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Did your relationship with your spouse/boyfriend change after you had children?
@beautyqueen26 (16030)
United States
July 28, 2008 4:36am CST
Did your relationship suffer after you had children?
Did you feel closer to your spouse/boyfriend after your baby was born?
Or, further away from him?
Don't get me wrong. Having a baby was the best thing
that ever happened to me. Amazing to think that a live
human being actually came out of my body!
But having a child did affect my relationship with my spouse.
Well, at least initially. We were so used to having our
own private time. We traveled around. Stayed up late
watching movies together.
Just did whatever we wanted. That was before the baby was born.
Spent our money frivalously.
And then suddenly one day we had to share our lives
with someone else; put the other person's needs first, etc.
And you know how babies are. They wake up at all hours.
That meant far less sleep. Frayed nerves.
Certainly was a big adjustment.
We had to really learn how to communicate with each other
in a brand new way.
Now that she's older and into her own schedule things
are much easier now. Much more calm and serene.
We're a real family.
Overall, having a child has brought us closer together.
3 people like this
13 responses
@gemini_rose (16264)
•
28 Jul 08
My relationship with my hubby was whirlwind, we had only been together for four weeks when I found out I was pregnant. I lost this baby but for some reason instead of taking our time to continue to get to know each other we started to try for another baby. This could have been down to the sadness of losing the first I guess.
Anyway I did not actually become pregnant for another four months, but yes the relationship changed it became more strained and I have often said that I dont know how on earth we got through it together. But then again our relationship has always been quite passionate, going up and down, a lot has happened in the 9 years we have been together. I am also sure there is lots more to come! Never a dull moment in my relationship LOL
@beautyqueen26 (16030)
• United States
29 Jul 08
Losing a baby through miscarriage
is always a sad time.
I had what seems to have been a miscarriage
just a month or so before my daughter was conceived.
Non stop bleeding for two weeks!
Worse pain ever. Almost worse than labor pains.
Actually just like labor pains.
I was sad. But then the next month, I was pregnant.
I don't think I had time to grieve over the other baby
cause the pregnancy couldn't have been more than a month
or so along. It's not uncommon to lose a baby that early.
Guess my little girl wouldn't be here now if the other
baby had made it. Life does not present easy answers.
@salonga (27775)
• Philippines
28 Jul 08
Well having a kid did not suffer our relationship but rather even strengthened it. In fact, I felt that my husband loved me even more when our son came into our life. The coming of our child brightened our home even more and despite the hardships of rearing and nurturing the child, we both enjoyed it. My husband gave his helping hand. He was the one washing the clothes and helping in whatever way he could so that I could concentrate with our son. It did make the both of us more responsible and yes our relationship turned sweeter.
@tlb0822 (1410)
• United States
29 Jul 08
Before our daughter was born my fiance and I were close, but not as close as we are now. It just feels like our family is complete. I know a lot of people say that once you have a child your entire life changes, and you know what it is true. It changes for the better. The bond between us just grew stronger. Sure we had to stay in more on weekends,and have late nights taking turns with the baby, but overall it helped us develop an understanding towards each other. We are able to discuss our feelings more openly, and have more family time. All in all having our daughter just made our lives better.
@GreenMoo (11834)
•
1 Aug 08
I think anyone who said that having a child didn't change their relationship would have to be lying! I can't imagine how it could not change it. one day there's just the two of you, and then you have someone else to think about. Someone who demands attention at three in the morning, wakes the moment you stop to cuddle each other and generates lots of work!
The part of life which I envy my non parent friends is getting out with their partners without the kids in tow. I can't remember the last time I got out with my hubby alone. I wouldn't want to be without the kids, but a couple of hours here and there would be so relaxing!
@jalucia (1431)
• United States
29 Jul 08
Having children reinforced a bond between me and my husband. We have this respect and devotion to "the family" that I'm sure exists in large part to the children. We both feel obligated to deal with each other in a certain manner that is conducive to the children, even though we have our own personal differences. Having kids made really see how my husband values supporting and providing for hia family. And, I respect him a whole lot for that. Honestly, I'm not sure where me and my husband would be if we didn't have the bond of our family keeping us in each others lives.
@lingli_78 (12822)
• Australia
28 Jul 08
i don't have a child yet at this moment... but i had heard from my friends that having children definitely change the relationship with the partner... we have less time to spend with our partner and to communicate... our attention is more focused to the little one and we are already exhausted by the time they are in bed... but you are also right in saying that having a child bring couples together as they have to learn to work together as a team to take care of the child... take care and have a nice day...
@1grnthmb (2055)
• United States
28 Jul 08
In My case my wife had three children that I got in a package when I married her. So I do not have the experience of my relationship changing as a result of the children being born. Theyu were there from the beginning. I accepted them just as they were mine and we are all close. (Even though the kids are now teenagers and have the teenagers attitude). Getting married nad having an immediate family was the best thing that ever happened in my life.
@Ravenladyj (22902)
• United States
28 Jul 08
My relationship with my ex/two older kids dad started to hit the rocks while I was preg with our son....shortly after having him we split up...then we dated again a few months later and I got preg with our daughter..we split up again shortly after....See he didnt feel the need to grow up whereas I felt he DID need to..he wanted to keep racing, drinking with his buds and acting like a young bachlor party guy....
@funzone (86)
• India
28 Jul 08
Relationship gets suffered after having a child. But it is towards a positive side.
My wife seems to love me more than before. As the time passes, from the day of our marriage, we come more closer and closer and now she loves me a lot.
I too love her. Our child is 3 years old and he makes us more closer.
In fact we have a happy family.
@faln_angel1205 (1192)
• United States
28 Jul 08
I know im a majority of relationships they do change after children, but for me, there was really no difference, our money is different, but that hasnt changed our relationship either, so no pretty much still the same...still deeply in love with each other, we may have more disagreements cuz there are more issues to disagree on, but not enough to cuase any probs.
@ronacruz2007 (650)
• Philippines
28 Jul 08
i know how you feel. Well, i just thought that it just happened to me . But its real . When a child is born definitely something will change in how you treat each other . Like for me , Im more carrying to my son because i know that he needs it most than my hubby but i know its not fair but that's the way it is. I like to hug and kiss my son more than my husband but hey that's the reality .
@liltunergirl (467)
• Canada
28 Jul 08
I must say that having a child did change things in my past relationship.....he left and never looked back...well actually that was before she was born so I don't know if it relates or not. But it did defenately change things! Well for me at least!
