Is it right to allow our children to help pay the bills?

Ugh I hate this defense cause I have no argument against it. It's the one that gets me everytime, but I still feel so bad taking her money even if she wants to help. I've been told too often that I am too independant.

maybe there is a lesson to be learned here, I could be wrong, but maybe

Yes she does have a big heart, all of my children do. We always pull together when times get tough, we always put family first, but she needs to concentrate on her future right now.

lol I wish someone would tell her I'm the mom. She's my mini me, she's just as stubborn as I am. Maybe I'll compromise, go half and half. She puts half on the bills and half in the bank.

And I also see what your saying.. well 1 of you 2 have to give in and let the other pay, as a parent put your foot down lol... tell your daughter she is on the right track and like you said she's going on a fast track too! that's good to hear about young adults. And to see that she wants to take the responsibility for the bill, says a lot about her too!

I think that during High School that is okay, but not always the case with college. Paying - even for 2-3 things - while they are under your room teaches kids responsibility and lets you monitor how they will handle being in the real world.

At the time she had just entered college and I didn't want her to work but she had enough people gang up on me and she was 18 so I did give in and let her get a job and she does pay for her own things, including most of her clothes she owes me nothing. It's not like she's getting her pay check and blowing it she spends it on her own bills. Just because she's paying off her bills does not make her responsible for mine.

Fact is there was a big fight about her even working. Nothing is more important then her schooling and her future. As long as she is in school I do not think she should have to be worried about earning money there is time enough for that when she gets out of school. As long as my children are working toward a goal and education they are my responsability.

In my home we do rally together and work through it in times of need but this is not really a time of need. This is a time of excess, yes there are bills but there will always be bills to pay, next year more so then this year that's what she needs to focus on. As long as my kids are responsible with thier money I will not charge them rent. She is working on her future and her education.

And she is MOST DEFINITELY responsible it seems. Still wishing you my BEST!!!

Yes it is tricky, and as a mother there is no pat answer to the question. There are two very good sides to the allowing and/or not allowing her to do it. I look at all the sides of the arguement including my own personal feelings. I still don't know and who knows what will happen in 6 weeks when the school check arrives. Maybe she will convince me and maybe I will convince her or maybe will figure out a compromise. I'm just trying to get a broader view of the subject right now. Thank you for your input

That is one thing your friends at myLot are good for....giving you a broader point of view!!! Good luck in your decision. Just be thankful you have a daughter who truly cares!!!

LOL I am a single mother of six children, 5 are female, there is never enough money to go around. Yes I hope the day comes when I am making more money and that I will be able to help her more but based on todays income no I will not have excess to help her much at all. That is why I want her to save her money a few thousand dollars is not going to change my financial future that much but a few grand can keep her fed and housed for awhile when she's on her own at med school.

I agree with you she should save her money then. It could make a huge difference to you family if she completes school!

My daughter pays for her own things, her car, her insurance, her cell phone, her loan. The thing is once she enters med school she is facing huge expenses, tuition, books, and she will be living away from home, it's impossible to get enough financial aid to cover the cost of med school why should I take her money then make her take out loans to get through school? These are my bills not hers why should she have to pay them? She doesn't blow her money she works hard for it maintains a 4.0 gpa she is very goal oriented, it's my job to take care of her not her take care of me.

yeah sounds like she does have a lot of expenses ahead of her, and she does seem to pay her way. In that case I dunno how it would be, I was always expected to help whether I had the money to or not so our situations are different. I think its wonderful that you let her live with you while she finishes school...Kudos

And I know my daughter just wants to help me too. I just don't think now is the right time to do it. Thank you for your response

I'm not destitute, not even poor, there is plenty of money to meet our needs, money is tight temporarily she just wants to help get rid of the credit card bills because she has the extra money, it's not needed, it's appriciated, and I'm grateful she wants to help I just don't think its right at this time in her life.

LOL when I'm aging I'll let my doctor daughter take care of me. She can express her love and gratitude taking care of me then for now a hug, a kiss and an I love you mom every now and then is all the payment I need.

Thank you for responding she is a good girl I guess I'm lucky this is the type of problems I have with her.

She knows this already. All of my children know this. The arguement is not about belonging she just wants to help me pay off my credit cards and I don't want her too. My children and I are all very close even the ones that are out on thier own. This one just feels since she is still at home she should help with the bills.

then , i guess u shd give in to her wish sumtimes

Oh I am very proud of her and all of my kids, they all make me proud. I can definately hold my head up and proudly claim all of them as my babies. As a mother I have done the best I can do and hope it is enough.

I hope that your choise of words is due to lack of knowledge of the english language and that you didn't just attack my character because I don't want to take money from my daughter. I'm not destitute and my daughter rich, I have debt yes and she for the time being has an extra sum of money, but in a matter of months she will need that money, and while it may make her feel good for now when she's living 100 miles from home and needs money for groceries she won't be feeling so good when she has to call home for money.

Yes it takes a lot of money to raise a family but it was my choise to have a large family not hers. If she was living at home and not going to school it would be a different story, her younger sister was working and blowing her money on fast food and clothes and I took 50 dollars a month for 'rent' but she was not being responsible with her money. She is now 19 and living on her own and doing very well. Every child is different, this one lives at home but does not expect me to pay her way, I feed her and put a roof over her head that is all she takes care of the rest she owes me nothing.

thank you for responding she's going to have a large debt anyway so I just want to keep it as low as possible. I could always take the money, put it in savings myself and just tell her I'm paying the credit cards. LOL

When she graduates and is making good money then I will not have a problem allowing her to help with the finances. When she is in med school she is going to need to study she does not need to work a full time job and try to keep her grades up as well. That is why I want her to use the money to live on during school. I want her debt load to be as low as possible when she gets out. It is very good that you are helping your family now you are a good daughter.

Believe me my daughter knows all about hard work. She graduated high school 2nd in her class, while taking classes at the junior college as well. One year and two days later she got her associates degree with a 4.0 GPA. She just turned 20 and she will be finishing her 4 year degree next semester a year and a half early, but her GPA has dropped to 3.89. This summer she drove 120 miles each way two days a week to take a class to help improve her MCAT score, three days a week she drives 90 miles each way to the med school and works as a student research assistant in the radiology lab, three nights a week she works 12 hour shifts in a nursing home, plus she is taking a class at her university for honors college, and still working on a research project that is about to be published. She pays her own car insurance which is 250 dollars a month because she totaled a brand new car last year when she got caught in a sudden storm and hydroplaned off the road, she also pays her own car payment, the loan she took out for her MCAT class, and her cell phone bill. My children are none spoiled even my son has been earning his own money for extras since he was 13 but I made the bills why is it their responsability to pay them? As the parent it is my responsability to show them that I can be financially responsible.

LOL I don't think 47 is old, and I'm not shy about asking for money it's more about my personal responsability. I am responsible for my debt, and my children are my responsability, I am not thiers.

Thank you very much for your wonderful suggestions. I just want her post graduate debt load as low as possible when she gets out of school. I have been working on restructering my debt load with refinancing and such so things will be easier on me. I have never believed in charging my children rent. If they have thier own bills they pay them, my son is currently trying to earn the money to buy a transmission for a truck. I would love to buy it for him but the truck was given to him with the stipulation he earn the money for the transmission himself it teaches responsability. There are ways other then charging a child rent to teach them about financial responsability. Thank you again for your help.