Me and my big mouth

Since your cousin is the one looking for place to live she should also teach her children to be respectful and kind to all of you whom they are living with. Why her kids can not understand that it is nor their place? they have to be careful not to be a pest to the people who cater them? she should tell her kids that if they can not keep up their attitude, they have no place to go. I understand you with this. I hope your cousin also would understand their role in your house. They should behave and respect beacause this is not their own place.

Just tell her the situation that you're in. I've found that arguments start because people have different values. Explain to her that you need to study and need some time for your college, let her explain that she's trying the best she can. Its the adults who are in charge, not the kids. If they have that much pent up energy take them to the park and let them run it off while you study. Just a suggestion.

You are not a bad or horrible person. You had just had enough. Since you were not able to voice your opinion before, it just came out the wrong way. Maybe you two should have a sitdown talk to air out how the two of you feel. She needs to understand the stress you are under going to college with the additional responsibilities at home. At the same time, maybe she will open up to you with everything she is feeling. No one wants to move in back with family because they have no other place to go. She is probably feeling terrible too. Maybe you can also layout some ground rules around the house of allowed and not allowed behaviours. When everyone deciplines the same it is very beneficial to the children, and to your own piece of mind.

No. Your not bad. Your cousin is probably suffering from low self esteem right now. She is a single mother and she does not have her own place. However, when someone is trying to help you, you need to try to keep your kids in order and teach them how to show appreciation. I know that it is difficult. But that is what she needs to concentrate on instead of feeling sorry for herself and her children. She probably is somewhat leanient on them because she feels bad that they don't have their own space to spread out in. But pity isn't what they need. Discipline and order is what they need. They will be happier children if they were getting along with the children in the house. I have been in this situation before myself. I allowed my boyfriend and his 3 kids to move in with me and my six children. Three of my children are adults. His oldest child was a darling. She was appreciative, helpful and genuinely wanted to join in with the family. The younger two were terrible. They would deliberately keep up havoc. They would destroy things and they would provoke fights with my younger children. My eldest daughter had the same problem as you. She would get fed up and say exactly what was on her mind. But the things she said were accurate.

I don't think you're horrible. It does sound like your cousin has her hands full trying to raise 5 children. And it sounds like they need some disciline and structure in their lives. I'm sure you can talk to your cousin and work it out.

No I don't think your horrible for this. My mother did the same thing but with me and my sister. I was only 19 when I had to move out and take care of my 16 year old sister. I felt the same way. My sister kept taking advantage of me all the time and wondered why I kept getting mad at her and my mom . As far as I was concerned if someone is helping you out you don't go around trying to screw them over. I feel you have the right to say what happens in your own home and if your guests aren't ok with that then they need to make other arrangements and move out. I hope I answered that right lol I wish ya better luck

[i]Hi ayumi, For me, it's not your fault! They should even be thankful that you are open to share with them a place to stay! Those kids need to be disciplined and be advised often so that they will learn how to respect people! Your cousin is quite irresponsible, as a single mom, she has to try her very best to raise a responsible kid despite of their condition, a kid who will appreciate the help and generosity of any people who are helping them! If I am in that situation, I will so the same and say the same thing! I am sure it will destruct my time when I am studying but wish she will realize to fix this problem..[/i]

There is so much to think that you have done an extremely terrible thing.It happens when you are very angry.All of us say things in anger and then regret it later.But the good thing here is that at least the bottled up anger got a release and your cousin should also understand where she was wrong.

It sounds to me Aumitakashi that really you and your mom should tryto figureout something that could be done to pay for an apartment or house for your cousin and her five kids,you have yyor cousin and hubbie with 6 kids,plus your own son and mom an whoever else lives there too many people in an apartment, it just does not work. in fact in a lot of apts your landlord would be upset to find so manypeople sharing your apartment,.maybe welfare could help your cousin,husband and six kids to get into an apartment of their own. You need some peace and quiet yourself.

I have said the same thing about myself although not for the same reason. I do say things I shouldn't say all the time and since I'm not a mother and a different person I guess it will be different to you. I guess we can't help things like this but we can develop the ability to say sorry or to pacify people in a situation. I can do that too. I don't always, but I can.

No, you had every right to be upset. But your cousin misinterpreted and put words in your mouth to badmouth you to your mother. It's not her and her brood at fault but you. At least that's how she wants to portray it because she knows she is wrong but doesn't want to get kicked out. First line of defense is a good offense. It worked. She laid a guilt trip on your mother and especially on you. Poor me single mother down on my luck and now my relatives don't even want to give me a roof over my head. And you all felt guilty for speaking up. So, the next time she wants to accuse you of this tell her that she very well knows that this is not the case, but that as a mother she needs to control her kids and acknowledge when they make mistakes. This has nothing to do with you not wanting her there, in fact you very much love her and her kids but it's a crowded situation and everybody will have to do what needs to be done to maintain order. Explain that it doesn't help that her husband, ex-husband (??? it wasn't quite clear what the relation is, sorry) tells her children to fight your siblings and the boys follow through with it. You also need to have a quiet sit down with your mother. Explain what happened, who encourages the fighting, and how much harm is in fact caused to her (your mother's) children because of your cousin's inability to control her own kids. Tell her that at no time you said you didn't want her there, but that in fact your cousin made it up. She laid this guilt trip on you and your mother so you felt too obligated to feel guilty and bad about yourself rather than to make her restrain her kids. I surely hope this is not a permanent or long-term living arrangement. This situation is harmful for your family and your mother needs to see that. The poor me single mother routine, well, I wonder if your cousin plays that card a lot to get out of having to pay for things, having to work harder, having to put in a real effort to find a better job, or even an apartment to live in. I'm sorry, but the way your cousin and her family appear to behave, that's ungrateful towards you and your family, who took her in in her time of need. That's in fact more the behavior of a freeloader. I also wonder why her own family didn't take her in or supports her, or the father of her children, or the government. Wonder why she doesn't put any real effort into getting out of this crowded living situation.... Just questions to ponder... The 'poor me' and 'you don't want me here' guilt trip routine btw is very commonly used by freeloaders and usually the first thing out of their mouth when they see trouble brewing in 'paradise'.

Your cousing should be happy that someone took her in, especially with five childre. Look at the inconvenience she has caused your family, not to mention six people living in one room. Families should help each other out, but it is your cousin's responsibility to direct her children and emphasize to them good behavior. Those children are not displaying good behavior and your cousin should intervene in order to make life there bearable for everyone. You are not a horrible person, you just reached your limit and said what you were feeling. Your mother should understand the strain you are going through. Your cousin needs to straighten out her kids. Your cousin needs to figure out what she needs to do, in order to independently take care of herself and her children, so that she can move on to her own place.

no i dont think you are a horrible person, i think you were just venting out your emotion and anyway i dont think you would tell that to her if her kids were not really pissing you off, if anything when your living with people you love or like ofcourse you will cross each others feet and sometimes utter some very harsh or rude remarks, but that doesnt mean you hate the person with all your heart, its just that the words came off in the heat of the moment, trust me i have found myself in the same kind of situation and usually wish i could bite my tongue off.... literally, just be apologetic, and try not to use words next time round, good luck

I definetly don't think your a horrible person. Everybody deserves a 2nd chance and everyone makes mistakes. I think that your cousin is going through low self-esteem right now. One thing that used to help me when I really didn't like someone and they were getting on my nerves is write them a letter and let them have it, but never send it so therefore relieving your stress but not hurting their feelings.

well, i don't think that you are a horrible person because of that... you are just being honest and telling her how you feel... and if that makes your cousin think that you are a horrible person, then i am sorry... i think your cousin is being really childish then... i always prefer honesty and for me it is the best policy... so if being honest makes you a bad person in front of her, then so be it... at least you are not acting like a hypocrite and God can see what is inside your heart... take care and have a nice day...

Do not feel bad about it, her children need to be put in their place. What kind woman would have that many children anyway if she cannot take care of them all? My goodness, five children? Is she mad? My mother's boyfriend's daughter has five children and even though she could take care of them financially, she was not there for any of them emotionally. She was always working or with her friends, and her husband is in the military, so you know where he is right now (Iraq). They did not want to stop having children until they produced a son. Well, they did, but he has all kinds of health and mental problems. I love her children and they have been my best-friends, but their mother is a nut. Her children had no stability and they were generally raising themselves. My mother was kind enough to leave my brother and me with my grandmother during the day, and my mother took care of us at night. Women should not have more children than they can handle, especially if the father leaves, then what are you to do? She needs to keep her kids in line.

not really. you are just expressing bottled up feelings, I am guessing this is the first time you actually mentioned it after having her and her kids in the house for some time. I don't know about your cousin but if I were her and living in my family's house with my kids, I would really really pay attention to my kids behaviors. I know you are family, but that doesn't mean she can just let her kids act to their liking. If she doesn't start discipline at home, where as would these kids learn it?

You are not a horrible person. I think you have committed any blunder if you have stopped the kid from doing any thing wrong. Other wise the old peoples says that before the word goes out of your mouth think hundred times. A slip of tongue can have far reaching results. You both can sit and reconcile.

No i dont think your horrible, but i think if you really want her to stay just apologize to her and just tell her what you just told us and you just made a mistake everyone makes mistakes just tell her you didnt mean it.

I think you just said something you should say sooner or later. perhaps you could bring it out more moderately to ease the tension, but it's right to speak it out. Nobody is born to a good egg, isn't it? enjoy your mylotting.