Have you ever had one of THOSE days?!?

Tweet

You know the kind of day I am talking about right? The kind of day when the universe is conspiring against you and everything that can go wrong does go wrong from sun up to sundown. Have you ever had a day like that? If you have please share it with me because I have had a month like that. Actually 15 days of this month but it has felt like a friggen year! Let me entertain you all with the tale of everything that could go wrong with my wedding AND did! I guess you could go way back to January when my sweetie and I decided to marry this summer in the Dominican Republic. We booked the vacation and started looking around on the internet to find out how and where and what getting married would cost us and how to do it. We found out that if we married there our marriage wouldn't be recognized in our county of residence because it takes more than 90 days to get the marriage license from that particular country. So we then had to plan to get married here in the state we live in and just use the vacation we already booked and paid for as our honeymoon. So away went the "beach wedding dress" that was above my knees and lace and I bought a new dress to wear that February for the quickie "I Do's" at the justice of the peace. Four days before that was supposed to happen I got pneumonia. No I Do's were done! So we set a date for July and I bought ANOTHER wedding dress to wear at this ceremony that was more appropriate for summer weather. Well I got this one on ebay for $35.00 including shipping so I wasn't terribly upset when I got it and couldn't fit it over my hips because even though the tag SAYS it's a 10 it is really a size 6. I asked my step mom if I could wear the dress she wore to marry my father and they both thought that would be a great idea and they both took time off work to come up for the wedding which then started the process of turning our quickie "I Do's" into a real ceremony complete with my father walking me down the isle. Which gave us the problem of finding a judge who wasn't playing golf or on vacation to marry us. Luckily 2 weeks before the ceremony one agreed to do it but took the whole day off so he could still get his golf in before he had to perform the vows. In an effort to save you all the pain I suffered from May-July losing weight and killing myself to make sure my step mothers wedding dress would fit me lets fast forward to July 6th. My step mother called me and told me that her and my father had a fight and they wouldn't be coming up after all. She was to ship my dress UPS so I wouldn't be naked in the park saying I Do that Friday. Silly woman shipped the dress overnight express for $135.00. I could have gone and purchased a brand new one for $99.00. I get the dress Tuesday and it was TOO BIG! I'm back to being naked for my wedding yet I now have a total of 4 wedding dresses in my closet! Also on Tuesday I took the boys to the barber to get their hair cut only to find out that he is on vacation for 2 weeks and the shop is closed! Both of my boys have cow licks in the back of their heads that if cut wrong they resemble Dennis the Menace. Since I trust no one else with my boys hair and I am out of options I am forced to take them to WalMart to get their hair cut. The first words out of my mouth were DO NOT CUT THEIR COW LICKS! And the first thing both stupid stylists did was cut their cow licks. Thank god for hair gel! But my silver lining to this dark cloud was sometime on Tuesday my step mom and dad made up and were to be in on Wednesday so she could alter the dress so it would fit me. Wednesday morning my dad got a shipment to take from NC to WV that should have only taken him 4 hours but ended up taking him 20 and they did not get in until 4:00 PM on THURSDAY, the day before my wedding and it still looks like I'm going to be naked in the park saying I DO. But also on Wednesday when my sweetie took my ring to get it cleaned 3 diamonds fell out of one of the settings and they had to send it away to get it fixed. I should have it back in 10 more days. So he had to buy ANOTHER wedding band so he would have something to put on my finger at the ceremony. Which started out as just me and him and now consisted of 22 people (not counting the ones I gave birth to). Since we never planned on having a reception I had to cook all the food to feed all of these people even though I had no idea who was and wasn't coming back to my house after the ceremony because he didn't know who from his side of the family or his friends was going to want to hang around on a Friday night. So on Thursday after my step mother had already been awake for 24 hours she measures me to alter the dress and we get in a fight about what size I am. In her delirium she insisted I was a 34 when I know dang well I am a 36 around my bust. She gave in and agreed I was a 36 but still cut the pattern for a 34. Then my poor step brother was up until 4 AM Friday morning ripping all the seams out of the dress to take the top off of it. 10 AM Friday morning it is off to get my hair and nails done. Oh, by the way, a wig I ordered for my daughter in MAY never arrived so 30 minutes before I have to be ready for pictures I am desperately trying to cover 2 grapefruit sized bald spots on her head. Pictures were at 2 PM. At 1:55 my dress was getting the buttons sewn back on it. Big surprise...it was TOO SMALL. Literally every time I took a deep breath I popped the top 3 buttons on the back open. The 76 degree weather we were supposed to have turned into 86 degree weather and 20 minutes into the photos that were started 40 minutes late all my children had had enough of the heat and I had steams of sweat pouring down my legs into my shoes so much that they squished when I walked. The ceremony was almost a disaster because while walking down the isle on my fathers arm I stepped on my dress not once but TWICE and popped those 3 buttons open down my back and they stayed that way for the whole ceremony. But luckily the I Do's were done without incident. There was no coughing, clearing of ones throat, or prolonged pauses from the groom so all of his parts are still in working order. Then on Saturday we were supposed to leave at noon for our mini honeymoon. My step brothers test ran late so we didn't get on the road until 3 only to have to turn around an hour into our trip because I forgot the concert tickets so we didn't get to our hotel until 8 that night. Only to be awoken by house keeping at 8 the next morning when we hadn't gone to sleep until 4. Seriously who cleans a hotel room at 8 am on a SUNDAY morning?!? I lost a whole toe nail because I got stepped on by a cow at the concert. Ok, she wasn't a cow but I swear she had hooves! And then last but not least we get our marriage certificate yesterday and HIS name is spelled WRONG! How the heck can you misspell the name of an attorney you see at least once a week? I'm really hoping my streak of bad luck is over because if this keeps up while I am on vacation who knows what stories I am going to have to tell when I return. Now that you all have had a good laugh, fill me in on a time when you have had one of THOSE days!