
31 May 08
i guess not..i had civil wedding at first and hesitant for a church wedding..but due to constant advices of the olds regarding church wedding and consequences(cant receive holy communion and among others) then i was persuade to do so and during that time i had already 2 children, a three year old son and a two year old daughter...theres nothing wrong with it i guess..
1 person likes this
@juliefaye (1214)
• Philippines
31 May 08
If it suits the budget, WHY NOT!!!! Every woman dreams of walking in an aisle to marry her love, even in your case you would still feel the excitement. I remember how I feel when I am about to walk to the altar, goodness! my feet doesn't cooperate. I don't know which foot would come first LOL!
I love the memories whenever we open our wedding album, but hey! my son is asking why he is not there.
1 person likes this
@arlene05kang (277)
• South Korea
31 May 08
Lol...that's funny. That part I maybe i can answer him why he's not there (just kidding). By the way, we will just have a simple wedding. Families, friends and relatives maybe. Thanks juliefaye. I like your profile name..
@longbangod (1785)
• Philippines
31 May 08
Thats a great idea. And your son could serve as the ring bearer.
According to a lot of people, when you have civil wedding, you are only binded with the law of man, even if you are already called as husband and wife, theres still something lacking, and they said its the blessing of God in the sacred sacrament of matrimony.
If you have chance, I recommend for a church wedding. At least your son will now have pictures of you and your husband just like what he saw from school. No, thats only one reason, what is important is you will receive the blessed sacrament of matrimony.
1 person likes this
@arlene05kang (277)
• South Korea
31 May 08
That's so true. Marrying a korean man is really a little bit complicated. His belief is one of the reason why we just had civil wedding. But throughout our discussion regarding the issue, i made him respect what I want. Thanks for the comment.
@salonga (27775)
• Philippines
31 May 08
Civil wedding is actually the most practical thing a couple could do nowadays that life is really hard. Anyway, it is as valid and as binding as the church wedding and what really matters is how your marriage life is going on and not how the wedding was done. In your case, it all depends on your desire... if you feel that there really is a good reason and you have the budget to do so then do! But as for me it is not practical to do it at this point in time. Maybe the best time is on your 25th year to celebrate your silver wedding anniversary and for the renewal of marriage vow. Meanwhile, your son is already 4 years old and I suppose he is an intelligent boy. There is no reason why you can't explain to him the truth when after all there is nothing to hide and nothing to be ashamed about. Anyway, you are legally married and you can always show him the license and explain to him why you opted for a civil wedding in a way that a little boy like him would understand.
This is just a suggestion and whatever would be your decision... that I would always respect. God bless!
@Strawberry7 (12)
•
31 May 08
I think there's nothing wrong about your intention so if you decided to do it - why not? And I'm sure you will enjoy the wedding:) Expenses of course are serious issue to worry about, but money aome and go... And this is something that lasts.
1 person likes this