Guilt being a home

I'm right there with you! I'm home with 5 kids (4 are in school for most of the day, thank goodness!). The youngest (age 2) is my son with my husband and the other 4 (ages 10, 11, 14, & 15) are my stepchildren. My husband leaves for work at 6am and gets home around 6pm. Like you, I have searched the web over trying to find a legitimate work from home job, that doesn't ask you to pay them to start (I can't even count how many times I have requested "free" information and have had to explain to the people that called me that if I had $499 to give them right now, I wouldn't be looking for a job to start with). My husband thinks I am making excuses for not working, but, unless I'm wrong, they're reasons. As in your case, it is not really worth it to pay for the child care. My husband also wants me to only work part-time (his way of being considerate to me so I don't run myself ragged working and continuing to care for all the kids and the house - how thoughtful) so it would not be worth it for me to spend half of my pay on daycare because then I'm busting my butt for $4 or $5 per hour (before taxes). Since he's not home from 6am to 6pm, I can't work a full shift or else I would have to trust the older kids with the baby (yeah right! we can't trust them with themselves!) and a lot of places don't split shifts. Of course, I hear the comments (constantly) about how I don't contribute and how hubby is exhausted and has no help, so I do feel extremely guilty. The only thing I can suggest to ease your mind is that you are performing the most important job of all - raising a family. If your husband didn't have you, he would be paying for childcare as well as probably a cook and housekeeper, so, while you may not be bringing money into the household, you are certainly saving your husband a ton of money by being there and doing everything that you do.

i've been a stay at home mom for about 3 years i worked when we only had one kid but after 2 childcare is too expensive and yeah sometimes i do feel guilt but what can i do he just wantsme to wait until my oldest starts school which is next year that way it will be easier to find a day care so just take it easy on yourself it'll work out

my teenagers help never. every time you ask them to do something its a big deal. so you end up fighting with them. teenagers are so different than they used to be. we always had to help when we were teenagers. i dont know what it is. so no they do not help ever. and if they do, theyve just ruined the rest of your day by fighting with you. they could care less if they get grounded or get stuff taken away from them for fighting with you. they just dont care. i wonder if there is anyone out there that knows of a work from home site that is not a scam that you actually makes money. if there is anyone, please respond to crayola1 and shar19. PLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASE. SO MY HUSBAND WILL STOP WITH ME ABOUT IT.

i feel that way everyday. and my husband wants me to contribute also. i look for things to do from home to make money. but they are hard to find. most of them are scams. but i actually feel like i do contribute to the home even though i dont bring money in. i take care of three teenagers and one toddler. i cook, do laundry, clean house, clean outside. when i do laundry or run the dishwasher, i try to do them in the off peak hours so not to use so much electricity and save a brother a dollar. you know. and im doing laundry for 6 people. thats a lot of clothes. i have to stay up until 1 or 2 in the morning sometimes and then have to get up at 530 to get kids off to school. i feel like im a contribution. can you imagine what my house would look like if i did have a job. oh my goodness. i cant even imagine. i dont want to imagine. i say quit feeling so guilty and remind him of how much you do.

Oh yes....I feel very guilty about being at home and not feeling like I'm contributing to our finances. It is very hard to make our spouses understand that we actually DO contribute financially -- in many ways. If you have children, you are saving money by not having to pay someone to keep them while you work. If you were working full time outside of your home, you would probably be the one who would have to leave work, pick that child up and take care of them -- thus causing you loose money at work if you don't have paid or comp time to take off. I ran into this problem when our daughter was a newborn. My husband was set on me going back to work, which I did. The daycare that our daughter stayed at (like most), required that you pay whether your child comes or not. Just because your child may be out for a week does not mean you do not pay. I feel that it is a reasonable requirement, because as long as someone has secured a place, they cannot take new enrollments. Anyway...our daughter developed RSV (breathing difficulties, chronic congestion, etc...), which kept her out of daycare. Someone had to stay with her everyday (ME)so that forced me to miss work (which caused bitter feelings from my boss and co-workers after a while). I wasn't earning a check (not working because of staying with baby), but we still had to pay for the daycare so she would have a "spot" as soon as she was better (but we had no way of knowing WHEN that would be). That put a financial strain on our family as well as emotional because our hands were tied and we couldn't do anything about it. We decided that I should quit my job and stay home full time, which I feel that I have had to "pay for" emotionally since then. Although she is now 6 and no longer sick, we have had other things that have happened that have kept me at home (making money when I can by working for my mom and dads seasonal business). I had a wreck and had to have reconstructive surgery x 2 on a crushed heel and my husband has been deployed to Iraq 28 months in all over the past 3 years. I am at a point now to where I know I NEED to get a job, but my fear is that when my husband deploys again or goes away to take a required class for 2 months straight, I will be the one working all day long, then coming home at night (to my 2nd job) and take care of everything in our home as well as our 3 children. It is a really tough place to be. In a recent "discussion" with my husband concerning this subject, I told him to just pay me hourly for taking care of our children, the work I do around the house (cleaning, cooking, picking up after everybody), among other tasks and I'll give him my check for bills. He couldn't say anything. When I put it to him that way, he understood (I think) where I was coming from. We do just as much work (for just as many hours) as a full time job would require. The only difference is WE DON'T GET A PAYCHECK. Staying at home is no easy ride, but if a man has a wife who feels a passion for taking care of their family by putting a career & social life on the back burner, they should be grateful, I think. It's not always viewed by many as a sacrifice, but I really believe it is.

Yes, yes and yes. I've been home eight years and I know exactly how you are feeling. I quit my job eight years ago because it just seemed like everything I was making was going to childcare. It didn't make sense. Now that our kids are older, I'm thinking of looking for a part time job. It's been so long since I worked, it's very hard to get myself motivated. I'm afraid I'll be rejected and I can't sttle for minimum pay...that won't make ends meet. What do I right on my resume. Do employees even care what you did EIGHT years ago. Being home use to be fun, but the guilt just takes all the fun out of it.

When I was home and my husband was making enough that we didn't both have to work, I didn't feel bad. Heck, unless I was making like $20/hour, didn't make sense for me to go to work. Over the summer I would have paid out $225/week for daycare!

I am sorry you feel guilty. I tend to ocasionally too. But then I remember it was my hubbys idea. And that we are saving on gas, and childcare. I also found some work I can do from home. www.genuinejobs.com That might help. I know it is hard. Especially since I am not making the money I once was. But my hubby is very supportive, and appreciates (most of the time) my efforts from home for the family. You are not by yourself. Maybe you could make a pro con list showing your husband the ways you are saving money.

I had to go back to work full time when my son was 6 months old or we would have lost the house. I found it tough and ended up with depression. It is not easy - in the workplace people see you as a second class citizen especially if you have flexitime hours and mums at schools/ nurseries that don;t work frown upon you like you have disowned your kids. I felt guilty both ways and it realy seriously got to me. Now though as my son is going to school in January we will come out of the other side of paying for childcare (which was 2/3 of my wage) and so should start to become better off. Take time to think your options through and maybe chat to other mums who are or have been in the same predicament.