Why can't people just leave me alone?

If it's your mother-in-law's apartment, there is not much you can do but move out. If you are living in your apartment, you can look for alternative living for both of them. I remember when our first baby was born. I wanted to be with her all the time and we were also living with our in-laws. We were there to help our in-laws financially. It didn't work out so well so we paid off their house and moved an apartment. I also quit my job to be with our daughter. Your little girl will always know you are her mother and sharing her with the in-laws is a healthy thing. I know it's easy for me to sit here and tell you this but I've been through it and in time, everything works out fine.

I can understand what you are trying to say because I have some close friends who face the same problem.Well it's very confusing and hard decision to make here because you have so many people you need to think about. Maybe you will probably just think about you,your hubby and your daughter but your son will think of his mother too because after all she is his mother.Think from his side also but if your MIL is bothering you too much then perhaps you can discuss it clearly with your hubby and just tell him that you are not comfortable.Does you MIL work, is she healthy? If she is working and is healthy then maybe she can go to a rented apartment but I don't know if your hubby will agree with this. Seriously this is something so tough but just pray to God maybe He will understand. Does she interfere too much with you?

I'm guessing that when you married your husband you didn't sign on for this. It really isn't fair to you. It would put a strain on any relationship. Your family (children and husband) are your first priority. I'm betting if you asked any specialist in the country (I'm thinking Dr. Phil here) you would be told the same thing. Hubby has to stick up for you to his mother AND make arrangements for more suitable living arrangements. I would feel the same way about my daughter too, possessive. Actually, my girls are 12 and 15 and I probably still am even against their own father. I was jealous of the relationship my husband and my younger daughter had when she was a pre-schooler. You don't have many options but to sit down with you husband and tell him how you feel and that you would appreciate it if he would respect your feelings and do something about the living arrangements. I know you don't want to give him an ultimatium; I wouldn't. But go to him with some ideas of your own that you can discuss and hopefully come up with a solution. Do you have family nearby? If he refuses to be considerate to the woman he is supposed to put first in his life, then pack up your daughter and go stay with another family member. Let him know you are serious about this. I know it is hard to do. I've thought about it many times myself but know I couldn't bring myself to doing it. I love my husband and wouldn't want to leave him. You cannot work on your relationship as husband and wife, parents and child, in your current living situation. I don't know your financial situation but a house with a nanny suite/inlaw suite would be ideal if you can't get them a place of their own. Good luck and keep me updated. There has got to be a solution.

I feel for you, my question is why are they living with you? Does either have a job? I cant imagine living in a small apartment with my in-laws. If there is no choice but to live this way I would suggest just trying to get along as there is nothing that can be done about it. As for your daughter I think it is natural for her to interact with others in the family especially as they live there. I can see where the strain would come into with the way things are but if there is no choice what can be done. If there is no money to either move to a bigger place or anything the best must be made. It might have been easier to accept the help and to have kept your job and then maybe you could afford to save and help them get there own place that is if either works. I was just wondering how old everyone is too?

First off why are you living with them in the first place? You are married and you should have your own place. I don't agree with people getting married and then living with the parents or the in laws. That's not right. Another thing 5 of you in an apartment. How do you do it? I couldn't imagine being in an apartment with 1 person and you can do it with 5. Secondily you need to stop babying your daughter. Let her be. She's 5 years old and needs to communicate with others other than you. You need to grow up as well and talk to the in laws as you are all living there and it is small quaters. I suggest you and your husband find your own place and move out.

Hai , i a not new on the MIL issue, but thank god we are at the city and they are not.. Event a weekend visit or holidays drive me to the limits . I have a suggestion, maybe you should try going back to work as it may give you some financial support. Find a good babysitter for your child, or some good day care center, tell your husband that you pity his mother and want her to rest not to burden her with the child. Once this is set, do enjoy your days out Otherwise get a job at the day care center and have your daughter enrolled in.. then you are together ... Once this is set and you have money in your hand , buy some holiday trip vouchers, for you him and daugter , tell him you won some lucky draw ... call him to pick you up and show him some movie tickets given by someone .. Get the romance going .... don get yourself locked in the house it is bad for you emotionally I am getting smarter now days too ....

Well, sounds like this is not a Fun situation to be in, and one I would not want to trade places with you for sure. Especially when you have not been Married that long, and then having to have others live with you as well. Puts a lot of strain and pressure on a marriage that should not have to be there. I am glad that your husband is making sure your MIL and her mom have a place to live, but at the same time I would want to be letting him know you would like some privacy and time alone with him at times as well. Isn't there somewhere they could go, or get some assistance with help for housing or anything? I would be looking into this, and offer up any suggestions you might find to them and your husband as well. Just keep on Praying and believing, and God will open the doors for you.

Hi Sydney, [i]I understand how you feel since I know every couple wants to live exclusively with their own family! can you move and then just visit them often? We are from my in-laws and I have no problem like this![/i]

Hello there my new friend. I am reading about this plight of yours in the top discussions for today and I feel sorry for you. I might not know how that feels because one, I'm a guy and two, I'm not married so I wouldn't be able to give the perspective of what your husband might feel or what he does is right or wrong. However, I have an important question to ask you. Have you from the beginning on good terms with your MIL and her mom..? Or are you guys pretending to put a brave and polite front in front of your husband..? If the answer is not animosity from the beginning, then it would be important for you to salvage that peace within yourself and perhaps get your husband to understand your 'space-constraint'. Are your MIL and her mom complaining too much that you can't cope and whether they are really making life difficult for you at home and for the domestic affairs of yours..? Are they too interfering in your daughter's lives? These questions are important and if you have non-good feeling answer to all these, then you might have a bit of an issue here, so you have to really communicate these feelings to your husband and he cannot keep quiet about it, because it's your sanity in question here. Not to add sparks to fire, but in any case, a husband would always label his mom right, and he can't see wrong. So you have to put it across as gently as possible. This issue has never been easy and I'm wondering whether my wife someday could live in harmony with my mom. But the best solution is that to live separately, so that the animosity won't ever grow. But in your case, it has happened and for a cause of concern there, meaning that they need a roof over their heads. Therefore, apart from asking you to analyze the situation at hand and talk about it with your husband first, then see whether you can speak with your MIL about it, I would advice you to be extremely patient. Do keep us in progress of what's happening. And do not stress yourself too much yeah. I'm sure your MIL has the best interest of you and your husband at heart. Hope that's so.

Okay so your not living with your mother in law your mother in law is living with you. Okay, well I have to say that's an emotional strain for you there, and the fact that it's a small apartment is another, and if the only source of income is coming from your hubby and the checks that your mother in law might be bringing in? Well what about granny? hmm, well to be honest I have to say that you either need to find a bigger place, live with what you got, or move out and let them have the apartment. I live with my fiance, his parents, 2 dogs and a cat. That's six beings and while the animals aren't a bother, sometimes being in close quarters with everyone can be. If I got angry, I know it's my own fault and I deal with it. I can understand you being possessive, your a mother and probably a new one at that. It's natural, mother's insticts even a woman's instict and I can't emphasize that even if I wanted to... I have to say, RELAX. Talk to granny one and granny two (the great granny) and let them know how you feel, communication is key. You yourself say your husband needs some slack, so be the bigger person and give it to him! Did all that jazz up there sound offensive? It probably did, but I didn't mean it to be.

Is there a reason why MIL can't live alone? I wou;d like to know before answering more but no, to me it is not a dificult thing to do unless there are financial reasons and everyone is pitching in.

i wish i had something very wise to say to you. you must know and believe, that your child will never allow any love for another person (grandmother or great grandmother) to take the place of her love for you. if this is your apartment they are living in, it is a tense pathway every day. i'm sure this could be more than too many cooks in the kitchen. ignoring your MIL will not make her go away. i do not think you are selfish, but i don't see a solution to this problem. it maybe a wedge between you and your husband which has no happy resolution.

Which part of Singapore do you stay at? I'm assuming part of the problem is that your mother-in-law is at home most of the time, so you can't have the "time alone with family" that you want. Considering your current relationship with your mother-in-law, it might be hard, but you can try persuading her to volunteer at a CC as a WEC (Woman executive committee). Most of the CCS have one. Hopefuly the tension is just caused by you spending too much time around each other and will lessen when she spends more time outside volunteering. If she isn't into volunteering, you can try getting her to join some courses like folk dancing at the CC.

That sucks, you live with your mother in law how do you live? If I was you I would just go in a room and lock the door!

When I was pregnant with my daughter, my fiance and I lived at his parents home. As soon as I found out I was pregnant I began looking for our own home. And within three months of looking we bought our first home together. I refused to live with my future in-laws. It just doesn't mix. It's bad enough I put up with her when she comes down to our house, let alone all the nagging she would do if we lived with her. NO WAY! I would go nuts. I think that you two need your privacy. And the whole thing with your daughter, don't think your being selfish I'm the same way with mine. She very rarely goes to anyones house without me being with her. Have you tried talking to them and asking them to butt out? Try to see if you can get to some type of middle ground since they have no place to go.

Hi, I don't want to sound condescending Sydney but to be generous to others would give you a different "high". Changing your perception about your daughter may help put things into their proper perspective. I understand that as a mother, you would like to be left alone to rear your child the way you want to and that's the ideal setting , but since you can't possibly do this, then you have to make the best out of your situation. You can have a heart to heart talk with MIL about how you "feel" to see how she "feels" and then compromise. I'm a grandmother too and I want sometime with my grandkids , but not the whole time. You have to talk to MIL and express your sentiments. Talk in a positive manner and I'm sure she'll listen to you. Good luck and all the best.

No, you are not selfish. You have the right to raise your family in a single family environment without the overbearing presence of you in-laws. If you have already conveyed your honest feeling with your husband than it may be time to give an ultimatum.