Would you give up a great job and relationship for one of your children in need
@purehoney1956 (1)
June 4, 2008 8:10pm CST
Hi,I am new to this and want to know what you think. I lived in Scottsdale Az,had a great job,a great relationship.This is the thing,I moved my daughter out here with me almost 2 years ago,the first year she was here she got into tons of trouble.Drugs,jail,and so on.She ended up with child , so I moved her with her brother in Kingman Az.,away from all the drama,drugs.Since , she has moved on for the good,alone and with child.However she and her brother could not live in the same house,so she got an apt.fixed it up real nice I might add....all the while going to college,community service and so on.Well the baby was due on May30th and she had her on May 22nd....she called me before the baby was born and was scared to death to be alone with a new baby,a new mom usually is,but most new mom's have a partner...she does not.So I left Scottsdale and moved here with her.I was honored enough to be present for the birth of my granddaughter and it was the most amazing thing I have ever seen.I have been here for 1 month and no job yet,I go out everyday looking,this is a small town and work is hard to find.I worked at a hospital most of my life as a CNA....so would any other parent take the plunge for their child if needed....and by the way the relationship I was in was as a girlfriend...thank you so much
4 people like this
18 responses
@challs12 (548)
• Malaysia
5 Jun 08
Think to yourself, where you or your daughter will get money to buy milk for the baby?
If you forgo your current job, will you get a job in a very short time and is it giving you income as good or equivalent to the one that you quit.
Remind that everything needs money, a step you move out from your house, everything cost you money.
Hence, I suggest you bring your daughter to your place so that you can take care of her and your job at the same time. Since you have granddaughter, I think your need more money, not quit a job.
She must be very pretty and very innocent to face all unthinkable poor living right? You must work harder, so that you can make that heavenly face smiles, not crying.
2 people like this
@kenzie45230 (3560)
• United States
5 Jun 08
I never gave up a relationship for my son, but I did give up an excellent job. I was a regional sales director for a home party plan and made about $35,000 my last year, plus a trip to Hawaii for 2 (we paid $200 to take our son with us). That was for working 9 months of the year for about 20 hours a week. Not bad.
The problem was that with home parties, almost everything is done at night or on weekends, so I had very little time with my son.
I had started doing this when my son was a baby so I could be a stay-at-home mom and had been promoted each year.
When he was about 8 or 9, he came to me one night in tears and begged me to quit so I could spend more time with him. He said he would gladly give up going to private school and the trips we got (a fabulous trip to Disneyworld, a few cruises, and the Hawaii trip), if I would stay home.
I quit. No job was worth not spending time with my son.
************
My parents up and left Florida retirement when my sister and her hubby were moving (both being promoted) to a new city and didn't know how long it would take to find childcare there.
They moved to Lousiana with my sister and later to Texas. Finally when my nieces were older, they left the helping with the kids to me (we were all in the same area by then) and went back to FL retirement.
2 people like this
@irishmist (3814)
• United States
5 Jun 08
I have helped my daughter out many times, she has 3 kids. The last time I helped her, she had moved into my 2 bedroom apartment after breaking up with her boyfriend, as he owned his own home. We ended up getting an apartment together with the kids, it lasted almost a year, but I had to move out. We had different lifestyles, we got along for the most part, but stuff was happening, so I decided to get my own place again. Now I have a one bedroom apartment. I still help her as much as I can though. By the way congrats on the new baby!
2 people like this
@jczvrse (169)
• United States
5 Jun 08
I live by the rule family first, no job, no relationship, and no amount of money comes before your kids they are number 1 no matter how they are. If your child needs you then be there for them no matter how old they are. I guess that is why im sitting at home broke all the time I make very little money but we get by, the important thing is i am here with my kids even if they are grown they need mom. my son is 27 works a good job, my other boy is 20 and has a good job, then I have my two teen girls 14 and 16 we all live together my boys take care of the expenses and I cook and clean for them that is our living situation and we all like it.
2 people like this
@freedomg (1684)
• United States
5 Jun 08
I think what you did for your daughter was wonderful, and in time you will find a job. As for the relationship I don't know how close you guys were/are and if it would hold up to the distance but it may be worth the try. As for whether I would do the same for my kids, yes I don't think there is much I wouldn't do to help me kid. Especially after she went through all of that and was trying to walk a straighter path. God bless you for all you do and have done. Your rewards will come.
@KrauseHome (36448)
• United States
5 Jun 08
Wow!! I am not sure I could have just picked up like this to be with my daughter. That would be a major change to give up a job and everything to do this. But I know people do do it. Hope you are able to make if Financially and still be a help for her and the child, without it becoming a strain on you or them. I know sometimes when you are without any type of Financial security the least bit of stress can make things even worse. But since you chose to be close to your child, hopefully everything can work out for the best.
1 person likes this
@palonghorn (5479)
• United States
5 Jun 08
As mothers we make all kinds of sacrifices for our kids from the day they arrive until the day we are gone. However, 3 years ago, after a 16 year marriage that ended in divorce, and a year on my own, I met a wonderful man, the thing is we lived 1600 miles apart. My youngest daughter still lives in Texas and my other daughter lives in Va. They both have been very supportive of my move and they both know how happy I have been these past 3 years. I have also been very supportive of them, and if nothing else, I taught them to be independent. If they needed me, because of any type of emergency, I would go if there was any way possible. However, to go to the extreme of giving up everything I have and have accomplished in the past 3 years.....I'm not sure I would. You don't say how old your daughter is, but assuming she is 19 or older, she made those decisions and good or bad, she has to live with them. Being supportive, someone she can talk too, thats fine, but giving up everything for her, and I'm not sure that is the right thing to teach her, that 'mom will always be there for me, no matter what she is doing in her life'. Going and staying with her for the first week or two, I could see doing that, but not giving up everything you had.
1 person likes this
@Hatley (163776)
• Garden Grove, California
5 Jun 08
Yes I think if I had been in your shoes yes I would have
given up those things for a child of mine but its really
hard I know. I used to be a cna myself for many years.
I hope you find a good job soon, blessings on you for
helping your daughter and I am sure you will soon get
a job as you did something really important for your
daughter and you deserve to be repaid with a great job.
1 person likes this
@celia4evr (209)
• United States
5 Jun 08
I must say that you are a very good mother for taking such a leap for your daughter. I'm sure many other young woman wish they had mothers there to support them no matter what in life as well. I don't even know if I could honestly do it myself.
1 person likes this
@ayessa (1583)
• Philippines
5 Jun 08
First, welcome to mylot! Hope you'll enjoy the community.
Now please allow me to salute you for doing a great favor for your child. Any parent will do what you just did to your daughter. I know that it is a major decision to leave everything behind just to be with your child in need. But you did it without hesitants. Your daughter will be so proud to have you.
I still don't know if I can do what you just did. I might be at first hesitant for giving up everything but for sure I'll do that for my child. I know it's hard since we have lots of things to consider like the finances. So I'll just pray that it won't happen to me to make a decision like you did coz I definitely unsure of it.
1 person likes this
@Remembering1996 (2219)
• United States
5 Jun 08
I must say I give you credit for doing what you did for your daughter for you won't find many that would do this for thier kids. I am so glad to hear that your daughter made a turn for the better and is now a new mom (congrads to her and you) and that she now has a life that will be better for her and the baby. I'm sure you can find another CNA job out there where you are or something close to it and I hope you can find it w/ no problem. I'm sure you will find something if not a CNA job and do just fine. I would go to the ends of the earth for my son if he ever needed me to and he knows this all he has to do is ask.
When it come to my kid he comes first over any job or anything for that matter I would go out on a limb for him just to help him in a situation he really needed me to. I hope everything goes well for you your daughter and the baby. I wish you all the best of luck and take care.
1 person likes this
@thea917 (11)
• Philippines
5 Jun 08
i would give up anything if it would mean that i could be a better mom. no matter how old we may become, succesful or a loseer in life, there is always a child in us that needs the love and care of a parent that nobody or not amount of money could ever replace. so be thankgful your daughter seeks your love, be there for her, careers and relationship may come and go,but the time and love we can give today can never be recovered just like time.
1 person likes this
@leeleeblue (22)
• United States
5 Jun 08
I think as a parent you're expected to do just that, give up everything for the sake of your child even when they're adults, but sometimes you might not be able to give it all up and change your life and it doesn't make you a bad parent, it makes you human. The least you can do is try and make it work to where both you and the child(ren) are happy. If that means moving out but living close enough to help, so be it. Being miserable won't help any situation.
My mother was a single parent and gave up everything for us. She took out a hefty loan for my Sweet 16 (I didn't know about it until I was older) and sacrificed her entire life for us. She passed away when I was 21 and my brother was 18 but I know that no matter how old we were she would have given up anything and everything for us and had she lived longer I know she would do the same for my children. I hope I follow in her footsteps if I'm ever presented with a situation such as the OP's.
1 person likes this
@yuanliying0991 (4)
• China
5 Jun 08
Hi,Icame from China ,I will give up a greast and relationship for my family in need. I think the family is first in my hart.
1 person likes this
@wisedragon (2325)
• Philippines
6 Jun 08
Yeah sure you have to help out your daughter. But make it temporary if you really want to go back to Scottsdale. Let your daughter learn that it is not wise to bring babies into this world without a father.
@ahdorein (29)
• United States
10 Jun 08
I think what you did was honorable. We as parents have a duty to take care of our children and the fact that your daughter got into so much and then got her act together is a beautiful thing and its even better that she had a mother willing to step up and be there when she had her child. I'm used to being around babies and I gave birth to my son on February 7 of this year and I was a little nervous to be by myself with him when my boyfriend went to work one night after we had come home. I think that the decision you made was great, and I think had you decided to be supportive from afar it would have be fine too. Having a new baby is as stressful as it is joyful and given her past trouble I'm sure having you there to help has lifted some of the weight off of her and every mom needs that whether she wants to admit it or not.
@ZephyrSun (7381)
• United States
5 Jun 08
I think if my child really needed me I would. It is so nice of you to do that for your daughter. I was married when I had my first child but I didn't know anything about children and/or babies. My mom lived out west at the time and it was too hard for her to come here because of personal issues. Why did you have to give up your girlfriend? Is that a huge distance between Scottsdale and Kingman? I have never been to Arizona. I was laid off in September of 07 and I wasn't able to find a job and I have a college degree, so in April we decided that I would just quit looking and stay at home. I hope you can find something soon! Again you are so nice for doing that for her. It makes you a great parent! (I said parent since I didn't know if you were female or male and I didn't want to look at your profile or insult you)
1 person likes this
@luvinu617 (185)
• United States
13 Jun 08
Well I am to young to be a mother, especially of a child old enough to have a child. But my mother just did something similar for my older sister, who is a single mother raising a six year old boy and a three year old girl. My sister is in college right now trying to support two kids and she lost her job. She was really upset and worried and didn't know what she was going to do. She was afraid she might have to drop out of school for a little bit, she was afraid of losing her apartment, etc... My mom came up to Ohio from North Carolina where she lives and has been here for probably a month helping my sister out. She is going back home in a little over a week but I think it is great, and I don't know what my older sister would have done if she didn't come out. Just want to say, mom's are awesome!
