Would a woman keep a child born out of rape?

India
June 20, 2008 11:55pm CST
I am talking about a novella by Roddy Doyle, the irish writer. It was the second story in his Barrytown Trilogy. A girl, who is raped by one of his married, middle-aged neigbhour in her half-conscious state, gets pregnant and decides to bear it. The focus of the story is not on any pain (though it there)but rather on being an expecting mother and the way her family deal with her (she doesn't tell the family who is the father; in fact she doesn't tell it to anybody.). I was perplexed on reading it; I didn't understand how a girl could get attached to an unborn child who is the product of a wrong. I know it is fiction but I do think that it reflects the reality to great extent. I am a man so I can't understand it, but after reading it, I did realize that to a woman, being a mother could be more important than being in love with its father or acceptable father, if you like. But I do really wish to get inside women's head to understand what goes in their minds with regard to their children. If you are a woman, then tell me what would you do in such a situation? Who would want to abort it, and who would want to keep it? Even killing an unborn child seems bad to me even though it may be a product of an assault, because after all, the child was not at all responsible for it. Then I think about bringing up. When a woman sees her child grow up, with a resembling the one who molested her, how would she react? Or bear it? It is such a strange thing, I can't even properly think about it.
3 people like this
11 responses
@lingli_78 (12822)
• Australia
22 Jun 08
i will... no matter what happens, it is still my child and the child is innocent... so there is no reason for me to abort it... for me, abortion is the same as killing and i just don't have the heart to kill innocent lives... and a baby is a blessing from God... so i will definitely keep the baby... take care and have a nice day...
• India
22 Jun 08
Thanks for your response. You seem courageous to say that.
• India
21 Jun 08
I have heard of woman say that it is better than go for abortion, generally speaking. Cos here she does not struggle with guilt whereas if she goes for abortion there is a possibility of guilt hitting her hard in her later life. It seems guilt is hardwired in human being. I am man so I can't understand, but I have heard counsellors say that it is better to give birth and raise the kid. Blessings!
• India
22 Jun 08
You have made a good point. In such a decision, the complications later in life about guilt of killing an innocent being must also be taken into account.
@myahw20 (1115)
• Canada
22 Jun 08
It would definitely painful emotionally to keep the child out of rape but then again I am pro-life so atleast I would suggest the idea of get the child adopted if the person cant keep it. Nonetheless God has a reason he gave life to this child
@rrdj71 (696)
• United States
21 Jun 08
This truly is very controversial. I personally lost my virginity to rape and although, Thank God, I did not get pregnant from it I can't EVEN imagine what that would've been like knowing every time you see that baby's face you are reminded of his/her father. But I think that through counseling rape victim mothers can find healing solutions in dealing with this. I don't feel that abortion should EVER be the answer to ANYTHING!! Maybe giving them up for adoption if they can't cope with the situation would be the best thing. Otherwise I would just keep the baby. P.S. I did eventually get married to a good man and had 2 wonderful daughters.
• India
22 Jun 08
Sorry to hear about your unfortunate experience, but you did great by mentioning the good news. I am very happy for you and may god give you every happiness that you deserve. I did get a very good answer to one problem (bringing up such a child) by starting this discussion. Others also have suggested the same(adopotion). That makes my mind a little less restless thinking about such a situation. Thanks for your response.
• United States
21 Jun 08
I have never had to bear such a burden, though I have thought about it. For me, there would be no option of not keeping my baby. Though conceived out of anger or violence, that baby would be a part of me as well as the man who committed such a violent act. I could not conceive of killing an innocent life and committing another act that is a sin, at least in my mind. It would be my lot in life to bear, and I would hope that I would be able to put the details of how this baby was given to me behind me, and concentrate on loving and raising that child to be a wonderful person. This is my opinion and belief of how I would handle the situation. I would not condemn someone if they could not bear to keep and raise their child, but would hope that they would be given the strength to at least carry the child and then give it to a loving couple who can't have children. Just my 2 cents...
• India
21 Jun 08
Your point that after birth the baby can be given to a couple who don't have children is a good one. It does make it possible for a woman to be not tortured by the constant reminding of the act or the committer and also the assurance that she didn't commit a crime as disgusting as the one of which she is the victim.
• United States
22 Jun 08
In this situation, one must look at what is the bright side of this. I'm a firm believer that God never puts on us more than we can bare and everything that happens, happens for a good reason. Just because the act of making the child was in a bad way doesn't mean the child is bad. If the women feels that she cannot take seeing her rapist in her child, then she should definitely give up the baby for adoption. If the woman feels that she wants to kill herself for carrying the child, then she should abort the child. If it was me, I would keep the child and raise the child myself. I know I would need therapy and a lot of support, but would treat that child as a gift to me from God. Any woman who is raped would need some help and support to get over it even if a child is not created from it.
@Angelwriter (1954)
• United States
21 Jun 08
Of course it all depends on the particular woman. Some might not be able to keep a baby who was the product of a rape. For those that could, there are a few reasons why they might. Being attached, feeling the baby is something good to come out of the trauma, thinking that the one who should be punished is the rapist instead of the innocent baby, or a moral obligation to abortion. As far as looking like the rapist, again, women are different. Some may struggle a lot with that. Others could look past the superficial physical resemblance, especially if the child is completely different in attitude and personality. And, especially if their love is great enough.
@uiwwitch (892)
• United States
21 Jun 08
I think I would too. A child is a blessing from God and it would be my honor to bear this child and bring him into the world. It doesn't matter that it was conceived under such unimaginable circumstance. But I guess one has to be emotionally stable for this. I would understand how others may feel the need to just terminate it. But personally, I wouldn't.
@chrysz (1602)
• Philippines
21 Jun 08
Being a mother is such a wonderful emotion experience though it is more painful if you were raped and impregnated unwantedly, still, the child is innocent of his/her father's wrongdoings. It maybe painful seeing the child growing up looking like the molester but it is his/her fault? It is just a matter of acceptance and support from the family and friends the mother will get but if the mom is really determined to keep the baby, she must endure all the emotional torture having the baby will bring.
• United States
21 Jun 08
Yes, some would. I know a woman who bore a child that was the result of a rape. She loved that child as much as her other child born from her marriage. Different people have different ways of looking at things. In this woman's case she said that the baby was the only good thing to come out of the experience.
@metschica25 (5399)
• United States
21 Jun 08
I have no idea what I would do if this happened to me .I have thought about this and I would bare the child and I know that it would be near impossible to do with all the pain and trying to heal the scars from the rape.I could never see not giving that child a life ,because of something that was out of their control .They would also be the victim too. I don't think I would be able to keep the child and would give the child up to a family who was not able to have kids . I would be scared I would just think of the man who raped me or be scared the child would look too much like him .Also, it would drive me crazy I think .I think this would be the hardest choice and I dont know once again what I would do . It is part of me the baby ,but also part of the evil man .That is what I would think.Oh ,good post ,but I still dont know what I would do,but sure I would bare but not keep.There just is a thought in head the baby would be part of you too.