Kids - the binding factor in a straining marital relationship??

For me, I guess its worth the sacrifice for the sake of the child. He is the innocent party on the issue and should not in any way be troubled by it at his/her age. I guess parents should be responsible to make their child grow in a complete family setup. I have seen many young minds being crushed by families separating and I guess it has a big impact on the child. But if the child is affected because of the conflict too there are cases its better that they separate but if its manageable and the issues could be settled then its better for them to stay as father and a mother at least to their children.

Hmmmmmmm Tough question more tough to reply But sure, if they are doing compromise for their kid, and living togather for 4 yrs, which is really an effort. but if they just made some more efforts and some more compromise to adjust and accomodate each other and mould themselves then i am sure their would be happy family( both husband and wife to do it) Thats best i can suggest

Mimpi you have pointed out a very bitter fact of life. Unfortunately this is very true and very true in India, where couple can really know each other only after marriage and by the time they realise that they are not made for each other, they are already parents and they definitely love this beautiful gift of god....and then life goes round and round making children happy.....and life leaves the couple with no choice but to adjust and accept life as it is.....This adjustmnent is sometime accepted also as it gives security and stability.....as most of the girls are fully dependent on husband....and you know in India, not all girls who come back from in-laws are welcomed again in the same family where she was born......so sad........so I agree with you that kids are very strong binding factor in straining marital relationship

Hi mimpi1911! I really think that they should live their own lives. I know that they love their child very much that is why theya re sacrificing their own happiness for the sake of the child. But I don't think it is healthy to live that way. The child, even how young he may be can still sense that there is something wrong with his parents. Take care and God bless!

Unfortunately, a child that grows up in a household where the parents are staying together for the child, will grow up entering bad relationships because that is what they are raised with. Parents should split up instead if things are that bad, and be as fair on each other as possible for the childs sakes, and their own.

Not tricky AT ALL in my view. Very simple criteria - if you fight wth partner or find it detracts in any way from your life, then separate and make your own homes and let the children share both. Kids love this, they get extra space and options and maybe double holidays too. Kids hate seeing their parents fight or be sad a lot more. So I see it as a really simple thing - it is almost always very dumb to "stay together for the children" and sets them a bad example and causes unnecessary suffering. Kids are not dumb and soon work this out for themselves, I know I did and wish my parents had separated years earlier than they did!

Yeah my dear, kids usually stand in there to reconcile their enstranged parents-I agree that a marriage is not about the parents and kids perse-it is between the parents, mother and father-but you see, the kids are the innocent parties, and kind people put asisde their irreconciliable differneces and handle their kids as the most mportant element in their relationship-some kids could in the long run help to reconcile the parents and make the marriage work-dont let a child suffer for what he/she doesnt know, even if you must quarrel for the sake of the kids, do it behind closed doors-and come out to the living room and smile with them-they are innocent!

I believe that a kid or kids are the binding factor for the couples to go together. Had there been no kids, many of the couples would have parted their ways, after their marriage. A woman when becomes a mother develops a bond and attachement towards her kids, which somehow forces her to go along with her hubby for the benefit and welfare of her kids. Marriage is another name of adjustment in life and those who can make adjustments go along well in marriage. Adjustment in each every relationship is essential, however, degree may be more if one has to adjust with her/his spouse. If one of the partners adjusts, life goes on smoothly and if none of the partners is willing to adjust, marriage will fall apart.

Hi sweetheart, I have to say that I do not believe for one minute that having kids is a way to mend a relationship. People thought that I should have had kids with my ex, but I am glad I did not as I would have ended up as a single parent and might not have met my lovely 2nd husband and been so happy with him. I have never been particularly bothered about having kids and those that I know who have had kids to repair what they thought was an ailing marriage - well it never worked out for them, they're either unhappy and staying together just for the sake of the kid(s) or have split up and the mother is struggling to bring up the children alone. One of my friends had a bad marriage (arranged) from the beginning - she went off and had 1 kid, he calmed down for a while (her hubby) then started playing up again, so she had another kid, things got worse, so what did she do? She got pregnant again cos she had 2 boys and wanted a girl, now they're separated and going through a divorce, he gives her no financial support and she's struggling to bring up 3 kids and is miserable most of the time and always complaining about how hard her life is and how she never has any time for herself. In this day and age, even if you are in a stable marriage, it's difficult to afford 3 kids so imagine having to bring up 3 kids as a single parent? Even having 1 kid in a single or no income is a struggle, so unless you really are sure you can cope with a child alone, don't have a kid to save a marriage which might break up anyway...

I have some similar things going on. The thing is, when you have a child, they become the most important thing in your decission making. There are times when divorce is the better option. If the couple is constantly fighting and making things bad for the child, then the couple should probably get divorced. But, if the couple can get along, then sometimes it's just better to "stick it out" in order not to disrupt the child or childrens lives. Sometimes there are no simple solutions to some of lifes problems. What works for one person may not work for another. It's up to each couple to figure out what is best for them AND their children.

Hi mimipi, I personally would rather be a single parent than living unhappily in the wrong relationship as this can also have an effect on the children. It is not ideal but it works if both the parents still give the children love and attention even if they are living apart. I know some people do stay together for the sake of the children but surely this must build a resentment towards the fact that they are unhappy for doing this. I won't advice her to leave him as I am an outsider looking in a I don't know the inner secrets of their home only what is written here. But a happy healthy parent I feel is better for the child in the long term. The first thing this couple need to do is communicate to each other how they are really feeling and move on from there. Ellie :D

I dont know what to do with that kind of situation, actually i cannot stand being unrecognized or not to talk at all by the person which plays an important role in my life. Maybe they were hoping that by living together, they can still reminisce the past and try to live on and save the relationship they have. They might still have faith and love and eagerness to save their relationship. Maybe, that was a wishful thinking, I just wish it is, not only for the child but for both of them.

it's not good for the child for them to stay together just for it. a 5 year old can sense the strain between them. they are not doing it as favor to the child or themselves either.

I admire the the greatness of your friend's love for her son; what she's doing is a huge sacrifice for herself (as well as his husband). It's not easy at all to forget yourself and give up the best of your life for someone however, if you really love the individual, you will selflessly do so. In your friend's situation: as long as they will not fight in front of the kid, I think the kid will just be fine and will live a normal life. But as he grows older, there is a need for them to slowly explain to him what's going on or what is the situation between both of them to avoid confusion on the part of the child. Anyway, since your friends are still staying together, maybe they are still seeing and holding on to a bit of hope left in their hearts...I hope and pray so for that kid's sake. I wish you all good luck! Don't give up...Hope is NEVER Lost!

A few married couples I know who have kids stay in the relationship because of these kids. If not for this binding factor they would have broken up a long time ago. thier point of view is that they want thier children to grow knowing that they have both thier parents around them during thier growing up stage. Thee do not see the adverse affect of their constant rifts on thier children.

well, that is what happen nowadays in many families... a lot of couples are unhappy but they stay together just for the sake of their children... but there is no communications between them and they live like enemies inside the house... it is really sad... i think those couples need to rekindle their love again by remembering their vows to each other when they get married and do the things that they do in the past when they are still dating... i believe that remembering the good times that they share together and their vows can help to rekindle their love again and save a broken marriage that is on a verge of divorce... take care and have a nice day...

I think the fact they are civil to each other is good. Children do not need to be in a violent/negative emotional environment. Whether they can patch things up or not is up to them. They have to want to. I do believe that staying together for the sake of the child, is probably better for the child. If they argued or fought, then that would be different. When we bring a child into this world, we automatically put them and their needs in front of ours. There are way too many selfish people in the world, that get up and walk out on their children. In the end, it is up to your friend and her husband to decide what's best for them and their child.

I think they must put up with each other at least until the child matures emotionally. I think depriving the 5-year old of a parent is most likely to prove costly for the child by hampering his overall growth. Father and mother are two vital but totally different teachers, as far as I'm concerned, and both are equally important although I might give a faint edge to the mother (say 51%). In my own experience, I could never have received the same education that I obtained from my father, through my mother, and vice-versa. To me, the whole essence of parenting is to put your child's interest before your own, and if one cannot do it because of their ego intervening, they can never be just in their roles as parents. So, I repeat, they must put up with each other, leaving behind their differences, for it is their child even in the absence of the synergy that brought it into existence. Meanwhile, they could teach their child to be tough and independent, so that he could feel self-reliant and secure. As for patching up the differences, it is most often the ego that hinders people from a reunion with their spouses and if one of them can take a step forward to give it up, there is still a hope!

I strongly believe in working things out for the betterment of the child. Has your friend and her husband tried going out without the child and rekindling the lost romance? Have they gone to see a psychiatrist so that they might be able to talk about what has bothered their relationship so much? I think that if they really love their child they will try harder to become more and more happy with one another so that the child does not grow up seeing the parents separated but together. This will surely not help the child's reaction to love. Have a Great day.

I think the fact that they are able to stay civil together shows how much they are willing to work out the kinks in their relationship. It may be that they're just putting up a farce for the sake of their child, but if you think about it,they're actually also trying to work on saving their marriage. A lot of couples just split up and take turns with the baby. I guess in a few years they'll learn to be comfortable again with each other. And hopefully someday they'll fall in love all over again. :)