having children out of wedlock

When I found out I was pregnant, everything went for him. before he was... it was about my life and making me happy, now it's making sure he's taught properly and taken care of.

The problem with this is because so many people who are not really in love with each other get married! There are people pushed into marriage by family who believes in getting married because somebody got pregnant! You have the nutcases who still 'arrange' marriage and there is no relationship of the couple in advance, maybe they don't even know each other so how could they like each other? Sorry but I don't want to be forced into a marriage 'because I'm pregnant' nor would I want to be forced into a marriage because somebody's parents think it's a benefit to the family. I know there are cultures out there like this but to me this is archaic and puts the focus in the wrong place. Somebody else cannot DECIDE for me who I will love. Fat chance. Even my best friends - who are much closer to me than my family now - would not undertake such a huge responsibility LOL! Anyhow, my point in saying this is there are reasons why statistics are the way they are. Included in that 50% divorce rate are a lot of marriages that happened for the wrong reasons. If you look at the divorce rate for couples who were really in love before they got married and resisted other people's attempts to bother them before or during or after they got married, I bet those statistics would not be 50%. I would venture to say more or even most of those relationships last.

good point and I don't think even childhood was typical then either. Children were taught to work at a very early age.

Ahh, and for the people who have judgement for young parents, mothers OR fathers, if I remember correctly, Mary and Joseph were about 13 and 14 years old too. They did not SEEM like typical teens but back then I don't think there was such a thing as being a teen, you were a child and then suddenly you were a man.

Or widowed parents. Since I am married, if somebody asks I will usually answer that I'm married. If I wasn't, I would have a choice. I could say that I'm single, or I could say that I'm divorced. Or I could say 'it doesn't matter so it's none of your business'. =P

That is a very good perspective! you are so right too, I have learned to commit to things, and my son helped me with that. Although I am still single, I am a bit more picky than I normally am because the man I go with has to treat me and my son like a package. he can't be on the sidelines! We'll see what's in store in the future, thanks for the nice post!

I am sure that some people are forgetting that some people have been together for YEARS as a couple before they have kids.. and they may not be married. They may support each other in every sense of the word, they may own shared property, a shared home, vehicles etc. They may both count on each other, to take care of the home, to work and pay bills, etc. Getting married after this is more or less just making it legal in the eyes of the government and affording you spousal benefits. It changes neither your commitment to each other, your identity as parents of your children, or really any of what you have together. It is amazing however how that can change how judgemental people SEE YOU.

I agree with you wholeheartedly! People shouldn't be married, although I do find that you should at least be with that person for a while to get to know them and if you want to be with them and know it will work out (which may end up being false anyway...) but just in my case accidents happen. And yes either to have a very good mother (or father in many cases) or a horribly broken relationship I'd rather pick the single any day.

It gets me all hot and bothered too. There is no reason to marry unless you're in love, and in my opinion, it is nobody else's business who you marry or when. There is never a reason when it is somebody else's business and I cannot wait until there is some type of legal consequence for other people getting involved! I mean it would be nice if such a thing existed. Marriages and great relationships have been ruined and wrecked by other people.

thank you and I do agree with you. you have a great day as well, it's beautiful here :) hoping the same for you thanks for the response!

see this is what I am talking about being open minded. :) Thank you for your response. Even though I am not religious and I honestly don't believe in marriage, I appreciate your answer :) Oh and congrats on your 500th post!

lol thank-you, I didn't ever realize I had hit 500, cool.

not a problem at all! :3 I'm proud to have my discussion as your 500th post :D

Hi martindale, I have to disagree with you. I believe one parent is good enough. I raise my oldest by myself and she listen to me, there was no interfering with the father. And I also believe that one could have a child and not have to be married. Anyway, I'm married now and have a child with my husband. i never knew how many problems we were going to have, I say no, he say yes, a fights break out and yelling and screaming, and I still say no. It gets to a point where I know she is playing both of us. And I get to a point, where I don't care anymore. I prefer to be a single parent with kids than to have a husband not backing me up. (but that's me)

Martindale, like I explained to Shawchert in an earlier comment, not everybody WANTS to be a parent. There are some (like me) who definitely wanted kids. I knew this way back when I was a little girl. I was exposed to all sorts of things, from mothers and fathers to people with wonderful careers. I can't fault any adults in my life for not showing me options. Nevertheless, I am not a career oriented person and I spend almost 24/7 with my youngest daughter. You are right in stating it is easier to live life within the boundaries that society accepts. The only thing is... I would only do this if it applied to me. If the boundaries did not apply to me, I guess I wouldn't care. I have always known that life is not always easy, pffft. It is rewarding though when you live your life the way you want to vs the way other people say you should.

I agree although some unstable relationships don't turn that way till there's a change, and my relationship was semi stable, he let me be for as long as I wanted and we did things. but he was a narcissist and really cared only about himself, and wanted my son to be aborted. I couldn't let that happen. I took the responsibility for what I did instead of taking the easy way out. Of coarse I am looking for dad material but not really, I don't want to rush into another relationship and I want a good father figure for my son. Although I do have plenty of them around though. My dad, my best friend, and my brothers... but they aren't good father figures though LMAO... they are just there. but my son should have a guy to talk to no matter if I am single or not because I dont' just hang out with one gender :P

Unfortunately his father wants nothing to do with him, and has threatened my son against me if I go for child support. So I'm doing the best thing for my son and keeping him away from his father. If my son wants to know his dad I'm not going to keep him away from him though. If he is old enough to understand about such things and wonder why he isn't there. I'll tell him, and if he wants to see his father as I had said before I'll find a way. If his father doesn't want to see him, well it's not my fault it's his!

Thank you very much, yes I'm doing what I can to raise my son right :)

In that case you are doing the right thing keeping your son away from him. I cant stand men like that..theres a little boy out there with his blood running through his vains and he wants nothing to do him. Makes no sense to me! Sounds like you are doing a great job with your little boy and i wish you all the luck in the world. I know how hard it can be bringing up kids.

short and to the point, the way I like it lol. yes every life and lifestyle is different and no it shouldn't bother him because whatever I get from the government I'm basically giving as well because I have a full time job. lol well I'm not too worried about it, just figured I would post something interesting up :)

Lol yeah pogo people need to find better things to do but I get people who rile things up at work, it can happen anywhere:) I don't let it get to me really, although calling my son a b*stard isn't a really good thing to say, even if it is true in literal terms, I don't care. but my son can't defend himself. and yes I'm happy knowing that I have son a beautiful little boy and being able to take care of him is my life!

It is hard to be a single mom I agree with you very much, I had to move back home because of child care costs and so on. It's horrible! I'm very glad I have my family here to help me and not to mention my friends although someday soon I would REALLY like to get out on my own. It does depend on the person and how they are going to be and how they act. Because someone who is so immature that can't take care of themselves would have a lot coming to them in the long run if they have a child. Probably end up getting their child taken away by SS

As I said I wasn't going off the handle at all, but it just got me thinking about making a topic on mylot.