Happily married-but fantasize about another?

what is the harm if you just fantasize about somebody else as long as you are not cheating upon your partner and not straining your relationship. Opposite sexes are meant to be attracted towards each other...just that you are married does not mean that looking at other boys is a taboo...just make sure that it remains only in the realms of your dreams and fantasies!!!

Thats the point you know you wont be unfaithful so you arent hurting anyone by having these thoughts. Its ok to look at other men/women and be attracted to them I think thats completley normal as long as you dont act on them then I dont see a problem

I am sort of in two minds about this! It is ultimately your actions that are important here; and just because you think this way every so often doesn't really do any harm in my opinion. If you were to ACT on it rather than just think it? Then that is a completely different story altogether! If it also doesn't affect your feelings towards your husband or cause you to be distant over that couple of months then again I see no issue. But on the flip side; if during these couple of months of fantasy, you are basically numb to your husband then maybe this is not so positive! The reason I am in two minds about it is because I defy anyone to state that they have not seen an attractive person and had an occasional and fleeting wandering thought; but to hold the same thought for a couple of months? This is the part that intrigues me.

i think its normal to have those kind of thoughts in marriage. especially when you been married 16 years. (way to go!) i couldn't imagine being unfaithful to my husband. we have our share of problems. this july will be 7 years for us. but even with all the problems we have, i love him very much. i had a dream once that i cheated on him and he found out. the heart break in his eyes was terrible. i could never do that to him.

I can't imagine being unfaithful, but then I'm in the first few years of a relationship. However it is more than normal to find other men attractive, most people think 'what if...?' at some point in their lives. It is perfectly normal, you're not doing anything wrong.

I've been married 17 years with a 3 year separation in the middle. I have had those thoughts and it's o.k. as long as you keep them in the fantasy world. I know what my world was like with out him and we were both miserable. But a little day dream never hurt anyone. Just keep reminding your self that the daydream is almost always way better than reality and you already have the one that works in your life.

I have thoughts but I know I would never ever follow through on those thoughts. I just could not do it, It is not the type of person that I am, It would be too hard and I know I would not get away with it. I grew up in the catholic "Guilt" Faith and therefore it would be really hard for me to sneak around. I knew a few people who did and they always got caught...it is not a good deal. Plus I am a terrible liar.

I have been married for 18 years now and do not have any fantasies or plans of leaving my husband, but I do admit that sometimes I think back to a friend I used to have many years ago, as one could really talk to him, as he would listen. Sometimes now I find that whenever I want to talk, to say something that is meaningful to me, my husband just gets up from the table, pointing at something to our children, that could surely have waited till later and I am left with the words in my mouth! Years ago I spent a lot of time writing my autobiography, but my husband never read it. My friend though, who is overseas and who I havent seen for many years, did read it and he also made some suggestions! Is it unfaithful if you think about somebody else in cases like this?

As long as in fantasy it is OK to have. Even your husband can have the same in imagination. Other than that it is any body's choice. A more dignified version in this category is 'wife/husband swapping'. No body hurts in it.

I haven't marry yet. But I think how you feel. Anyway, just bear in mind, those thoughts are temporary and it will fake away once those passion is gone. But your hubby is the one that will love you and accompany you for the rest of his life!

Well my dear, I'm sorry but the Bible in Matthew 5:28 says, the mere look on a woman with lust is already adultery. I'm sorry still to say that being married and still fantasizing somebody else is committing the sin against your wife and God! Well, well! Who am I to judge... but this is God's word that I am quoting here and I hope you find this a useful tool against dwelling in such habit!

Alot of people are unfaithful these days. It is admirable that you let the feeling or thought pass. That you are worried about it says quite abit about you. And as far as the statement "have no intention of having an affair" I think you are kidding yourself. Give it some thought and if it gets worse seek out a counselor.

I think this is normal as well after that many years. I think it becomes a problem if you ever do more than say have casual contact with that person. I like to ask myslef how would I feel if my husband was doing this very same thing. That usually gives me the perspective I need to get on with whatever is hanging around in my brain about a man. And yes I have been ther too. What is the old saying- you can look but not touch? So true.

Since you and your husband have lived together for over 16 years,I think you have the deepest affection for your husband,though sometimes you fantasize about another.Your action is normal for a young lady,I guess.After all,I have been with my husband for just 2 years.So,I don't have so much experience.But maybe you can consider something of your husband when you are fantasizing,your husband's kindness,his conscientious,his gentlemanliness,his love for you,and so on.

Well I'm no Brad Pitt but I have had my fair share of very direct offers from girls, some of whom were, and still are, good friends of my wife. Never have done and never will in 38 years of marriage (and counting - haha) She doesn't know and never will know but I fantisize many a time what it would have been like to have taken up the offer. Makes up part of my 'wank bank'! haha

You are not alone Nancy, definetely.It is common imagination that rises in majority of women. as the thought of another woman rises in the minds of men.Such thoughts rise for various reasons-like a different physical appearence, smile, just for a change, like that. It doesn't mean that such a lady is going to neglect herfamily. Sometimes, both the things go together. Many of my ldadyfriends have tole me-'Well, you men can express your wish freely. But we can not do so. We simply press it down' Monotony always bores. Hence heart craves for something fresh.You are no exception.

nancygibson_ Thinking about 'what if' is a human condition. We can't help wondering what might have been? It's okay because we live in our minds and whatever we do in there is only for us to judge ourselves. I think your thoughts are perfectly normal and harmless. If I loved someone, no, I could not cheat on him. What's the point of being in a relationship?