I've nearly come full circle

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My life is going better than it's gone since I fell off the path to my future when I was 20 years old. I'm back in college working for the accounting degree I've always wanted, for one. My marriage is solid, and growing stronger all the time. My job is the best job I've ever had. My boys have made me more proud than I've ever been. I've found and rekindled old friendships that I never ever thought I would. I've gotten brave and done something I've wanted to do for the past 15 years with the help of one of those old friends. Back when I was 20, I was discouraged with college because they wanted me to take all my general studies before my major, and my best friend helped me to decide to take a year off from studies. ATT I had a part time position in the accounting department at the local newspaper, my own apartment, and was just free from a bad relationship. Life went downhill from there. I ended up working jobs I absolutely hated for the next 15 years, long story short. Now, I'm back in school and excelling. I was lucky enough to get on at a fast growing Verizon/DishNet retailer. I've since been promoted twice within the 6 months I've been there. I start my new Accounts Receivable position next week:D I absolutely love my job. I haven't been hit on one single time, my bosses are great, my co-workers kick azz. No complaints here. My marriage cost my a friendship, as she forced me to choose between them several months before we decided to actually get married. In the loss of this friendship, I also suffered the loss of a second family, that ironically, I'm married into. I suffered the loss of a second mom, stepdad and sister as well as the loss of having a child that I helped raise for the first year of her life in my life. 12 years later, I suffered the loss of my friend. She died, but I won't get into the details of that considering I know very few. I suffered watching her family suffer at her funeral. I suffered for the friendship that I always felt someday would be repaired. The good news is that recently I discovered her child that I loved as my own is a friend of my child. Her grandmother, my second mom, has had full custody of her since shortly after I moved out from her daughter and in with my future husband all those years ago. This is wonderful news. We have been chatting on myspace and I'm learning that history is repeating itself. I feel like I owe my friend and her daughter the chance to change that. Maybe history doesn't have to repeat itself. I know my son is thrilled to find out his buddy is his cousin (yeah, small world, his father and my friend's father are first cousins). Finding my Peanut has made me so happy, happier than you can know unless you've had a kid ripped out of your life like that...I imagine a lot of daddies and mommies' boyfriends here know how that can be. It's hard to get up with a baby every day and feed and change and play and teach without loving as well. I personally don't think it can be done. My boys, my once rowdy and worry us to death boys. They have made me so proud. My oldest really has his act together now, and I even like his girlfriend for a change. He's nearly paid of his house, as he continually makes improvements to his property, works his azz off in the tree business as well as does roofing on the side for his old boss. He's a very good son, would do anything for us. My second oldest, the parodical (sp?)son, found his dad on myspace about a month ago. We had lost touch for over 2 years and we missed him and worried our azzes off. We found out that we have a 2 year old granddaughter and a 6 month old grandson...and he's back with the girlfriend we liked, and she is the mother of both children. I'm making Michael & Markie's favorite later on this evening (stepmom's famous chicken n noodles over homemade whipped potatoes) and taking it over to each of them tomorrow. I can't wait to see the babies. I have been so busy the past 3 weeks I haven't had the time or energy to stop by. Can't wait. I've already got 3 grandbabies we don't get to see, so I'm spoiling the hell out of Jasmine and Kane. That's how that's going to work. Corey, my third son, he's a mess, but at least he's trying to find work, at least he's staying out of trouble, and we also like his girlfriend of 5 years or so. Aaron, my youngest, my struggle, my angry little boy, has grown into a young man that makes me want to cry when I think of how he's grown into a caring but strong young man who has the backs of his friends and family, isn't sneaking around getting into trouble, and genuinely wants to succeed in life. I can remember when I used to count that days when that stubborn little boy would be out of my house (yeah, that's terrible, but we did not get along at all, yet I loved him as much as I disliked him and didn't want him being exposed to the crap he had been previously exposed to), now the thought of watching him graduate high school then college, then moving on just breaks my heart. I'll be proud, but man, that's going to suck watching him fly the coop like his brothers did one at a time. He has paid attention and learned from his brothers' mistakes, his dad's and mine mistakes, and his own, and that has made him very wise for a 17 year old kid. So, I have no complaints about my stepsons that are like my own, and are my own as far as I'm concerned. I was cruising myspace one night and lo n behold out popped my old friend Kenny, so naturally I messaged him that I'm still breathing and whatnot. The story with that is long so I'll try to make it as short as possible. I met Kenny & Eric through my best friend att. Kenny & I saw each other briefly and when he kissed me, it was like kissing my brother so we decided to stay friends. It was the four of us, even tho Eric dated Cheryl's (my bf att) sister. Kenny & Cheryl ended up together. My other friend Harmony tagged with us a lot back then. All at once, Cheryl had a sick grandparent out of state and had to leave town right away. One night, Kenny picked me up and we stopped by to get Harmony (the other friend att) and we went to shoot some pool at the bowling alley. Harmony was kind of coming on strong to Kenny, who then sort of stuck close to me to avoid her. That heffer went to Cheryl asap when she got back from Florida and told her that it was ME putting the moves on Kenny! AS IF!!! I don't fk my friends over. Period. Anyway, I ended up with a black eye and we both ended up picked up by the cops for fighting in the street. I got a heart felt apology from Cheryl, but couldn't trust her anymore. She should have known better, ya know. Well, Kenny and I stayed friends and all that, and I still would visit them at Kenny's parents' house after work and whatever. We even went to some concerts and yada yada. Well, the day came that Kenny and Cheryl were to be married, and Kenny asked me to stand up with Cheryl. I was like "are you serious?" and he was. So I did. They had their life and I was back being best friends with Dawn (the one that died before we could fix our friendship), and ruining my life in a whole new set of ways. To shorten this long story even more, here's the loop: Dawn, Cheryl n Kenny & Eric, Dawn n Peanut, Mark and the kids. Anyway, I heard back from Kenny and was added, I also got another very real apology from Cheryl and added her too. We talked about it via message for a while then I agreed to meet them for lunch. I had already thought about it and decided I wasn't going to forgive another friend at her grave. She made a mistake, that I totally can feel with the big green stripe that runs up my own back occasionally, and it's more than obvious she'd take it back in a heartbeat if she could. Hell, she's still beating herself up for it mentally even though I've tried to tell her that she's still my best friend and I love her, and understand. 20 years is long enough, I don't want to waste anymore life on hard feelings. We have found our best-friend relationship again...which leads me to the brave thing I finally did, thanks to her: my belly button is now pierced!! Yeah!! I have found the girl I used to be, the girl that loved life and damn near always had a smile to give. I found that strong redhead that no longer hated most people and didn't look at the ground when in public. I have "me" back, and I couldn't be happier. Thank you God, or whatever your name really is, for the blessings you have bestowed upon me. I'm undeserving, but grateful. Now, for my discussion question(s), do you feel as though your life has come full circle? If not, what do you think it would take to make up for your regrets?