Kids don't want to go to their grandparents.
By katsmeow1213
@katsmeow1213 (28716)
United States
July 7, 2008 9:48am CST
Well, my mother in law just called, which is something that NEVER happens. She asked to borrow some kids for the day, so I offered up the oldest 3. She's on her way to get them now, but 2 of the kids are not so excited about going. Actually the oldest got on his knees and begged not to go because he wants to stay home and play with his friends. I got quite annoyed at this. I told him he has all summer to play with his friends, and he hasn't seen his grandparents in a very long time, even though they live five minutes away.
I already told her she can have them, so I'm not going to call and say they don't want to now, that would upset her. I think she was already a bit disappointed that I didn't offer the younger 2 as well. I could hear it in her voice, but my in laws are quite old, and the little ones need too much supervision still.
Have you ever had to deal with a child not wanting to visit family, and what did you do?
3 people like this
14 responses
@DonnaLawson (4032)
• United States
7 Jul 08
I would talk to them first and see why they didn't want to go visit with their grandparents.. Is age the only reason that the grandparents don't see them often even though they just live 5 minutes away.. They may not know them well enough to be comfortable around them.. I hope you can resolve this without hard feelings.. They may enjoy the time away if they do go and you will get a bit of a break..
@katsmeow1213 (28716)
• United States
8 Jul 08
No, the reason the in laws don't see the kids often is because I have a very bad relationship with them. It's basically they hate me, and I hate them. Up until now they have refused to call and ask to see the kids, they used to just show up uninvited, which caused a lot of tension in this house and got to the point it would start fights between my husband and I. They have finally stopped doing that, so then they were just waiting for me to call and invite them, which isn't going to happen. It seems everytime our relationship begins to heal, they will do or say something that aggravates me and it starts all over again.
You know, to be honest, it would take an extremely long time to explain all this, lol. I do have good reason for my feelings, and when I tell others what my in laws do, it irritates them too even though they don't know my in laws. But basically that's why they don't see my kids often.
However that is not the reason my kids didn't want to go over there. Although I'm sure they've picked up on my feelings, they themselves have always had a good relationship with their grandparents.
1 person likes this
@Ejobsuccess (895)
• United States
7 Jul 08
Well i dont have any kids yet, I got one in the oven, but my sister has 3 that i usually take care of and well, Sometimes they get like that. I still send them. I actually send all 3 lol. She gets what she asks for. I know that ages 12,9,7 are a bit much but their grandparents are not that old. Besides they raised kids before and i am sure they will get back into the swing of things. I think its important that they bond with the grandparents before they are gone. I say send them unless there are bad feelings, but even still its always good to let them spend time.
@Ejobsuccess (895)
• United States
7 Jul 08
You could always pick them up early or be on stand by just incase it gets to over whelming.
@katsmeow1213 (28716)
• United States
7 Jul 08
The kids my in laws will be taking are 11, 5, and 5. They've taken them many times before, but not since last summer.
The only hard feelings in this family are between me and my in laws, I try not to involve the kids, but I'm sure they pick up on it. I don't have anything against the way they handle the kids, otherwise I wouldn't send them.
@laglen (19759)
• United States
8 Jul 08
I don't have this problem. I only have one child and she loves both sets of grandparents. But in regards to your dilemma, I think I would make a deal. Unless there is a good reason for them not wanting to go. The deal I mentioned would be, if you go to their house for whatever time period, you can have a friend spend the night. I am big on my daughter enjoying her summer, but she still has some responsibilities.
@gemini_rose (16264)
•
7 Jul 08
No I dont have this problem with mine, only because none of their grandparents ever have them over. How sad is that?
But, when I was a kid, guarantee each big school holiday I would have to go and stay with one set of grandparents or the other. I used to get so upset, I did not want to go I wanted to stay and play with my mates, going to them would be so boring. Of course I had no choice in the matter I was going and that was that.
Of course as soon as I realised I was not going to get out of it and resigned myself to it and actually got there, I always had the time of my life and then never wanted to come home!!
@honeydew82174 (1720)
• United States
7 Jul 08
I would send them any way. They might have a good time and thank you for making them go when the get back. I would sit down and talk to them and tell them grandpa and grandma want to spend time with you and they are not going to be here forever. Make sure they understand how important family is. I send mine even when they do not want to go. They always have a good time. @katsmeow1213 (28716)
• United States
8 Jul 08
Wouldn't you know, when they got home they were all talking about going again.
@lingli_78 (12822)
• Australia
8 Jul 08
well, i don't have kids yet and if i have one in the future, i will make sure that they love their grandparents as well... they have to respect their grandparents as they won't even exist in this world if not because of their grandparents... and the priority should be family first before friends... that's what i think... take care and have a nice day...
@checapricorn (16061)
• United States
7 Jul 08
Hi katsmeow,
I have no kids but this is a common story for me. I have a friend whose kids also are not excited when they will visit their grandparents..They prefer to play with their friends and stay at home. maybe your MIN needs to be more visible to them and attached to them.They need to have little surprises to catch the attention of your kids..
@Gargoyle0134 (1257)
• United States
7 Jul 08
Sure. All parents have had this.
Respect the child's wishes this time, but not evry time. Negotiate with the child and get them agree that every second time, they go. They other time, they can stay, unless they want to go.
As the kids get older and have their own friends, you'll run into this. It's natural. They will see the grandparents next time!
@excellence7 (3655)
• Mauritius
7 Jul 08
I think a child must visit her or his grandparents because for the grandparents, the child is very precious for it is the child of their child. Thus, when the child is very little itself, the parent must make the child used to visiting the grandparents. Then, later the child himself will yearn to visit his grandparents which is a cause of happiness for the grandparents.
@orchid7980 (58)
• United States
7 Jul 08
I have not had any kid yet. But I think the connection with their grandparents is very important. Just tell your kids how much their prandparents love them and make them understand what is family. This is the first time they spend their day with grandparents alone. They should spend some more quality time together.
@anjalirawat29 (119)
• Singapore
8 Jul 08
well all the childrens are like that........ Well what i feel you should not force them after all they are kids y dont you ask your mother in law to come at your place so that she will be happy and your kids can also play with their friends........
