What is your idea of "CLEAN" and how does this affect your relationship?
@soldierswife68 (127)
United States
September 8, 2008 9:33am CST
This is an ongoing argument between my husband and I. We have totally different ideas about what is clean and not. He can walk into the house, take shoes off right in the doorway, undress and throw clothes on the floor, put his wallet, cell phone, etc...on the dining room table (knowing we are getting ready to eat on that table), open the mail, leaving junk mail, empty envelopes and trash all over the kitchen counter and the list goes on and on. He sees nothing wrong with that, but will freak out if he opens a closet, cabinet or drawer and finds disorganization or mess. I should mention that he is also the only one who cannot find keys or his wallet when he needs them, so go figure!
For me, cleanliness is a first impression thing. When I walk into my house, it is important for things to be in their place, clean smell in the air and apparent evidence that everyone is taking care of their things as well as the surroundings. My argument with him is "we don't live in the cabinet or closet....we live in the house". Even though I would like to have all cabinets, drawers, etc...perfectly arranged, it's just not the most important part of cleaning for me. I would rather my surroundings (such as when I go to sit on the couch) are picked up all around, giving me the calm feeling that it's okay for me to relax. It's not that hard to do....especially if we all do our part! Did I mention that I have nearly broken my neck over 100 times tripping over those shoes in the doorway????? Grrrrrrr!
So what is your take on what is clean or not in your house???
Do you and your significant other see eye to eye on this subject or is it an open invitation to argue???
2 people like this
16 responses
@missybear (11391)
• United States
8 Sep 08
well i like my apartement to be clean, even thou i hate cleaning.
as long it is vacumed, the dishes are done and there is not a lot of stuff
laying around im ok.
i hate clutter and all kinds of junk all over.
i have a pretty good boyfriend who helps with all the chores.
lucky me.
1 person likes this
@Alexandria521 (8)
• United States
8 Sep 08
I have a clean house, as in I dust, vaccum, sweep and mop, wipe counters and tables. but I have an infant who is close to walking and a 2 year old, so there is always toys and such laying around. But for the most part my house is clean. I would love to have a pefrectly organized house, but I'd spend all my time trying to keep it that way.
1 person likes this
@slickcut (8141)
• United States
8 Sep 08
You need to start breaking his bad habits NOW,while you are young ...If you let it go on he will become a bigger mess..To me my house needs to be in order first..Oh its nice to have organized closets & draws but that can be done when you have nothing else to do,meanwhile your home should be in order...I would start complaining about all his trail hes leaving,because it is not fair to you.Men need to learn to pick up after themselves....I would take all his things that he throws in the floor & take them to his closet & drop them there,and when he complains i would tell him that its his mess & that is what he threw in the floor...I do not like to argue myself so what i do is put my husband dirty socks he throws in the floor & put them on his pillow ,he ask what they were doing there and i said .,Oh those were in the floor so i did not know what you wanted to do with them....Now he puts them in the dirty cloths pantry...Or you could just take his little pile & put them in one spot & when he starts looking for something to wear,tell him ,I don't know maybe they are in your pile,had they been in the dirty cloths pantry I would have washed them...We are not maids ,we are help mates not mothers...
1 person likes this
@sweethomecatring (1563)
• India
8 Sep 08
This problem is not with you only, in so may house holds this type of arguments are there. Take the example of my wife, she use to keep every thing in order in the home. All cabinets and drawers are properly maintained and there appears to be a cleanliness all around in the house. It is me who just entering the house first of all put off the shoes change cloths putting the cell on the bed Car key on the side table all the loose papers in the pocket in the cabinet. It happens to me when ever I need some important paper I had to struggle with all the papers and files. My wife many times ask me to keeping the papers item wise so that these are easily located on demand I use to answer in yes and again get busy. All the time when I need some thing the things are repeated. How do you see it please comment and have a nice day.
@Jenaisle (14078)
• Philippines
8 Sep 08
I was smiling while reading this discussion...I am like you, I like the house itself to be "clean" before the closets..In fact when I'm too much in a hurry, I stuff all the things in the closet....
.. That's where the cliche, "skeletons in your closet" originated from because most people hide their mess inside the closets... My husband however is tidier than I am. He wants everything -from the house, to the yard, to the closet to be completely all in order. He's a perfectionist....so we just have to tolerate each other. That is what companionship and lov is all about.
.. That's where the cliche, "skeletons in your closet" originated from because most people hide their mess inside the closets... My husband however is tidier than I am. He wants everything -from the house, to the yard, to the closet to be completely all in order. He's a perfectionist....so we just have to tolerate each other. That is what companionship and lov is all about. @sandra966 (269)
• Spain
8 Sep 08
Well I'm the messy one and my husband is the clean freak.
He tolerates most of what me and our two kids do to the house, but at the weekend - that's it, he has to do some cleaning. Bleaching the kitchen, cleaning out cupboards or washing the dog, there's always something that gets him going and he's off.
We just all sit down and watch him go.
I know that I'm a bit messy but until I met him I never realised that I just don't 'see' mess. I sort of see it, but it doesn't jump out at me as mess. He usually says something and I'll look and think, "Hmm, he's right, it is a bit messy", but that doesn't mean I go and rush to clean it!
The only thing that is always (well almost always) clean is the work surfaces in the kitchen - just don't look in the cupboards!
@James72 (26790)
• Australia
8 Sep 08
As far as some of us men are concerned, if an item of clothing for example doesn't stick to the wall when we throw it, run across the floor by itself, or stand on it's own then it's still clean! And a house is clean if we can still manage to get from point A to point B without too much difficulty and can still see the TV screen! lol. I don't know why we see things so differently to women in this regard but it is what it is!
1 person likes this
@cbreeze (1205)
• United States
9 Sep 08
What can I say...Women are from Venus men are from Mars. But I tend to agree with you. I want the house to look and smell clean. I want floors mopped, counters wiped down. Dishes and pots put away. Clothes hung up in closets or folded in drawers. I want beds made. I'm not going to do a drawer or cabinet check. And if anyone came to my house and opened drawers or cabinets, they are likely to get their feelings hurt.
@bellis716 (4799)
• United States
11 Sep 08
Do I understand that this is a military man that you are talking about? I find that hard to believe, or has the military changed that much in recent years. My husband spent 4 years in the navy and 38 years in the Air Force. He taught ME how to keep a neat house, as I had always been disorganized. My house has always been clean, just not as orderly as he liked. I don't know the answer to your problem, but I think I'd be tempted to suggest that he move back to the barracks.
@nini89 (670)
• India
11 Sep 08
This is a routine arguments which i had with my husband and even with my children they neveer used to keep the things from they have picked it up. replacing it in the proper place has to done by me. for this reason we all have arguments. My husband used to keep the things or what ever it may be it lie beside him and he walks away never bother to arrange anything properly. If he drink ea or coffee or had food all the waste and the plates lies on the table and never dump it in the wash basin. Until i reach home in the evening from my office i have to see all these things. But he had improved a lot after my arguments he used to keep the plates in the kitchen or in the wash basin. But his clothes which removed always he hang it on the hanger and the shoes always in the shoe rack is palced. The newpaper on the bed. Happy mylotting and have a nice day.
@wickikitty (532)
• United States
8 Sep 08
I'm the same way as you are. Everything has to be neatly put away so that I can relax. I hate having to pick things up off the table and off the ground that shouldn't be out in the open. My room tends to get a little messy from time to time. As far as I'm concerned though 2 things have to be spotless -- The bathroom and the living room// kitchen for me those 2 are the same thing lol. There is no reason for a mess in either I mean its public domain in my opinion and shouldn't have anyone's mess in it. It should be a place of relaxation, tv watching, and cooking.
1 person likes this
@southward (23)
• United States
9 Sep 08
Im by no means a clean freak but i constantly worry about roaches and bugs getting in my kitchen so i usually do my dishes everynight before bed.The rest of the house has to be semi cleaned as well but not spotless.My ex female companion suprisingly was a full blown slob but didnt start to show it till after we had our own house and kids.I would work 55 hours a week and come home to the house looking like a tornado hit the inside with dirty diapers,dishes and clothes lying everywhere meanwhile she would be passed out on the couch with my kids doing whetever they wanted.I do believe this is one reason our relationship did not last and i hope for her sake she finds someone who will work all day and come home and clean everything cause i aint the one.
@celestos (814)
• United States
9 Sep 08
A clean house actually has been proven to make people feel more secure and comfortable(at least for us who care lol)
I,myself cannot stand a dirty or messy house and am usually the first one to clean stuff up. I actually feel taken for granted most times though because others will leave their messes and pretty much know I will clean it up because I am just built that way. I think it a good reason to be upset at a significant other because this isn't just your house it is yours and his and more then likely you are the one cleaning for both of you.As your partner in life he should realize that this makes you content and comfortable which is why he should be even more willing to not leave a mess for you. It is reasonable for someone who just got off from work for instance to drop everything as they come in the door and relax a few but it won't kill anyone to pick up after themselves later on in the day.
@southward (23)
• United States
9 Sep 08
totally agree.Really dont see how anyone with a shred of decency can live in a cluttered pig pen but i guess it has alot to do with upbringing as well.
@medney1988 (560)
• United States
8 Sep 08
I'm 20 and I live with my mother. We have completely different ideas of clean. If it were up to her I'd be living in a bubble LOL. I'm like your husband. I come home and take off my work clothes and if they end up in the bathroom that's good enough for me. My shoes are always never to be found. Like your husband, every morning is a hunt for my keys. I have a purse but if you ask me for something that's the last place I'll look. I can never find my debit card. On the other hand my mom is super organized. She has her book full of important papers that she goes through every weekend. We are able to live together but when Saturday comes around and she's vaccuuming at 7 in the morning it's get a little hostile
@pinkytabor (818)
• Philippines
8 Sep 08
I am a cleanliness freak. I vaccum the house twice a day, and daily clean/disinfect the kitchen and the bathroom, and keep them dry. Bed sheets, curtains, linens have to be washed weekly, and should smell fresh all the time. All furniture and appliance surfaces should be dust-free. ANd feet/shoes walking around the house should be clean. My drawers are organized, as well as my closets. But i have two toddlers and a husband who also sometimes act like one. However, i do not worry much because clutter is different from dirt. There is a clean clutter in the house - toys. But when it comes to my husband's clutter, i have a basket where i throw in anything i see that is either not a toy or not a part of the household furnishings/decor. When he looses something, he knows where to look for it. If he throws his clothes on the floor and not in the laundry bin, surely he won't find it back in his closet for the next hundred years if he doesn't look for it in the "mess basket." ANd i don't worry about disorganized drawers and cabinets, as long as it's his.:) About "shoes in the doorway," well, we have a rule to leave shoes outside, so there is no problem with that too.
I guess you should set some rules/boundaries. There is no need to argue over this matter especially when there are consequences for breaking the rules. Men simply need to be told what you want and want to know that you're sticking to what you want, or else...
Happy MyLotting!
@Sam334 (125)
• Singapore
8 Sep 08
Well, I think that there are many things that you need to sit down and discuss over, including this.
It would be beneficial to talk it over in a calm manner so as to not hurt or affect or even strain the relationship.
While most of the time, we see things eye to eye, but you cannot forget that there is always something to argue about, :P
