Everyone is miserable here
By foxyfire33
@foxyfire33 (10005)
United States
July 28, 2008 1:13pm CST
I'm sure all my friends here are waiting for me to disappear for a bit and come back with great news about having a new place in life...but that hasn't happened yet even though I'm sure the day is drawing closer.
I have just had a weekend from he11. MIL invited s/o's 2 nieces to stay the weekend so "everyone could clean". This weekend was inside work, next weekend they are coming back to help with outside work. FIL and s/o are exempt from such work of course though. Now, I clean every single day, I didn't need to be forced to do it over a weekend when I planned to take a bit of a break because I have other things I'd like to do with my life!
Ok, FIL has been in a miserable mood...as many of you already know I've had a bit of trouble with him lately anyway. One night after the diaper incident, my 3 year old was sitting on the couch drinking soda and watching Roadhouse at 9pm because FIL claimed 3 year old "wanted to" 
. He flat out said that he (FIL) is boss around here and he'll do whatever he wants with the kids (and us for that matter). Last night MIL didn't have his dinner cooked the very second he got home from work so he got mad, grabbed hot dogs and went to stay in his camper for the week. Oh well!
S/o is equally miserable...it's been all over stupid things...I washed a dity shirt he was planning to wear, the bathroom light bulb blew when he turned it on to take a shower, I mentioned we only had two pieces of bacon and he needed to share. Oh and today he needed to give someone a phone number but had me look it up since I was on the computer. He told me the business name and I kept asking what town...he yelled and said he already told me. Well maybe he had but he was sitting 3 feet away from me and I never heard him say it. Yesterday I couldn't drive his truck 10 miles for laundry detergent and a few other things I needed because he says his brakes need replacing and I would ruin the rotors if I went that far...yet he's driving it 20 miles one way into town to pick up the new brake pads, another 10 miles outside of town to his friend's house for other parts and then all the way back home to put the new brake pads on. UGh! he just doesn't make sense!
[b]So...I know that there's not much you can all say about the nonsense that is my life besides that I need to leave ASAP like you've all been telling me LOL....so here's a newish question for you all...
When people in your life are all being miserable, pain-in-the-butt, grumpy Guses,...what do you do with yourself until it blows over? Do you try to be friendly and get them out of their funk? Do you argue back and hope they realize how stupid they are being? Do you just go off and leave them alone for however long it takes?[/b]
I did all 3 things this weekend. Being friendly only worked if I was friendly and doing exactly what they wanted me to do, if i strayed from that the war was back on. I argued but it fell on deaf ears and lead to several hours of not speaking at all. I went off and left him alone and I don't think he noticed...I said one thing to him after another few hours of not speaking and he accused me of nagging at him every two seconds. Today s/o has been sleeping except for the phone call about the phone number but I can't wait for him to get up and leave! Ugh I hate it here!
. He flat out said that he (FIL) is boss around here and he'll do whatever he wants with the kids (and us for that matter). Last night MIL didn't have his dinner cooked the very second he got home from work so he got mad, grabbed hot dogs and went to stay in his camper for the week. Oh well!
S/o is equally miserable...it's been all over stupid things...I washed a dity shirt he was planning to wear, the bathroom light bulb blew when he turned it on to take a shower, I mentioned we only had two pieces of bacon and he needed to share. Oh and today he needed to give someone a phone number but had me look it up since I was on the computer. He told me the business name and I kept asking what town...he yelled and said he already told me. Well maybe he had but he was sitting 3 feet away from me and I never heard him say it. Yesterday I couldn't drive his truck 10 miles for laundry detergent and a few other things I needed because he says his brakes need replacing and I would ruin the rotors if I went that far...yet he's driving it 20 miles one way into town to pick up the new brake pads, another 10 miles outside of town to his friend's house for other parts and then all the way back home to put the new brake pads on. UGh! he just doesn't make sense!
[b]So...I know that there's not much you can all say about the nonsense that is my life besides that I need to leave ASAP like you've all been telling me LOL....so here's a newish question for you all...
When people in your life are all being miserable, pain-in-the-butt, grumpy Guses,...what do you do with yourself until it blows over? Do you try to be friendly and get them out of their funk? Do you argue back and hope they realize how stupid they are being? Do you just go off and leave them alone for however long it takes?[/b]
I did all 3 things this weekend. Being friendly only worked if I was friendly and doing exactly what they wanted me to do, if i strayed from that the war was back on. I argued but it fell on deaf ears and lead to several hours of not speaking at all. I went off and left him alone and I don't think he noticed...I said one thing to him after another few hours of not speaking and he accused me of nagging at him every two seconds. Today s/o has been sleeping except for the phone call about the phone number but I can't wait for him to get up and leave! Ugh I hate it here!5 people like this
15 responses
@Angelwhispers (8978)
• United States
29 Jul 08
Foxy, hon with this much pressure, its normal for tempers and feelings to surface. The best you can do is try and stifle your response for now... Shooting back is going to do no good what so ever.... He is hurting and miserable, and it is not you or his children although it might feel that way to you right now. For your own sanity try and find cover when its "HOT" like that... I will be glad for you when you can get this worked out.
1 person likes this
@GardenGerty (160708)
• United States
28 Jul 08
Ugh11 is right. So, what will you do about it? It is not good for you or your children to be in this situation. You can just look at fil and see where s/o gets his behaviors. Do you want this in your life forever? What happened to going to live in a tent?
1 person likes this
@palonghorn (5479)
• United States
29 Jul 08
I have to say, I agree with oreo, and a few other responses. I wouldn't be putting up with that for 2 seconds. And keep in mind, the acorn does not fall far from the tree!! Your hubby is too much like his father now, what do you think he'll be like in years to come?? Better? I don't think so. I just have to wonder, if you post this for sympathy, advice, or what? I myself would not be on here asking 'what should I do?' I'd be doing something about it, it's the only way to resolve the problem. And I can tell you, I would rather take my kids and live in a tent than to put up with all that garbage. As to one of your questions, when my s/o is in a bad mood due to job stress or whatever, I just go find something to do and let him get over it. However this type of situation might happen once or twice a year in this house, so it's really not an issue. And we both have the same view, we love our parents dearly, but, them living with us, us living with them, or in close proximity.........is NOT an option.
@foxyfire33 (10005)
• United States
29 Jul 08
No I don't post it for sympathy or advice. I just need to vent sometimes and have no other options. I don't have a long list of friends I see in person and I'm not close to family members. Lots of other people post here about their personal issues that no one here can actually do anything about, I don't see the difference.
@sweetdesign (5142)
• United States
29 Jul 08
foxy,
you can vent here to me anytime that is what friends (albeit online mylot friends) are for. We are here to listen, help when we can, be a shoulder when we can't.
@guss2000 (2232)
• United States
5 Aug 08
Your FIL sounds like a REAL winner to me. UGH! What a grumpy old man! He shouldn't be that ignorant to you. You do alot in that house, so he needs to be more respectful. He also isn't the RULER of your kids,or you-- I wish someone would put that man in his place!
@theprogamer (10534)
• United States
2 Aug 08
Hmm... I just got done responding to a couple of other threads about misery and complaining. I hope its not contagious. ;-) But seriously and really I do feel for you and I'm hoping things will improve quite a bit for you Foxy. Pandemonium doesn't accurately describe what I read, but it should suffice.
If I'm really down like you described, there's always ignoring the people in question. Chucking out a few "yawns" might not be full relief, but it might mess them up a bit. Don't argue unless it REALLY counts, if it was me I'm here to get things over quickly, not start Debate War IX. If ignoring doesn't work, you have to be more firm with it. Of course I'm not saying be neglectful nor do anything troubling, but for the in-laws/annoying family, just be firm with the ignore tactic. If you don't take it seriously, why should they? Even something like "I'll fix whatever meals I can and do what needs to be done, but that's it. End of story, goodbye." could do it. Well maybe... ;p, even with my time with you I'm nowhere near certain of how your folk would take it. In any event, best of luck Foxy.
@brilliantmom (36)
• Ireland
29 Jul 08
Dear,
I feel so sorry for you. You are right there is nothing you can do. Both FIL and S/o are same- pain in butt. they donot realise that it is not a manly thing to yell at so-busy-so-ignored wives. i am worried abt ur kids development too. Yes, you need a break. I would advice that just ignore them. Let them do what they want. enjoy what u like coz u also have a life apart from cooking, washing and ironing
@sweetdesign (5142)
• United States
29 Jul 08
you really need out of that he11 hole. It is not good for you or your children to be subjected to all that cra8. Your mil and fil are dictators from he11 and your s/o was raised by these people and seems to be turning into a duplicate of his upbringing. Wheres that tent at? Take it out move you and the kids into the tent in the backyard and get some much needed peace. How long do you think you can continue to live like this? Honey you need to find another place for you and your babies cause you certainly don't want them to turn into the monsters you are surrounded by. I wish you all the best and my prayers are with you and your angels.
@maddysmommy (16230)
• United States
29 Jul 08
That tent idea still sounds like a better place to be than where you are now.
I would of put up with as much as I could and even answered back if they got up my nose. But most of all, I would of been saving every penny I got just to get out of that hellhole (sorry) - that's what it sounds like anyway. Not a healthy environment for you and your kids to be in!!
@p1kef1sh (45681)
•
29 Jul 08
Being all sweetness and light myself Foxy and living in a place where the sun always shines. The children are pink and scrubbed, young girls drift by like sun beams, their dresses reflecting the happiness that is the golden thread that runs through all our lives. Sweet waterfalls trickle and murmur their melodies across flower strewn meadows grazed by happy cows. Friend are perpetually lost in the the loving embrace of the other and young lovers grin, their lives charmed by their amour. So my advice - tell them all that you live here too. You love them. But for goodness sake, get a grip and start thinking about each other and not just themselves.
@gemini_rose (16264)
•
29 Jul 08
You need to have a break, maybe you and s/o and the kids need to have a break together alone, away from the FIL etc. Maybe your s/o is being miserable because he is as fed up of everything as you are, sometimes the ones we love take a bad situation or unhappiness out on the one THEY love. Or is he always like that?
I will be honest, in our house it is usually me that is the grumpy guts! If I feel like this I tend to just stay quiet and out of the way or people avoid me!
@mommyboo (13174)
• United States
29 Jul 08
What an awful weekend! I scrolled down a bit and saw that other people have suggested leaving so I won't, even though it was the first thing to come to mind! I mean like leaving leaving, not just for a day lol. I don't know what's all going on with SO, he might be okay, but FIL and MIL? He11 no! In my world they don't get to discipline my kids or tell me to clean or when I have to do anything. I'd tell the two of them they could do whatever they wanted as long as it didn't have anything to do with (or include) me, my SO, and my kids. If they want to be miserable, cool, but go somewhere else to do it.
I don't exactly have insight about the truck/car thing but I can say that men will do things like this, and no it doesn't make a lick of sense. My best friend said her husband was whining about her driving to the gym so I went and tracked the mileage from the gym to her house. He swore it was like 16 miles roundtrip, ha, it was like 4 miles one way. I wanted to bean him over the head. He went and drove his truck to Lowes to pick up some things he needed but did he drive to the Lowes near their house, NO. He drove to the other end of town where *I* live to go to the Lowes near me. Nope, men do not make sense.
For me it depends on the nature of why someone is being a grumpy butt. There have been times when I left before, but I have a car. If something was wrong with the car, I have a few friends I would call and have them pick me up. Sometimes I try to cheer up a grumpy butt and snap them out of it, I have mixed results with that. Arguing seems to have the least desired effect but that has happened too when I've just blown my top because whatever caused it needed to be aired out. I haven't noticed that it tends to resolve anything short term but it does get some things out there, and usually I feel better after.
Is there a reason why you all have to live together? If you're not having problems with SO, why can't you and he and the kids have your own place?
@guybrush (4658)
• Australia
29 Jul 08
Poor you, foxy! I can understand how you feel - my middle-aged husband is a real grumpy old man these days (he can't wait to retire) - and our son (who lives at home with us) is a fairly moody person as well. Sometimes I just want to throw up my hands and scream as my husband seems to go out of his way to be ornery and say the opposite of anything I tell him. I find it's easiest to leave them to their own devices when they're moody like that. I enjoy solitude and my own company, so it's not hard to do. I hope things pick up for you soon!
@neilchua (888)
• Philippines
29 Jul 08
well sorry to hear that. well actually leaving them for a period of time is the best way. people actually realizes the importance of someone or something when it is gone. you said that you left him and it didn't work. he didn't noticed means you did not left him for a long time to make him realize your importance. it will be hard because you do have kids right? basing it from your story. so leaving your house for just a day will be hard for you. maybe you should make some arrangements with a nanny that you will be leaving for 2 days at least. maybe that will make a difference. have a good day. -NEIL
@meggan79 (436)
• United States
29 Jul 08
First of all, I think your inlaws need a reminder on who the parents are. Since you are under their roof, their are things they have the right to decide on how your children are raised. (If they are reasonable). If they don't want your children in the living room after 10pm so they can watch their fav. tv show etc. In the end, you should have the right to descide what your child is allowed and not allowed to do.
If people are being miserable, I first try to listen to them, then try to make suggestions on ways to make it better for them, and if they still want to be miserable I just shake my head and walk away. There is only so much you can do.
