Why does a woman in a 15 year relationship who doesn't want kids have to flirt?

Hi fwidman. I agree that people flirt, because they like doing it and it's fun. I am worried about the media pressure here in Germany to engage in flirting as cultural Germans are a bit like sheep. I am not so sure that it is a good idea to resort to flirting, when you are depressed or to be making mental notes of all the people who fancy you, who you work with. I also find that flirting to the point of having a second relationship with somebody else in your mid to late 30s is a distraction away from facing up to your partner to have a family. I also find women who just flirt with married men or with men who are about to become fathers, to be a bit disturbing. Or is that normal? All the best from Germany UMart

Is it normal? Here in the States, probably In Germany, is it normal?I can't say. I would only hope that all flirting done by anyone with a partner is harmless and not meant that they are looking for someone else.

Hi fwidman. I don't think she is looking for someone else. I think it is more a distraction from reality. I don't believe she would have the courage to leave the relationship after 15 years. I think now that I should have changed the title of the discussion to: "Does flirting make up for the unhappiness in your present relationship?", but that would come across as very depressing for a lot of people, don't you think?:-) Take care and thanks for your comments UMart

Hello anawar. Germans are very much susceptible to the media and they are being encouraged to flirt all the time here. I am old that the woman loves her partner, but your words were "in love with" and I do not believe she is in love with her partner either. After 15 years a relationship is very old and I think it is very scary for those involved to imagine anything else. Yes the latest theory is that flirting with somebody else may bring the spark back into the relaionship, but if that flrting is with married men and men whose wives are pregnant then I find it disturbing. I believe in love too and this is most certainly not love. All the very best. UMart

I don't know about "normal", but it's not uncommon. Is she unhappy because her partner has kept her from things she wanted in life, or does she have bouts of unhappiness because of the depression. I myself have bipolar disorder and tend to get those same feelings, but I'm not attractive and people don't flirt with me, so I don't have the same problems, but I do have those feelings. She would need to talk to her boyfriend about how she's feeling. She may be flirting because he doesn't give her enough attention and she may be unhappy because she's feeling unfulfilled.

Hello GloomCookieLex. This discussion is general, but I have specific examples in my head too, as I am a foreign observer here in Germany. Let's say this is a good looking woman of 42, who is a nice person, but goes into bouts of depression. She has chosen a partner for life, is 15 years together with him, has accepted his wish not to have children, but enjoys being near children. She goes out with other guys and has the phone on all the time and checks her jealous boyfiend's text messages coming in. In her job, when she is depressed she flirts with many guys, looking for attention and makes mental lists of all the guys who find her attractive. She says she is unhappy inher life. She says she loves her boyfiend, but the cycle repeats itself every few years. Is that normal? All the best. Umart

Hi again Gloomcookielex. Yes i think you have described the picture perfectly now. I believe both negatives are at work. She does suffer from bouts of depression and she has been kept from things she wanted in life. The first thing she admits, but she is in denial about the second matter, although this is no surprise, because that would mean questioning the whole relationship with her boyfriend, which has offered a form of security over 15 years. Her boyfriend does get jealous when she goes out with other guys, which is nice for her to know, but deep down I believe that your last comment is right and that she is unhappy because she's feeling unfulfilled. All the best from Cologne. Speak to you soon. UMart

Hello my friend yogeshdhusa. Yes in this case you are perfectly right. The lady is a mystery and has moreover become a mystery to herself. She has chosen to flirt away the important moments in her life. She has postponed the decision to consider the long-term relationship she has been in for 15 years, until it has become too late to have child. Now she looks on as her sister has a second child and she sees her boyfriend enjoying playing with kids for the first time, which cause her emotions of regret. All the best. Umart

Hi nupats. Thanks for your comment. I agree with you that mild flirting is no harm and that it makes life interesting. I just don't like people using it as a substitute. As a psychologist friend once said to me: we often dig new holes to fill up the old holes we have made in our life. In this case I feel that the flirting was a distraction from making a serious decision about the future of the long-term relationship. All the best. Umart