What would you say?

I would actually be insulted, maybe that is negative, but I would take it as "I cannot handle my own child" I do believe you should accept support if she offers, but I do not agree with you are "not to say anything" exactly what is that teaching your child? Children are very intelligent, I see this with my 2 1/2 yr old, if Daddy says no... he runs to Mommy, etc. Are the children involved with the adults in activities? Does someone sit and play with them, or do you just let them play amongst themselves? Maybe they need a little more attention, I could be wrong, not knowing the situation. But if it helps I totally agree with your feelings, maybe you or your hubby can discuss your feeling with her. Good Luck and Keep your Chin up!!!!!!

Every family has its own politics. What you didn't tell us is how your husband responded to his mother's new ruling. I do not believe in disciplining other people's children. But if they are in my house and their own parents are not doing anything about their behavior, then I will say something to the child. But that is only if someone is getting hurt or something is about to be damaged. It is my house and I have that right to protect what is in my house be it people or objects. You also didn't say whether the other child's parents are doing anything to discipline their child. I am thinking that maybe they are not or they would not be allowing him to do things that hurt and upset your daughter. That is just inconsiderate and teaches their child to be inconsiderate. Maybe your mother in law is tired of the fights that you said happen every week and she is attempting to gain back some order and peace in the family gathering. If all the parents are not able to come to some kind of agreement, maybe she feels she has no choice but to step in and be the referee and person in charge since it isn't getting done any other way. If you are meeting in her house, it is her right to discipline the children if no one else is doing so. No one should be a child to mistreat another child and if this is a recurring thing every week, apparently no one is doing anything about it. Some children are more sensitive and get upset easier while others can be rougher and at 3 years old they are not old enough to understand that they are hurting the other one unless someone teaches them. Maybe that is what your mother in law is trying to accomplish. You also didn't tell us if she told the other parents the same thing. Ask some questions. Someone needs to make the children behave and stop the weekly fights.

Hi Mummybec, First and foremost you and your husband are your daughters parents not your mother-in-law/mother. It is here home admittedly and I guess her house her rules but not over someone elses children. I would actually say ok fair enough we will be staying home next Friday. My son had a 'friend' that used to come round and practically destroy all my sons toys and also pretend my son had hurt him, I would discipline my son for it but one day my son was the other side of the room and myself and the boys parent were both watching without this boys parent realising and he came running through to the kitchen crying saying mine had just hit him when we could see he hadn't, boy did his parent tell him and I then sat my son down and apologised for all the times I had told him off when it was his fault.(my son isn't perfect but at the same time I really feel for your daughter being picked on like this as he was too) This child was sly and caused problems and I said to their parent that in future we would pop down to them and destroy a few of their childs toys for a change and see how their son and them liked it, they invited us down and their son wouldn't let my son play with anything so they pcked a toy and throw it away and said that will happen to all the toys if you don't learn to share. The boy is a bit better now but is just so destructive. He doesn't come up often but did last week and I have had new turfs laid, my son knows to stay off them but even though told not to go on this section this child tipped a childs wheelbarrow of dirt of it. Grrrr, I have now told their parent that I would rather he didn't come to play anymore and he doesn't play he just destroys. My sons other friedns aren't like this, just this one but my son likes him and when he asks can he come round I will say no, not today darling we are doig such and such. I am deviating completely off the subject here sorry but had to get that one out LOL. Your stuck as its a family member, but a few Fridays of not going may show you mean business. It is your job to discipline not your mum-in-laws or maybe hold at your own home so she cannot do this, I would also speak to your brother-in-law and say that his child is upsetting your daughter all the time. Good luck, they will eventually grow out of it. Ellie :D

Hi mummybec! Seeing how uncomfortable your mother in-law's decision to discipline the children is making you, you should address it. I personally dont have a problem with my kids being disciplined by their grandparents, but only if i or their father was not present. If you dont talk to your mother in-law, it could make your visit a little tense.

I think it is a parent's place to discipline their child. You didn't say if the brother and his wife ever discipline their son for bothering your daughter. Maybe this is what the mother-in-law is wanting to do - make sure your daughter isn't hurt by him. But I would talk with her and let her know you can take care of your child, but that the little boy needs some attention. He seems like perhaps a very aggressive 3 year old. Some kids are more like that and some can play in harmony. I will talk to my daughter's kids, but not my son's, especially if his wife is around because I don't want her getting mad at me. But I doubt that she would. I have his older son now (9 1/2) and my daughter's youngest (12 1/2). I treat them like they are my kids when they are here and my daughter and son know it. But I would never just 'take charge' of the kids when the parents are around. Now, if the parents never stepped in, I might say something. I could see the Friday night get togethers might become a hassle if she continues to want to take charge of your children.

Oh my, that sounds like something my wicked step mother in law would say. There's no way I will let her discipline my children especially if I am there. If mine weren't listening to me or their father, and she asked if she could try to talk to them that would be ok, as long as she is speaking nicely to them. I am so adamant about this because I know that she used to hit my husband ( her step son ) when he was growing up, and I'll never let her get the chance to lay a hand on MY children. I would have to tell your mom in law that I appreciate the offer but prefer to discipline my own children. If she insists, I probably just wouldn't go to her house every time. I hope I helped ya out.

well, i will definitely say something if it happens to me... the kids are mine and i am the one who should have the authority to discipline them as their mother... your mother in law has had her share in raising her own children and she has no right at all to interfere into your family... raising kids should be the parents' job and not the grandparents... take care and have a nice day...

oh these mons........ in laws.they put their nose into everything and create a mess.but disciplining kids is your job and you should make it known to her in a firm manner.

If someone takes on a job like that my initial reaction is to support it and see it through. It might be a good thing after all. I will not pre-judge anything and be a close observer. Only after seeing something tangible will I interfere that is, if something bad or something I disapprove of happened. Cheers!!

I think kids will always be kids. And sometimes their fights can get out of hand. However, you are the parent. Your mother in law seems to be the pushy type, I'm just perceiving. I think you need to address to her that you are in charge of your own kid. Having your mother in law do this can only lead to other pushy ways in the future with her.

It is your place to displine your own childern ,just be honset about your feelings and tell your mother inlaw in a kind loveing way.

Hi mummybec, Wow! that is some family get together, how brilliant, well I have yo say that you should take charge of your own kids as it can cause argument between you and your mother-in-law should anything happens, i wouln't risk it so its best that you have a word with your mother-in-law first before hand. She may just agree. Good luck to you as it never easy when it comes to in-laws.

i think that kids can't be controlled when it comes to playing and shouting...they are kids only if they are doing so..there's no point in taking special in charge to stop them do that kinda things...it's better to take care of them in their own way except for certain restrictions...

is it a family night or army camp. tell your mother in law to but out. Try sitting both children down and reward them for being good if they are.

You or your husband should definitely say something. I mean, obviously your mother in law is trying to help, but there should never be a time when you are not to say anything in regards to disciplining your own child! Maybe you should just say that you appreciate the suggestion, and you will work with your daughter on how to react to her cousin and how to respect the rules for other people's houses, but you will be in charge of your daughter.

You dog gone tootin you should say something. It is not your mother-in-laws place to interfere like that. Your daughter is just that your daughter. Kids are going to be kids. The situation is as you explained it the nephew and your daughter are close in age. This fighting is going to happen. What does your mother-in-law think she is going to do. Wave a magic wand and the kids will not fight. I would of course tell your mother-in-law just not in the way I would. It really needs some kid gloves in handling it but it should be handled by you letting her know that this is unacceptable. If you don't there will be hard feelings come about. Since you already have hard feelings about her doing this. I say you need to talk to her and get this out in the open. Also you need to talk to your hubby so that he backs you up. So that way the mother-in-law doesn't think it is just you. Good luck. This is a sticky situation.

I don't think your mother in law means anything by it and is really only trying to be helpful so that you and the other mother as well as your respective husbands can relax and have fun. I would suggest if you have any doubts of whether what I suggest is true, that you talk to her and ask what her intentions are by discipling your's and your sister in law's children. I think that in a way, she could be helping you as no fight will break out if you disagree with what your sister in law is saying in regards to your child. She may very well suggest if not now, then at another time, that it is the sole fault of your own precious daughter. Mother's are very wise, they do not always have the best intentions, but I wouldn't go jumping to conclusions. I hope that this helps and that you enjoy the friday nights you spend with your in laws. My family used to hold friday night get togethers but we had the whole kitten kaboodle at ours.