Would you tell them how to spend it?

We ran into this problem with my stepson so my husband decided that the next time he needs a loan for something specific, my husband will go with him to pay for the part or repair or whatever it is that he needs. It's nice to want to help people but, unfortunately, once the money is in their hands, you really don't have the right to dictate how they spend it.

Hi JJ, It's very rare for me to give money to my friends since I was the bread winner in the family when I was single..I asked my Dad to stopped working and I will just handle everything..My friends are aware of this so, when I want to help it will only to my closest friend whom I know needs it for a very valid reasons and not for other stuff.. So, I will only be choosing whom to help, I can't allow anyone to harm themselves using my hard earned money!

I have a lot to say on this subject but not a lot of time so here is the short of it. "Money lent is money spent" that has to be the best quote I ever heard! I am the type that if I lend some one money its only because I can afford to lose it. There is a reason they had to ask. The way I figure it if I lend some one money and I don't get it back - thats what I figured would happen. If I do get it back then great, awesome, fantastick! If some one asks me for money for a spicific reason then I DO expect them to use it for that. I would say some thing to them if they didn't use it for the reason they asked.

If you were to give it as a gift it is not your right to tell them how to spend it. It is up to them to spend it as they need or want. [u]Once you have given something away then it is not yours anymore and is theirs to do with what they want. [/u] How would you feel if you really needed money and a friend gave you money as a gift but then proceeded to tell you how to spend it? For example, what if you needed the money for groceries but your friend told you that you were going to buy clothing with it instead? Wouldn't that upset you as it was a gift they gave you and now they are trying to dictate how you spend your gift? I always try to see things from the other person's perspective all the time. [b][i] Have a nice day and happy myLotting![/i][/b]

Hi JJ4Ever, I agree with you they have the right to spend the money however they want because each person have needs that are most important than anothers and it is different for each one. For some the most important is food; for others the most important is school bills and eat less; for others is pay the bills like eletricity and the rent. So if we give money to help them we don't have the right to say:"you will buy food with this money" if they need urgent to pay for eletricity or the rent. Who want to eat in the dark or in the street? We need food is right but you can eat in a friens's home or parent's home. Do you get my point? But if you know that this person spend the money in illegal things you never more give him/her a penny. It is my opinion. Cheers.

I think if you're willing to give a friend money when they're in need, you need to be open to allowing them to spend it on whatever they need it for. I would just hope that you asked enough questions before offering the money to know what they needed it for. I also wouldn't personally be giving it to anyone who would use the money for illegal means.

I would think that if you knew that your friend was spending money for something illegal then you wouldn't give it to them correct? I wouldn't feel right about telling my friend how she should spend money I lend her. If she's in need she's in need and should use it for whatever she needs it for. It wouldn't be much of a gift that way would it?

if i gave money to a friend in need,i would surely tell him or her to spend wisely.

If (and when because I have) I give money to a friend in need, the friend usually will either approach me to ask for something specific (groceries, gas, etc) and I will decide whether to provide it or not, or I will offer to give them money for groceries or gas or whatever it was they were struggling to get. I don't think you necessarily get to decide for them, but I would be very irritated to discover that I gave a friend money to buy food for her family and then found out she went to the bar, know what I mean? I want the truth when someone is asking me for help, if they are going to ask for money to go drinking with, I won't provide it. In my humble opinion, money given to somebody who claims they are in need is different than a gift. When I give a gift to somebody, it is because I love them and want to do something special, give them a gift of an item, experience, money, what have you that is something they maybe wouldn't get for themselves or something they couldn't afford for themselves. It has no strings attached, is never something they have to pay back or return the favor, and it probably is not something they need, it's supposed to be something they might want and that I get to enjoy sharing or giving to them. I don't tell someone what to do with a gift or how to use it, but if someone asked for a favor, I think I could have specific guidelines on how my involvement in the favor is going to pan out. I realize I might be in the minority with my opinion here, but I have been taken advantage of before and also paid somebody else's bills for them, thinking I would be reimbursed, and I never was. I had to learn from my mistakes there (and eating about $300).

i think if you have a friend in need of something specific, and you know they lack good judgement, you should just purchase the item in need. Of course, if the money has already changed hands... the money was the gift... and how they spend it is ultimately up to them. i live by two big rules concerning money and friends. 1. never LOAN money to friends (i will GIVE money to a friend in need but i never expect it back, LOANING money can kill a friendship) 2. if i give money to a friend i never tell them how to spend it. Just my opinion.

No because if they were in need, they have to spend it on whatever they need! Not what I tell them to spend it on lol!

No I wouldn't. I gave it to him so it is his money now. And I don't want to know exactly on how he would spend it. If he use it for a wrong thing I would feel upset. I'd rather be ignorance. Ignorance is a bliss

i wont tell them how to spend the money if i really lend them some, for that before my lending i think i have know enough about them~~~in other words ,i will only lend money to those who i trust and dont think they will use the money for useless things~~~

I would always give conditions. If it is my money I want it going somewhere useful. I normally wouldn't even give money, but just buy what it is they needed. It means I know I won't get cheated.

I think that you have the right to initially ask what the money is needed for..... This is a given seeing as you are forking it up! If you make the decision to give them the money then what they do with it from this point is their business. Personally I don't feel that you have the right to dictate where and what the money is spent on from that point. (Unless you are a Financial Adviser!) Worse case I guess is that if they misused the money given to them for something unsavory or for something other than what they told you it was for; at least you have the knowledge not to give them money again!

I am not a rich man ,so if I give money to a friend ,this will happen only he is really need money . So I think he must spend the money in where in need. So I wouldn't tell him . Buy the way ,from this question ,I just wonder that, if I have only these dollers without anything else . what will I do? go to buy bread or go to have a gaming for more money?

It depends, if he owed me money then I might ask where he spend it but if it is a gift I really wouldn't care. However if I know he is involved in illegal activities I might not give him money in the first place. Also I really don't have enoguh money to give to my friends

If I was to know my friend will be spending the money on illegal stuff I would take extra care never to lend him money. Money does not come easy and so does friendship. It is very important to help friends but it is also our responsibility to prevent them from doing something illegal. I would not tell friends how to use the money but I definitely would be careful whom I am lending the money to

IN MY own opinion i think it's not necessary for me to told the person which i give money to how to spend the money ,i think is misesteem for them,once the borrowed ,maybe it they will take it in some way ..what we say maybe become redundant..it may hurt your friend

if you give him a money,,, give him some advice on how to spend it.,,, so that,,, it's now a waste,,, right?..