If my wife is sick and cant bring kids ..
By MoleHill
@MoleHill (219)
United States
November 5, 2006 3:18pm CST
and i dont want to divorce her but i want kids at the same time .. what shall i do????
18 responses
@jmacki1 (51)
• United States
6 Nov 06
I had the opposite problem. My husband has medical problems since the day he was born. We found out he was sterile after 6 months of trying.
Not having children was never an option for us. So we used a sperm donor. So the kids are biologically mine, but not Dh's
For your situation, since you want them to your flesh and blood, you can still have that.
I don't know you wife situation, but you could do IVF with a surrogant with your wifes eggs. So the child would be biologically both of yours OR
if your wife does not have viable eggs, then you could get a donor egg, you could use your sperm and a different surrogant.
You have options. Just because she can't concieve does not mean that you can't have children.
This is a hard situation, Dh and I did a lot of soul searching before we made our decision. You need to sit down and have a heart to heart with your wife and be honest.
Dh and I have never regretted our decision.
1 person likes this
@jmacki1 (51)
• United States
6 Nov 06
Your welcome! I understand more than most the feelings that are going on inside you. I remember crying for days after we found out. I knew when I married my DH that we might not be be able to have children, it doesn't make the reality any easy to take.
Don't feel bad about wanting to have children that are biologically yours. People see that feeling as selfish, I see it as a normal feeling when facing infertility. I had selfish feelings too, I wanted to be pregnant, I wanted that expierance. And people can shame me all day long for feeling like that, but I did.
Again, I will advise being 100% open with your wife about how you feel. Be loving and supportive, but honest. I feel that Dh and I were able to get over this hurdle because we were honest with each other. I was understanding to his feelings, but made it clear how I was feeling without making him feel worse.
Good Luck, I will be thinking of you!!
@joynatarajan (335)
• India
6 Nov 06
Dont be a jerk!!! That's typical behavior of men. It only needs that!!! Get a life and think about the feelings of that woman. Do you think she doesnt feel bad that she doesnt have kids. And by the way, marriage is supposed to be for better or for worse... so both mates should stick to each other no matter what the situation is!!!
@ASoldiersAngel02 (633)
• United States
5 Nov 06
if you want your own kids surrogates are a good way to go but you run the risk of the mother wanting to keep the baby which brings legal problems. adoption is good to because there are so many children who need good homes.
@all_n_one (2003)
• United States
6 Nov 06
I think that would be the best choice for him to because of kids that need it and maybe it is a sign from god. He said he wants his own flesh and blood kids though.
@athreyas3006 (358)
• India
6 Nov 06
I will try to search for a child to adopt. It serves two purposes, I will
educate my wife to shower love and
affection and to treat the child as her
own. She can find a vent to her supressed
motherhood feelings. I prefer to adopt
an infant. The child which has been
deprived of its mothers love also can get it.
@all_n_one (2003)
• United States
6 Nov 06
They have doctors that will do this just go to a doctor i am not sure how it works but i know it will be your own sperm. So it would be your child just somebody esle would have the child. Or if your wife can get pregnant but just can't have kids to full term then get her pregnant and have her eggs carried in another womans body. Those things cost thousands but if you want child that is what you would have to do.
@magikrose (5429)
• United States
5 Nov 06
You can adopt or hire a surrogate to carry the baby for you. Talk to a doctor about your options.
@joynatarajan (335)
• India
6 Nov 06
You can adopt.
Or you can go in for invitro fertilization. In this case one ovum of your wife will be fertilized in a laboratory with sperms donated by you. These can be, in turn, implanted ina surrogate mother. The baby will be yours and your wife's. Only the person carrying it will differ.
You can probably visit a doctor for your options as there are many, and doctors can make arrangements.
@dragonsangel1369 (341)
• United States
6 Nov 06
have you talked to her aout adoption? Do you or her have a sister that could be a sergonat? That way the baby is still part of both of you?
@firemansgirl001 (916)
• United States
6 Nov 06
well you can either get over yourself or leave. If you look past the fact you cant have kids, you can spend your life with someone you love. Or you can leave her and she can finally live her life with someone who really loves her...cause if you would leave her over that, then you dont love her.
@amsharma (1860)
• United States
6 Nov 06
You chose to marry your wife, you dont just leave your wife because she is unable to have children. If she is unable to have children, then take it as you werent meant to have them. You dont get married just to have kids. Thats not what its all about.
