Preteen Daughter

I remember when I went through this stage myself. Fortunately, I have a good 10 more years before I have to deal with it for my daughters. However, the only thing I can think to help her is maybe doing girly things for her. Go get your nails done together, pretty clothes, hair styles, whatever it takes. Some girls I think have a rougher time coping with this period in their lives than others. I know those things always make me feel prettier though.

My daughter went through this last year. It wasn't just about her looks, it was about the changes she was going through. The school politics didn't help at all...the popular girls can be a little mean! She came home from school in tears almost everyday. There was absolutely no reason for her to be so sad or to think she was ugly. I did my best to help her, all I could do was listen and be supportive. Its hard to feel that helpless especially when it comes to helping your child. Be strong, it will pass, I think we all go through something like this at one point. With my daughter, expressing herself in the clothes she wore, funky nail polish, even some funky hair accessories, really helped. She really enjoyed putting herself together, creating a new look for herself. Good Luck and I hope this helps.

There is a class that Dove sponsors that deals with self-esteem issues in girls. Maybe you could see if there is one in your area.

my daughter is going threw this now and she is only 7 1/2. i keep telling her she is beautiful. and i try to do special thinks with her. like go shoppingand let her pick out some new clothes. or just go to the movies the two of us. either way its a stage ibn girls lifes,. they will hopefully pass soon

My daughter went through this at about that age. She is now 14 and very confident. every now and then, she gets silly, but gets over it quick. First, I would sit down with her and ask her what she doesn't like. My daughter always HATED her hair. It is very think, I think it's beautiful, but I am just the mom! So we saved our money and took her to an awesome stylist. She got highlights, and lowlights, got it cut very nice. We keep it up every 6 months, it gets expensive but the value is worth it. She was telling me the other day that she loves her hair and its been a month since she got it done! Another thing were her eyebrows, easy fix, $12 to the same stylish, looks great! Then we talked about her wardrobe. Her class mates all where name brand crap. lol. I can not afford $60 jeans let alone $200 jeans. We found Platos Closet. She gets the same jeans for $5 and no wear and tear on them. So I asked what else? Poor thing, she ran out of things to complain about! She will find something I'm sure, but in the mean time, she feels great and looks great too! Now, I feel I should mention that if the problem is weight, teach her to eat better and exercise. A few years ago, she felt gangly, so she started playing sports and buiilding muscle in the right places. If it is physical development, see if you can look up people like Cindy Crawford and show what she looked like! A really good one is Brooke Shields. We are all human and will never be perfect, but there are a few things we can do to feel better. I know I do better in my career if I am dressed nicely and feel good about myself!

Have you tried sitting by a mirror with her and having her point out things about herself that she likes (and not accepting "nothing" for an answer)? Maybe try prompting her to find 2 things she likes about herself. She might need some examples--like how nice her hair curls, or how the color of her eyes dances in the light, or even how nice and straight her teeth are--anything positive, really. Then a few days later have her try to find 2 more things. Then switch it up--sit looking at a wall (or each other) and have her point out 2 things she likes about her personality (she's probably a beautiful person inside, too). Best wishes to you--it's always heartbreaking to see your kids hurting.

I guess you just have to let it pass. I think it's just a phase and when she grows up she'll begin to understand. Also, you can try to disillusion her from grandeurs of outside beauty so she'll grow up appreciating beauty within. :)

I think everyone goes through the "ugly duckling" phase. I went through that before and if you'd be able to look back at my earlier pictures, you'd understand why I said that... but I guess people will out grow it. When she starts going out and mingling, she herself will be able to see that she's not so ugly after all. I guess as a mom, the best that you can do is to encourage her and help her boost her confidence... Maybe your daughter can enroll in one of the personality development classes that a lot of schools offer. That would help her a lot. Plus she'll be able to meet a lot of new friends there.

I think what your daughter is feeling is very common amongst girls, especially at that age. Often, when girls go through puberty, they may have uncomfortable feelings about their body changing and that's usually when they begin to look at other girls who they may feel are far better looking than they are. I have a teenage daughter who also went through that stage. Keep reassuring her that she is beautiful even if she objects in some way. Girls need to build their confidence, but as the mother of a daughter, I have learned to also emphasize all the other wonderful things that she does that she is very good at so that she has a more well-rounded view of herself and doesn't just judge herself based on the relfection that she sees in the mirror. At sixteen, she still has moments of insecurity, but overall I believe that she is becoming a very self-possessed young woman. I'm sure your daughter will also.

You can't really do much to help her out, she has to battle her own insecurities through gaining confidence over time, either by boys telling her that she is pretty or by showing interest in her, or maybe through other areas, but she will eventually build a foundation of confidence, it's hard when you are in the between stage of child to adult, she will get it though. When she is around fifteen and sixteen you will begin to think that she is TOO confident haha, things will ease out themselves as she walks through the years, just think about when you were her age. Don't worry about it, things will get better for her, and things could be much worse anyway, the phase will run it's course. Happy mylotting, and best wishes for your daughter and you!

I went through that phase as well and there was nothing my mom could say to me to help me feel any differently about myself. One thing I know for sure is that those feelings did not come out of nowhere. They were triggered by comments that were made to me by others about what they thought were my imperfections; now I know differently. Therefore, there is that possibility that although you are doing your best to build up your daughter's self-esteem; there is probably something or someone who is sending her a different message. As you know, we compare ourselves to the standard of beauty out there and to what we have interpreted that standard to be. Fortunately, because of my Christian upbringing and other achievements in my life I was able to see that there are other things besides the physical that helped to defined me as a person. I don't know, that's a tough one. Somehow it just all seemed to have made sense to me one day and I was in my early twenties by then. However, you are there for your daughter and that's what matters most. She will come out of it, however you should just continue to do what you are doing. I am sure that as long as it doesn't become an obsession, preoccupation, or a deep insecurity; that she will come out on the other side just fine. Just to add; my parents did what you did; however, they also got me involved in a lot of extracurricular activities, which was a huge self-esteem booster for me.

i am sixteen i have been through that little phase,i once believed i was the ugliest person on this planet.now i think that if i just quit worrying about how i look and worry about how i already am,people like me a lot better.i was constently going and looking in the mirrors,asking people how my hair looked and how i in general looked.finally one day someone told me that i looked perfect everyday,so i figured i needed to quit worrying.just tell your daughter that if she is happy with herself everyone else will be to,that sounds really corny but it worked for me.