Ok I have a few quetions??? I've have been with my boyfriend for a little over 2

first, try not to let it become a fight. tell him that the ritual of him declaring in front of God and everyone that he has chosen to spend the rest of his life with you will give you a sense of security. You just want him to say he loves you in that way. Tell him it makes you feel insecure that he won't make a public committment, as though he intends to take off as soon as he meets the right girl, that you are only the temporary woman until the real deal comes along, and that is painful. Tell him you saw what that did to your family and that you don't want that for your own children. Tell him that you are not his mother, so should not have to suffer for HER sins. She was the bad wife, but you won't be. Tell him you will show him that you are dedicated to making him joyful and glad you are his wife every day. do you think that will help?

well, I guess you must tell him that you are different from your mom, from his mom or from other mom and woman and wife around. So its unfair that he makes comparisons... About stability... I believe that getting married is not just a mere stability for your kids but it should be your love and trust with each other as a couple and seeing both of you in the future still working out your relationship together even if your children are old enough... Give him time to think and to realize that he needs you to complete his life and marriage will bond that feeling of his. For now, just love him more. Prove to him that you are the completion of his fulfillment in life, and of course pray that your relationship will have strength. Take this as a challenge in your love for him. be patient and just understand him. Time will come, he will just approach you to marry him.

I think that if you both really love each other then whether you are married or not would not matter except for the family name of the kids and other legal matters. I do not think that you should force him to do this if he does not want to as you might really regret forcing him later.

It sounds like you have a bit of a dilemma here. You must feel a little hurt over this. I know that I would. I can't as a woman blame you at all for feeling the way that you do. A woman likes to have stability. Sometimes a man doesn't understand certain things that we feel. If you have children I would want to be married even more so. It is good to marry for love but stability for a couple is pretty important in my estimation. Good luck.

I got a little odd outlook on marriage. when i married my husband, we we've been together for more than three years. we broke up and month after i found out i was pregnant. we got married immediately. it was a tough decision for we didn' seem to love each other anymore. in fact , a lot of people around me told me not to go for marriage coz we would just eventually separate. for my child's security, i took the risk. i suffered a lot on the first year but knowing the fact that i am his wife and he has a duty for his family, things just changed between us. we're three years married now and we're living like a normal married couple. i must say that, marriage is not something to fear. it must be something you can cling on to keep you going with someone you want to spend your life with. you call the shots and whatever actions you take that would affect your relationship, it counts a lot. it may break or make your marriage. maybe, all your partner need is time. give him some time. sooner he will realize the value of it. but as a woman, you make him agree on it. you must make him marry you. not for you alone but for your kids too. they're growing fast. who knows? if he doesn't want to marry you, there might be others who's willing to. think think things over.... Good Luck!

He fathers your oldest son...what about the younger one? Do you live together?

well, i will have a serious conversation with him and tell him that a woman needs security... if he still insists that he doesn't want to marry me, then i will leave him and take the kids with me... he can't use his past experience to do that to you and you don't have to stick with him if he doesn't want to make you a legal wife... it is your choice... take care and have a nice day...

You do not have to be married to have a stable relationship or stable environment for your children. My sister and her boyfriend have been together for 15 years, and they have never gotten married. They are happy just as they are and don't feel the need to. If he doesn't want to get married i think you should just accept that. You guys have been together for 2 years and that's good. Accept him for his decisions, arguing or trying to sway his decision on the matter isn't going to do your relationship any good. as long as you two are happy together and you kids are happy that is all that matters.

It is situation with many men. at the time of committing they are not ready. I think he is making just excuses citing those examples. talk to him very frankly. try to understand his motives

Well I think you just had said it for stability of your kids. Maybe that is just what is needed by you and your husband. Your husband is creating a fear that should not be the case since you love him and I really thinks he also loves you. His bad experience with his past should not hinder him to get into marriage especially if both of you are happy with each other. I think it is time now that you both get your past behind yourselves and enjoy what you both deserve each other.

yes i agree, it is not a guarantee the marriage will work and last...i understand you but all you have to do is to convince him...

Well I'm glad that you're in a loving relationship but at the same time I can feel your frustration from the need to have stability. I think you may want to wait it out a few more years if you really truly believe that your guy is "the one" for you. Sometimes marriage isn't really necessary if you're both in it for the long haul. Just look at Brad and Angie and their beautiful family. :) I hope things work out for you though, God bless!

I think you have to discuss with him seriously about your dislikes about that mom. With your constant love and positive attitude you can change his past feelings agains marriage. Social stability is what needed more in the childhood. Both of you must try together to provide your children that stability. Best of luck

I think that a relationship can be stable without marriage, but if it is important to you, you guys really need to talk to eachother. you say that your boyfriend always changes the subject whenever you try to talk to him about it, so I think you should just write him a letter. he will know that you are serious about this and everything you need to say will be uninterupted. I write my boyfriend, family, friends letters all the time. It really helps diffuse conflict and allows problems to get solved. Good luck to you and your family.

There are good reasons for marriage, but remember that marriage does not always equal stability! The divorce rates today are approaching the marriage rates, if they haven't passed them already. If you are living in the same home and are committed to raising your kids together, then you do have stability, and a marriage license can't guarantee that will continue. I do believe that couples should get married for the legal protection it offers them, and because the Bible says man and woman should marry. But the Lord knows what is in your hearts, and if you are living together as a committed couple that may be the best you can hope for, for now. Don't push the marriage issue if he is strongly against it, but you might point out the legal benefits. It will protect the property and possessions that you have bought together, and the welfare of your children. In time he may come to realize that just because his mother was a bad mom and wife (at least in his view), that you are not his mom and won't necessarily behave the same way she did. I know a couple who lived together 15 years before they finally married. Don't give up hope! If you have a man who is committed to you, faithful to you, helps put a roof over his family's head, and plans to stick around for the long haul, count your blessings. Many women aren't so fortunate.

This could be a tricky one. As you say he has had a bad childhood and that is discouraging him from marriage. What you need to do is show how good a father he is to his kids and that he is not his parents repeated. tell him he knows exactly what mistakes to not make with his kids. Also point out that marriage is an institution that would benefit his children in the end by having both their parents with them. I guess alot fo patience and understanding would be needed from both you and your boyfriend. Best of luck.

As long as you two love each other, you will find a way to commit in marriage someday. Is he always faithful and caring to you and your son? Then he is on his way to commit himself to you guys, whether he realizes that or not. Give him time and don't put too much pressure on him because then he will rebel against your demand and then try to break loose from the relationship you already have or even worse hurting you because in his eyes you will be just the evil woman his mother is.

Maybe you two could seek couples counseling to help move him over those events that has made him so against marriage. If you two have a good relationship already marriage counseling can and will probably only make it better. He has to let go of the past in order to move forward. I hope that you and he will be able to move past this hurdle. Best wishes to you.

Firstly welcome to mylot. i think your boyfriend is not ready yet fro marriage. The main point is that he takes care of your children. things in childhood affect very badly in life. So what he seen and knows about women is that they can never be a good wife and that is why probably he is scared to get married to you. Coz in his mind he might be thinking that only when one gets married and has a wife do things get worse but not the same case when you are boyfriend and girlfriend. Give him time and he would start to think that things are diffrent with you.

I think that before you get married you should both prepare yourselves emotionally. Maybe your boyfriend's childhood experiences are still painful for him that's why he doesn't want to get married. Maybe give him time or ask someone who could help you with the matter like a marriage counselor if you have questions about getting married. Marriage should be a lifetime commitment and of course it is one of the best ways to show your love to your partner.