HELP!!!!my boyfriend's bestfriend...
By ehlsie
@ehlsie (730)
Philippines
August 26, 2008 2:17am CST
My relationship with my boyfriend is already 22months to be exact...
He has a best friend... A girl actually...
This girl is also a friend of mine and cousin of my bestfriend so everytime we're hanging out she's also there... But I notice that the girl is getting closer to my boyfriend!!!At first I thought it was nothing, but then one time I caught that my boyfriend's bestfriend texted him like this..
"take care alaways, I miss you, I'm always here for you, and I love you...."
Even the friends of my boyfriend which all boys also noticed the sweetness of the girl to my boyfriend!
I really don't know what to do!!!
please help me.........
13 people like this
39 responses
@ashar123 (2357)
• India
26 Aug 08
You must talk with your boy friend but I guess there will no fruitful result obtained in that as your boy friend will deny his relation with that girl. You must have asked your boy friend when you found that text message you wrote in discussion. When you clap, you have to use both hands and as far as relation goes, if both say yes then some relation develops. I guess your boy friend is cheating with you. You must accept this because it will hurt you later when you come to know your boy friend is now with that girl.
2 people like this
@poohgal (6845)
• Singapore
27 Aug 08
Hmm.. It's quite obvious that she likes your boyfriend. Do you get to see your boyfriend's reply to her?
Only you and your boyfriend knows whether or not the love is still there. If the love is still present, nothing will distract him from you. If he falls for her just because she likes him, such a man is not worth your loving.
You should talk to him calmly and ask him to choose and decide. If he can't decide, leave him as a fickle minded guy is not worth loving. If he chooses you, good, ask him to distance himself more from the girl. If he chooses her, then be strong and move on to a better life.
1 person likes this
@tessah (6617)
• United States
27 Aug 08
asking a person to choose between two people they care for is a sure fire way of losing them. its wrong to put a person into that position. i wouldnt think of attenmpting to tell someone i care for that they had to pick who they cared for more as a show of loyalty.. and those who have done so to me, have tasted the curb.
@tessah (6617)
• United States
27 Aug 08
i think not dictating to him who is he allowed to have as friends and telling him who he can and cannot care about shows i love him and more importantly TRUST him than if i were to treat him as if he were property that i owned and had dominion over. if i couldnt trust him.. i wouldnt be with him. and same goes for him as well
@msedge (4011)
• United States
27 Aug 08
Wait a strong evidence to prove your motive.For the meantime show that you are more worthy to have for and her.Show your love and care for your boyfriend until you will get a strong evidence about their relationship.Confront him and make him a choice between you and her.If he choose you then fine.Continue with your relationship and make it more stronger if he choose the other then life must go on with you.If he is not the right man for you then i believe there must be one for you.
1 person likes this
@angeltrhix (279)
• Philippines
27 Aug 08
Gosh, you have to talk to your boyfriend ask him about going on between him and the girl and when you talk to him prepare yourself in the consequence and the real story he will tell you. You know its obvious when the guy really likes you or really loves you any temptation, he can ignore that. Talk to the girl also and be nice to her but don't be plastic, ask her in a joke way what you really want to say to her.
1 person likes this
@titagdl (136)
• Mexico
26 Aug 08
Well since she is your boyfriend´s best friend you shouldn´t try to confront him on this because he´ll think you´re just jealous and messing with his friends or something.Think about it,,,if you had a guy friend and he was butting into that relationship wouldn´t you get upset? But on the otherhand you should be cautious that she doesn´t steal him from you.My advise is this....keep your friends close and enemies closer.Try to be friends with her and that way you´ll have her in your sight most of the time and it´ll make it harder for her to betray a friend.
@fedge098 (1330)
• Philippines
30 Aug 08
I suggest you clear everything with your boyfriend. This is the easiest way for you to get that feeling of discomfort in your heart. The earlier you find the answer, the better. Right?
So go ahead and maintain an open communication with him and also, with his bestfriend. ^_^
@fedge098 (1330)
• Philippines
30 Aug 08
You mean she has actually done bad things to you? I hope not. It's right, you should still talk to his bestfriend even if your boyfriend forbid you to do it. It is your life and its not a game. You should take care of your relationship. God Bless!
1 person likes this
@ehlsie (730)
• Philippines
30 Aug 08
Yeah your right, thanks for that!
but you knw what, i'm having a hard time to talked to my boyfriend if the topic is about her bestfriend whose flirting him! When i've started to talked about it, he always told me that our conversation will go to nothing...i don't want to ask my boyfriend if me and her bestfriend because i know were different and the feelings for us is different.
I really like to talked her bestfriend but my boyfriend don't want me to do it...But now, i'm decided to talked to her bestfriend and talked about the rude things she done to us...
1 person likes this
@nengs10 (3180)
• Philippines
26 Aug 08
Face the situation and be competitive. If the other girl is trying to be closer with your man, be very thoughtful and caring as well. Show your boyfriend some special treatment and don't let a day pass by without anything good happening to both of you. Be a good partner.
1 person likes this
@kun2349 (23381)
• Singapore
27 Aug 08
That's bad for u, and i think if your bf really cares for u, he should stop all contact with the best friend.. However if he still thinks that there's nothing wrong, then it's best that u leave him for someone else better..
For they might even have an underground relationship that u dunno of, and maybe that best fren is willing to take a step back by pretending to be best fren of your bf, in order to stay together with him...
SO, it's better to ask your bf what he intend to do..
@ehlsie (730)
• Philippines
28 Aug 08
They're both unfair to me...You have a point.I also told to my botfriend that now that he hasa relationship,(beause Im his first girlfriend) It's not nice if other people see that he and her bestfriend was too close to each other! He said that he will never communicate to her bestfriend again but after few days, thet're texting again and the sad part....they do not tell me..I just caught them because my boyfriend got wrong send....
1 person likes this
@mythic0805 (90)
• Philippines
28 Aug 08
frankly speaking, m sorry, but you're boyfriend is stupid LOL dump him!!!
1 person likes this
@DaddyOfTheRose (2934)
• United States
29 Aug 08
All you can do. Sit down and talk to your boyfriend and explain that this is making you feel insecure about the relationship. Hopefully, he will validate your feelings and make you feel better, more secure. Contrary-wise, it is possible to send a message like that to someone you have no romantic interest in.
@ehlsie (730)
• Philippines
29 Aug 08
yes it possible But for me it depends on to what person you will send that like message.... If I have a bestfriend guy,and he has a girlfriend, If I text my bestfriend like that, ofcourse her girlfriend will think that I have a feelings to his boyfriend. Coz being a bestfriend of a guy, you should have your limitations on your words and actions. Because you might hurt somebody without knowing it otherwise you intentionally want to hurt that person.
thanks for the advice!
@DaddyOfTheRose (2934)
• United States
29 Aug 08
I agree about what you should do.
To explain with a story. Once, I was going out with a girl who decided to break up with me. So, I went and asked another girl to a dance. Well, then my previous girlfriend wanted to get back together with me and go to the same dance. I didn't feel it was appropriate to drop the girl that I had asked to go after the breakup. So, I asked my younger brother if he would come and take my ex-girlfriend to the dance. After the dance, I would go back to dating my ex-girlfriend and all would be fine. I was not intending to do anything with Heather except go to a dance.
Well, Derek did go and he and Martina did a little more together than was appropriate. So, I was complaining to my brother, Adam. Adam essentially said, "You wouldn't do that, but Derek isn't you."
So, to bring back to the point, not everyone is going to follow your ideas of right and wrong. You have to try to understand this and find a way to cope.
@nanajanet (4436)
• United States
27 Aug 08
I always say to follow your instincts. I would let your BF know, nicely, that you have noticed and need to know, for sure, if he has any feelings for her, other than just a friend.
I would also ask her.
Let them both know that you don't want to find out the hard way, if it's true, and that total honesty is what you need.
Some will say to say nothing, I don't believe that.
Make sure you leave the emotional bursts out of the conversation and just do it calmly.
@nanajanet (4436)
• United States
28 Aug 08
It's not so much the communication that worries me but the lies. If he is lying about texting her again, that's not good.
I know that it's hard but either he needs to know the lies are the worst and need to stop, or that you will have to break it off as you cannot be with someone who is dishonest.
I've been through this with my husband and we had to go to counseling over it. I can take anything but lies.
@ehlsie (730)
• Philippines
28 Aug 08
Thanks for your good advice... I've already tried to talk to my boyfriend nicely... i told to him that I'm jealous in a way of their closeness of his bestfriend...And he promise that he will never communicate again to his bestfriend...but after few days....thet're texting again and the sad part...They don't tell me about that....When I ask my boyfriend if his bestfriend texted him, he said no...but I caught them because my boyfriend got wrong send too me! than sending it to his bestfriend!(damn! the them both!)
I really love my boyfriend...
what should I do???
@joyadalia (1408)
• Philippines
30 Aug 08
Talk with your boyfriend. It is possible that the girl feels that way but your guy is not reciprocating. You and him can solve the problem. No one else can. 
@joyadalia (1408)
• Philippines
30 Aug 08
Then if your really could not trust him then better break the relationship up before you get too involved with him and too jealous with this best friend .
.@ehlsie (730)
• Philippines
30 Aug 08
I already did it..I've talked to him already and as like other guys do, he promised to me that he'll never communicate again to her bestfriend. Because I told him that all of his friends saw that her bestfriend treat him not only just a bestfriend.And one time, when we talked about her best friend, he told me that her bestfriend told him that if he want a guy to be with her and to be her partner he she told that she want like my boyfriend. Even the treatment she's giving to my boyfriend is very different. But after we argue about her bestfriend and promised to me, few days later i caught them AGAIN texting!Because my boyfriend got wrongsend to me..I felt i was cheated...because all the while i thought that they don't have a communication but still they secretly texting each other and i don't know about it.
1 person likes this
@phyrethyme (1267)
• Philippines
26 Aug 08
Talk to your guy. Yikes. I can feel your pain, girl. I don't like it. @_@
Have it all out in the open. Resolve your issues. If you feel that it is useless to fix because your guy has nothing to do about it, leave him. Find someone who won't allow things that would hurt you to happen. What did your boyfriend say when you caught him with the text message from the girl?
@ehlsie (730)
• Philippines
26 Aug 08
he's just quiet when I ask about the issue...even though He does not reply to the text, but still the girl is the one who continue texting him...We start arguing about the issue and my boyfriend did was he did not text or reply to his bestfriend's text anymore...He said to me that He will forget anything and anyone just for me.....
@phyrethyme (1267)
• Philippines
26 Aug 08
What??? I wish he'd say something. I do not exactly understand the situation. :| Why does he have to keep quiet?
And why did he say he'd forget people because of you? What is there to forget? He doesn't have feelings for that girl, right?
@delaneyxrawr (17)
• United States
27 Aug 08
i agree.
talk to him about how you feel.
be totally honest.
after all, this is a relationship.
trust him, but also yourself.
and your instints.
if he really cares. he'll fix it. :]
1 person likes this
@sarahruthbeth22 (43143)
• United States
30 Aug 08
The best thing to do is to do nothing. Just Keep your eyes open. Has your boyfriend changed? Is he treating you the same way? If so, then chances are he isn't interested in the " best friend".But if he isn't treating you well or everything has changed, that could be a sign.
@sarahruthbeth22 (43143)
• United States
30 Aug 08
This not good. It sounds like he is starting to lie to you.Sneaking around to talk to her is not good. It would have been better if he had said She is my best friend that's all and I speak to her whenever. That is more honest than saying one thing and doing the complete opposite.I don't know how to help. Take care. Good Luck.
@ehlsie (730)
• Philippines
30 Aug 08
he's not changed...you think there's no secret affair with her bestfriend. We've already talked about it and he promised to me that for the sake of our relationship and for the sake of mine, He will never communicate again to her bestfriend. But after few days, I caught them texting again because by boyfriend got wrong send to me which supposed for her bestfriend. And the bad thing is, He didn't tell me about it. i feel i was cheated that time because all the time i ask him if her bestfriend texted him but he always insist not..but when i caught them the only thing that i remember what my boyfriend said is He did not told me because it just nothing and i have no reason to be jealous. But I insist to him that why he did not told me...but until now that question is not yet answered...
1 person likes this
@ehlsie (730)
• Philippines
28 Aug 08
Nope he's attitude towards me not change...But the closeness of him and her bestfriend is very different. I tried to talk to him and he says that he will never communicate again to her bestfriend but after few days...I caught them texting again because my boyfriend got wrongsend...the sad part...they do not tell me even my boyfriend do not tell me that thet're twexting again coz everytime I ask him he always says "no" but the truth is yes....
@Hatley (163776)
• Garden Grove, California
3 Sep 08
hi ehlsie well now theres an old saying if it walks like a duck,quacks like a duck, looks like a duck, swims like a duck, it must be a duck. okay if boyfriend acts like a two timer, spends time text messaging with love you messages, lets his best friend'
get a lot closer than he should, and he acts like a jerk, well surprise, surprise he is a two timing jerk. I love you doesnt sound much like just a best friend to me so I would tell my erring boyfriend either give up his sexy best friend or I am going to make like a tree and leave.
@ehlsie (730)
• Philippines
4 Sep 08
I love your saying..you have a point, saying i love you to your bestfriend is very unsual...Her bestfriend is really flirting her i noticed it and i'm really getting mad to ehr bestfriend..thank you so much for your advice, at least,right now, i know what to do next...
thank you!
happy mylotters!
@irisangelica (16)
• Puerto Rico
27 Aug 08
I dont think that when you are with your boy friend you best friend should be there.
You should talk to your boyfriend and see what he think about this.In my country we have a saying . Where there are 3 person one has to be out.If your boy friend care for you he to has to do something about this. If he is not sure about his filling he should tell you. Better now that later.
@saroodebolan (408)
• Pakistan
27 Aug 08
hmmm.. talk abt it with your boyfried... tell him to make it clear to his best friend... and if you are serious abt this guy then tell him to get into a serious relation with you....
and tell him tht you do not like this... friend is something else... she should not take place of a lover...good luck to you
@saroodebolan (408)
• Pakistan
28 Aug 08
n i think you should talk it to that girl also...tell her tht u do not like her talking to him like tht.... i guess you should talk abt it with both of them... face to face... coz some times thing are not tht negative as we see.... so just talk abt it...and do tell us aht happened... i will pray for you
@mythic0805 (90)
• Philippines
27 Aug 08
Well., its bound to happen. You know, guys would always go for the exitement. Believe me, you can never trust any girl for that matter, best friend effect, pheww that's baloney!! Guys ussually has that camaraderie within them, don't touch another's guy's girl. But with the girls, oh boy, girls wouldn't care if they hurt another girl. Let him go, he wants the exitement, give it to him. For all you know, after you broke up with him, it's no longer exiting between them then hopefully he realise whom he really loves. If he realized that he loves you more, dont give in too easily, let him suffer the consequences of his flirting episodes. And if chooses the other girl, so what!! There are a lot of other guys out there, he's not worth it anyway, he can do that again over and over.
@mythic0805 (90)
• Philippines
28 Aug 08
It's okay ehlsie. These relationships do make us stronger. I was like that before, but believe me, you'll get over it in no time. And after you've accepted it, you'll just laugh at your stupidity. Just a lil advice if I may, don't give ur all to only one guy. Save some for yourself so you won't be a wreck if ever it ends. Do remember that guys are different from girls. Don't expect them to think the way you do because you'll only get frustrated. Don't worry, someone will come that will be your match. And you'll be happy, enjoy your life and your relationsips.
