what am i doing wrong

I'm only going by what you said. You're only paying attention to the bad, and giving him negative attention. You need to praise him. Negative attention is still attention, and if he has to pick on his sister to get someone to yell at him (ie, pay attention), he'll continue to do it. Praise the kids every single time you see them doing nice things with each other, and give them a few minutes to battle it out alone. Ignore the negative, praise the good until you're blue in the face, never put his father down in front of him, and ignore the comments he comes home with. I think a 3 year old is also capable of sticking up for themselves a bit. With my kids, it's usually opposite; My 3 year old annoys, picks on and tries to beat my 7 year old. I give them a little bit before I step in. Usually it resolves with minimal tears. Make a house rules chart, and give him some chores written down. He has to earn things like TV, bike, and having friends over. If he doesn't do chores, he can't have his privileges, period, do not fight. When he asks to ride his bike, remind him that his chores must be done. Don't nag him, yell at him, or keep reminding him. It may take a little bit of time, but he will start doing all chores without being asked because he'll want to do something else. He'll probably start doing them faster too. It's amazing how fast my daughter finished cleaning her room when she found out that swimming came AFTER a clean bedroom, and if she didn't finish BEFORE it was time to go she would sit at the pool and watch her brother and I swim, and still have to clean her room after. The biggest thing here is to also never ever give in. If she didn't finish her room I really would have made her watch and she knows it. She would have been very mad at me, and I would have been the "meanest mommy ever," but she would have gotten over it and remembered that it was her fault for not cleaning her room. It doesn't matter what dicipline or training method you try, NOTHING is changing today or tomorrow. Every negative behavior WILL GET WORSE before it gets better. DO NOT give in and give him negative attention for a behavior you're trying to break.

Have you tried talking to your ex? Have you explained to your son that rights and wrongs of what he's doing ... no matter what his dad says? I'm sure that you probably have. Maybe he genuinely misses his dad. Could you talk to his dad and ask him if he would like to spend more time with his son .. as long as he stops the negative talk about your household? Possibly he could talk to your son and explain to him that his behavior is not acceptable. Tell your ex that your son's behavior is making your son's life more miserable than it has to be, and it's not fair to him. The thing about punishing a kid over and over again, is that too much punishment further ostracizes the child and makes them feel like an outcast. Then, the only thing that they can think to do is to keep acting out. Maybe you could focus more on rewarding his positive behavior, while still punishing him for misbehaving. At least, then, he will see some sort of incentive for behaving. Then, once he starts to straighten up his act you can ask him to reflect on his life then and now and ask him which one he prefers.

Just make him feel welcome in the house. Say something nice to him. Make him feel that you miss him so much. Do stuffs with him. Don't force him to do household chores, but if your doing one ask him if he wants to help. It has to be voluntary if he wants to help, no pressure. Treat him like he's a very important guest in your house. Find it in your heart to see all the good things about this child and focus on his good qualities. Try to look inside you and see what similarities you may have. Ask yourself when you were young were like this too? Establish the connection and work from there. Kids that age have already built a wall around themselves to protect themselves from emotional hurt. Make sure that there will be a next time. People don't change overnight. I'm sure that the neext time won't be that bad.

How about taking him to a local track and making him run miles around it. Or something like a drill sargent would do push ups. He seems angry and is lashing out I can understand that if his stupid father is telling him he does not have to listen to you. Sending in to his room and giving him time to think about it just gives him time to think of all the ways he can get back at his sister and you. I have raised two children and made mistakes. I do not have any expierence when it comes to dealing with sharing custody because our childrens dad and I are still married and they are now 30 and 27. He seems to be needing more attion from you. How about exercising with him, I know that is also hard to do. My sister has a son and when he starts acting out she sends him out side to ride his bike around the culde-sec until he is tired. Then he comes in a better child. Of coarse they watch him out the window of the house or while they are doing yard work. I sure hope some one here can help you.

hmmm..sounds a very big trouble.. I think you have to talk to father of your son because your son will listen surely to his father.

instead of punishing your son, you should try to talk to him and see what his problems are. of course, you'd have to be patient with the whole process as he probably will not open up right away. key to any problems, i believe is good and open communication. good luck.

try to ask your son about what he thinks about his dad.. and if you hear something negative, then that's when you come in.. tell your son if he wants to be like that when he grows up.. if your son thinks that he shouldn't listen to you then dont listen to him to..this is kind of harsh but a taste of what he's doing will make him realize what he's doing.. try not talking to him for just a day and i bet he'll be saying sorry by the end of the day..^_^ i really hope this one helps.. my aunt used to do the 'silence attack' on me every time i refuse to listen to her..and i just cant help but say sorry because i know i wont last a day without her.. have a nice day..^_^

Sounds like your son doesn't feel like he has a place in your home anymore. You have replaced his dad and you have replaced him [with a sister]. At least that may be what he sees. Does he live with his dad more than with you? Or does he just go to his dad's on the weekends. I found when I was divorced that their father give them more leeway and more "things". It was more fun at his house. Of course, he had a spouse to help him and he didn't have sole responsibility for them, as I did. I was the "meany" because I had rules and limits that he didn't. It isn't easy. But it isn't easy on the kids either. A lot of his behavior is just typical eight-year-old boy behavior. But he also has all these feelings he doesn't understand nor know how to deal with. See to it that he has alone time with you on a regular basis, even if you don't actually "do" anything. Being available on a regular, dependable basis can help him trust you to be there for him and he may begin to share more of his thoughts and feelings with you. I had to do that for my younger child when she was having problems like your son's. I gave her one hour every evening that was hers. She could use it or not, but it was reserved for her. It made a difference. Something else I did was place her directly across from me at the dinner table so she got more attention when she wanted it. I'd realized that I was talking mostly with her older sister at dinner. You may be talking more with your husband at dinner. After all, you have more in common. But give these things a try and see if it helps.

my dear friend, dont you think you are being a little to hard on a 8 yr old child. He is only a child yet. You cnt be so harsh on him. There could be so many reasons to his behavious. It could be that he misses his dad but cant express it, or may be he feels insecure with you having another child. May be he feels nobody loves him anymore and needs to get your attention. I would suggest you go a bit slow on him Try the reverse physcology on him being really nice to him see how it works. Hope things get batter for you.

you need to have a firm talk with your ex as he is undermining your and your husbands child care. He need to butt out and let you and your husband care for your child as you know best to do. Once you have established that your son must obey your rules while at your house. it should get much easier.

I read about your situation and decided to respond. First of all I feel that as an 8 yr old the child is crying out for some attention. Maybe it is his way to say I do not feel loved. I only have a mom and I do not not have a dad who I can live with. You see by his little fights with his sister he is saying this is not fair ,for you to have a mommy and daddy. I understand you have to disclipine your son, but I agree with the other my lotter ,praise him instead. Have a weekend with just you and him for a time anyway. Maybe some pizza and a mother son time. I have a 6 yr old and we have heart to heart sometimes. Is there any connection to a church, maybe a Sunday School,where he could meet other children. It is easier to train him up in a Bible believing Church where Christ is the head. Every possible problem we face, there is a solution in the word Of God. We just have to search for it. Is His Dad in his life at all? Have a Blessed Day.

Hi, When i read your your discussion topic it reminded me alot of when i was younger and the situation i had with my mother and father. My parents got divorced when i was about your sons age maybe a year older and i remember it made me real angry, i would constantly fight at with my mom and sometimes go bak to my room and just think why was i just fighting with her. I guess what im trying to say is your son is young, he doesnt understand or really care about the way the courts and the way divorces work. Honestly he just wants to have fun and at the same time have some meaning (he shouldnt have to much free time on his hands). Its up to you to provide him with the fun activities, try to encourage him to join a sports team, reward him with a game or some mcdonalds once in a while. Ask him how his day was even if he is in a grumpy or angry mood just kinda ignore it and ask him whats wrong, why are you feeling this way. it might seem small but it is important for him to feel comfortable with his mother and also respect her. Dont take the nonsense but at the same time try to be understanding that he is 8 and doesnt really understand why his father cant be there, and why you guys fight or argue everytime you talk to each other. I really do think it is important to get him involved with a basketball team or something he likes to do . Good luck - Dont be afraid to ask God for a little help, you'll be surprised.