Would you stay in marraige even if your no longer happy?

One... you have to look at the whole picture. A marraige can work, even when they work abroad. But family can destroy that. I to live in a marraige where I don't know what to expect from day to day. But, I do take my vowes to heart. I do love my husband, but I don't like some of the things he does. His family can't stand me. But I didn't marry them. So I don't care what they think or how they feel. And if I had to live with them, my marriage wouldn't last eather. The first thing you need to do. Is tell your husband you NEED you own place. That the marraige won't last this way. Once you are in your own place you are able to end the boardem with creating a home structure. Then, find the time to create that magic moments again. Family and money...I feel are the biggest destroyers of most marriages. Even though my husband upsets me, I had to dig down deep to reach my deep down feeling and I know I love him, I just don't like him and I am sure there are things he doesn't like about me all the time. He is a profectionist. I am a laid back kind of person, I try not to let things get to me, to bad. Sometime that doesn't work, But I have learned to follow my own heart, And become very careful on what others tell me. A couple of month ago, I was on the verg of leaving my husband, do to put down, his kid, and family. I learned then...Don't talk to your family about your problem...They have away of turn minor problem into major problem. You might find yourself, leasoning more to them and less to yourself and what the problem really are. And it sound to me...The problem isn't so much as him, as it is his family. So determane the problem and cut that part loose. I take it the he is military, If that's the case there is no reason why you and your children should have to stay with his family when he's gone. I know sometimes the money can be tight. But sometimes you need to be creative. Think about things you like to do.(crafts, babysitting, photography, etc.) Trun it into a buisness. Where there's a will....there's a way.

They should have a long good talk first. Maybe the relationship gets colder because they used to live far from each other. Some reminiscing would be a big help if both parties are willing to talk to each and acknowledge that they are having a problem. She must make things sure before heading into a big decision, it will affects her life and the life of the kids as well. Goodluck to you and your friend

I read the discussion and can understand how your friend feels but let's look at it from a different angle. She said in the beginning the marriage was great then the kids came along and she is living with her in-laws which makes her very unhappy. If her husband did not work she would be complaining about that, the man is working on a ship, I am sure they both discussed this before he took the job, no where does it say he is not supporting his children or her. If she is so unhappy she should move and not be living with his family. Her and her husband need to work their problems out, I don't think leaving is a solution just because he is away working on a ship for 6 months. What about if he was in the military and sent away would this be any better? No it wouldn't because at least he comes home every 6 months. Maybe they need to discuss him finding another job but is appears he is working and supporting his family and no where does it mention that he is being unfaithful to her, abusive to her or the children or a bad husband/father. So I think there is a chance for them to work this out.

Hello dear friend mycharm. I think that it would be better for this friend of yours to live away from her in-laws to avoid the unhappy situation. I think that the relationship will be getting better if they don't live together. Besides, her husband is supposed to pay for the renting fee and other daily expenses if he does not want to see her and his parents unhappy. What do you think, friend? Thank you for your discussion. Good night.

Man, but sometimes that rollercoaster you just want to get up, phew. I think that was a perfect metaphor and now I have come to expect it, and I guess it does match the Men are from Mars, Women from Venus effect that relationships work like a rubberband being pulled tight then let loose. When your new to a relationship though, a newlywed--its feels like a hurricane sometimes because what happens a lot of time (not Always) is that people go into it wanting to maintain control and it turns into a power fight and eventually something has to give--some people divorce, others stay in it fighting and then others are fortunate enough to realize--hey, I don't need to fight like this, were in this together. Sounds cheesy but thats what Im starting to realize--ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU HAVE CHILDREN, your best interest are those children and you and your mate will understand that your happiness is so much a part of your childrens and if your mate gets the same satisfaction out of giving them the best life you can give, then whats the fight, its about power, that is ultimately an illusion.

o.0 so hard to decide... maybe you 2 should sit and talk things over. Try to relieve the old memories, let him remember the love that you have before you guys got married...bring him to the place when you had your first kiss, 1st date,, do the things what you did on your first date. Thus in talking, talk to him in a nice way, let him know how you feel and etc. try this.. if things don't change i really don't know what to do. as far as i am concerned save the marriage as much as you can =/ good luck

They need marriage counseling. Sometimes some places have cheap or free counseling. That will be hard since he's never home. Sometimes one or both partners have unrealistic expectations of marriage. I'm lucky, I met my husband after he came back from the service, so he's not gone all the time. When he comes home from work, he doesn't want to hear her problems. Once the kids are old enough, I think she should volunteer and fill her time up. If all she sees is the kids, then she needs a break sometimes. Sounds like she sees more of his relatives that don't like her than the husband. Did she know he was going to be out to sea most of the time? If she did, what was she planning on doing while he was gone? If she didn't, I can see why she's so disappointed. Hitting him with 6 months of missing him and his relatives faults, what does she think he would say? Maybe "this is the problem, what do you think could be some solutions?" would be a better approach, but since he may see them as her problems, he may just say whatever you want to do. Has she told him she's totally miserable in this marriage? Marriage counseling for both of them and if he won't go, then she should go by herself and explore her options with the counselor.

Hmmmmmm Really sad no further comments as we are not in her shoes She is best one to decide But if she get financial support from him and have Seperate Home . away from Inlaws then she migght stay married with him take care

Hi Mycharm, How are you? You both were not wrong.They can still be happy. Sounds like the situation has caused the problem. I lived for almost 2 months with my in law's when I was pregnant with my first child. It was hell! The same thing you wrote , I went through as well. But, I could not stay. My advice is get her away from those in law's!!!! Once we were living somewhere else , I was okay again. She needs her space. My husband was in the Army as well. So, don't hate him,it is the situation that is depressing her. She needs a place of her own, so she can be herself again. Then the marriage will get better. And one big advice: Never expect a man to understand a womens feelings! Even though he does not understand, does not mean he does not Love her. Take care, good luck. Margajoe

Hello. First off, I want to say that your friend is lucky to have a friend like you that is trying to help her. Now, Every relationship is very exciting at first. Then you get comfortable with your partner and it calms a little, but it can still be healthy and alive. I heard once,a relationship is like a flower it needs to be watered to grow, be healthy and stay alive.Has your friend been going through this for a while? If it hasent been that long maybe its just a rough patch. All relationships have their ups and downs. There are times I get so frustrated with my husband I actually feel like walking out! But, there are also times when I feel he is the greatest thing that has ever happened to me and I couldnt imagine life without him. I stick through the bad times b/c I know the good ones will return. Of course this doesnt apply to everyone, sometimes it's just not meant to be but, there is obviously something still there because her complaints are mainly about him not being around enough, so, I believe she still wants to spend time with him. Anyway, I suggest marriage counseling. I have gone before and it did help my relationship alot. When you said that she tried to tell him and he responded as if it wasn't a big deal and she was just to emotional, it shows he isnt even taking her seriously,but with a counselor there things could change.I hope everything works out for her!

If the marriage is no longer salvageable, get out. I stayed in my marriage for 19 years, thinking if I hung on and tried hard it would get better. He said he was happy, he lied. He was waiting for me to leave and then, failing that, he began encouraging me to take classes and begin a profession. He was trying to prepare me for a divorce! And then he left me for the other woman. They need to talk and if they can't make it better, end it now while she's still young enough to make a life for herself. My husband waited till we were in our fifties, he and his wife are doing well and I'm struggling with very little retirement savings (he wasn't a saver) and an uncertain future. If she gets out now, it will be hard but much better than if she waits. Of course, every case is different but usually if the marriage can't be saved it's best for everyone to end it. The kids are the ones that suffer most, either way. I wish her luck and blessings.

I think you should. Being happy is a wave of emotion that is like a rollercoaster. You choose to be happy. So make your marriage happy. Now if there is a abuse going on that is a different story. She can support her family. It may be hard but there is assistance out there.

Hey there mycharm88, sometimes people can bare with torture and pain when they have a reason to go on.For example in your case, maybe the reason is your children. However, every human has their threshold for sufferings like that and when it reaches a certain point when you just can't stand it, then the only way is OUT but you need to carefully plan your way out. Get any help you can get. Think thoroughly every possible option and you should be fine.

first you have to know why those feelings become cold. There should be something, a reason that your friends should try to find out. If the truth has been revealed, you can start to fic what's broken in the relationship. It is happened alot in marriages I knew. Boredom is not the actual answer for the marriage to end. When you make a wedding vow you promise that you will take your partner in good times and bad times, include there boring times. There should be no way you can say that you are bored and you want to end the marriage. I believe that there's something wrong with your friend's husband. but if it is become so much pain and cannot be resolved, don't be scared to file a divorce. Everybody has the right to be happy.

yes, IF my partner is not an abusive person or if he does not want to re-marry. yes as long as he has no other woman around, then i can stay. but if the marriage is no longer happy and there are a lot of quarrels and mis-understanding then it is not healthy to stay. i am a single mom for 7 years now i lfet my husband and tag my kids along with me. i am no longer happy and plus he is an abusive man as well. so i left. if your friend's life is miserable and she thinks she have all the right to leave then why not leave.

Hi mycharm, I guess the best thing here is to write everything you feel, EVERYTHING! Then, ask him to listen and not just to be insensitive to how you feel! I don't think so it is right to stay in the marriage just because of the kid, the wife has her own needs also and how can she be a loving person if she is not even considering her own happiness.. That is just unfair! And For a guy who cares for the wife, he will not allow his own family to stay with the in laws especially he knows that is the feeling of his mother to his wife..He can afford to get a house and provide it to his family.. If his happiness is is friends more than his family, then, talk to him! DO not just allow him to judge you as insecure,emotional and all you have to fight back and express your feelings because in my view, he is the one who is very insensitive!

Living with in-laws is always a potential hell. She should stop relying on her husband for finances. She should find a way to take her kids and move out of that house, either by getting a job or starting a business.

IT's hard to say, depending on who is your propority.. If it's for yourself, and your own happiness, by all means walk out of it and find a better man and have a better life ^_^ And if the kids are involved, it's better to stay in a marriage without love, till the kids grow up and senile enough to knwo what's happening b4 deciding to break away.. If not, the emotional pain and hurt of the child will haunt them and parents wun be able to understand too, plus kids wun wanna choose wither dad or mom, they will wanna have both by their sides at all times ^_^

Life is too short, but a marriage shouldn't be something that you walk away from just because you are no longer happy. I have noticed in my soon to be 25 years of marriage that there are phases where I am extremely happy and phases where I am extremely unhappy. You need to find things that keep it exciting but it takes two to make it work.

Well maybe she could give it one last try ? Like for example do a romantic dinner and see his reaction.. If it is bad ot he is bored or doesn't even care than I think she should leave.. Hope it could be helpfull, still it is just an idea :)