I Want To Scream, But Will Anyone Hear, Will Anyone Care????
By Rozie37
@Rozie37 (15499)
Turkmenistan
July 13, 2008 5:10pm CST
I can vent about this here on Mylot, but I realize that at the end of the day, the only thing that will help is when I pray. I wasn't sure whether I was going to share this at first, but I believe that there is a great lesson to be learned in it for all of us. Who decides what are children will and won't do if we don't instruct them and raise them properly?? Their peers do.
Our children will do almost anything it takes to fit in with the crowd, if we don't give them a moral compass. Now why am I saying this right now. Well earlier this week, I logged on to my Myspace page. I have two accounts. It is a way to keep up with what my 11 nieces and nephews are doing. Most of them are my friend's on there. But every now and then, I come across something said or done by them that I would much rather not know about. But God allows me to know, so that I can pray.
Now my middle sister has four children and one grandchild. She does her darnedest to keep a tight reign on her children. It doesn't always work, hence the reason for her becoming a grandmother at 38, when her daughter was only 18 and unmarried. But I admire her for always doing her best. Then there is my older sister who married and unsaved man. Now I am in no way judging my her, because I know that she loves the Lord with all her heart and does the very best that she can for her children.
But her unsaved husband pretty much rules the roost and can be quite controlling and abusive at times. He spoils their seven children and allows them to do what they please. Yet it was still a shock to me when I logged on to Myspace and saw my 15 year old niece wearing some kind of fish net dress or top, showing way more of her top half than any parent should allow. It hurt me so bad to see my little niece looking like a woman of the night. Now I realize that this is the in thing for some teens right now. Her mother already warned me. But that does not mean that children should be doing it. So in the end, I am highly pissed off, because know one on this earth will listen to my cries of despair.
10 people like this
16 responses
@redkathy (3374)
• United States
14 Jul 08
I am a huge advocate of teens. I am a Christian, and known in the community among the local teens. It's a rough crowd, metal heads, with lots of piercings and tattoos. They look like a scary bunch however most are quite the opposite once you talk with them! They respect me and know who I stand for. I think it better to share the good news rather than worry about how the look. It's kinda like pick your battles. The very best you can do, in my opinion, is to be an example for your niece. Share the Word with her and continue to pray for her. Leave her a cool Christan comment on her myspace. Maybe you will unknowingly influence her in a big way!
@Rozie37 (15499)
• Turkmenistan
14 Jul 08
I have committed my life to being a positive influence on all 11 of my nieces and nephews. I loss my mom at 10 and never knew my father. I was abused and had a rough upbringing. I know what is out there and times are getting worse. I am a child of God also. It is a lot easier for me to trust God for me, than for my family, but I am learning. I will continue to pray for her.
1 person likes this
@roanne05 (1290)
• Oman
14 Jul 08
i understand what you feel. you are just concern hence they are your relative. i will also feel the same. my suggestion is talk to them. if the father cannot guide them well, why not guide them yourself. i know as per you are ONLY their aunt, they will think you are controlling them. but i think it would be the right approach. at first befriend them then slowly guide them to the right path. it would be hard without the help of the parents but it would be more harder if they grew-up like that. as you yourself is saying that God always fin d a way for you to see the mistakes. maybe God is asking you to help those children. maybe He is asking your help because they cannot be guided by the parents. just try to guide them to good. Good Luck and God bless.
@Shaun72 (15959)
• Palatka, Florida
14 Jul 08
All you can do is pray and hope that your niece sees some how that the way she id dressing is wrong. Espically on a site like myspace. Espically after I have heard all of the bad things that have happened from that site. Like houses being turn apart from people inviting them to there house for parties. I go on there but I watch who I accept as friends also. I mostly have my best friend her sister my half neice. Also another life long friend and amother old friend that found me on there. Who now lives in another state. Anyhow I am sorry about your niece.
@Rozie37 (15499)
• Turkmenistan
14 Jul 08
The thing of it is, it is so bad that three of her friends have already told her to remove the picture. Now you know it is bad if your friends are telling you that you are too young for something like that. If I were her, I would be embarrassed.
1 person likes this
@Debs_place (10520)
• United States
14 Jul 08
You know, I can't speak for your sister, but my ex- was much more liberal in the child discipline department then I was. My son learned, if Mom is not happy, no one is happy. He learned to toe the line to my rules. I hate those baggy pants with the butts hanging out among other things. He did wear them but not when I was around and they were never as low as his friends. He wore them to fit in but he also tried to listen to me but not wearing them as low as friends.
Today, he is 22 years old and thanks to my nagging and his Uncle Sam and the Navy -those pants are long in the past.
You sister has to take this clothing and destroy and lay down the rules. She is still the parent and is responsible for her child's morals in spite of her husband.
And being unsaved has nothing to do with it, I am quite sure you would consider me unsaved yet I bet that when it comes to morals and doing what is right, I agree with you 100%.
1 person likes this
@Debs_place (10520)
• United States
14 Jul 08
Getting into the church will be easier then the follow thru. If the man does not follow-up with the guidelines, then it is useless.
Best of luck.
@Rozie37 (15499)
• Turkmenistan
14 Jul 08
I know what you mean, but so far, my sister has had no say so over what her kids do. If she says no and the dad says yes, that's the way things go. The dad is now talking about getting into church and wants the kids to go through. I am hoping that the prayers of my family are finally going to be answered.
1 person likes this
@p1kef1sh (45681)
•
14 Jul 08
Rozie I don't know about praying but I do have some experience with teenagers. She's trying to look grown up and shocking you and he other older relatives is probably part of the deal. You could try asking her how wearing that top makes her feel about herself. What it says etc. Did you wear a mini skirt when you were younger? Why etc. Just let her know that she is loved and cared for. You are a good aunt. The best. Remember that.
1 person likes this
@Rozie37 (15499)
• Turkmenistan
14 Jul 08
Even though you said you do not know about praying, so far your response has help me the most. The thing about it is, she is in a whole lot of pain right now. The father has become estranged from his own family and is pulling my sister away from hers. He up and moved the family to Georgia from California, before the school year was even over.
The five kids had loads of friends that practically lived at my sister's house all the time. Since there were very little rules, that is where all the teenagers wanted to be. This particular niece is very sensitive and I believe that she is taking the sudden move the hardest. Before she put this picture up, she had written over her avatar about how she hated life.
My sister is still out here and dragging her feet about quitting the city job that she has worked at for over 25 years. No one wants this move accept the father and he does not even have a job. They sold the house that they were in and are planning to buy a house out there, but everything that could go wrong, has gone wrong. Including someone stealing the U-Haul with all their property in it.
My family has been completely stressed over this whole marriage before they even got married in 1991. The father is very mean and has a bad temper. Not to long ago, three of the kids had to get in his face to keep him from hitting my sister. The father only cares about himself and what he wants. He is also very sick. He has high blood pressure, diabetes, heart failure, and only God knows what else. It had gotten so bad until at one point, I was wishing he would die, so my sister could be free. I am praying that they get relief from this hellish life soon.
@prettyrose529 (93)
• Philippines
14 Jul 08
there could be no one earth who will listed to your cries of despair, but you are correct that prayer is of great help. God listens to our prayers and im sure that He would honor you heart's cries and desires. just keep on praying for your family, for your sisters, and for your nieces. do not lose hope. as long as there is God, there is hope. have faith.
@prettyrose529 (93)
• Philippines
15 Jul 08
you're welcome. it will help you prepare for the future if you would take what you experience as lessons. then you know how to do better then.
@marciascott (25529)
• United States
14 Jul 08
Yes, Rozie it is true, that is the way these Kids dress now, I half to always tell my Grandaughters to cover up their bossoms, they like to let them hang. I don't think it looks nice at all.
@desertdarlene (8910)
• United States
14 Jul 08
I have a relative that is going through something similar with her son and Facebook. I have been shocked by some of the things he has posted and applications that he's added. He tries to portray himself as being older online, too. Her other child seems to be doing quite well on his own. I have known her children since they were babies and they've always been very nice boys so the things that he was doing was quite a surprise to me.
I don't know exactly what to do when I see young people acting the way you describe except be a good role model and show them that they dn't have to do that stuff to have fun. And, it's worth a lot more to be respectable. In the future, they may regret their behavior online. When I was a kid, we didn't post our stupid behavior online for the world to see. Now, however, things are a lot different.
1 person likes this
@Rozie37 (15499)
• Turkmenistan
14 Jul 08
I know what you mean. I just read an article not to long ago where they were saying that what you do online, stays online forever. Even if you think you have deleted it, it is still out there somewhere. This is exactly it, these children are experiencing so much freedom with the internet that they have forgotten to have respect for themselves. I want to tell me niece to take the avatar off, but I have to think of a way to say it that will not hurt her feelings.
@wachit14 (3595)
• United States
14 Jul 08
As upset as you may be at this point, you really have no say in how your niece dresses. Is it right for her to be wearing revealing clothes at 15? No, but that's up to the parents and if they feel like they have to pick their battles very carefully with her, then maybe how she dresses is not one of them.
@Rozie37 (15499)
• Turkmenistan
14 Jul 08
If I thought that there was anything that I could get away with saying to her, I would not be on Mylot venting, I would be talking to her. I do not think that my sister even knows about the picture, but I do not want to add to the stress she is already going through.
@ZephyrSun (7381)
• United States
14 Jul 08
I am sorry to see this. I understand what you are talking about my boys are almost teens and I can't believe some of the stuff their friends do. The girls just have no respect for themselves. I keep my boys on a short leash and know where they are at all times and rarely allow them to leave the yard (since we live in a big city). Best of luck and I hope all turns well for you.
@kisanchhantyal (420)
• Nepal
14 Jul 08
OH be cool just take a glass of water and take surf to the cool place and go to the bath if you are getting hot . It make the blood pressure high so take so me rest and be cool you don't need to so dizzy.If you can't then spoil your problem to your best friends and take good and tasty meal so that you can forget the stress and tension
1 person likes this
@maryrajam1962 (257)
• Malaysia
14 Jul 08
I hear your screams and I am concerned. I am sorry to hear about your niece. As an aunt you can guide her with God's support. You are right abour peers decide what our children will do or won't do if we adults don't train them to have moral values. You can communicate with your niece on Myspace page and let her know how you feel. You need to be patient and I am sure eventually your niece will listen to you. I wish you all the best and may God bless you
@klamor20 (242)
• Canada
24 Jul 08
I know what you are going through but dont worry, God is in control. i know you are one of those people keeping America from distruction because of your righteousness. you need to know that the devil as taken over the world and even the kind of fshsion those designers are designing shows that their mind belongs to the devil we all have to keep on praying. do you know that things could have been worse if not for grace. just keep up the fate and the Lord will intervain. while doing this dont forget to thank Him always.
@smythwicks (131)
• Ireland
14 Jul 08
well just look at the responses your cries are not in vain!!
im surprised how supportive people really are on this!
1 person likes this
@jingbautista (2456)
• Philippines
24 Jul 08
first of all, we all live in a democratic world. so go on, scream!! as long as you don't disturb others. however, the first thing you should do is scream in the loving arms of our Lord. He does delight in our heartaches and desires and wants. and with regards to you, i mean, HE is really willing to take care of you as long as you would go to Him. that is the first thing to do. secondly, like Paul we should be the one leading our family using the authority that God has given us. let us train this children and most of all train them into the likeness of His SOn. but don't get frustrated when things aren't well. let us leave the result to God. let us just do our part. for in the end, what matters is what we did.or did we do something? it is a shame when the answer is no. but when the answer is yes, then it is not us who has the problem. it is the other involved.. go on scream!!!
@ella1bella (839)
•
24 Jul 08
The internet holds great mytery for the young,on the internet it gives them the power to explore their sexuality,but they do not realise how misleading all of this can be.I understand the angst you must be feeling,if I saw a young one that I knew well in a provocative pose,then I would be a little fraught.But the thing is they have no idea of the danger that they put themselves in,the internet is full of predators and thats is the biggest concern.Would it not be any good for you to have a little talk with the girl and say what you have seen,and just gently explain that it is not safe to do this.Parents have a very hard job nowadays,and keeping tabs on thier children is a nightmare,I can only say that I hope things turn out well for you.
