Does weight really have to be an issue in a relationship?
By Bebekoh
@lrglara (1334)
Philippines
July 17, 2008 2:08pm CST
i have been a chubby since childhood... even my mom tells me that... so its not a surprise that i am chunky even when i was in highschool... my weight has been fluctuating as long as i can remember...
my friends say im not fat but chubby (its the same really!). anyway, im currently in a long-term commitment. during the course of our relationship, i've gained weight. initially, it was not such as big deal but he keeps telling me you should lose this or that. it irritates me. there are instances where he compares my body when we've met and my body now. i am working abroad and i have to say, i've gain a lot of weight since then. i don't sweat as much and i dont workout. i realized that i have to do something so i am exercising now (babysteps).
he still doesnt understand that this is a package deal, that even if i lose the weight now, once we get married, i might gain it back especially during pregnancy and if he still insists the i lose weight im going to freak out. does this really matter? because if it does, maybe i should think twice... should i?
3 people like this
24 responses
@Adeliza1220 (877)
• United States
18 Jul 08
Well me ex was real annoying everytime he mentioned that.. statement maybe you shouldnt eat that or compare to when we had first met.. and take into mind that we met when i was 14 and now i am 20 and just went through a pregnacy and he still grabs my stomach and says is this normal so what i do is turn around and grab his and say is this normal, i had a baby 6months ago what is your excuse.. well you have to think good about this bc it always just depends on the guy, let him know straight forward how you feel towards his comments honesty is always the key, then from there you decide what is best for you... o yea and remember usually a guy gains weight and catches up with the wife later on
@lrglara (1334)
• Philippines
18 Jul 08
haha! that's funny. i use to do that. i mean why bother me when you have not taken a look at yourself. he gained weight but when i went abroad, he lost it over stress (job-related!). i did tell him that's its beginning to annoy me that if he doesnt stop, he'll never win with me in word war! i mean, if he wants war, i'll give him war!!! (something like that!) hahaha!
@Adeliza1220 (877)
• United States
18 Jul 08
Well thats good that you have communicated the issue with him, and i hope that he takes your word for it because then .. its like you said WAR and he wont win. Well I wish you the best and hope everything goes the right way- Sometimes men are too busy pointing out ever flaw that you have but its like what i used to tell my ex... i never said i was Barbie nor are you Ken so its the same.
@n30wing (4767)
• Philippines
18 Jul 08
I know how you feel my girlfriend usually tells me to loose waight. She usually makes me sermon about my diet. Even before we go to sleep she tells me to exercise the one she taught me. Sometimes I feel bad about it but I really do tell her I really love to eat. But when I was not feeling good anymore like having hyper tension I really have to go dieting and excercise now. Now I believe her it's also for my own good. Maybe your bf knows the precaution of over waight and his just concern. Don't misinterpret it. If you think negative you will feel bad think it the positive way around. He just loves you that is why! Anyway have a nice day! God bless!
@turtle_ring27 (199)
• Philippines
20 Jul 08
well. that was quite bad. If i were you I let him go because why loving him if he can't accept what I am. It requires acceptance and respect in a relationship.
So, think and decide what you feel is right. know him better.as well as the feelings for you.
@spiderlizard22 (3444)
• United States
18 Jul 08
It is more of a preference on what kind of body people are attracted to. Believe or not I heard some men say they like chubby women. If you want someone who is attracted to you you can always go out with men who are attracted to chubby women.
@alori61 (344)
• United States
18 Jul 08
My recommendation would be to run not walk away from this situation. I started dating a guy I was 125 pounds at the time (5'4") I had been having some issues both mental and physical prior to meeting him and was about 10 heavier then normal when I met him. In the beginning he didn't say nothing but made it clear he only dated little women. The longer we were involved the more he insulted me the more weight I gained. Now mind you this was not a small man he was 6 feet tall and weighed 260 himself. By the time I got him out of my life 18 months later I was up to 180 pounds. Three years have passed since then, I've been back down to 117 for almost a year now. I manage my weight because I choose to, but if my man can not accept me for who I am not how I look he isn't worth my time. I'm more then the number on the scale.
@fluffnflowers (1594)
• United States
17 Jul 08
I gained 50 lbs due to a bunch of health conditions, shortly after I moved in with my guy. During this period, he was very concerned about the weight and encouraged me to eat better and exercise more. He's overweight and I have to keep reminding and encouraging him that he needs to exercise more, so it's a joint 'nagging'.
As soon as I stopped the medications, I lost 30 lbs, but I still have a ways to go and he doesn't say anything since I'm now trying to lose weight. You weren't thin when you met him, so I can easily see your boyfriend being concerned about your health, rather than upset that you're overweight. That's how it is between my guy and I. If my guy gained a lot of weight, I'd be VERY concerned, and probably discuss it with him much more often.
Have you talked to him about why he's bothering you about your weight. If he's worried about the aesthetic, that's pretty inexcusable. If he's worried about YOU, I'd take it to heart and discuss that you're trying to lose weight and be healthier.
@mommyboo (13174)
• United States
18 Jul 08
It sounds like he needs to learn how to express himself in a less hurtful way, instead of focusing on the negative like bugging you about losing weight, it would be wise instead to talk about being healthier, exercising, trying new foods or new cooking styles.
@nengs10 (3180)
• Philippines
18 Jul 08
For me, weight is never an issue. But of course, you can't take that issue away from some people who think about weight as a big deal or some sort. When you feel affectionate to a person, you don't care about his or her physical attributes. As the cliche goes, if you love someone, you will accept everything about her or him.
@wachit14 (3595)
• United States
18 Jul 08
Should weight be an issue in a relationship? Probably not, unless it presents major health issues for one partner. Other than that, couples should be supportive of each other regardless of how much weight they gain and lose. Having said that, I think that since your weight is such an issue with your partner, then perhaps this isn't the right relationship for you. Yes, you should be healthy first and foremost, especially if you are young and plan on marrying and getting pregnant, but you shouldn't have to feel pressured to lose weight because your partner may leave you. That kind of stress on you can cause resentment and that won't be good for any relationship.
@palonghorn (5479)
• United States
18 Jul 08
Has he made reference to you loosing weight because of looks, or could it be that he is just concerned for your health? They have shown that some weight is genetic. However, he could just be concerned that your weight will have an impact on your health. My ex-husband never said anything about me loosing weight, even when I was very near 300 lbs, my mother was the one that was always on me about loosing weight, for health reasons. I was healthy in every aspect except for my weight. I only lost it when I finally did it for me, not for anyone else. I lost 150 lbs 4 years ago and have maintained that lose, and I'm working on loosing the last 30 lbs. However, it is possible to be over weight and healthy, I never had high blood pressure, or any other medical issues even at my highest weight. If he is making reference to you loosing weight just because of appearance, then don't even think twice, because he'll only be more insistant if you were married.
@sid556 (30959)
• United States
18 Jul 08
Not knowing your boyfriend, it is really hard to answer this. It could be that he is just very much concerned about your health, in which case he is perfectly justifiable. my guess is that that is exactly what it is. You don't say how much you are overweight but you were "chubby" when you began dating him and obviously that was not an issue for him. So to me, it doesn't sound as if he is judging you. I am thinking that he loves you and is concerned for your health. If you are considering being with him longterm and it sounds as if you are as you mention having children etc, then definitly this should be something you talk openly about with him. he sounds pretty open...not a guy that is looking for a "barbie doll"...I think you should work with him...sounds like he has your best in mind.
@mimico (3617)
• Philippines
18 Jul 08
Guys are such superficial jerks sometimes. Weight should be the least worrisome issue in a relationship, but guys always want a hot girl so it becomes a big thing. You see a lot of girls out with beefy guys, but fat or chubby girls are usually or always single. If you really want to please your guy then get more exercise. It's good for your health and your confidence anyway. But if your man can't see your other virtues just because of the extra weight, then he's not worth it.
@yenwie84 (1344)
• Malaysia
18 Jul 08
Weight should not be an issue in a relationship if the guy really loves you. When we love a person, we love the whole self of that person,meaning all the bads and goods,we will just accept it. I think this should be the correct way. If I am you, I will really think twice whether this guy is worth for my love or not. Good luck.
@MizukiZHR (611)
• China
18 Jul 08
I don't think it will effect your relationship if your are friends but if your lover is thin before and very fat now,will you continue to love her.I think most of boys will choose"No".So I think if you are very thin now you should keep your weight and if you are a little overweight now,you also needn't to be worried about it.Your friends and lover must have accepted it,I think.
@shinymood (405)
• China
18 Jul 08
it's better to lose a little weight to keep healthy and it helps one become confident too. but don't push yourself too hard, try what you can. Weight does't have to be the most important part in a relationship but it sure matters in a sutble way. i remember someone once said, a lady would not allow her body to get fat too much because then she would try to workout a little or do something about it. We all want to look good. Plus, overweight is definately not a good thing to one's health. Many overweight people in my family have health problems and i can see their pains. Even after you think twice about the relationship, to lose a little weight is still a great idea because it's all for the best.
@Ithink (9980)
• United States
18 Jul 08
I personally would be rethinking this whole relationship. Hubby and I got together when he was 14 and I was 16. I sure have changed 7 kids later and yet he thinks (sicko that he is) that Im still the most perfect and beautiful woman in the world. Not only does he tell me this his actions tell me this and every woman DESERVES to have love and devotion like that.
We all change and think woman more so especially after having babies. I cant even imagine feeling like that. It is hard enough without having the one that is suppose to love you acting like that in my opinion.
@alindahaw (1219)
• Philippines
18 Jul 08
If you ask me, you should seriously think twice about marrying that guy. if he is so concerned about your weight, then he will probably make your life mesirable when you get married. Weight should never be an issue in a relationship. Yeah, it is perfectly ok for your partner to remind you every now and then about your weight for health reasons but things can get quite sticky when the gentle prodding turns into real pestering.
@jammyt (2818)
• Philippines
18 Jul 08
Do not feel bad dear. maybe the only reason why your partner is insisting you to lose weight is because he is concerned with your health. It is good that you are taking baby steps into exercising already. that is a good start. Always remember, if he really loves you, he will love you chubby or not. If he doesn't, then maybe you should rethink about the whole relationship. i have never been thin all my life. My hubby met me like this. Now that we have been together for 12 years, we both have gained weight since we started and he always assures me that I look just fine no matter what. and when he asks me to watch what I eat or if I should exercise a little, I listen because it's always about my health he is after. And don't worry about weight gain during pregnancy, you will easily lose it afterwards from staying up all night and later on tending to the baby. Cheer up, I hope all turns out well.
@relundad (2310)
• United States
18 Jul 08
I would not even consider marrying him! Are you kidding me? He's looking for someone that you are not! He is looking for a thinner person! You may never be that which is really not the point. If he loves you then it should be unconditional not depending on what weight you are.
I always say that if you need to change something physically about a person to love them, why don't you just find that person? Why make me change? Or why would I want to change that person. We all have our preferences but if you already love a person that should not be an issue.
Cut your losses now! Just think what you will be like once he marries you and thinks that he OWNS you. On second thought he probally wont marry you unless you get skinny anyway.
@lifeisamazing (209)
• United States
18 Jul 08
dear lrglara,
i really think that if your loved ones are constantly telling u that they think youre chubby, they are saying it for the best. they're thinking about your health, nothing else!
have you seen the movie Shallow Hal? well watch it, it's amazing, anyways, i don't htink that weight is an issue in relationships. but most people are really shallow these days and judge books by their covers.
yes i do think you should start eating healthier and excersize regularly to improve your health and to slim out......don't think about anything else!
