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Would you plan your wedding before meeting your potential spouse?
By marina321
@marina321 (4556)
September 9, 2008 10:44am CST
I was reading an interesting article in one of those women's magazines the other day and it was about this lady who had planned her whole wedding before meeting her potential spouse and is still single and has been for a while.
She had already chosen and made her dress - which was made by one of her designer friends, chosen the church she was going to marry in, the maids and other bits and bobs including saving at least 5K for the big day!
Part of me thought this was smart
as I get the mini-theory behind saving up for the wedding (normally when you're already with the partner) and another part couldn't help thinking it was the kind of the thing that may scare
potential suitors off..
A survey showed that 1 in 5 single women are already saving up for their big day; now these surveys are good at telling us what we already know
but this, I found this quite new:)
Would you plan your wedding before meeting your potential spouse? Have you ever done this? Are you already saving up for your wedding before meeting a potential suitor? Do you think potential partners would be weary of any sign of this or do you think it's a smart thing to do?
as I get the mini-theory behind saving up for the wedding (normally when you're already with the partner) and another part couldn't help thinking it was the kind of the thing that may scare potential suitors off..
A survey showed that 1 in 5 single women are already saving up for their big day; now these surveys are good at telling us what we already know but this, I found this quite new:)
Would you plan your wedding before meeting your potential spouse? Have you ever done this? Are you already saving up for your wedding before meeting a potential suitor? Do you think potential partners would be weary of any sign of this or do you think it's a smart thing to do?20 people like this
45 responses
@dawnald (85146)
• Shingle Springs, California
9 Sep 08
I think a wedding should be planned together unless the other half has absolutely no interest. But there's nothing wrong with having ideas of things you'd like. A lot of people go to weddings and see ideas that they want to use in their own wedding.
5 people like this
@marina321 (4556)
•
9 Sep 08
nothing wrong with having ideas of things you'd like.
Yup, nothing wrong with ideas!
Buying things for a wedding before you even meet someone is a bit wierd
Buying things for a wedding before you even meet someone is a bit wierd3 people like this
@rmuxagirl (7548)
• United States
9 Sep 08
I am saving for my wedding. but I started after I met my boyfriend. I already knew what I would want for bridesmaids and what not. I think it's a little natural for every woman to daydream about her big day especially when she has found that special someone. I Think it's kinda smart, and honestly it doesn't scare my b/f away cause he does know how I feel about him.
@marina321 (4556)
•
9 Sep 08
I think it's a little natural for every woman to daydream about her big day especially when she has found that special someone
Smart to save up and smart to plan for the future and big day! and very normal once you've agreed with a partner that that's where your relationship is going to progress to.
I'd find it a bit wierd if one's been single for a while and not met someone and they're buying a dress for a wedding that may be for a potential partner they've not even met yet
I'd find it a bit wierd if one's been single for a while and not met someone and they're buying a dress for a wedding that may be for a potential partner they've not even met yet2 people like this
@checapricorn (16061)
• United States
9 Sep 08
[i]Hi marina,
sounds very new to me...I haven't tried this as well as I don't know any one of my friends who are doing this! LOL!
It never came into my mind to save just for my upcoming wedding..LOL! I plan everything with my fiance before now husband! I do know if it is smart but maybe for girls who have great income and no big obligations in life, they can always set aside an amount for their future big day![/i]
3 people like this
@marina321 (4556)
•
9 Sep 08
I do know if it is smart but maybe for girls who have great income and no big obligations in life, they can always set aside an amount for their future big day!
You're quite right in that effect. if you haven't got the money to do this then you wouldn't really
2 people like this
@kenzie45230 (3560)
• United States
9 Sep 08
I think that's pretty bizarre. The woman doesn't know when or even if she'll ever find Mr. Right. All kinds of things could happen - she could have some physical problems that cause her to gain or lose weight. And keeping a dress in good shape for who knows how long could prove to be a difficult task. I've seen dresses that have been worn and then stored (sealed) still turn yellow. Wouldn't it be a shame if something like that happened before she even wore hers?
Although many of the decisions about wedding are left (by smart men) to the brides, a couple should still both have input into the decisons. Frankly, I think that planning a wedding together is a good premarital counseling session. You discover so many things about one another in the process - which family members you adore and which you don't, the kinds of foods you love, tolerat and hate, whether you like traditional or funky. The exploration process can be fun. And this woman has taken that away.
Sounds like she's going to have to find an awfully wimpy fellow.
3 people like this
@thebohemianheart (8827)
• United States
9 Sep 08
I always had an idea of what my wedding was going to be like, including the dress and flowers. However, what it turned out to be was something opposite. Didn't matter, really, in the end.
Now, saving money for your wedding is not really a bad idea, because if it doesn't happen, you still have money put away for something else.....a year long cruise or something. But, to buy your dress before you even meet your future spouse? What if your taste in clothing changes? What if your idea of what you want your wedding to be changes, and the dress doesn't fit that idea? What if you never meet that somebody? You have just threw that money away, in my opinion.
As for potential spouses, I think that if I knew someone was planning a wedding, had a wedding dress just hanging in the closet waiting, I would run the other way.
It just seems a little to obsessive, to me.
4 people like this
@marina321 (4556)
•
9 Sep 08
As for potential spouses, I think that if I knew someone was planning a wedding, had a wedding dress just hanging in the closet waiting, I would run the other way. It just seems a little to obsessive, to me.
It would be quite shocking! and I wouldn't be surprised if anyone run away!
and I wouldn't be surprised if anyone run away!3 people like this
@thebohemianheart (8827)
• United States
9 Sep 08
You have just threw that money away, in my opinion
Sorry, You just threw that money away.......
4 people like this
@trisha_nava82 (1379)
• United States
9 Sep 08
Actually I am already married, but I did plan my wedding before I met my husband. Basically a few things that I thought of for my wedding were still in effect and other things didn't go through. The only thing that I did not do was save money for my wedding. Which I wish I did save money for my wedding. That would have been great.
@marina321 (4556)
•
9 Sep 08
Having a vision or dream of what you'd like it to be like would be different from actually going out and buying things like the dress...
Saving money would be good but if I'm single, umm like now too, I'm more likely to save up for a house or a car than a wedding to someone I'd hope to meet some day and I am such a hopeless romantic
but would not set myself up for such disappointment..
would be different from actually going out and buying things like the dress...
Saving money would be good but if I'm single, umm like now too, I'm more likely to save up for a house or a car than a wedding to someone I'd hope to meet some day and I am such a hopeless romantic but would not set myself up for such disappointment..2 people like this
@uath13 (8192)
• United States
10 Sep 08
This is why this woman is still single. No guy in his right mind is going to walk into this situation. Saving up is fine but when your that obsessed with the wedding there's going to be all kinds of control issues. Already got the dress made...gez , in 20 yrs when she finally does catch someone ( in a drunken stupor ) she won't be able to fit into it anyways.
1 person likes this
@Hatley (163776)
• Garden Grove, California
9 Sep 08
hi marina I am now a widow but before my marriage no I had not
planned on anything regarding my wedding. Wish I had saved up
some money though. We had a very small wedding. just the organist and his wife, the minister and his wife, and my husband and I.
We were just wo rking class people, not a lot of money but a lot of love.Six weeks after Imet myhusband to be, we got married and our marriage lasted thirty four years.I was twenty nine when we met and my husband was thirty seven. my parents were to put mildly very upset that I married my hubby. well my dad wrote me out of his will but i went right ahead and married the man I loved.
3 people like this
@marina321 (4556)
•
9 Sep 08
I don't believe in big weddings but maybe that's because I haven't met the man of my dreams yet It would be nice to save up for a wedding but should be an effort from both partners.. Wouldn't buy anything before I met the potential suitor, even after I did, buying a wedding dress is bound to make one run to the hills
It would be nice to save up for a wedding but should be an effort from both partners.. Wouldn't buy anything before I met the potential suitor, even after I did, buying a wedding dress is bound to make one run to the hills3 people like this
@hellcowboy (7374)
• United States
9 Sep 08
Me and my fiance are currently engaged and planning our wedding for hopefully sometime late next year,but we are not sure yet,and before I met her I could not say I was planning a wedding,but I would say that I used to dream about meeting the girl I want to marry,and how I would want my wedding to be a western wedding outside with cowboy and cowgirl attire,and now I am with the woman of my dreams and we both want an outside western wedding.
1 person likes this
@marina321 (4556)
•
9 Sep 08
Fantastic!
Good Luck with all the planning and happy myLotting!
Good Luck with all the planning and happy myLotting!1 person likes this
@tamarafireheart (15384)
•
9 Sep 08
Hi marina321,
Wow! I have never heard of any one going the whole hog before the meet anyone, that is the quickest way to lose a man, they will run for their lives he he he, what we used to do was saving u and buying little things like pots and pans for aour bottom draws, but when I moved I was using them and later I met my future husband, but I think this lady is crazy.
Tamara
1 person likes this
@marina321 (4556)
•
9 Sep 08
that is the quickest way to lose a man, they will run for their lives
I think so too, I wonder what they think when they realise all that
I think so too, I wonder what they think when they realise all that1 person likes this
@onlydia (2808)
• United States
11 Sep 08
I din't save or plan for my wedding. I got married outside and tried to get married in jeans. lol My Mom said no so I got a purple dress. There you have it. My bridemaids wore there old prom dresses is what I told them. As I couldn't see going out and spending all that money. I was going for a nice car. down payment on house. But then that is me. I son't like dresses in the first place. lol. YOur friend Onlydia
@jemalynjoy (215)
• Philippines
10 Sep 08
yes ive already planned my dream wedding, not to the point like this girl though. I know what i want and i know how my wedding day should go. im still not yet ready to get married though, im ony nineteen years old and the world has lots to offer for me.
@rocketj1 (6955)
• United States
10 Sep 08
I think people (even men now) put WAY too my emphasis on the ceremony and very little on the actual wedding. If we spent as much time in pre-marital counseling and education (or sometimes even getting to know the other person) as we did shopping around and dreaming about the "big day" we would have a lot more sucessful marriages.
Weddings are wonderful but fabulous weddings do not insure fabulous marriages.
Just a little food for thought.
1 person likes this
@Sarah1108 (310)
• United States
10 Sep 08
As a woman i planned a lot of things before meeting my spouse. i knew what i wanted my colors to be. what i wanted my dress to look like. that i wanted an outside wedding and many other things. i just think its something a lot of girls start dreaming about at a young age. now that i am engaged some of those plans have changed just because my ideas were getting old. lol. but most of what i wanted is still the same and updated a lot of other things
@lingli_78 (12822)
• Australia
10 Sep 08
wowww... no, i never did that... i am already married for almost 3 years now... but i didn't plan my wedding before i meet my spouse as i want him to have a say as well in the planning... things like my wedding dress, ring, receptions, etc, i think it had to be discussed between the two people and not just a single person view... and yes, i did save a bit for the big day... but it is all finished to furnish our new rented flat when we move in... take care and have a nice day...
1 person likes this
@ANTIQUELADY (36440)
• United States
10 Sep 08
i think that's taking alot for granted & i think it's selfish. she may find a man to go along w/that but if i was him i'd be worried that she's a control freak.
@k1virus1978 (543)
• Singapore
10 Sep 08
I think it's too soon to have a wedding when you going to meet your potential spouse when u had said, well you might not know you will be forever together with your gf or bf. Time will tell the relationship between bf and gf, if they strong in the relationship it'll continue. If not all the plans that she had plans will be gone forever.
@lannav (75)
•
10 Sep 08
I read the same article and just think the woman needs to grow up and stop living a cinderella fantasie. It is balmy and selfish to plan the wedding. The onl potential spouse she is going to get is a complete nutter. Nothing wrong with thinking how ou would like things to be...I personally have always wanted a kitch las vegas wedding lol but she has gone into detail with her planning.
I just think it is really sad and lonely. She obviously wants it all to bew perfect just to have something to show off about. It is completely nuts. She should be getting on with life now, not planning for something, judging by the fact shes not got a suiter yet, may not ever happen. Saving a bit of money is sensible but planning a weddin gis not. Okay, alot of men dont want much involvment in their wedding day but it is still something to do together and if she has done it all there is no point. What kind of life would a guy have with a woman like that? Everything will be planned years in advance and what happens if he doesn't agree? She is heading for one big fall but has also made sure the magazine will cover her wedding in the (distant?) future.
1 person likes this
@rakittera (802)
• Philippines
10 Sep 08
Personally, I wouldn't do what the "excited" lady did. I wouldn't plan way ahead. First things first, one should find the right man first before planning anything. Or, if you really want to do that, don't ever tell guys you're dating that you already have plans about your wedding. That would just scare them off. Another thing, it is possible that when you do meet the right guy, your personal views in life might change. For example if the person you love and would marry believes in having a simple and very intimate wedding, then you would have to drop all your plans if it doesn't go with the preferences of your potential groom. So, it's better to cross the bridge when you're really there already. :-)
1 person likes this
