Can somebody help me...
By pinks17
@pinks17 (2192)
Philippines
July 6, 2008 12:16am CST
I am experiencing a dilemma now.My sister already decided to leave her husband,she has a 3 months old baby and she doesn't have a work and the guy just earn a minimum wage.Now the problem is that my mom decided to get my sister and look for a cheap apartment for my sister and my mom to live.My mom don't earn that much as well.My boyfriend and I live in a 2 bedroom apartment and the 2 bedrooms are actually empty bec. we sleep in the living room bec. its cold unlike in our bedroom...it's really hot..it's like sleepin in hell..My mom asked me to help my sister,I earn twice the minimum wage here in the phils. and work in a callcenter and naturally sleep is really important for me and I've been independent since I was 18.I'm not used to living with my family eversince bec. we could not get along well that's why I decided to leave the houst and work my butt out to earn a living and not to starve myself.Even before my sister decided to live with the guy..I already disagreed on the idea..bec. she is very opposite of me.I am outgoing,independent and can take the problem very lightly bec. I don't like to stress myself of the problems I encounter.I even told my sister to learn from my mistake.Not to get married and not to have a child yet until they have a lot of savings already and can sustain the childs need and until they have the savings for their childs education.Because here in the Philippines...life is really hard.Commodities are high and having a child is expensive nowadays.I am just lucky to have an ex-husband who earns a lot and can provide my kids what they need and the good education they deserve(I have 3 kids and they all go to all girls/boys school) by the way my kids stay with their dad bec. I can't provide them anything and I didn't know back then that the child custody is different and it's not included in the annullment process in court.So I was stupid back then.Now my sister has decided to leave his husband and get the child and I don't know how she is going to raise that child without having to work and her husband just earns a little.I have my own problems and I just keep it to myself and I don't tell them about it so that they will not worry about me.Now they added to my burden.I know they are the only thing I've got but it's different now.I have a boyfriend and we share everything at home esp. the expenses and my boyfriend is already used to see me and only me at home and also my 2 persian cats at home.I can offer the rooms at home but I am not used to that.I know my boyfriend will agree as well but the problem is for me and my boyfrind bugdet at hom.I don't know what to do and what to tell my sister and my mom.oh my gosh...
2 people like this
7 responses
@mycorp (22)
• Indonesia
6 Jul 08
Ok. I know life it's hard if you think like that. Believe it that every problems has a wayout. Please Tell your sister to discuss with her husband how to solve it together? Please Think Hard ? for this. Deforce is not solve the problem it will be add new problems I think. solving problem alone more hard. If your sister still love her husband please do not deforce. discuss the problems together.
If Your sister husband did not work , Tell him to do anything that could earn a living or start making money form small entrepreneurship or business. do it now.
@pinks17 (2192)
• Philippines
6 Jul 08
thank you so much for your time mycorp but my mom already decided to separate them bec. the guy is hitting my sister as well so it's not a good relationship already.When you hit a person that's already a marital abuse and of course my mom don't want to see my sister with some bruises and my don't want my sister to get hit by her husband.So that's why.
@mycorp (22)
• Indonesia
6 Jul 08
Oh I see your mums already decided, I think this not good If a Son Wedding take your maother involved. Your sister is already merried so it should be solved their family problems self. your mother just only support or give an advise. Because your mother did not truly know your sister problems and husband characteristic.
If your sister husband hit your sister. I know it's wrong ! but I think He already highstress with his problems so most of a man being unrealistic behavior , I am sure after hit your sister wait for several time until everything was cooling down. your sister husband will sorry for his done to your sister, it's just man emotional.
@sid556 (30959)
• United States
6 Jul 08
you are in a really tough spot but I think you'd be unfair to yourself and your mom & sis to agree to let them move in with you. I think you have to find a way to tell them kindly that you just cant do it. your sister should stay with her husband until she gets a job and can support herself and her child. It is unfair for you to have to support them and I think your resentment will ruin the relationship you have with your sister.
@pinks17 (2192)
• Philippines
6 Jul 08
I am really in deep trouble sid556.I don't know how my mom would feel if I refuse to let my sister stay with us.Just to let you know also.My mom doesn't have a permanent place to live and I only have one sibling.So my sometimes stays with my sister sometimes my stays with me..that's why when my boyfriend and I decided to leave the small apartment we looked for a 2 bedroom apartment so that my mom can have a room of her own.But my mom wants to take my sister and her baby with her.Now how can I reject my sister and not to hurt my mom at the same time.I'm not used to having a child at home and my boyfriend and I is already used to living together that we don't care if we'll just walk around the house wearing just undergarments..that's how comfortable we are.My mom seldoms stays at home so we still have the freedom to do what we want to do that's why I became independent when I reached 18 bec. I don't want people to tell me what I should do about my life...because I know I can handle myself...But now here's the problem and it's really tough.sigh
@lingli_78 (12822)
• Australia
7 Jul 08
well, i know you have a complicated problem at the moment and you also want your freedom... i suggest you have a serious chat with your mum and your sister and tell them how you feel... if you are not willing to help them, then don't... but think of it very carefully first before you make a decision as they are your family members... good luck... take care and have a nice day...
@karelk (14)
• United States
7 Jul 08
If your sister is being abused she can go to a domestic violence shelter and they can get her the help she needs,like section 8, job training, food stamps, etc. She can also file for child support from the father.
I can understand you not wanting them to live with you because I couldn't handle living with my family either. If you decide to let them live with you, give them a time frame that they have to get back on their feet and get their own place. You should also charge them rent, even if it is only $20 a week.
@sk66rc (4250)
• United States
7 Jul 08
I had put up my family member few times before... If you're going to take your sister in, make sure she understands she's under YOUR roof now... Do understand that she may not be in full control of the situation she's in but also understand that she can take control of what she does from this point forward & she needs to understand that... Also, she needs to understand you have your own responsibilities & you will not take them lightly on her account... She needs to understand that now that she's under your roof, she needs to pull her own weight & needs to help out... If she's not willing, she needs to find or turn to another place or person...
@1stshawty (116)
• Trinidad And Tobago
7 Jul 08
all i can say is if your in a position to help help,in my personal opinion being a violent individual and all i would get a baseball bat and beat the hell out of the halfman who dared to put his hands on my sster i have done things like this before but where you come from it may be frowned upon,so just help but before you do ask your sister what she wants and what she truely needs not what you and your mom thinks she does no offence listen to her and ask your boyfriend what he thinks he sounds like a sweet guy and i'm sure he would be willing to help,i hope that unlike most of these delicate its resolved for the sake of the child and your sister above all i hope she moves on and fins someone better,by the way is the baby a boy or girl?on a more plesant thought aunty pinks?LOL LOL..........
@sataness (321)
•
6 Jul 08
A.) NEVER suggest your sister goes back into an abusive relationship unless he is willing to look for help. Its not moral issues here where divorce is concerned.. of he is an abusive man it's likely he isnt going to stop hitting her and can turn onto his own children. B.) Open your eyes? Unfortunately most of the children born into this world don't have alot of money to help them grow up as a security blanket however you have no right to judge ur sister on her decision, if she loves her child and has the determination to keep them safe then i genuinly think she has the same determinatin to care for her child and to give them the love they deserve..money isnt everything.
No offence? but for some reason it stikes me you a tad selfish.. ive lived most of my life in an abusive environment and what ur saying is basically the thing that had us go back..our family wouldn;t help us get away, and now at 16 im bitter towards alot of things.. my suggestion? If you have doubts on sharing and budget then the least u can do is offer ur support, your sister is likely to be going through alot of emotional pain at the moment and i think she'll want a hug more than ur room.
