Family wars

I've seen what happens when problems like this never get resolved. I've seen brother and sister in their 80's! who still won't speak to each other. Because you're caught in the middle, there's only one thing you can do. Do what's right for you. I know that's easy to say, but I learned that if I take care of my feelings and keep peace in my heart, the people around me relax. It's easy to take on the emotions of others. Stay true to your heart. The situation may resolve or not. You can't control what happens around you, only what happens inside you. It's a challenge to find the right thing to say because it's too complicated for you to spell out the whole dilemma. So if I'm on the right track, I hope I helped. If I misunderstood, I stand aside and apologize. Either way, I care what happens to you.

This type of riff is ongoing in just my family, not hubby's. The longest 'silence' between my bro-his family and the rest of our family was 2 1/2 yrs. where noone was allowed to see or even talk to their daughter, my niece. Funny part is they were 'found out' and caused the whole fiasco in the first place.

If this is real feud, you will either have to choose a side or tell both sides that you are neutral.And tell both sides that you love them. Don't say anything about their point of view.Just tell them that being neutral is the best way to keep in touch with All your family.

When family fueds come up,i remain silent.I am friends to all but refuse to talk about the problems they are having,...I just tell them its silly and i do not want to get all caught up in their dilimma...I always suggest that they work it out and leave me out of it...

I have had this happen several times in the last several years and I know what you mean and I don't like it. I tend to make myself less available and keep a distance util things blow over which they usually do. I don't like friction and do anything in my power to avoid it, but when it happens because of someone elses doing, I just stay clear until the air is cleared.

My family is constantly in a state of Someone VS Someone Else. It's usually over something stupid, so I know how that is. I feel sorry for my brother since he lives closest to everyone, but he still manages to socialize with all of them. He visits with both sides separately and avoids the issue. He doesn't try to win anyone over, and if someone brings up the issue, he just listens and then redirects the conversation. It seems to work fairly well.

i had been in such a situation before and even now. members of a family or clan won't go along 100% all the time. there will always be conflicts and misunderstandings. it even sometimes goes to a point when one just wants to ignore the other. but believe me, damages will be repaired. however, it takes a lot of time and effort. but for sure, things will be better at the right time. anne

I always felt like I was in the middle of the family disputes also. I finally got myself out of that situation and now I just stay away because of it. I do not like the problems and the drama that comes along with it either. My family wanders why I do not come around no more also but they have never really come out and ask me. they do not want to hear the truth of it. I am tired of the games that are played in my family and want no part of it anymore.

Hi Coffeeshot, Ever since my Granny passed away many many years ago, there's been constant battle in my family, on my mom's side. It became a fight about my Grannies property where her and my Grandpa owned. All five of my aunts and uncles always argue and court and law issues always come up. Another problem with my whole mom's side is that it's like a competition between my mom, my two aunts, and my three uncles, about who's children are doing the best and how well they are succeeding. It's a pain in the butt. I've never been one to compete so I just try and keep out of it and I refuse to compare my son to my neice and nephews either. My brother seems to like a fight often about those subject and he knows it ticks me off and will lead into month long fights so I just pretend he's not in the room, and I try to stay away from him as much as I can. That's a whole different discussion lol sorry I"m going off track. Have a good day

I would go to the so called betrayers and tell them how you feel about this stupid arugment and ask for a cease 'fire for your mom and aunt's sake. tell them life is too short for family members to be broken apart by a silly argument that is not worth a hill of beans. tell them you do not want to be in the middle and you do not want your own mom and aunt hurt like that. communication often is the best way.

What a horrid situation to find yourself in. I don't envy you at all, and it's very unfair of your mum and aunties to place you there. Are you just avoiding your aunties because of the way they have treated your Mum and other auntie? If that's the case then I can understand you feeling that you don't want to visit etc, but do bear in mind that you may not know the whole story from both perspectives. I appreciate that your primary loyalty probably lies with your Mum, but I'm sure she is sensible enough to realise that the dispute has nothing to do with you and would understand that it's sensible for you to keep family ties alive. Can you not make it clear to your aunties that the dispute has nothing to do with you and visit regardless?

It is awful when your elders are acting like children isn't it? I have no idea what to tell you except to tell them the truth and hope for the best.

Family war really makes me headache. My dad and mum always argue for little thing. And I just looking at their argument. I can't say a word to them. Because for us, younger can't say anything to the wrong of the older person. My aunt don't want to speak with her first son for year, fortunately under our effort they are happy now. There is really a very long time for us to make they speak with each other again. So no matter cheat anyone or other action also can make. Be luck to your family war.

I'm in that situation a lot. I have quit a few brothers and sisters and there's always someone at someone else's throat. I can't really say how I handle it because I'm not sure. I just let it roll.

Hi coffeeshot, Strangely enough, this pattern of intra-family bickering seems to be quite common, from what I've seen in my short life. And it's mainly focused around sisters - don't ask me why, I don't know why (though I could guess) - it's just what I've seen. I have two sisters who are constantly at each others throats and snipe at each other behind the other's back. This has been going on for decades. And my Dad has told me that his mother and her sisters were the same. It's what sisters tend to do, apparently. For my part, I try to treat them both civilly and just stay out of the way if they decide they want to fight. If one bad-mouths the other, i just ignore it. If one asks me to agree on their position about the other, I just ignore it. They're big girls now, so they can choose to fight or not, or be jealous or not, or tell stories or not. Not my problem. I reckon you'd be well advised to consider that approach. No need to fall in and march off on a Crusade - the farms will still need tending, and the sheep will still need shearing, no matter what other adventures we choose to embark upon.

i guess its a day to day happenings between relatives..and yes i agree with you the children were caught in the middle which to believe or what...but i guess its better to be neutral and act as if nothing happens..its your aunt, a blood relation since youre not a part of it then maybe you may help by appeasing them and be friends again..

Bummer, yes I have been through that. I always side with the underdog, unless the underdog has done something particularly annoying.