Not Divorced Yet But Starting Another Relationship

Well sometimes there are things that because of the hatred that you experience from this relationship and you find someone completely the opposite of your husband makes you think that he is your savior or knight in shining armor thingy. Then when your still in a relationship it's like the only thing that could save your broken heart. Well I would suggest that you fix things up then try to really moved on with him after everything is settled down. Dating for me is okay for as long as you both agreed to it but jumping into another set of relationship is just not fair for the guy you think is right for you. You should settle things with your current relationship before accepting him to you.

NO!! you were probally over this relationship for awhile. so who is it for anyone to say whats long enough for you, your with someone who makes you happy and gives you what you need. so dont worry about what others say. just take care of you and your kids

Hi I read through all your comments trying to get as much infomation as I could. It appears to me you have a classic rebound relationship. The new guy is great because he does not do the things that the ex did. He will in time commite his own errors and how you handle them will be the true test. I am more concerned with you marrying and being with a person that had no love for your children. For their sake I say wait on dating. Though the nights are lonely it is better for them then bring people around that may not be in their best interest. In the end everyones recovery time is different, but from what I saw I dont think you are really ready. I think you are looking for outsiders support because of the guilt you feel. When one is at ease with what they are doing they do not need approval from others. I also have my doubts you are over your ex, this stems from the comment "he left 3 weeks ago." That has me believing this was not really your choice, and is the reason for the rebound. Question, how often do you to yourself or others compare the new guy to the ex... Thank You

There are no hard and fast rules to dating and divorce plans as far as I am concerned and I do not presume to know your situation better than you. I suppose you are the best judge of what it is you need to do. If it were me I would take a long hard look at myself and try to find some areas where I could change and improve. From your discussion I could see that you heap all the blame on your husband which is a danger sign as far as I'm concerned. It takes two to tango, as they tell us. Finding another mate is pretty easy. Take the time to find yourself first.

I think that you have the right to live your life in a way that makes you happy regardless of what other people have to say about it. I'm pretty sure that things were over for you when you realized that he resented your children. There is no definitive time when it is "okay" to date - every person is different. I know that I wouldn't want to stay with someone who didn't love my children. They are the ones that matter in life.

I think it would be perfectly ok if you started dating again specially if you feel your decision to divorce if 100% final. However, you do not yet know how he will react to that. Some men, even though they have left the woman still feel jealous when they hear that she is seeing someone else? Is he seeing someone else too? That would even up things and will be something to throw back in case he reacts violently. And how about your kids? How do they feel about this new person in your life? Those are some points to consider.

Jenny I sent you a friend request please accept it. I would really like to discuss this with you but not out in the open - for my own privacy. Please PM me.

i can understand this situation.in this case you are not wrong. rather its better to be future perfect. i welcome this situation when you are seeing somebody who is loving.

Although I'm not a big fan of rushing into a relationship, I also dated for years before I got a divorce. I got married at 16 (stupid mistake) and it lasted 6 months. We seperated and went our seperate ways. I stayed married to him legally for 22 years...yup, I was 38 when I got divorced from him. I know it sounds stupid but there really was a method to my madness. I didn't want to make the same mistake again. I figured if I stayed married to him legally (although we never talked or saw each other) then I wouldn't be able to marry anyone else on the spur of the moment and make another stupid mistake. It also forced me more then once to really sit down and take a long hard look at the person I thought I was head over heels for. I finally got my divorce 2 years ago...when I married my Hubby. We'd been together for 6 years prior to getting married and I knew that this was the person I would spend the rest of my life with. **AT PEACE WITHIN** ~~STAND STRONG IN YOUR BELIEFS~~

I know and understand what you feel. Not all people you can please at the moment. You are just human,and you commit mistakes. You make your own life,you make your own choices, even sometimes we don't realized it that is a mistake! Life has to go on,even we have problems,pains,and not perfect, but we learn from this pain,and be a better person. I think right now if I were in your place i'll take it slowly and think about my children first,or even time for myself to think about what I will have to do. Everything can wait for now first. Your so lonely I think but that is not only the happiness having another one again or you just wanna feel that your important. Giving you time and important. It doesn't take a day to know someone else again. Your still trying to pick the pieces of your life... You still have beautiful children waiting for you, don't think they miss you all this time... being alone with you,spending time together... Nothing is permanent in this world but yourself... Their the only one who will love you for what you are. God is good! God will make a way! Have a nice day!

If some people are suggesting to you that you must wait a little then they are wrong. I feel you must carry on with your life and always be positive. I also know that you must be feeling alot low and sad because you wasted your three years for nothing. I am also a man but feeling ashamed now that why you ex-husband (I called him your ex-husband on purpose) did not take care of your children. No fault of your children though in all this. Children are just like innocent angels.

Hi, for me you have no reason to feel sorry for something, the story was over since more then one year and I don't see for what you have to wait..also if is still not written anywhere you're already divorce, and like every (almost) humabean, you need someone near you, what I can rate you is to wait a little bit for know this new person well, take your time before to decide to move toghether...and I winsch you a lot of good luck.. Nun

Well I can only speak from my experience. I waiting 6 months after my divorce before I dated and a year before I got serious with anyone. My marriage was over way before my divorce but I needed the time to focus on myself and my kids. I didn't want anything to do with men for a long time. You may want to look at how long you waited before you got into your relationship with your husband. Do you think you rushed it? It is very easy to feel you need someone for companionship or support, emotional and financial. I never wanted to rush into a relationship and not think clearly. My only advice is make sure your past is cleaned up before you move on. It is not fair to anyone to bring along baggage from a past relationship - and I am in no means talking about children. I am talking about getting through the divorce and ending it before you move on. Good Luck and remember eventhough your husband is not the biological father to your children he has had an impact on them and they may be effected by your divorce and any future relationships you may have - especially if you rush another man into their lives.

Just date with this person if you think he can give you happiness and care. Your ex-husband hasn't cared you for the past two years, as for this reason, you are lonely for so longly withouth love. So just do it, don't care about others'view if you are happy at this moment, just value the new relationship. who knows what happens at the next moment?

i can't say whether you had done the right thing or not... it is entirely up to you... all i can say is do what make you happy and follow your heart... good luck... take care and have a nice day...

Date no but to settle into a serious relationship yes. 3 weeks is not a long time for a break up. My husband had 3 kids when I married him and they even came to live with us for awhile so I had to deal with that and the time he took with them but wer made it. The reason we made it was because he helped me through it. Yes they were his kids and not mine. A marriage isn't perfect and yes there will be fighting and so on and so forth. Were you married to your kids father or was he just a partner and for how long did that one last? Second marriage only lasted 3 years which isn't long things are still new at that point. Yes you had kids from a previous relationship but did you take the time you new marriage needed to work? Kids or not the spouse is just as important as the kids and time should be juggled so that the spouse does not feel left out. We set up a date night and when that night came it was our night and we would go out or the kids stayed at my sisters or went to their friends for the night. My husband never said they are my kids and you are not their mother when I went to correct them. You have to think about your kids when you decide to start dating. 3 weeks and dating to me would be a little early since he has been gone. I take it since they are your kids they are with you. You didn't mention the kids age. But what you do in your life reflects on your kids and well if you start dating right away and that doesn't work and move to the next and that doesn't work. If you fell that quick sounds like you gave up trying to work on your marriage before he did. When it comes to stuff like this I have to say is two sides to every story. Your side and His side. Good luck...

I think the time it takes a person to start dating is up to them. We have not been in your relationship for the past 3 years and although you may have been married this long you could have long ago had an emotional divorce and still be married. I do think you need to be hesitate though because your emotions could just be on the rebound you have kids that you do not want to make feel uneasy. Just be careful and trust your instincts I am sure you will be fine. Good Luck!

wuh hehe ! funny isnt it ! whats the need of a divorce! have 2 of em ! together!

I think sometimes it is best to give yourself time to get over a relationship before starting a new one. Sometimes you use the other person that you just jumped in a relationship as a part in to fill in a void of what you once had and you are looking for something that your husband never gave you. I don't know, I just believe that you should give it time and let the divorce be final before you jump into another one. Because, although, you gave the other the go to do whatever you please, yall are still married, and in a way its adultery. I'm sorry don't bash me, but thats what I feel. But whenever you feel that you are ready for another relationship, then is the time. And if you feel now is the time, then go for it. Some people recover faster than others.

So long as you're looking at this new relationship objectively (not only seeing the voids that you're ex had that this new guy fills, but him as a whole--good and bad), there's nothing wrong with dating again already. It's not like you're engaged to the new guy already--then there might be issues. Has your new beau met the kids yet (I'm assuming he at least knows about them)? So long as you take things slow so the kids have time to get used to the new relationship, too, it'll all work out the way it should. Best wishes to you!