Do you feel annoyed when friends try to set you up without you asking them to?
By koharukusumi
@koharukusumi (1539)
Malaysia
August 26, 2008 5:44am CST
Hey there, I am single by choice and am not desperate to find a lover, at least not to the point where I feel that I need a lover to make my life happy. I have my mood swings and when I am in a bad mood, my friends assumed that I am like that because I do not have a lover. I get really annoyed when they try to set me up with every single person who told them that they are interested. And I feel very very sick when they relentlessly try to promote these people to me.
Once I said, 'it's OK guys I can find someone on my own. You guys do not need to set me up with anyone' and they said, 'you're so sloww. We are doing this for you and we know what's the best for you'. I feel very very annoyed when people think they know what's the best for me. Just because they have a gf or bf does not make them better than me and I did not ever feel an ounce of jealousy at them.
WHat do you guys think of this? Have you ever had friends who enjoy setting people up to feed their egos and behave as though they are better off than you just because they have a gf/bf?
3 people like this
18 responses
@jhellie_baby (374)
• Philippines
27 Aug 08
well...this situation is never new. Yes i do have a love life but I never set my friends up because they dont have a story of their own. We all live our lives differently so its never a big deal for me if my friends dont have a bf or gf. I leave everything to them for it is their life and not mine.
@koharukusumi (1539)
• Malaysia
27 Aug 08
Yes. Your thinking is definitely the right thinking in my opinion.
@MissGia (955)
• United States
26 Aug 08
I know exactly how you feel. Before i got with my boyfriend (he was a guy i had been talking to on the internet for atleast 6 months at the time) my friends at work were trying to hook me up with a friend of theirs. so i went on date with him to shut them up then the guy became emotionally involved i guess.. It almost made me not be with the guy i am now. while i was "seeing" the guy my friends hooked me up with ..i went away for the weekend to meet the guy who now is my boyfriend and lives with me.
i came back home and just avoided the guy and eventually he stopped calling me.
1 person likes this
@koharukusumi (1539)
• Malaysia
27 Aug 08
That's my whole point. This people act as though they know who I will love to be my lover. I wouldn't want to give someone any hope so I never went out with the people they are trying to set me up. But I will love to be able to do what you did. ^^
@ellie333 (21016)
•
26 Aug 08
I am single too but I never have friends trying to set me up with people so I guess I am lucky, I am like you and like to make my own choices and just because we are single doesn't mean we are unhappy, in fact many of my friends are in relationships and miserable at least we are happy and content with ourselves so when an opportunity to meet someone arise we are ready but not desparate eh! Ellie :D
@koharukusumi (1539)
• Malaysia
26 Aug 08
Hey there ellie, yes, I really wish people respect my right to make my own choices. They will always say, ' we never force you to make any decisions' but sometimes their action are forceful. I always believe love that is based on desperation will turn out bad. Love to me is like art, it can never be forced.
1 person likes this
@rkrish (3003)
• India
26 Aug 08
Its the craze in friendship and always friends commonly stipulates others to enter into whatever they do. And if you are in the group where others are double and you are single, this will be case. Life is all about making fun and enjoying the times...so enjoy the friends attitudes and keep your thoughts fixed ....have fun.
I dont find any problem in seeing cute girls around me rather than trying for a realtionship,
@koharukusumi (1539)
• Malaysia
26 Aug 08
To tell you the truth, half of my friends have no gf/bf and have less experience than me but they always feel they are better than me in anything because I act childish and naive. I want to change image to be more serious and mature. Grrr...
@koharukusumi (1539)
• Malaysia
26 Aug 08
What you say is really true. Some of them just can't see me being happy the way I am. They just want to change me so much. The good thing is there are a lot of people in this world that I can make friends with that would not do what they did. Really appreciate your response.
@rkrish (3003)
• India
26 Aug 08
Being childlish never means that you are less mature and all can make fun of you.
I will tell you the truth that the admire you because
you are so free and childish as they cant be (not able to manage their problems)
they admired at you and your activities.
they want just to take over you and they thought it can be as you are childish.
I am too childish guy and but my close friends says i have multiple personality as a bigger brother to advice and a smaller brother to do crazy things....
I too like your living style,keep enjoying...be yourself and dont try to change
@happygill (46)
• India
26 Aug 08
YEAH I have such friends who want to make setting for me
but I JUST IGNORE THEM BCOZ no one knows better than me that
who is suitable for me.and for u jst look the guys,judge them and u yourse;l decide who is good?
@koharukusumi (1539)
• Malaysia
26 Aug 08
It will be easier to ignore them if they stop calling these people to join our gatherings and then making things awkward.
@MeiFrank (66)
• China
26 Aug 08
Hi
Of course I have the same experience as you.I was annoyed as you too when do that to me.my friends like to introduce the girls to me and they always think that girls they choose for me is the best one to me .sometimes i think it is very funny.
only oursely know which kind of girls or guy is suitable to us, maybe they have the bf or gf, they think that is happy life style.everyone has different idea to that.
ok , that is all. smile to that , you will be fine about that.
@koharukusumi (1539)
• Malaysia
26 Aug 08
Yeah, I feel flattered when my friend's friend is interested initially but it became annoying when they keep promoting and trying to force me to set up a date. I hate people who think they are a love expert.
@koharukusumi (1539)
• Malaysia
26 Aug 08
It's hard lying to people that I have a lover. It makes it hard to keep up this kind of lie because it requires a string of lies to support it.
@MeiFrank (66)
• China
26 Aug 08
Just tell them , there is one guy you love,but he is not here .you can image one for you.maybe it is not good idea.but you can try.take it easy, they are your friends,if they do not care you , that is also a big trouble.
@lingli_78 (12822)
• Australia
27 Aug 08
oh yes... i certainly did... it happens to me in the past... my parents and my friends are trying to set me up with somebody because they are worried with my age and i am still single... i am so glad that i am already married now with the man that i choose by my own... i don't like people who interfere in my personal thing especially when it comes to relationship... it is entirely my choice... take care and have a nice day...
@koharukusumi (1539)
• Malaysia
27 Aug 08
Good for you. It's understandable for people to get worried of you especially parents but it's better if they don't pressure you. Thanks^^
@livvy092002 (1032)
• Philippines
27 Aug 08
I totally understand how you feel! You're not alone, I've been in that situation too. Like you, I'm also single, been dating, but I haven't found the "one" yet. There are also friends and officemates who wanted to set me up. I jokingly decline there offer because sometimes I feel like they think less of me just because I don't have "someone special". Hmm, i don't like to entertain someone just because of those annoying people. In fairness to those others who wanted to set me up just because they think a guy is interested in me, then i give it a try.
@koharukusumi (1539)
• Malaysia
27 Aug 08
Yes. It's a really misleading mentality that everyone has to be in love to be happy.Thanks for sharing.
@zer0charly (5614)
• Philippines
27 Aug 08
LOL. I know that feeling. some of my friends did that to me way back then when I am still single. they pity me because every time we'll seeing each other, I bring no one, and I am the only one who doesn't have boyfriend.
anyway, your friends were just concerned about you, they were just thinking maybe you need someone. (lots of people thought that we need someone to be happy.).. anyway, sometimes it was so funny that our friends were doing that, but it was kinda annoying if they do that always. what you are doing is right. just inform your friends in a nice way that you don't need a blind date.. I told that to my friends before.. and let them know that don't give my cell numbers to anyone, for I don't need no one. and for sure, they'll understand your point.
anyway, your friends were just concerned about you, they were just thinking maybe you need someone. (lots of people thought that we need someone to be happy.).. anyway, sometimes it was so funny that our friends were doing that, but it was kinda annoying if they do that always. what you are doing is right. just inform your friends in a nice way that you don't need a blind date.. I told that to my friends before.. and let them know that don't give my cell numbers to anyone, for I don't need no one. and for sure, they'll understand your point.@koharukusumi (1539)
• Malaysia
27 Aug 08
Hey there zerocharly, sometimes they will not listen to what I say even if I have said the same thing over and over again in the 'nice' way. I wish they'll understand me but they don't even make an effort to. Have a nice day^^
1 person likes this
@4my1nonly (352)
• Philippines
26 Aug 08
Some of my friends before act like that,i know what you've feel...but you have your choice, setting up of people is not good, there's a right man who will come for you "as we've always say" (b4 when I'm still single =))...Some of us, like me also have mood swings, its not a base to assumed that because you don't have bf/gf your being like that,,,,You know, before i met my husband i already have mood swings until now nothings change...hahahahah...^_^...Enjoy your life and happy mylotting...^__^
@koharukusumi (1539)
• Malaysia
27 Aug 08
Thanks for supporting my views. Mood swings are not caused by an absence of a lover. It is just mood swings. Have a happy married life. ^^.
@joliefille (3690)
• Philippines
27 Aug 08
I get annoyed with being set up too. What I usually do to avoid that is always let my friends know that I'm hooking up with a new guy etc etc. It doesn't have to be really true. It's just for them to stop bugging me about the setup thing. I don't even like to do things like that to my friends.
@koharukusumi (1539)
• Malaysia
27 Aug 08
It's nice if you can lie to your friend. I can do that too but sometimes they get really nosy and ask so many things so I have to lie again and again to cover that one lie. I dunno why my friends like to ask so many questions.
@intimate36 (1415)
• Pakistan
26 Aug 08
Well , I don't count them , as my friends...
A true friend...I mean Really TRUE ..will know you so well..that he or she will never try to be a well wisher ....
I have , a couple of TRUE friends ...and they do understand what I need , just by hearing a hello , on phone...And if we are together ,we need to look into other eyes..
And , above all , I never faced this kind of situation.....
@koharukusumi (1539)
• Malaysia
27 Aug 08
A true friend never forces you to do. Maybe they say it's HARD LOVE but when they are having dun doing it, I wouldn't think it's HARD LOVE. I, too have only a couple of TRUE friends. ^^
@magna86 (1786)
• India
27 Aug 08
well i did face such embarrassing situations in my college life!!!when ever i am in class she keep on calling out the name of a boy in class!!! when i enter the class.. the boys would shout his name!!! when ever that boy enters my friend would turn and look at me!!!! all these moments were very embarrassing.. they dont even think what the other person would feel!! and more passing comments!!!! omg.. unforgettable!!!
@koharukusumi (1539)
• Malaysia
27 Aug 08
LOL.. So cute and funny. But I think it will be very embarrassing if I were in this situation.
@koharukusumi (1539)
• Malaysia
26 Aug 08
Sometimes people do it to make them feel like they are expert in these love thingy. It's really crap. I feel bad just thinking about it. GRrrr...
@shrestha1 (123)
• Nepal
26 Aug 08
first of i will like to tell you that i am also fully satisfied with setting up is not a good thing coz love must happen happen it self but not by force...
but in my case i also sometimes tried to do so but here my fren loved that girl and they don't talked to each other i jus made them talk thats it..
@koharukusumi (1539)
• Malaysia
27 Aug 08
It's OK to just merely trying but don't FORCE. Sometimes they try to set me up with people I am not interested in. And if I say I am not interested and then they say that to the person, it will be awkward when we meet in the future. I don't like being in this awkward situations.
@falassion (419)
• Brazil
26 Aug 08
Yeah, and I have this kind of friends, and it's a little annoying.
I also have this mood swings you talk about, when there are times that I feel VERY careless, but I have my way of having relationships and loving.. It's kinda different from the actual standarts (actually, It's a kind of "old way of loving"), but I think I'm right doing this way..
There was I time when it was worst, nowadays they kind of respect me. =)
@koharukusumi (1539)
• Malaysia
26 Aug 08
I agree with you. Even if we have a gf/bf, doesn't mean we would not have mood swings.
@HenryQu (8)
• China
26 Aug 08
hi,
I take pity on you about your status. And i know that friends are always warmheart on this problem:-) So this situation can not be changed at anywhere(i guess). The most important issue is to insist on your idea till finding the guy you like. After serveral times your friend will know that you are not so childlish as they thougt. Then you would be easy. Wishes you meet the one:-)
@koharukusumi (1539)
• Malaysia
27 Aug 08
Thanks for your wishes. I am not conciously thinking about finding THE ONE. THE ONE for me is GOD. I believe i will 'accidently' meet the love of my life one day is GOD permits.
