Stores and Children
By seasons1981
@seasons1981 (299)
United States
August 29, 2008 10:24am CST
When you go into a store to get yourself something (snack, soda, water, etc) do you buy your child something every time you get yourself something? I personally feel that its only fair that if your child is with you and your going to the store for something for yourself to get them something. I know a lot of people who will go in, buy a soda and come out with nothing for their child. I have this thing where if I get something for myself it is only fair to get whoever is with you something.
My son (who is 16 months old) and I walked up to the nearest store today and I was getting something for myself, so I got him a juice because I felt it was only fair if I could get myself something that he should get something too. Is this the wrong way of thinking? Am I spoiling my kid this way? I am a first time mom so I am not sure if it would be considered spoiling him or if I am just being a mom. Do you feel that this will only lead to them knowing they are going to get something when we go into a store? If we go to the grocery store or to walmart/kmart/target or something if I get myself a movie, I get him one too - if I dont, he doesnt always get something (unless he has been REALLY good) so its not a constant thing I do - only when I get myself something I get him something (and that doesnt include clothes and things like that)
5 people like this
18 responses
@ellie333 (21016)
•
29 Aug 08
Hi Seasons, Their is no rule book to being a mum but if I was buying myself a magazine or a dvd I wouldn't necessarily buy one for my child however if I was thirsty and went in to get a drink it makes sense that they would be too so I would get a drink. We have an icecream van come round and I will often get one for my son but I have said no not today darling next time he comes so that he doesn't expect an icecream each time, the first time he looked a bit glum but at the same time it is now a treat rather than an expectancy if he gets one. I know we shouldn't but in places similar to your Walmart I will use bribery sometimes in that if you are good going round when we get to the checkout I may buy you some sweets, my son is a little older and I will give him 5 items he needs to help mummy remember to make shopping more enjoyable, this works but not applicable for you just yet. Just do what you feel is right for you and your child rather than what others say as mother knows best eh! Ellie :D
@ellie333 (21016)
•
29 Aug 08
I don't know whether you ever saw the advert where the mother of a tantruming terrible two child laid down on the floor and had one herself and her was so shocked he stopped LOL, I don't suggest trying it though but when they go through this stage it makes us want to at times eh! I am glad mine are older now. Ellie :D
1 person likes this
@seasons1981 (299)
• United States
29 Aug 08
thanks for the response. I guess I wasnt that clear with my first post. I dont always buy him something when I buy myself something. The DVD was an example (we have TONS of DVD's he has like 6 lol) but if I were to buy myself something I do have a guilty conscience when it comes down to him being good and then he doesnt get anything in return (and let me tell you the "good" days are few and far between with him and his terrible two stage for the last 4-5 months)
1 person likes this
@seasons1981 (299)
• United States
29 Aug 08
lmao I could see myself doing that!! I always say "how come its okay for children to have tantrums but not adults lol"
1 person likes this
@Hatley (163776)
• Garden Grove, California
29 Aug 08
hi seasons no you are just being a sweet loving mom, and
what is wrong with that.You are not spoiling your child
by loving him. I never bought something for myself that I did
not buy for my son when he was little as I was brought up
to not treat myself and ignore the person with me, thats
just being fair. I think you are doing just fine myself.
1 person likes this
@seasons1981 (299)
• United States
29 Aug 08
thanks I was brought up that way too. I am glad I am not the only one that feels this way :)
@Bytemi (1553)
• United States
29 Aug 08
Honestly, if we are going out and I stop for a soda, I will usually buy my daughter a water. However, if we go to Target to pick up household items, I don't necessarily always buy her something. My daughter is 4 and she earns and allowance, if she wants a new toy or baseball cards, she has money and can buy it for herself.
She has already learned an important lesson about saving money. At the beginning of the year she had about $75 in her piggy bank from saving. Then she went on a shopping spree and spent almost all of it and then she had no money and could not buy anything. She now saves and considers her purchases before making them.
1 person likes this
@seasons1981 (299)
• United States
29 Aug 08
thats a really good idea with the savings and a child - my son is too young to actually be able to buy himself something and to know what the cost of it means. I do the same with the soda thing. If it is a household item he doesnt get something but if I pick up something for myself I will tend to get him something as well (unless we can share it)
@miller1978 (1101)
• United States
29 Aug 08
I always get something for my children too. We only live 1 1/2 blocks from the gas station so I usually send one of the older one's to get me a pop and I buy them one to share with each other. Once in awhile I will also let them buy a pack of gum to go along with the pop. Whenever it's just me and the baby and we walk up there I will get me a soda and get him a pack of 2 Chocolate chip cookies that are soft. With us having 5 children in the home we almost always buy something they can all share even when we go to walmart and if they have been good.
1 person likes this
@seasons1981 (299)
• United States
29 Aug 08
yeah thats about how far I live from the convenience store here. I feel almost guilty walking up there with him and then not letting him get something after he was such a good boy on the way there. With the whole "walmart" thing, I tend to buy things that are spicy so most times he cant have them so I buy him something small (bag of chips/pringles/etc) that he will eat. he is not always able to eat them right away *if we are going to be eating when we get home*
thanks for sharing
@gemini_rose (16264)
•
29 Aug 08
I just could not go into a shop and not buy anything for my child, it would break her heart if I left her out! You are not wrong in this and you are certainly not spoiling him as long as he knows it is a treat and he can only have something if he is good then it is not wrong in my eyes!
1 person likes this
@sweethomecatring (1563)
• India
29 Aug 08
When ever I go to a store and my daughter is with me I ask her what she will like to. I always get her what she like. Listen, me, my wife and my daughter when we all are here at home make a plan to go to some mall or store we first sort out our priorities. Still when in store if some thing new to eat is available I use to get it for me and for my daughter also.
Yours is a good habit to get some thing for your child. When your child will grow up and is able to tell you her he will make his own choice and you will become aware of his likings then it will be easy for you to get for yourself and for your child.
How do you see my system to go to a store.please comment.
@seasons1981 (299)
• United States
29 Aug 08
yeah I understand what you mean. I dont ALWAYS by my son something - I mean, if we are going somewhere for something specific, I dont always by him something, I will usually go in, buy it and leave. If on the otherhand he is really good all day (which I know if he is being a stay at home mom and all) then I will get him something (it could be barely 50 cents but he knows he did good and got rewarded for it)
We typically dont go out that often unless its to the grocery store, so he doesnt get things that often. I just felt like when I got home today I was kinda spoiling him and needed an idea if I was or not - thanks for the response
@suspenseful (40192)
• Canada
30 Aug 08
When our boys were small, we bought for the family. If we went into Blockbuster to get vhs, we bought a mixture of films for the grown ups and films for the kids. We never went and bought snacks for ourselves, because we had children late, but we often would buy something for them and nothing for ourselves as far as snacks were concerned, because we did not need any. I did not think it has to do with fair It has to be that they are children and they can work off the extra energy quicker, we can't.
@lilybug (21107)
• United States
29 Aug 08
A lot of the time my kids will just share what I get. If I get a big cup of soda, we pass it around. If I get a small bag of chips it is the same way. The only time I get them their own stuff is if I want to get something they do not like. I personally think it is rude to get yourself a drink and not get one for your child or at least share yours with them.
1 person likes this
@intimate36 (1415)
• Pakistan
30 Aug 08
As far as I think , it is ok .No harm in getting them something..and being first time mom ,it is natural , to have this care for him.
When I go to store alone , I get some thing for my children.Now they are 15 and 12 years old. But , I make sure to skip this every now and then , so that they do not expect to get a thing or two , each time , we go together.I have kept this habit since they were too young , and now I have no problem ,if I skip once in three time..
@rainmark (4302)
•
30 Aug 08
When i was in Philippines, i always bring my baby a pasalubong and foods for my niece too.Aside from food, i buy him a clothes or new baby accesories.But when i moved here, i do food shopping once a week together with my 8 mos. old baby zach, we buy him a foods, extra milk, baby chocolate buttons, ginger biscuits, juices,new clothes,toys, and now that it's getting colder here were planning to have shopping, like warm clothes. I can't go home without something for my baby, i always thinking of him and i want to give everything he needs.Your baby is so cute! take good care of him , cheers!
@newlands6801 (986)
• United States
29 Aug 08
I have an 18 month old and a 4 year old I always bring them a drink and snacks when we go somewhere, but if i stop at the store I always get them something if their out or suprise them with candy when they are good.Even when I go to the grocery store my 4 year old helps me shop, not for toys though just food and drinks.I have her in the habit where I buy her a case of juices and cereal bars weekly,so I don't think your spoiling your kid your just praising for good behavior and teaching that if he does good he gets rewards so that in my opinion makes a child want to be on their best behavior to go to the store, but you need to just treat yourself sometimes, because i am also a stay at home mom and i tend to never get for myself but for my kids.
1 person likes this
@ScarredSlayer (99)
• Canada
30 Aug 08
Its good to get other's something :P because they would really appriciate it and would give you a whole new level of respect you know?XD I would get something if someone was with me..its only fair not letting them go spoiled:P i think its worth it! Of course you'll be spending some cash but its really nice and a good thing to do.
@fordham08 (131)
• Philippines
30 Aug 08
Yes, it's just fair to get them something especially snacks or food in general.
It's no big deal, it's just the most proper thing to do,sharing something that you have with someone that you're with, in this case your child.
You are not spoiling.In fact you are teaching him a valuable lesson "share what you have." He'll bring this good deed for life whereever he goes.
@4magoo (396)
•
30 Aug 08
Both of my children are grown up so I know a bit about it. I don't think you have to buy something every time you go into a store. Think just a bit about how many times you have to go into a store. As your child gets older he/she will want more and bigger things. How is this for a suggetion. If you go in for a treat, how about discussing a treat with your child. Come to some agreement. I am sure you can both accept something since it is a treat. You will be sharing, which is also a good thing and both have a bit of something you like. He/she has effected your will just a bit and you share and are both happy.
@SViswan (12051)
• India
29 Aug 08
I have a 21 month old toddler and I usually avoid giving him things I buy at the store. I always have a snack and something for him to drink with me. But I do get him something from outside. But it isn't always when I get something for myself. If I go into a store to get something for me and I feel that he needs something, I will get it for him.....not necessarily because I have got something for myself. I will see the need at that point of time and get him something (or not get him anything). I don't think there's anything about being fair in this.
@mommy2taylor1 (405)
• United States
29 Aug 08
I dont really know how I feel about this. Lots of times I have gone into the store and gotten myself for instance a (diet soda) and my daughter had a juice cup or something in the car so I didn't even think to get her something and my husband would say "Why didn't you get her anything?" I guess for me, if my child didn't have anything to drink, I would have gotten something for her and because I didn't have anything to bring along I had to get something from the store, KWIM? But, if I'm getting candy or something, I will definately get something for my child and like you, if I were to get a movie, I would probably get one for my child. Only you can decide if your spoiling your child or not. If your child isn't acting like a Brat or doesn't think he/she needs everything all the time, then I think your way of doing things is fine! Good luck.
@newtondak (3946)
• United States
29 Aug 08
I think it is only right, if you're going to buy something to eat or drink for yourself to either buy something for the child/children who are with you or to share whatever you purchase for yourself with them. It is not good manners to eat in front of someone else who doesn't have something to eat unless you offer them some.
@GemmaR (8517)
•
29 Aug 08
I think it's fair that you get the child a drink if you're getting yourself a drink, but if they want sweets or anything they shouldn't be given that unless they have been really good that day, otherwise they might take that for granted, and not behave well to get such things as a reward.
