Elder parents

I'm sorry to hear that. here in the Philippines we never put our elderly on the nursing homes. We give personal care for them and we will never let our old people live alone in their own homes. There must be somebody to live and care for them. Maybe one of their daughters or sons. In my country you can seldom see nursing homes. I never heard of one here where I am now. I just feel sorry for the old people in US who are just left by their relatives in the nursing homes and let other people take care of them.

My first experience with this was with my ex's mother. My ex was 24 years older than me, so his mom was that much older than my parents. At first, we bought a duplex and had her living beside us so that we could keep an eye on her. She got worse, though, and her doctor and the visiting nurses suggested a nursing home. The first one was horrible. They would not give my MIL enough fluids because then someone would have to help her to the bathroom or change her diaper too often. My ex had to visit twice a day to make sure she got the fluids the doc wanted her to have. We moved her to a nursing home run by a church thinking it would be better. It was not. We finally brought her back to the duplex and had more visiting nurses, home health aides and physical therapists come to the house. When my dad got to the state where he needed more care than my mother could provide, they both first went to live with one sister. Then he was taken to a nursing home. He passed away 3 years ago. My mom is now in an assisted living center that is awesome. It's small, though. Perhaps about 2 dozen people in all. Quite homey.

I never had to but my husband had to place his dad. The same thing he was falling a lot and really not caring properly for himself. At first it was hard the poor fellow didn't want to be there and my husband went faithfully every day and even stayed and ate his lunch there with his dad. Then after about a month or so he told my husband it was Ok if he couldn't come the next day because a couple of the other fellers that lived at the home asked to join in for a cup a coffee so he thought he'd have coffee with them for a change. Well as time went on he asked my husband to not bother coming everyday that it was too much to expect and it was obvious the right move was to put him in the nursing it added at least 15 years on his life. He lived to be 99 years old, but it made hubby feel bad in the beginning.

Although, I have never put my parents into a nursing home...I did spend many years as a nurse working in them... My advice to you....if you are considering this is... Look into the local ones..walk through them...talk to other residents or family members whose loved one are there already...ask to see the state report or complaints against them (each year the state comes through and looks at every nursing home..siting problem areas}...they must keep a copy for interested parties to read! Talk to your parents about it...see what type of socialization/activities this nursing home provides...some are really great in this area! Eat a meal there on the day that you visit...most nursing homes will sell an individual meal as sometimes family members will stay and eat at meal times... Look for cleanliness, foul odors, look at the people sitting in wheel chairs...are they dressed...clean...watch the staff...are they actively taking care of the people...are there call lights going off without being answered....where are the nurses....is this a pleasant atmosphere...would you want to be there all day/night... Realistically, most people do not want to go to a nursing home to live...however, there are some really good ones out there...where love and support comes with the daily care...where the residents are recognized as the great people that they are and at looked at with admiration for the things that they can teach us...my children have spent hours in the nursing home that I worked in...and had a personal relationship with many of the people there...many will have programs throughout the year where the local children are at the nursing home several times a year...and even one that I worked in had it's own beauty shop, daycare, aviary...it was a lovely place! There are other alternatives also...home health aides can come in each day and assist with meal times and baths...however, if safety is an issue..maybe a relative could allow them to live with them...and many nursing homes offer things like adult day care for working hours...or respite care..where the caregivers can have a few days at a time...of free time for themselves... Whatever you decide to do...I wish you the best of luck... And I hope that this advice helps some... Tina

I have not got parents at the age where I would have to put them in a nursing home however I spent 5 years working in one and I think aslong as he keeps his hopes up and does not give up on the thought of going home then there will be a very good chance for him. I have seen so many times in the 5 years I worked in a nursing home that people who have come from a hospital just to give them a little rest bite, they then give up because they think no one cares and by getting in this state they never want to go home again. i think it sounds like he has a great family behined him and he will be home in no time.

My grandfather was put in a nursing home in Missouri, we live on the west coast. He got well went back home then he fell and had to go back to the hospital, then back to the nursing home, this time he couldn't stay. We moved him out to the west coast, we decided he would live with my family. This was a good choice for us it wasn't easy, but now I am glad we did it. I have worked in assisted livings and most of them a great. The one thing with nurseing homes is to visit regulary and not at the same time. That way nobody knows when you will come and you can see how the place is ran. Most nursing homes are understaffed, but they ar still decent. Make friends with the staff, ask questions. Most of the staff is happy to help make you and your loved one feel comfortable.

We had to put my Dad in one and no he never can out

As a disability rights activist, I would never must my parents in a nursing home. I hate nursing homes! Instead, I would get them independent living services like I have that allow me to live on my own with people I hire and tell what to do and when to do it to help me. Ideally, they would do this, too, and until they were service eligible they would simply need to come stay with me. Each and every day, for every second I could spare, I would devote myself to annoying bureaucrats until my parents got services. Of it turned out they couldn't mentally handle the hiring, firing, and training of assistants, I would simply have to do it for them. Of course, I have more ideas about resources for getting these sort of services then the average able-bodied person. Anyone who needs help with this sort of thing, should message me. I'm happy to help!!

it is scary to watch your parents age! i am an only child, so i know it will be hard for me! fortunately my parents are in fairly good health but they are in their early 70s... however, my father in law is having major memory problems and the drs are thinking it could be either dementia or the early stages of alzheimers - very scary!

I've had to see my grandmother in a home while in recovery, but she wasn't there very long and is out now. But she was pretty out of it, in a lot of pain, and quite depressed. So I really don't want to see my own parents having to go through being put in a home. I like to stay dillusional that they are going to both live forever. I can't bear the thought of loosing either one of them.

My mom was lucky to have my 2 brothers and I living locally. My brother actually moved in with her to help her out. I lived across town but would go and spend my days with her so my brother could work. I work 2nd shift. It was a lot of work caring for her on our own but she was so fearful of being put in a nursing home and we promised her we'd do our best to see that didn't happen and it didn't. I have seen people go into nursing homes for reasons like your dad and come back home. Not all nursing home visits are permanent. When my mom broke her hip, they suggested a nursing home just until she was able to get around on her own again. I was able to take care of her needs and transport her to and from therapy so she ended up not having to go that route. In some cases such as your dad's, it may be the best way to go until he is on his feet again. good luck to you on this.

Mine are in their 50's, so I don't have to worry about that for now. Here in Australia, they have assisted living communities where you buy/rent a retirement home within a commumity and can have professional staff come and help you with any areas you need help with. I think that's what my parents will be wanting when they get older.

I have never put my parents to the nursing home. So far my parents still in the middle age, so they are still healthy. But I can understand your feel, it's realy sad to put the parent in the nursing home. I'm working out of state, out of my hometown. So I'm seldom at home. Sometimes I will worry my parents at home,I feel regret cannot take care of my parents frfom time to time. I will try t take more time to go back hometown to accompany my parents.

My mom is older than my father. So far its my mom who gets easily sick. I have not put any of them in a nursing home. When my mom had been bed ridden for 2 months, I was the one who took care for her. I fed her, cleaned her up, etc. Same is true when both my parents was hospitalized. I don't think I could give them up to a nursing home. If it means being single for life just so I could take care of them, then I am willing to make that sacrifice. I just love them most especially my mom. With my mom I could give up everything.

i am sorry to hear about what happens to your father... i am fortunate enough that i haven't had to do that to my parents yet... they are still strong enough to take care of themselves and they are still very healthy... i always pray to God to keep them happy and healthy and always send His angels to look after them... i hope i never have to send them to the nursery home and i will be able to take care of them when they are old and can't take care of themselves anymore... it is just the right thing to do after what they had done for me until i am this old... take care and have a nice day...

I have never put a parent in a nursing home but I have worked in them. There is a real chance that your' father will rehab nicely and come home. He can get home health to send in aides to stay with him for a few hours a day. I know it's difficult for you but don't lose hope. Not everyone who goes into a nursing home ends up staying there. I wish your' father a speedy recovery!

hi there, that is really very sad.. i'm sorry.. i'll pray for his safe recovery and i'm sure he ll be able to return home very soon, very healthy.. i have been thru a very similar situation a few years ago, but i was not as lucky as you.. i lost my mother.. i miss her so very much..

my parents are still young as of this moment.. here in the Philippines, when parents are getting old we would still not send our oldies to nursing homes.. our family bonds are very strong that sending our parent or even our grandparents to nursing homes as our last resort whenever there's no one that can take care of them.. we usually take good care at our own homes.. gratitude is a very big deal for us Filipinos that it's almost a sign of disrespect when we dont take care of the people who were there during growing up years..

Why do you have to put your mother in the nurse home.Can't you care her..for sure she feels so sad without her children in her side

I am sorry to know that. I think you should take care of you father.You nurse hime carefully and cook delicious food for him.