son

I think you better get your heart ready. My son started when he was 16,he went to the camps a home for boys finally when he was 18 he went to county jail he got out and went on to state prison.He's now 32 and starting to mess up again.He had a great job but he seen one of his old friends and went off again.I love him no doubt but I can't take care of him he's a grown man.Don't give him money.I'll be thinking of you and your son.Please do the same for me.

Please go to Alanon because you need support in this situation. There is little that you can do for your son...he needs to want to change and as much as you love him, you're not going to be able to make him want to. I have had problems with my 31 year old son off and on for years and I've watched him go through some very bad times, including losing his girlfriend and his daughter and doing some time in jail for violation of probation. During all of those times I worried myself sick about him, talked until I was blue in the face and gave him a lot of support and help but, in the end, it did no good. He was going to do what he was going to do regardless of what I said or how much he knew I was worried and hurting. He finally woke up while he was in jail and is working on rebuilding his life. It's sad to say but your son is going to have to get tired of living like he's living before he's willing to do anything to change his life. So, please get help for yourself so that it's not so hard on you.

The last thing you should do is to give up on him and leave him. that would be the worst thing you can do. You really have a big problem and you cant solve it on your own. You need the cooperation of his father and if possible your son himself but you must first have to convince the father first that something has to be done. Don't just ask the father to do this or that. Go out of your way to talk with him about your son's problem and appeal to his being a father so that he will work with you tto try and help your son. Together you might be able to convince yopur son to submit himself to treatment. Your son needs professional help before its too late. there must be a rteason which led to his letting himself go like that and that root cause must have to be dealt with. If you need to do it, try getting help from social welfare or other government agencies who deal in such things. Don't give up on your son. You might be the only hope he has.

Why doesn't he live with you? I think if his father is the major part of the problem, I'd remove him from the father's home. Other than that, I think you really just have to let him run his course. He's an adult now, and I know from experience those early adult years are usually the most troublesome. I went through years of self-destructive behaviors before I finally settled down. I don't think the drinking is a huge problem right now. Most kids around that age are interested in drinking. If he's capable of staying sober while he visits friends and family, then it's not a problem yet. Again, he's just trying to "live a little", and these are the best years for it. If nothing changes over the next few years, then it's time to start worrying. But to be honest, I know men who are in their early 30's who are JUST now finally starting to get their act together and move away from home. Boys just grow up later than girls.

If his dad is not doing his job properly of helping him as he should then maybe he needs to be with you permanently? I am not sure if this is even possible but it is the only suggestion I can thinkof that makes sense. I hope you get him help soon. x

your son will be ok.many persons as your son have this thought in this age, they are not to do everything.and don't think a lot for themself just like to imitate some on of famous in film. you can let him to watch some film that can effect active result on him. there are many good film for him to watch, like some chinese films. do you have a msn, my msn is fwanga@hotmail.com, can you add my msn as your friend.

i'm so sorry to hear about what is happening to your son... there is nothing much you can do to help him anyway since he is already an adult (i assume so since you mention that he had been making terrible decisions throughout his teen years)... it is entirely his decision on how he want to lead his life... he should have learnt from his mistakes in the past and not making the same one again... i hope things will get better for him and for you... take care and have a nice day...

your thoughts of going to al anon are the best, I think. Techinaclly he is an adult. Your idea of pushing him out is a very good one....tough love. Unfortunately since he doesn't live with you and dad won't listen, then you are pretty much helpless. Your son will come around only when he is ready to make changes for the better. Unfortunately, that is not apt to happen until something affects him deeply enough to make him want to change. I am sorry you are in this situation. I too, was in a similar one but my daughter was in my house when she started her behavior. I refused to put up with it. She did stay at her dad's for a time because he would tolerate it and even contribute to it. Long story but after hitting rock bottom, she did come around is now a decent and hard working young lady. Wishing you the best of luck with this. I know it is very hard on you. I think al-anon could really help you a lot.

I am so sorry. We went through a similar situation with my stepson. At 18 he was determined to live on his own by his own rules and on his 20th birthday he called us from jail and asked to come back home. My husband told him yes so after he sat in jail for 3 days and plead guilty to underage drinking and disturbing the police (he had a party and the police were called) he moved back home. Thinks were ok for about 6 months. We kind of let him sit around the house while he was suppose to be looking for a job and he had a couple but never kept them. After 6 months he got this girlfriend and was gone alot, not working, didn't have a car. The last straw was when he started sneaking her into our house at night. We told him he was going to have to change or leave - the next day he left and drifted from friend to friend. Two years later he is 22 and living in the basement of his grandparents home. He has not ambition to do anything except be in a rock band. What we learned is you can't make them change. You can love them and try to guide them but when they reach a certain age you cannot do anything. We hope someday he will come around and then we will welcome him back but until he figures that he is responsible for his own life we can't do anything. Hopefully some day your son's father will realize that to and stop contributing to the problem. I know its painful but you can't live his life - he has got to do it. Good Luck.

so sad of you....it's a very terrible situation and can understand how hard you feel...i feel that you can call him and take him to some calm places and explain everything that how you feel very frankly and express your pain as much as you can...because i believe these kinda boys would obey your affections rather than other ways...me too have a younger brother who is 18 years of age...he don't do things when we demand but obeys to our affection...good luck and prayers..